Thursday, 31 August 2017

Some confidence hacks

People usually have good intentions when they try to give you advice. We get advice like:

"Just be yourself."

"Forget about it."

And my personal favourite,

"Just be confident."

So, how exactly do you "just be confident"?

Well, it turns out that there are a few things that you can do.

1. Study the way you walk

Although you don't want to walk like a tortoise, you need to slow your walk down. Why is this? Confident people are not in hurry. I must admit that I catch myself walking fast sometimes and I realise that it probably doesn't look very cool.

Another couple of things I do is that I don't run to catch a lift (elevator). I think that is very uncool although I will run to catch a train on occasions. There is nothing more irritating than just missing the train and then being told that the next train is delayed.

Walk slowly but make sure you know what you are doing. Make sure you know exactly where you are going.

2. Eye Contact

Having good eye contact is a great sign of confidence. I know for some of you, that scares you a lot. At the end of the day however, without good eye contact whatever you say is not going to go down well with the people you are saying it to.

3. Accepting compliments

I must admit that I am not very good at this. Well, I am better than I was before. Apparently not accepting a compliment well is a sign of insecurity. If you have good confidence then you can accept those compliments well by just saying "thank you."

4. Don't be negative

I think self-deprecating humour is good ..... Sometimes. You don't want to be putting yourself down all the time. If you are too negative about everything in your life, people will start to wonder if you are actually self-confident or you are playing a trick on yourself and others.

Talk about your interests and things that you are passionate about. By doing that you will come across as confident and someone that people will want to be around.

5. Say it as it is

If you want something, ask for it because as they say, if you don't ask, you won't receive. Don't pussyfoot around. People might not understand you and you will get into more trouble than if you were just direct from the start.

I saw a good quote the other day and it kind of relates to this:

"It is easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission."- Grace Hopper

It is so true isn't it?

"Can I do that?"


Be direct, do it and there probably won't be bad consequences anyway.

6. Celebrate your acquaintance's success

I remember a very good friend of mine introduced me to his friend a few years ago. My friend's friend was very chatty and outgoing and basically a very nice guy. Before I met him, my friend had told me that he took a lot of pride in his friend's success. I quite liked that and I try and remember that. It is very easy to show jealousy when people are doing better than you. But by being genuinely pleased for your friends you show that you are a confident person and people will want to be around you.

There you have it. Six things you can think about to increase your confidence level. I know I will be trying to use those tips and why not you?

Good luck.

Wednesday, 30 August 2017

It's YOUR decision!

This is an excellent quote from "introvertquote" on Instagram.

"I'm a strong believer that not everything you do needs an explanation. If you want a tattoo, get one. If you rather stay home that night, it's okay to miss that party. Don't forget that you are living for yourself. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your choices or preferences."

This quote is 100% correct. Why do you need to go round justifying your choices to everyone? What is the point of that?

Some introverted people feel guilty that they are not out and about raging on a Friday night.

The extroverted people think that the introverted people are strange and real party poopers.

But we all know (or we should know by now) that we are being true to ourselves. You need to recharge and you don't need to give anyone the reason why. If they are true friends they will accept you and your decision. If they guilt you into coming out, run away, run away as far as possible from them.

Remember, it is always your decision and no one else's.

Tuesday, 29 August 2017

Window or Aisle?

Have you ever asked someone whether they prefer a window seat or an aisle seat on a plane?

Isn't interesting that most are able to answer this question very quickly? There is no gazing off into the distance or deep thinking when people answer they know themselves and they know exactly what they want when it comes to airline seats.

I was wondering what does a person's choice about window seat or an aisle seat say about that person? There must be something. There must be some reason that we can answer this question very quickly but we struggle with what burger we want when we line up at Burger King.

I dug around and this is what I found about window people and aisle people.


Someone who chooses an aisle seat is someone who really likes their freedom. You don't have to wake some sumo wrestler up or have to climb over them to go to the toilet at 3am in the morning. You can just stand up and go. It is so good and this is the main reason why I use the aisle seat.

What I didn't know however is that introverted people tend to like the aisle seat. If you think about it, the airplane is very anti-introvert. You are stuck in amongst a large number of people and for any introvert that is or can be like hell but to that option to sneak of to the toilet whenever you like will give you that easiness that you crave in a large number of people.

Maybe you like to work on the plane, so you don't like to be distracted by what is going past the window so you like the aisle. Also at least you have more elbow room on one side anyway.


Apparently people who sit next to the window like privacy. I suppose that is right. You are sort of tucked away in the corner. You haven't got people bumping you as you go to the toilet and making you up.

You can also use the wall as a pillow holdererupperer. (Is that a word? If not, I have just invented one.)

Also people who are sitting next to the window like to dream about stuff. They see the world go by, (literally) and they think about where they want to go and the places they want to see.


If the aisle seat is for the introverted people, then the middle seat is for the extroverted ones. Think about it, you have two new people you can talk to, You are in heaven.

Of course you might be in the middle seat because you didn't plan well enough.

I remember I was on a flight from Sydney to Tokyo and as usual, I was on the aisle. One of the cabin crew came up to me and asked me if I would sit in the middle of the row in front of me. There was a couple on their honeymoon and they couldn't sit next to each other. My initial thought was, why didn't they organise themselves better so they could sit next to each other? Of course, you have to realise that not everyone thinks like you and they might just have overlooked it. But why should I suffer and believe me, you suffer in the middle row, when a newly-wed couple couldn't organise themselves?

In the end, it was the decent thing to do but it left a sour taste in my mouth, not with the airline mind you, they were just relaying a message, but with people's organisational abilities.

Which one are you?





Are your business class?

Monday, 28 August 2017

Do you have to be extroverted (and good looking) to make it as an entertainer?

I was listening to the following song while I was walking around today:

This is a song from 2012 by Delta Goodrem, the Australian singer, called Sitting on Top of the World.

I remember when she sang it at a State of Origin rugby league game.

There is no doubt that Delta is a very talented performer and she has had a lot of success with her music. She has also battled cancer and won, which for anyone must be a situation and half but to do it when you have just turned 20 is something special and it just goes to show that she is a very strong woman.

For some reason however while I was listening to Sitting on Top of the World, I was reminded of the following song which I think I first saw at the end of 2006:

This is a parody of a Justin Timberlake song from the American comedy show, Saturday Night Live.

The performer certainly had her 15 minutes with this video and it proved to me the power of the Internet.

About two weeks after seeing this video and saw the following video which really made the video interesting. Have a look:

At that time I didn't see that coming. The young woman who was performing on the video was actually lip synching and the real singer was in a different country.

What does Delta Goodrem and the 'Box in a Box' song got to do with each other?

Well, actually nothing but I was wondering how much with female performer's success has to do with their looks?

Delta Goodrem as I said, is certainly a very talented performer but how much of her success is do that she is undeniably gorgeous? In the traditional sense, she is a beauty and how much does her beauty contribute to her success?

Of course it would be good to say very little because as you can see in the above two videos she is very talented.

Then I look at the 'Box in the Box' video and the actual singer, Leah is very talented, that's obvious but she decided for reasons of logistics that she wouldn't appear on the video and they chose another person.

I wonder if Leah decided to do that not because she thought she couldn't sing it but she was a bit shy in front of the camera. In the interview it seems that she is not 100% comfortable although she speaks very eloquently.

Would 'Box in a Box' had been more popular if Leah had appeared on it or was the more obviously extroverted Michelle the better choice?

It's an interesting question and it just goes to show that you do need to be extroverted in today's society, if only for a few minutes. We like that outgoing person better. We can't complain about it. That is the way it is.

What are you going to do about it?

Sunday, 27 August 2017

The Sound of Silence: Is that a bad thing?

Who hasn't heard this song? That's right, Simon and Garfunkel's classic, Sound of Silence.

If you are anything like me, you have probably listened to the song hundreds of times but never really listened to the lyrics. Lets look at some of the lyrics:

"People talking without speaking."

"People writing songs that voices never share."

"Silence like a cancer grows."

Art Garfunkel told us that the meaning of this song is "the inability of people to communicate with each other, not particularly internationally but especially emotionally, so what you see around you are people unable to love each other."

That is all very interesting but I do have some questions:

What does silence and cancer have to do with each other? Are Simon and Garfunkel equating silence and cancer? I really hope not. Why can't we sit by ourselves and enjoy solitude or does that hurt some people's sensibilities?

"People talking without speaking." 

I can imagine many introverts can relate to this because they, I am sure being in many conversations where someone, usually extroverted, has sat there and dominated the conversation and said absolutely nothing, from an introvert's perspective.

The point is today, is that there is nothing wrong with a bit of silence from time to time. It isn't a threat to an extrovert. Remember, that is how an introvert recharges and it isn't an affront to you. They are being silent because they have nothing to add to the conversation. They have nothing to say that they believe is interesting and that is ok.

Perhaps today, this song was probably more appropriate:

Saturday, 26 August 2017

Is he shy or is he shy?

According to the patron saint of introversion in the 21st Century, Susan Cain, shyness is the fear of negative judgement. She also says that shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation

However I can think of a group of people who I have hang out with on a couple of occasions who seem to be fearful of this kind of negative judgement or social disapproval who are far from shy in the traditional sense.

They all work in the same industry and for some reason that I couldn't comprehend, they were all trying to one-up each other.

They all wanted to have a bigger house or a faster car or flashier clothes, all because they didn't want to be humiliated. Can this be defined as shyness? I don't know. As I said before, not in the traditional sense.

When we think of shyness, we think of a little boy or girl, sitting in the corner of the room, not talking to anyone and from our extroverted viewpoint we think that they are not happy when in fact we know that they are just being true to themselves and sitting alone. They are not being anti-social at all (whatever that means) they are just conserving their energy.

So are the people in the previous group of professionals, shy? Well, it looks as though they might well be.

Many times I would hear:

"I can't do that."

"They might hear about it."

"That would get around and it wouldn't be pretty."

"That is not acceptable."

This group of highly-trained professionals and highly paid professionals were so scared of what their peers would say about them (not to them mind you) that they would base their day-to-day decisions on what the other people would say and spread.

All of this seems like shyness to me

Today, I want you to rethink your idea of what a shy person is.

Is the little boy sitting in the corner of the room reading his book, shy?

Probably not. He is just reading his book.

Is the adult male who won't wear that shirt for fear of social ridicule, shy?

Well, it appears so.

Funny how that works.

Friday, 25 August 2017

There are plenty of fish so you won't die hungry

Take a look at this cartoon. Does it seem familiar for both men and women? I'm sure it does. I'm sure it strikes a chord.

I saw this cartoon this morning and then if by magic I read the following in this book.

"There is never a shortage of women or feminine energy. If a man feels that there aren't enough women, or that life isn't giving him what he wants, he is simply negating his relationship to the feminine. This sense of starvation - "life is not sustaining me" or "there are no good women" - is usually rooted in a man's early childhood relationship with his mother. Life itself is the feminine. There is never a shortage of feminine energy, only a resistance to receiving, trusting and embracing it."

I guess what he is saying is that there are plenty of fish in the sea and you have to go fishing from time to time.

The New Zealand General Election is coming up soon and judging from what I can tell, it looks like there is a possibility of a change of government. I've always said that if you live in a democracy and if you have the chance to vote then go and vote. If you don't vote, then you have absolutely no right to complain for the next three years or four years or whatever the time will be.

The same goes about complaining that you are single. If you don't get out there and at the very least show your face then you have no right whatsoever to complain.

For us introverts, especially in the winter, it is very easy to sit down on the sofa, turn the heater on, grab a blanket, switch on Netflix and have the time of your life. If you do that from time to time, then everything is fine. But if you consistently do that and complain that you can't find a decent man or woman then don't be surprised if your friends and family tell you to shut up.

Get out from behind that computer screen. Get out from in front of that television monitor. Put that book down (unless you are really learning something). Get out and about and do yourself a favour. You don't have to go to the biggest raves or the hottest clubs in town. Be creative in where you go and what you do and I am sure that you will attract like-minded people and who knows?

Thursday, 24 August 2017

Situational Extrovert

This blog talks about the three types of people. The extrovert, the introvert and the ambivert. In all seriousness we show both introvert and extrovert tendencies. Even the most outgoing, party hopping, "I have thousands of friends" extrovert needs some time alone.

I don't want to talk about that person today but I do want to talk about the introvert who can go to the other side when conditions dictate it. There is a special term for that person, the situational extrovert.

What is a situational extrovert? Well, let me give you a couple of examples from my experience because I have played this role on a number of occasions.

I am fundamentally an introvert. I like spending time with either myself or one or two people who I trust and I enjoy hanging out with. I do go to parties but if I had the choice I would prefer the small group of trusted friends. Does all of this sound familiar? I'm sure some of you who are reading this know exactly what I am talking about.

I'm an introvert and I do enjoy talking in front of people. I have had the experience of standing in front of about 800 people and speaking in Japanese and having the audience in stitches. This sounds very extroverted, right? And you would be right but I am an extrovert in this situation. Hence this kind of person is called a situational extrovert. They can become extroverted and outgoing for the situation.

A few years ago I went to my friend's wedding and there was a lot of dancing involved. I know what you are thinking and the answer is no, I didn't have a lot to drink. I wasn't drunk. I was high on the fact that my mate was getting married and I was just happy to be there. I was dancing around and was the stereotypical situational extrovert. I had to speak as well. Speaking in front of 300 people is not easy either but the situational extrovert was able to come out to play.

I think that in 2017, if you are an introvert and you want to be successful or even semi-successful, you need to cultivate your situational extrovert so that when it is necessary, you can bring it out. Whether we like it or not, we do live in an extroverted society where those people who are the outgoing ones seem to get what they want and do what they want. I know some of you won't like that but I do believe it is true. The extroverted person certainly does have an advantage but you as an introvert can become extroverted too. It takes conscious practice but I'm sure that you can accomplish it.

Playing the role of a situational extrovert can help you out. Develop it, you might be surprised at the results.

Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Short and Sweet

I woke up this morning. I was in a bad mood. I dragged myself out of bed and frogmarched myself into the shower. (I did not smile once)

I got out of the shower and still not smiling, mind you, I put my clothes on. (While I was doing this, I was cursing the weather, I was cursing the fact that I was still sweating and I had to put on a dress shirt and dress pants.)

I left my room and swore and cursed that I had difficulty putting on my shoes. Then as I was about to lock the door I realised that I had left my keys in the room. So I had to take my shoes off and go back into the room and find my keys.

As you can probably imagine I was not feeling the best.

Then I realised, I had a choice and we all have a choice each and every day. We can choose to be happy or we can choose to be miserable. Which is it? Which do you choose? Happy or miserable? It is that easy.

Which are you going to choose?



It's your choice.

Tuesday, 22 August 2017

Nice to see you. To see you ..... NICE

Bruce Forsyth, one of the most famous faces on British television passed away a couple of days ago. Forsyth was one of the longest serving people on television anywhere in the world. He was well known for games shows in particular and he had some interesting catch phrases:

"Nice to see you. To see you ....... Nice."

"Didn't he do well?"

"A cuddly toy!"

"Good game, good game."

"Oh, wasn't that a shame."

These were some of the catchphrases of Bruce Forsyth and for British audiences in particular, would remember them dearly.

He always seemed to be outgoing and talkative which is suppose is a prerequisite for his type of job or is it?

Do you have to have that in your face kind of personality to do this?

I think yes and no. It certainly helps. Nobody wants people on television who give one word answers and who don't smile and look like they want to be anywhere that's not in front of the television cameras.

Is the role of a television presenter only reserved for outgoing, extroverted people?

In a word, no. It is possible to pretend to be someone that is extroverted and outgoing an talkative. You can develop this skill like any other skill with lots of practice. It's all about harnessing the energy you have and playing a character in front of the many people that are watching you at the time. You are in a sense an actor.

So you don't all have to have the personality of a Sir Bruce Forsyth. As long as you make time for reenergising then building that alter-ego should be fun and rewarding at the same time.

RIP Sir Bruce Forsyth

Monday, 21 August 2017

Will Smith and today's quote of the day

"It's easy to take off all your clothes and have sex. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams...Now that's being naked." - Rob Bell.

What's this all about?

It's all about being open. Saying what's on your mind and not being judged.

I'm sure that if you are reading this blog, then you must have hopes and dreams. In fact, even people who don't read this blog have dreams but I'm sure that some don't have a plan to accomplish those goals.

Be selective with who you share your hopes and dreams with though. People are very good at bringing you down if they don't share your vision or they don't agree with it or they can't even contemplate it. They might use the following word that Will Smith talks about:

"Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity. Why would you be realistic? What's the point of being realistic? I'm going to do it. It's done. It's already done. The second I decide it's done. It's already done." - Will Smith

Will Smith is a fountain of knowledge and some of the characters he has played are great too.

“Hey. Don’t ever let somebody tell you… You can’t do something. Not even me. Alright? You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do something’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want something’, go get it. Period.” - Will Smith.

Good luck and go get it and remember, it doesn't matter how old you are or what has happened in the past. It is in the past for a reason. 

Go and get it!

Sunday, 20 August 2017

Motivational music

Do you listen to music?

Is there anyone in this world that doesn't like some kind of music? Surely not.

What I don't like is how people are judged for their taste of music. Hey, if I'm going to listen to boybands or music from musicals then that is my prerogative and I don't need YOU to tell me that my music taste sucks. I haven't commented on your shirt so why should you comment on my music? Keep it to yourself.

What I do like about music is that some can be very motivational.

It can be some of the lyrics can get you going. It might hit a chord with you. The lyric might have something to do with what you are going through at that particular time and it is quite motivating.

Other times, it can just be the music itself and when I think of that I think of the following. Is there any better movie title music than this one? I think not.

What kind of music gets you going? What song really gets you out of bed in the morning? I suggest you find one (or two).

Of course, if the above isn't your cup of tea then maybe the following is:

Saturday, 19 August 2017

Some habits to implement in your life

A successful life is all about creating good habits. Building a routine and a lifestyle that you can sustain and most importantly, enjoy.

What can you do?

Here are some ideas:

1. Have a morning routine

I have tried to start a morning routine but I found that I couldn't sustain it, which is bad. I tried to follow a system in the book The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. It was certainly beneficial and it was quite enjoyable but I was boring the candle at both ends and I couldn't sustain it and by about 4pm I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

The good thing about a morning routine is that you are not rushed in the morning. You have time to yourself and to do stuff. You just have to get your sleep patterns organised.

2. Meditation

For me, this was part of the morning routine above. I tell you what, it does have it's benefits. You do feel a lot better. Your mind feels clearer. It is just a case of doing it consistently to create that habit. Also, what I have learned is that you don't need to do it for hours on end. Even just for five minutes you can benefit from it greatly.

3. Read books

My friend and I have been doing an activity that Brian Tracy (the self-help guru) suggests to do everyday. He calls it the Golden Hour where you read for an hour a day. My friend and I changed it slightly. We read and then send each other summaries of what we have read. The other person comments and sends it back. It has allowed me to read a lot more books than what I may have done in the past. In this case, I would recommend non-fiction books as opposed to fiction books. Tracy suggests to read in your field. For example, if you are in sales, you should read about sales.

4. Exercise

A few years ago I started Crossfit and it has become a part of my life. I would say that I don't take it as seriously as I should or as other people do but I get a lot out of it and it is fun .... sometimes. Lets just say that I am a lot fitter now than if I didn't do it so that's the main thing I suppose. Do something everyday and you will feel better and have stacks more energy.

5. Wake up early

What is that saying? The early bird catches the worm? One of my favourite pages on Instagram is Before 5am. It can be very motivational. The guy must be doing quite well as he has over 700,000 followers on Instagram. Not bad numbers I say. I think that if you are able to get up early and get things done then you are ahead of 95% of the population and you are creating yourself a huge advantage that you can leverage into the future.

6. Hobbies

If you have a creative hobby then you might become a harder worker. Of course, if you are really lucky, that hobby could turn into a business or a career.

I hope that has given you some ideas to work with. Just by following some of them you can create a great lifestyle for yourself and that is the most important thing, to create for yourself not for someone else. You want to create for you.

Thank you for 500

I've managed to post 500 times. I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read, look at and comment on my blog. I appreciate it.

My original goal was to be 500 and I have managed to reach that which I am very proud of. The plan is to continue and see where it takes me.

Thank you once again and I look forward to your support in the next 500.


Thursday, 17 August 2017

When phones are not so smart

I'm in a bad mood today, so there may well be bad language as I get something off my chest.

Smartphones are ubiquitous. While I'm writing this post, I can see three people in my eye line who are looking at their smartphones. (I'm going to look at mine now.)

I don't have a problem with this. I must admit that I am forever checking my phone and to be honest, it isn't very cool. I will sit in bed for hours, just reading articles, watching videos and basically day dreaming. Is it the new form of TV? I think that yes it is.

I should really change my habits and maybe then I can sleep a little bit better than I have been recently.

Today's post (rant) is about people who need to walk along the street with their heads down looking at their phones. It is really annoying.

Today I was walking along a narrow street and the Dominos Pizza delivery guy on his scooter had to avoid the guy who was walking all over the street with his head down looking at his phone.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling in a bad mood I will deliberately walk towards someone with his or her head down looking at their phone in a passive-aggressive attempt to make a point. Sometimes I will get an apology which is fine. At least they know they are doing something dumb.

Other times I will get a glare as if it is my fault that we just about bumped into each other. That really gets my goat.

What I know is, if you walk along the street with your eye constantly on your smartphone screen you are basically missing life. You miss seeing the scenery that is going by. You miss the hip new shop that has just opened. Hell, you might even miss the man/woman of your dreams walking by who wants to smile at you but you don't see it because your head is down and concentrating on that email that you have already read five times that morning.

Smartphones are great. They are one of the best inventions of the 21st century but do we really need to have it on our person 25 hours a day? (By the way, I do know that one day is 24 hours.)

Look up. Look around. You never know what you might find or see.

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Personality certainly does help

For those people who know me, you will know that I grew up playing the sport of cricket. Cricket is a British sport which is played predominately in the former British colonies like Australia, India, New Zealand, Jamaica, South Africa, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh and Zimbabwe.

Currently, the game is strongest in India. Most of the money for the international game is generated in  the country and the top players in India are national heroes and are compensated appropriately.

In this post, I compared a couple of New Zealand cricket players as well as a couple of British monarchs.

In today's post I would like to compare a couple of all time greats in the sport of cricket, Sir Garfield Sobers of Barbados who played his cricket for the West Indies and Jacques Kallis of South Africa.

First of all, lets have a look at a couple of videos of the respective players.


Next, Kallis:

Both of these players are what is called an all-rounder which means that they can both bat and bowl to a very, very high level.

Before we go on, lets look at these player's test match statistics. (A test match is played over 5 days and is considered the pinnacle for any cricket player, even though these days most of the money in cricket comes from the shorter forms of the sport)

Sobers: 93 matches, 8032 runs @57.78 average, 235 wickets @34.03 with 109 catches.

Kallis: 166 matches, 13289 runs @55.37 average, 292 wickets @32.65 with 200 catches.

For cricket fans, they will automatically see from the above numbers that we have two seriously good players. They can do everything and they have broken records all over the world.

So, why is Sir Garfield Sobers always regarded as the best player ever when Jacques Kallis' record is comparable if not better than Sobers?

In one word, personality.

From what I can tell, Sobers is an outgoing guy. Judging from interviews that I have heard about him, he had a confident strut which would have endeared him to many people. He hit the ball a long way in a time when the bowlers tended to dominate the bat. (He was the first person to hit 6 sixes in an over) He thrilled fans all over the world because basically they had never seen anyone like him before.

On the other hand, Kallis is a lot quieter character. He has rarely been captain of South Africa so he is just one of the players and he was more comfortable letting his batting, bowling and numbers do all of the talking. He wasn't a flashy player but he was very effective. His bowling wasn't beautiful to watch but he was very effective. He did his job. In fact, he did his job wonderfully well.

Would Kallis be considered the best of all time if he was a little more flashy?

Quite possibly.

Would Sobers be considered the greatest if he played in the modern age?


All this goes to show is that you need to have a little bit of an outgoing personality to be seen and heard. Modern day society doesn't really like the quieter personality. That is why you need to cultivate that situational extrovert persona from time to time.

In this post I ask the question if Muhammad Ali would be considered "The Greatest" if he was quiet. What do you think?

Tuesday, 15 August 2017

Happiness is not ......

Many people say that they want to be happy. They say that if they are happy then life will be easy.

OK. Fair enough.

What if you are not happy like the guy below on the swings?

Happiness is all about you. You can choose to be happy if you want or you can choose to be miserable if you want. It's entirely up to you.

Your health is your decision at the end of the day. You can choose to sit in front of the television if you want or you can choose to go to the gym.

Your career is your decision at the end of the day. You can choose to have the awful job with the demanding boss or you choose to be our own boss.

Your relationships are your decision at the end of the day. You can choose to have that unloving relationship where you are intimate once a year or you can have that relationship where you can't keep your hands off each other.

Your interests are your decision at the end of the day. You can choose to sit on the couch all day and do diddly-squat or you can get out and about doing as much as possible, going home tired but really satisfied.

By making the right decision in each of these four categories, you can become happy.

What else can you do, however? Here's a list of things:

1. Don't get overjoyed about something new

You got a new sweater? Wow! Who cares? You equate you happiness with what possessions you have? That isn't a good look. Think about when you were really happy in your life. Yes, that time when you actually ACCOMPLISHED something. You put your mind to something and you went and did and that feeling was probably as good as anytime when you got a new pair of shoes.

2. Don't try to rip someone off

When I worked in the financial industry we talked about commodoties and I learned the expression 'nil-sum game.' When basically if someone is making money in commodoties then another person is losing that money. Why do you try to become happy by making someone else look bad? It is just plain, out and out bullying. It is not cool at all and it makes you look like an asshole that you know and everybody knows that you are.

3. Don't worry about criticism

When you start something new, you will always come up against people who just don't understand. When I started this blog, people just couldn't undertasnd why I would want to write in my spare time. "Isn't that for drinking and watching TV", they would ask. When I started Crossfit, people would ask why I was doing it because it was too hard. Well, let me just say that it was too hard for them. The blog sounded too much work for them. Do what makes YOU happy, not what makes them happy because if you do what makes them happy, you WON'T be happy. Make sense?

4. Don't quit

People like to start things but the instance that there is a small bump in the road they like to give up. All the work they have done to that stage is flushed down the drain. Don't let that be you. Get your happiness from the fact that you do not quit. Get your happiness from the fact that you are enjoying the journey and who cares if you don't get to the destination because you are going to be way ahead of the majority of people around you.

5. Don't wait for the right moment 

There is never going to be the right moment. Life is always going to be in the way. Just get started. You will be happy about making that first step and then you will get happier taking that second step and so on. Life isn't about the destination, it is about the process and if you get satisfaction from the process then that is half the battle.

6. Don't think you are not happy

If you are reading this I'm guessing that you have a little bit of money. You have clothes on your back and you have food and you have a roof over your head. I'm just guessing this but I'm pretty sure I'm correct. I have a question: why are you miserable? You have everything you need now and you also have the attributes to make those things better. So put a smile on your dial and get going. Imagine if everything in that list was taken away, that would not be cool and then you would have something to be unhappy about.

You are happy. Don't forget that.

Monday, 14 August 2017

A quote from Plato

"Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow." - Plato

Everyone goes at their own pace. Just because your friend or acquaintance is not doing things or going at the same speed as you, doesn't mean they are not heading towards some kind of goal.

You might find on occasions that extroverted people will get excited about a project, I mean really excited. They might jump in clothes and all, just because they are so excited about it all.

An introverted person, however, might be a little more methodical about it. They might not be gung-ho about it all. They might move a little slower that usual.

To the extroverted people, it is OK that the other person is going slower than you. They have found a pace that suits them and they are sticking to it. Also, they maybe likely to outlast you as your initial excitement slows down a bit.

They might not be going at the same pace as you, but have faith that they will be there at the end and that is all that counts.

Sunday, 13 August 2017

The wise words of Michael Jordan

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan.

This quote says it all. Unfortunately, failure is part of life but if we can learn from it and move forward then we can become better people because of it.

It is all about taking the shot and if it falls then that's great but if it bounces out of the basket then you try and grab it again and take another shot.

I know that is very difficult after failure or rejection or just a plain old mistake but if you don't grab that ball again, then I am sorry to say, it is all downhill from there.

Failure is good, failure great. Why? Because it means that you are giving something a go. You are not just sitting on your hands watching TV and playing on your Playstation.

Lets get out there and see what happens. Because, honestly, what is the worst thing that can happen? The other person says "No!" Not the end of the world and if you are really confident, you will realise that it is their loss, not yours.

Saturday, 12 August 2017

An Open Letter to two "interesting" gentlemen

WARNING: This post contains some crude and for some people, offensive language. If you are easily offended, please don't bother reading it. Don't say you weren't warned

Dear President Trump,

What the fuck are you doing? The world needs another war like they it needs a fucken hole in the head.

All this posturing and "fire and fury" stuff is not impressing anyone. But I suppose since you have puffed your chest out you better carry it out. Or will you? How's that fence coming along, by the way?

I used to watch The Apprentice. I actually quite enjoyed it. Bill and Kwame fighting it out in Season 1. (Also, who could forget Omarosa?)

Sean winning Season 5 while charming all of the ladies with his British accent.

Stefanie winning Season 6 in LA. (I quite liked the idea of the people outside in tents while everyone else was inside in relative luxury.)

I must admit, and I will be fair here, you came across as quite a decent bloke. (That's British slang for man, just in case you didn't know) You were tough when you needed to be but also came across as quite compassionate and that was nice to see.

So, what is with all this fire and brimstone bullshit?

Was that how you acted when The Apprentice cameras were turned off? Unfortunately that kind of thing doesn't work when you are the leader of the free world.

I want you to watch this clip from The American President. Listen carefully to what Michael J.Fox says.

I know this is a movie and has nothing to do with real life but Michael J. Fox's words are very relevant to you.

"I'm a citizen, this is my President. And in this country it is not only permissible to question our leaders, it's our responsibility."

Remember that DJ. You can't run the country like you would run Trump Organisation. You are working for the people, not the other way around. So, if they question you, as Fox says, it is their responsibility. You are not the dictator anymore. You can't go around firing everyone just because they don't agree with your twisted sense of the world.

If you attack North Korea, there will be hell to pay so don't fucken do it. Why can't you be remembered as the President who turned the economy around or the President who took unemployment rates to an all-time low? That would be good, wouldn't it?

Oh no! Might as well attack a country that's fucked already. It's easier to push a few buttons. Yell some scary words and scare everyone.

What a man!

Don't do it DJ. Don't do it.

Dear Marshal Kim Jong-Un,

You are a fucken cunt too. Don't think you are getting off with a free pass here. No siree.

First of all lets start with the obvious question. How do you get off going to bed at night knowing that millions of people in your country don't have enough food to eat? Can you answer me that?

It's pretty obvious that you haven't missed out on a meal for awhile.

So, you can sleep well knowing that people are starving? That sounds like the definition of asshole in my book.

You rule by fear right. You install fear in the citizens of your country and you are fearful of them, right? You are scared, because you know that you are going to be hung, drawn and quartered if anyone gets their hands on you.

I'm sure that you are pissed off that I have the audacity to write this open letter. But this is how it works in a democracy. You probably don't understand that even though the official name for your country has the word Democratic in it.

DEMOCRATIC!?!?!?!?!? What the fuck?!?!?!?!?! Your country is about as democratic as the Vatican is tolerant to homosexual marriage.

Have a look at this video. I'm sure you like movies. Your father did and you are probably the only one in your country who is allowed to watch them. Aren't you so lucky?

What would happen if one of your aides talked to you like that? Would you accept their advice or would you feed them to the dogs? (Is that true by the way? I can't imagine anyone being so fucken ruthless. Although I wouldn't put it past you.)

Don't even think about attacking Seoul or Guam or Tokyo or California or whatever because you are going to find yourself in a whole pile of shit and you will end up like the following people:

Warning: Some disturbing photos

Nicolae Ceausescu

Muammar Gaddafi

Saddam Hussein

Benito Mussolini

Don't do it KJU. Nothing good will come of it and you and your wife will end up like the people above.

Be warned.

Friday, 11 August 2017

Dutch Courage: The pitfalls

Why are there so many phrases in the English language with the word Dutch in it?

I think of the following:

To go Dutch: This is when you go on a date and you share the cost equally.

Dutch auction: I have no idea what this means. My dictionary says, a method of selling in which the price is reduced until a buyer is found.

Double Dutch: Some kind of skipping game

It's all double Dutch to me: Gibberish

Dutch oven: When (usually) the guy farts in bed and traps his girlfriend under the sheets. (very childish but fun)

Finally today's topic,

Dutch courage: This is the strength or confidence gained from drinking alcohol.

I don't know what the people from the Netherlands have done to deserve all of this. I wonder what Kiwi phrases there are.

It appears there are none. Why the Dutch? I can't work it out.

Anyway, lets get back to Dutch courage.

I'm sure for all people who have tried alcohol in their lives that you have found that you suddenly have the gift of the gab or superhuman confidence for 30 minutes. Remember that it is just for that moment. Sure, for guys, you might be able to pluck up the courage to go and talk to the pretty girl at the bar. She might be interested. You set a date for the following week.

What are you going to do? Have five beers before you meet her every time? Unfortunately that isn't going to work and she will soon see the true you.

What can you do to become a good conversationalist without the help of alcohol?

I would say the first thing is to make sure you have a passion. Make sure you have something that you are really passionate about or at least you know well. It goes without saying that if you have great knowledge about it or are extremely passionate about it, then you are going to want to talk about it.

When I was younger, I was pretty shy around people that I didn't know very well and it was difficult for me to have proper conversations with them.

However, I remember one particular time, for whatever reason we turned to the subject of cricket. Something that I know well. In the end the other people had to stop the discussion because they got themselves in over their head. They didn't know enough about the topic and I was passionate about it and they couldn't compete.

Of course there are also going to be occasions where you are going to have to be adept at small talk, which introverted and shy people are not. (I know that I have said ad nauseam that they are not the same but I do believe that they have the same problem)

Unfortunately when small talk is required, you are going to have to grin and bear it.

What can you do to make speaking with other people that much easier?

1. I remember a friend's friend would read the newspaper and look at the news websites before venturing out. He always had a plethora of topics to talk about.

2. Compliment people but make it sincere. I worked for just over a year in the service industry. It was a lot of fun and dealing with people everyday who were there to have fun was really interesting. Unfortunately in the service industry in New Zealand, service providers are taught to ask generic questions that don't have any relevance to anything. I taught myself to ask questions of relevance to the patrons. I think they appreciated it more and it enhanced their overall experience.

3. Use humour only if you have a good sense of humour. I tend to use it a lot because I think that I do have some funny things to offer although my sense of humour can be a little dry. I remember a teacher at high school saying to the other students that they better laugh because Blair has just made a joke and it is quite funny.

4. I think the most important thing is to surround yourself with people who are similar to you. I know that it sounds great to hang out with "the popular kids in school" but you won't feel comfortable around them, believe me when I say that. Make friends with similar personalities, similar hobbies and interests and then you won't feel so much like a fish out of water.

Drinking is fun if done in moderation but if you are consuming alcohol just so that you become another person, then I think you are wasting your time. You are going to create more serious problems for yourself and that is never, ever a good thing.

Other posts related to this topic:

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Thursday, 10 August 2017

The Importance of Touch


No I'm not talking about the sport, I'm talking about one of our human being's five senses. (You know what I'm talking about, right? Sight, Taste, Hearing, Smell and Touch.)

Touch is very important in respect to your relationship with others. A well timed touch can really emphasise your point as you are talking and can make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things.

As humans, we generally enjoy touch. Generally.

Of course, some of us, especially women might find it a little tiresome when a drunk guy wants to hit on them and he is touching her in all the wrong areas at all the wrong times and slobbering over her. But when the guy is a little bit more sober and coherent then a well-timed touch will be greatly received and might increase attraction.

Of course, there are times when both men and women get offended by touch. I remember in my first year in Japan when I was 18 years old, we would go out with some of our co-workers and drink some beer. (Probably illegal at that stage. I can't remember the law at that time.) One guy in particular was a little, lets say touchy feely. The New Zealand guys in the party couldn't really handle it and we told him and another co-worker as well. Basically get your mitts off us.

As it turned out, the guy only did it when he was drunk (talk about Dutch courage) and was really bad at it.

Having that sense of touch and having a good sense of timing can really work in your favour in your dealings with both sexes.

An expertly timed touch with another guy could lead you to be seen as a confident and trustworthy guy. (But remember to not leave the hand there to long. That can get messy.)

For men especially, for men of all cultures and religions and especially if you are doing international business, learn how to shake hands properly. My father drummed it into my brother and I the importance of a firm handshake and occasionally I find myself giving a dead fish hand shake and I admonish myself. I was taught that you can tell a lot about a person from their handshake. The firmness of it and whether you look at the person in the eye or not.

Remember with touch, if you are uncertain about it, then that is going to come across, especially man on woman. She might sense your lack of confidence and uncertainty and immediately throw you in the friends heap.

It is all about your feeling towards touch. If you feel uncomfortable about it, the other person will feel uncomfortable about it and things will go downhill from there.

One suggestion I saw recently about improving your touch is to join salsa dancing lessons. Not a bad idea if I do say so myself.

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

You become what you focus on

"Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have  always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind." - Anonymous

Napoleon Hill said thoughts are things and I thought at that stage that it was some kind of hocus pocus. But if you really focus on something. I mean really focus on something and act as if it is going to happen then there is no option that what you have been thinking about will come to fruition.

For example, maybe you want to lose weight and you focus on that fact. Just by focusing on it, you will find you start exercising on more regular basis. You will find that you start eating the types of foods that you should be eating and not drinking the types of drinks that shouldn't be drinking.

This can work for anything in your life, your health, your career, your business, your relationships.

If you focus on it then it has not choice but to become what you want.

If you don't believe me then maybe the following video (all 90 minutes of it) will make you think otherwise:

Tuesday, 8 August 2017


We all have our habits. Some are bad habits, some are good habits.

The good habits might be going to the gym on a regular basis. Another idea might be eating healthily with a cheat day once a week. (I assure you, those cheat days are gold.)

Examples of bad habits might be:

  • Swearing (WTF?)
  • Picking your nose
  • Biting your nails
  • Smoking
  • Eating fast food
  • Speaking with your mouth full (Sorry Mum)
These are all examples of bad habits and we should try to stop them now if you are guilty of doing them, although in saying that I saw a good quote about swearing today:

"Personally, I don't find swearing offensive. I do find back stabbing, lying, cheating and fucking people over offensive, but not swearing."

We all have our bad habits but there are some others that you might not think of that we need to quit as soon as possible. 

1. Trying to please everyone

If you try to do this, I suggest that you stop right now. It is impossible to try and please everyone because as you know, we are all different and whatever you do, there is always going to be someone who doesn't appreciate your effort or just straight out doesn't like you and you have to be OK with that. I know for some of you, the idea of someone not liking you is unpalatable but at the end of the day, that is life, isn't it? 

2. Scared of change

Hey! You introverts out there, change is OK. It allows things to become better. It allows you to become better and that is good, right? I know that I'm not the best when it comes to change but it helps to embrace it instead of running away from it. 

3. Living in the past

Sometimes we dwell on our past. We think about the things we did or said in the past that haven't actually covered us in glory. The worst thing we do and I think introverts are the worst at this is we dwell on it. We think to ourselves why we actually did that or why did we actually say that and we think to ourselves how stupid we were. We really work ourselves up about it but in fact probably what has happened is that the person who was around us has probably completely forgotten about what you said or did which probably wasn't too bad anyway. So, why live in the past?

4. Putting yourself down

In my book, there is nothing wrong with self-deprecating humour. It will get you a few laughs and relax some people. There is a big caveat though, don't put yourself down. An example I can think of is from my primary school days. I remember a big guy named Glen. He told me this joke when I think of it was not so good. He said that because he had a lot of fat on him that he was a walking microwave oven. At that time I didn't think it was very funny and it must have let a big impression on me because I still don't think it is very funny. Don't put yourself down. It doesn't leave a very lasting impression on you.

5. Overthinking

A few weeks ago I had a meeting that I thought might get a bit confrontational. That afternoon, I was going through all the scenarios in my mind and getting more and more worked up about it all. In the end I didn't need to worry about it because all of the things I had thought about didn't come to fruition. It was just wasted energy and a waste of my time. I had overthought it all and had got myself in such a state that I could not do anything. Definitely a big waste of time. 

There you have it. Five things you need to stop doing NOW. I assure you that your life will get better and better and you will attract great things into your life. 

Today's quote: "The funny thing about introverts is once they feel comfortable with you, they can be the funniest, most enjoyable people to be around. It's like a secret they feel comfortable sharing with you. Except the secret is their personality."

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Monday, 7 August 2017

Why don't you destress?

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking that we have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." - STEVE JOBS

I'm sure that we are have times when we are stressed. Some people react to stress differently. Some people might eat enough chocolate to sink a ship. Other people might go for a run. 

Whenever you are stressed, here are some ideas that you can use to, lets say, destress. 

1. Solitude

Make sure you get away from it all. That doesn't mean you go to a cave in the mountains somewhere and hang out with the bears and the bats. It just means that you might want to go for a walk or sit in a cafe alone and contemplate the meaning of life. Just make sure you are by yourself and you don't have anyone else pestering you. 

2. Move your body

Yes! That's right. Go and do some exercise. It could mean go for a run. It could mean go for a swim. You could play a little bit of three-on-three basketball if you have five other friends (although that might be difficult). My exercise of choice is CrossFit. You just do whatever you want. Whatever you enjoy. If you want to do Tai Chi, that is another option.

3. Pick up a book

I read a lot. Mostly I read non-fiction but I do enjoy the odd fiction book, especially when I am sitting on the beach. My books of choice are Jack Reacher novels, John Grisham books and also Stephen King. I find once I get into a book that it is as vivid as a movie and that is where the phrase, "it is hard to put down" comes into it. If you can find a book like that, it is very, very special. 

4. Write

Some people keep a diary. Other people write a daily journal. (To be honest, I don't know the difference. They both seem the same to me.) I know that I write the blog on a daily basis. Some days it is quite relaxing and on other days when I don't know what to write, it can be downright stressful which is not really great. Whatever you do, the best advice I can give is to start. Pick up your pencil (that sounds so old-fashioned) and start writing. I wrote a novel a few years ago. It was about 65,000 words. I just wrote a few words everyday. It was good. It was a great accomplishment. You can do the same.

5. Relax in the hot tub

I don't get in the bath often, but when I do I make the most of it. After a stressful day, you can literally wash your problems away in the bathtub. Get a good book or my choice, a good magazine and relax for a few minutes. In the winter, especially, it is always the precursor to a great night sleep. Before you men out there say, that a bath is a woman's thing, remember that there are some great bath cultures in the world. I'm thinking of Japan where there are some awesome public baths scattered around. 

6. Listen to music

Sometimes when I was younger, I would be in the kitchen because it was my turn to do the dishes or something like that and I would hear this noise like the cat was being tortured. Actually it was my father who had his headphones on and he was "singing" along to whatever music he was listening to. He was just hanging out and that was one way he relaxed. 

I don't like it how we are judged by our taste in music. Who cares? If you like a certain genre of music then that is great. Who cares what others think, right?

7. Hang out with a pet

I'm not the biggest dog fan in the world, but this was quite relaxing. He certainly was very happy to sit with me for awhile. Once I got over the scary part (Yep, even this kind of dog scares me from time to time) it was very relaxing.

8. Meditation

When I have tried this, it actually feels really great. You are clearing your mind and it has a great almost cleansing experience where all of your worries are washed away. I would, if I was you, give it a try. Don't think of it as the new-age hocus-pocus carry on. It isn't like that at all and it has a great feeling of nothingness when you have finished. 

9. Have sex

Enough said. Just remember to give 100% of your attention to your partner. He or she will know if you are distracted and the experience will be flawed for both of you. Also go into the experience  with the mindset of wanting to give as opposed to receive. That is all it is give, give, give. 

I would like to finish today's post by with a quote from Maya Angelou:

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style."

Sunday, 6 August 2017

Notorious: It's all about loyalty

Conor McGregor. He seems to be the name on everyone's lips in the boxing and mixed martial arts community at the moment.

In three weeks time, McGregor will step into the ring with one of the all time greats in boxing history, Floyd Mayweather.

To some boxing fans, this fight seems to be a bit of a circus but they are still interested in how it will go and I presume how McGregor in particular will go. They all seem to think that Mayweather is a good, no, great boxer.

Most people I have talked to think that Mayweather will win, but there is the odd guy who thinks that McGregor will win. I don't know enough about it to decide but hopefully it goes the full quota of rounds.

I just hope it doesn't look like this:

I saw a quote recently and it goes something like this:

"A woman's loyalty is tested when her man has nothing...
A man's loyalty is tested when he has everything."

What I have read about Conor McGregor and his partner is that she stuck by him even when he was a nobody making his way up the ladder. They had very little money but she believed in him and the rest is history and they are still writing that history now.

I don't know about you but her loyalty would have been tested big time and because she kept on supporting him, they have both been rewarded and that is fantastic in my book.

I'm sure McGregor's loyalty is been tested now. When you start to build great success, of course the money comes and other temptations. 

What I have read, it seems that Conor McGregor is very much in love with his partner, Dee Devlin and from the articles I have read he says that he owes her a lot and that is great. That is how partnerships are built.

No matter the result on August 26th, Conor McGregor and Dee Devlin seem to have something that many people wish for but in this day in age it seems difficult for many people, a loving, loyal and supportive relationship.

I hope that it is an entertaining bout on August 26th and I hope that it doesn't define either man, win, lose or draw. 

Saturday, 5 August 2017

EXTROVERTS 101: Here is all you need to know

The other day we had this post about introverts.

Today it is the extrovert's turn.

1. Extroverts need alone time too

Extroverts are not going to be "on" 24/7. Of course, most of the time they will want to be out and about and socialising with all and sundry. However, on occasions you will find them huddled up on the sofa watching Netflix or some kind of sport. The difference with an introvert and extrovert is that the extrovert will tell everyone that, that is what they are doing and take a photo of the movie they are watching and post it on Instagram so that even if they aren't around a whole bunch of people they can still get energised by having a many "likes" and comments like:

"That's a cool movie."


"Oh my god babe, those are some fabulous slippers."


"Where are you? The club is off the hook."

2. Extroverts love the spotlight

If you want to get on the good side of an extrovert friend or acquaintance, dish out the compliments thick and fast. They are going to love you for it. They love that spotlight and they are going to feel loved with you lay it on.

3. Extroverts are not the best at planning

You would think that, since the extroverted person loves to be out every night of the week with friends and the like, that he or she would be an expert at planning the night and getting 300 of his or her "closest" friends to come out and enjoy the night.

This isn't necessarily the case. The extrovert likes to kick back and enjoy the night like the rest of us without all the added of pressure of getting the introverts there or getting the other extroverts there who are, should we say, "directionally challenged."

4. Shy Extroverts are among us

Believe it or not, shy extroverts do live among us. Not all extroverts are loud and in your face because they are having a great time and they expect everyone else to have one as well.

Introversion and extroversion is all about how you energise, not what your personality is like, so it stands to reason that even though they energise in a large group, they may not be able to talk to anyone.

I felt like that a few times, especially in a nightclub. I would be enjoying the Top 40 music that they were playing but not being able to talk to anyone. It is a weird experience, I tell you. It is heightened when your friends are demanding you to "Go and talk to her" or "why are you so quiet?"

5. Extroverts need to be stimulated

They say that variety is the spice of life and extroverts need variety. They get bored and distracted  really easily. You have to keep energetic and lively and entertaining because if you don't, you will find the extroverts will be gone to find something more interesting.

6. Use a sledgehammer when talking to an extrovert

Don't be subtle when talking to an extrovert. Don't be passive aggressive. It is best to be upfront and direct. Extroverts don't want to play the little games that have invaded our society. Just say it directly and the extrovert will understand what you are talking about without having to think too much at all.

Friday, 4 August 2017

It's OK to say "NO"

Do you have a problem saying "No" to people? Do you feel pressure to go out even when your energy reserves are low and it is the last thing you want to do? Do you find that "friends" put pressure on you or make you feel guilty if you say no or are wavering about whether you want to go out on the town or not?

I have one thing to say to you today:

It's OK to say NO

Let me repeat that so you get the message loud and clear:

It's OK to say NO

1. If you are asked out and you agree. At the time maybe it sounded like the best thing to do, but as the time gets closer, the idea of spending time with a big group of people sounds about as fun as having a root canal so you should no. It is ok to change your mind. You know you and you know that the Friday night out with a whole bunch of people is not your cup of tea.

2. It is OK to cancel a commitment. Obviously if you do it often, you are going to piss off a whole lot of people. If you legitimately don't want to go then it is OK. You are not being selfish, you are being true to yourself and that is all we can ask. You might just want to spend the evening with one or two close friends instead of 50. There is nothing wrong with that.

3. To the workaholics out there it is fine to take a day off. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you need to stay at home and do nothing. You know that you recharge by being by yourself or with one other so you are doing yourself, the people around you and your employers a favour because you will come back firing on all cylinders. If you don't do this you will start resenting your job. You will start resenting your colleagues, your bosses and maybe even society in general.

4. Some days, especially in the winter, I like to stay in bed and just do nothing or as my fourth form (10th grade) social studies teacher used to say, "Zipadeedoodah, not a sausage, bugger all." Just stay in bed and not talk to anyone and just relax. There is absolutely no worries with that. Just do not make it a habit because if you do, we have a bigger problem.

5. If you decide to spend Saturday night alone, there is nothing wrong with that. Just because society deems that you should be out and about socialising doesn't mean you have to follow it's "rules." You are not a loser for doing that even though some people (who are idiots by the way) may call you that. Don't listen to them. Do what you want.

6. Sometimes introverted people can get stuck in a rut that they find harder and harder to get out of. It can take a lot of energy and unnecessary worry to move on from it. It is needs to be done though and you should give yourself permission to move on. It probably isn't the most easiest but sometimes you have to break that umbilical cord and move on.

7. Finally, it is OK to change. This can be difficult for anyone but for introverts it is sometimes extremely difficult. If you find it difficult to make that change, I suggest to make a list about what is the worst thing that could happen if you make that change. If you look at it logically, you will probably find that the worst thing that can happen, you can laugh at it. It isn't all that bad after all. At the end of the day you are making a change for the better. It is going to be better for the people around you and most importantly, of you.

Let me say it one more time:

It's OK to say NO
It's OK to say NO
It's OK to say NO
It's OK to say NO
It's OK to say NO

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Japanese language blog: (Admittedly I haven't updated it for a long time but it is a similar theme to this blog.)