A few years ago I would go to various networking events and parties. For business purposes I would go along, meet a few people, exchange business cards, have a bit of chit chat and go home. The events and parties were quite fun but for me they were really tiring. I was definitely outside my comfort zone.
Even now, for me, going to parties and and starting conversations with strangers is very difficult. The other day I went to my friend's wedding party. There was about 80 people or so there. I'm single and of course I'm interested in meeting single women. However the old Blair returned. There were a lot of beautiful single women there and I couldn't say a thing.
Why is that?
The first reason is that I am thinking too much. "If I say hello, I might get rejected and that would be very embarrassing." I just stayed in that room until the end of the party and I didn't do a thing. What a waste of time, don't you think?
The second reason is that because it is a wedding party and think that doing some flirting or chatting up someone is not really appropriate. Naturally this is a really stupid way of thinking. If you see someone you are attracted to you should always approach them. This is not flirting or chatting someone up, your way of thinking should be that by approaching them you are going to make their day even better that it was before. If she rejects you then that is her problem. She is probably just not in the right place to accept you. You just say ok and move on. The other day, I completely forgot that.
The third reason is that sometimes I lose some confidence and I can't say a thing. I'm thinking to myself "She doesn't want to listen to me" or "This shirt looks really bad on me." These are just excuses and pretty poor excuses at that.
I've learnt from various books that the best thing to do is to look at something, find something and make a comment about it. For example, "that's an interesting watch. Where did you get it?'
The other day at the wedding party I saw a woman that I was interested in. I noticed that she went up a couple of times to get some dessert. It would have been really easy to say something like "Isn't that your second plate of dessert? You must have a really big sweet tooth." Of course I couldn't say anything like that. I couldn't say anything at all. Oh well! Next time.
For me, saying something to strangers is really difficult but like anything to get better at it you need to practice and practice and practice some more. That is the secret.