Saturday, 29 October 2016

Ambivert training from the Ambivert Trainer.

Whether we like it or not we do live in a society that likes you to speak out. We like to go to a party and we like to listen to the person who rules the room. However, usually from an introvert's perspective anyway they are talking codswallop. That is beside the point.

What is one way to become an ambivert? What is one way to come out of our shell so to speak?

That one way is to talk to strangers.

After you read that I bet some of you tightened up. You probably thought WHAT? I can't do that. I'll get myself stabbed.

Don't worry, I'm pretty sure that you won't get a knife in your back. The worst thing that could happen is that that person will walk away, while the best thing that could happen is that person could become a friend. Not bad if I do say so myself.

How do we go about talking to strangers when you have trouble now talking to someone that you have known for a few months?

The best way to do this is to do what you are afraid to do.

How do we do that I hear you ask?

Well, we devise a strategy. Here it is:

1. Look for appropriate people to talk to.

A few years ago I read a book about relationships and one of the first things it said for men or women who are shy was when you are walking along the street to look at another person walking the other way in the eye and smile. I used to do this especially with women and I must admit that it does sound a little bit creepy at first but you find that it really makes your day if the other person smiles back at you. It also shows you that other people are not so confident as well because many will look away.

We walk around thinking that everyone has the perfect life and by looking at them they must have it all together but that isn't the case at all.

When you walk around and someone holds that eye contact and smiles then you may have permission to engage that person in conversation. Remember, and I am talking to guys here, don't just smile at the pretty women. Treat everyone the same, men, women. This is not a competition to see who can shag the most.

2. Keep the initial contact light.

When you initiate the conversation, (well done by the way) keep it light. The best way is to comment on something that the other person is carrying or reading or something similar. In other words be observant.

A few years ago I worked in a bar. It was very interesting serving people drinking as they could come across as very powerful for want of a better word. In New Zealand they seem to train the service people to ask customers how their day has been. I think that is a real dreary question and should be avoided. A better question is to ask something that is relevant to the customer and they will come away with a far better experience.

3. Remember that you are not going to win every time.

If you are a salesperson, are you going to sell every time you meet someone? I think that you already know the answer to that, but let me spell that out for you, NO!

When you decide that you are going to meet more people and approach and talk to more people you are going to get people who just don't want anything to do with you. For whatever reason, maybe they are in a bad mood. Maybe, their cat just passed away. You don't know. I know it is difficult but don't let their negativity get you down. Try to concentrate on the next approach.

4. If you talk to a stranger, any stranger, it is a good thing. 

When you talk to a stranger, that is a good thing. The result of that interaction is secondary to what happened. You plucked up the confidence to go and talk to someone. That is what you should be focusing on not the other person's reaction.

Go through in your mind how the interaction went. How did you feel? Was it difficult? Did you feel uncomfortable? (If so, that is good)

5. Practice makes perfect.

Hands up if you go to the gym? How often do you go? Once a week? Three times a week? Once a year?

To get gains in the gym you need to go consistently. (You also need to eat properly) You are not going to become Superman by going once a month. You have to be consistent so that you make progress. The same is with becoming an ambivert. You need to practice these approaches a number of times. By the way, don't make the excuse that many people do by saying that they approached TWO people and they both brushed them off so this ambivert thing is a scam. It isn't. You approached TWO people. Let me repeat that, TWO people. Go away and approach at least TEN people and then come back. If you had no luck then we might have to look at you as opposed to them.

There you go. Five things to consider when you make the leap from being in your shell to out of your shell.

Good luck in your journey from introvert to ambivert and maybe situational extrovert.

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