Monday, 22 August 2016

The Anatomy of a Blind Date

I was reading this article today. I found it very interesting as the author was telling us about her blind dating experience. The writer of the article went through 13 blind dates with various experiences and she came up with 10 lessons she got from the dates.

I thought that I would give my take on what her lessons were. I have had a bit of experience with this through things like Tinder or so I feel qualified to comment on it and to tell you what might or might not be going on. Of course I am doing this from a male perspective and it might be different from a female perspective. Although sometimes I just don't know.

The ten lessons:

1. Test your assumptions

Yep, you don't know what is going on in the other person's mind. Sometimes you can tell and other times you are going to get it terribly wrong. What you have to realise it that because such and such happened last time doesn't mean that the same thing will happen with this guy or woman. You have to to go with your gut. I must admit with blind dates, 50% to 60% of the time nothing is going to happen and you both know it.

2. Rejection isn't personal 

I just want to clarify this one, this is after the first blind date. This has nothing to do with if you have been seeing someone for awhile and they reject you after a few months. That is a different kettle of fish. This might be you like him or her but there is nothing from them and they might reject your second date proposal. I've never had a problem with that because how much of a connection can you get after only one date? Although in saying that I had a Tinder date earlier this year. Eveything seemed good. We had a fun date. We got a little bit drunk. She even asked when she could see me again. I told her the date. She agreed and then postponed to the following day and then proceeded to disappear off the face of the earth. Was it something I did or said? I very much doubt it.

3. Remember what you want

I know exactly what I want and when I meet her I know pretty much straight away and this might be a flaw in my character because I may push too much and of course this would make a woman lose attraction for you you pretty quickly and vice-versa.

Isn't human nature fascinating? To show another human being that you like them you can't show that you like them. It is completely annoying sometimes but I didn't make the rules I just have to follow them and to this stage not very successfully.

4. You will be surprised by who is attracted to you

I was in the Kansai area earlier this year and I thought that I would see what Tinder was like. I met one woman who to put it mildly could have any guy that she wanted but for whatever reason she took a fancy to me. I must have be entertaining and I think that night I was pretty straight up and didn't mess around. She seemed to like it but because of distance we haven't been able to meet up since. My point is she was quite young. She seemed to be quite social active and she was attracted to a slightly overweight grey haired single guy from New Zealand.

Coach Corey Wayne says that attraction is not a choice and maybe that night it wasn't.

5. First impressions can shift as quickly as they are created

Yep. I have had many times the experience where my first impression of her was not great but by the end of the date I have had a great time and I'm looking for a second date. I have even had the experience where my first impression was not good. It turned out to be what I thought was an awesome date and then she rejected me.

They say that first impressions are everything. I'm sorry, that is bullshit.

6. Appreciate friendship

This is an interesting one and the writer is saying in the article that we are so trying to find love that even if we are not romantically interested in them we can still be friends them which is fine. I would agree with that because the more contacts you have in your life will surely help you in the future. The thing I learned is that if one is romantically interested in the other but the other is not then there is no point in a friendship because if I am romantically interested and she isn't and she says to be friends then my argument is "every time we meet, which will be never, I will want to rip your clothes off. Can you see how painful that would be for me?"

7. Recognise your safety nets

I know what I like to talk about but very rarely do women, especially here in Japan know let alone like cricket so I will have to talk about different topics. I remember in the past we would talk about our blind date experiences but I learned quite quickly not to do that. What's the point? I think that it is not what you say it is how you say it. You might be talking about marine biology and the woman opposite you doesn't have any interest in science at all but if you talk about it with passion and enthusiasm you will probably get some kind of interest.

8. Finding someone you connect with is rare

This is very true. Unfortunately with blind dates some people expect to meet Prince Charming or Cinderella after meeting one or two people. It doesn't work like that. You might have to send out 10 CV's (resumes) before you even get a sniff of an interview. The same is with blind dating. It's a numbers game. Some people hate to hear that but it is true.

9. Focus on actions not words

I'll take you back to my earlier date I mentioned. Her words were "when can I see you again?" Her action was to delete me from the messaging service we were using to communicate.

10. The only survey that counts is your own

I better explain this one, in the article she gave the men a survey at the end of the date. For example do you want to see me again or never or do you want to have sex etc. (That would be interesting) In the end and I agree it doesn't matter what they think. You have to be happy with yourself and if you are happy with yourself then you are going to attract someone that you deserve.

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