Lots of people milling around trying to talk to someone that they might or might not have something in common with. The lists of banal and superficial questions that seem to be on a loop throughout the evening. The people who seem to be interested in what you have to offer but not really. (Guilty as charged.)
Of course there are good things as well. You get to meet people that you might not have met anyway. You might get to have a conversation without the aforementioned banal questions. You get to have a conversation that has nothing to do with "what do you do" and more about something that you both have in common and that you can both speak passionately about.
By all means, go to these events but don't go all the time because you think it is the thing to do. As an introvert, you are going to tire yourself out. You will grow wary of these things and not want to run back to them any time soon.
Know your social limits and go to these events with an open mind and thought process that, yes you are going to meet someone interesting an yes, you are going to go to connect, not to sell something.
Yes, I have made these mistakes and when I look back on this I give myself a facepalm.
Don't get into that situation where you are doing the same thing as me. Facepalms are never a good look.
When you are young and lets be honest here, horny, where do you go to try and meet people that you are attracted to?
If you say places like bars, nightclubs or social events, parties etc, then I'm pretty sure that you are with the other 99.9999% of the population. Most people would say those kind of places. It's logical right? That's where people congregate and they expect to meet people there. That's why you go out on Friday and Saturday night.
That looks about right or is it like this?
Whatever it is, and I'm talking from personal experience, a bar or nightclub is not the best place for introverts. I'm not saying that you shouldn't go. It's fun. especially for someone like me who enjoys the kind of music that they play at some places. The top 40 stuff for example. However, if you want to "score" it might be a struggle or should we say challenge?
Why?
Well, the loud music, the hoards of people, the smoke (in some places), the competition. As an introvert you can not show your best side. It's noisy, it's smoky (it used to be anyway), there are people banging into each other, spilling drinks here and there (expensive drinks at that).
I liked going to these kind of places with my friend but I was never able to have those in depth conversations that introverts love. It's fairly difficult shouting at the other person with the music blaring. I suppose, at the end of the day, it is all about body language and small talk. Grooming would be an advantage here too.
Are you starting to see that the club is not the natural environment for an introvert?
Where do you meet people?
Short answer: Everywhere else.
From a man's point of view, (I am a man after all) if you have the balls of course you can literally meet people in any place that you like. At the supermarket, waiting in line at the Starbucks, talking to the people that you run into every day at the convenience store (I should take my own advice). Talk to everyone, you never know what you are going to learn.
The interesting thing for me is since I live in a huge city, Tokyo, strangers don't seem to talk to each other. That reminds me of the following:
I should practice what I preach. Would you like to join me in talking to people? Even if it is like the above video and we just say hello and smile (behind our masks). What's the worst thing that will happen? That person looks at you in a weird way? They take you to the police?
"Officer, that person said hello to me. Arrest him."
How do you start these conversations?
It's all about the power of observation.
If the person is wearing a nice watch, ask them about it. "That looks like a nice watch. Did you receive that from someone special?"
"What are you reading? That looks difficult." (I actually did have that conversation in an elevator. It was a book written in English about some kind of complicated maths. Unfortunately the guy couldn't speak English. he could read about complicated mathematical formulas but couldn't talk about it. He did explain it to me in Japanese but he might as well as been talking about quantum physics.)
One day I made a remark on the train about the book the woman next to me was reading. She was so shocked that she couldn't get off the train fast enough at the next stop. When I mentioned that story to some people, they thought that she thought that I was hitting on her. Nothing could be further from the truth. I saw a book that I had read before and wanted to talk about it. The woman obviously didn't. I didn't feel bad about it because I was being my authentic self.
Introverts,
Good luck with this challenge. I will be participating with you and lets see what happens. I'm sure that we will meet some interesting people of both sexes and we will have some interesting conversations.
