Friday, 21 July 2017

Is he an A-hole or is he shy? You decide. (Not the Pope)

A friend of mine was talking the other day about a mutual acquaintance. In fact they are a couple. He wasn't very complimentary about them. Well the husband in particular.

"Have you ever talked to him?"
"I've said one or two things to him. We usually exchange a greeting or two."
"His wife is nice but he is an arsehole."
" What do you mean?"
" He never says anything. He is so stuck up himself."

At that time I had my mind on other more pressing issues so I didn't really think about what he was saying but a couple of days later when I started thinking about our conversation, I believed that my friend got it all wrong.

First of all the wife is extremely chatty. She always has a smile on her face and we will chat about some interesting topics. I even sent her a message on Facebook talking about a video we were talking about. She seemed to be interested in it and so it turned out to be so.

He husband on the other hand is not so chatty. He looks to me anyway, to be extremely focused and he certainly has his s**t together  and he has in my opinion anyway, a purpose to his life.

A chatty woman and a super-focused man. Hmmmm, I wonder why they are married. (That's sarcasm, by the way) In my experience, it is true that opposites do attract. Why? Because they complement each other. He organises everything and she does the socialising. Maybe, she is the good cop and he is the bad cop when dealing with naughty children.

The point today is that you can't judge a book by a cover. Just because you were taught in your life by your parents and grandparents to say hello to everyone and to stand up when an adult enters the room it doesn't mean everyone was and in your eyes they may be being rude but they might well be shy and can't say hello or they might even find you intimidating.

Introverted and shy people can come across as being aloof and rude especially if you are extroverted and were taught to say hello. That doesn't make the introverted and shy people a bad person, all it means is that they struggle in a social situation that is just an everyday occurrence for you.

If you do come across someone who struggles to say hello. Don't worry. You just do what you have been trained to do over the years. You say hello to them without the expectation of getting a response from them. If they say hello back then great. If they don't say anything but acknowledge you in some way then great. If they completely ignore you and walk past you like you are not there, then great. Not your problem. You did everything that you could do. Give yourself a pat on the back.

You don't have to say hello to everyone like The Pope below but if you practice your greetings without expectation of a response then you will feel at peace with yourself. And that is an awesome feeling.

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