Thursday, 9 March 2017

"You're so quiet"

When I was in university, there was a guy in my cricket team, lets call him Henry. Henry and I certainly had different up upbringings. Besides cricket, he and I had totally different interests and lifestyles, however we got on really well. He was always very friendly towards me and I felt very comfortable around him. That couldn't be said about some other members of the team.

I do remember one story though when my girlfriend at the time and I went to Henry's 21st birthday party. I tried to put my extroverted party face on as we strolled into the party. I was really nervous. I would have been about 22 years old at the time. My girlfriend and I went up to wish Henry a happy birthday and everything went well.

A few minutes later, Henry told me to shut up, not because I was being noisy and being disruptive. On the contrary, I wasn't saying much and in an ironic sort of why Henry looks at me and says, "Shut up!"

Admittedly I had heard other people say that before to me so it wasn't a big shock but it didn't really register to me until a few years later why he had said it to me.

Henry was very much out there. He liked to chat and be the centre of attention while I just listened and drank a beer or two.

I was reminded of Henry the other day when I saw this post on Instagram.

"You're so quiet" - everyone

1. I refuse to gossip which I feel like it constitutes 70% of human conversation

I remember I went home a few years ago for the Christmas/New Year period and an aunt of mine was holding court. I'm not sure if she was drunk or just happy but she must have been on Red Bull or something.

I kid you not the conversation was about people that she knew and what jobs they were doing and who was married to who and who was whose sister and all this stuff which is just gossip if you think about.

As you can probably imagine I was thoroughly bored out of my mind. The bad thing I didn't hide it. I didn't know any of the people that she was talking about and it was just a waste of my time.

2. Silence is beautiful

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. What about moving pictures? This song says it all.

3. Small talk bores me quickly

You know what, I think it pretty much bores most people. I mean how long can you talk about the weather before you have to get down to business?

I suppose if the topic interests me then I can talk about it until the cows come home. I remember at a party, a couple of Americans decided to talk to me about cricket. After about five minutes they realised that they were not going to win their argument and they backed off.

Fellas! I could have gone on all day.

4. I'm not just going to talk for the sake of talking

There are a couple of famous quotes from the Dalai Lama:

"When you talk, you are only repeating what you know; but when you listen, you learn something new."

"In some cases is keeping your mouth shut the best answer."

Need I say anymore?

Sometimes I have nothing to say. Does this make me anti-social? I doubt it.

5. Even if I'm quiet I still feel as if I'm more open and friendly than most. Social barriers mean nothing to me

I think with most introverts, we are open and friendly we just choose who we are open and friendly to in a more careful fashion.

We don't open up to most people, but if we do, treat it as being very special. We don't do with everyone and the fact that we are making the effort means that you are special in out eyes.

6. I'm involved in my inner world more so than the external one

Now, introverted people out there. Listen up. It is OK to be in your inner world but you have to get out and about and socialise sometimes. You don't have to go all day and all night but you need that release on occasions.

The more that you are keeping to yourself, the easier it is to slowly slip away from society and before you know it, the only human interaction you are having is with the pizza delivery guy and that is not much fun.

It is OK to have solitude and enjoy your own company but once in awhile you need to get out and have a few and talk to a few new people.

There you have it. You are not quiet, it is just that you are careful with your words and that is fine. Don't let anyone convince you that you have to be a social butterfly every chance you get. You will become miserable after a short time.

Get out there by all means but remember your limits and you will have a great time.

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