Lots of people milling around trying to talk to someone that they might or might not have something in common with. The lists of banal and superficial questions that seem to be on a loop throughout the evening. The people who seem to be interested in what you have to offer but not really. (Guilty as charged.)
Of course there are good things as well. You get to meet people that you might not have met anyway. You might get to have a conversation without the aforementioned banal questions. You get to have a conversation that has nothing to do with "what do you do" and more about something that you both have in common and that you can both speak passionately about.
By all means, go to these events but don't go all the time because you think it is the thing to do. As an introvert, you are going to tire yourself out. You will grow wary of these things and not want to run back to them any time soon.
Know your social limits and go to these events with an open mind and thought process that, yes you are going to meet someone interesting an yes, you are going to go to connect, not to sell something.
Yes, I have made these mistakes and when I look back on this I give myself a facepalm.
Don't get into that situation where you are doing the same thing as me. Facepalms are never a good look.
When you are young and lets be honest here, horny, where do you go to try and meet people that you are attracted to?
If you say places like bars, nightclubs or social events, parties etc, then I'm pretty sure that you are with the other 99.9999% of the population. Most people would say those kind of places. It's logical right? That's where people congregate and they expect to meet people there. That's why you go out on Friday and Saturday night.
That looks about right or is it like this?
Whatever it is, and I'm talking from personal experience, a bar or nightclub is not the best place for introverts. I'm not saying that you shouldn't go. It's fun. especially for someone like me who enjoys the kind of music that they play at some places. The top 40 stuff for example. However, if you want to "score" it might be a struggle or should we say challenge?
Why?
Well, the loud music, the hoards of people, the smoke (in some places), the competition. As an introvert you can not show your best side. It's noisy, it's smoky (it used to be anyway), there are people banging into each other, spilling drinks here and there (expensive drinks at that).
I liked going to these kind of places with my friend but I was never able to have those in depth conversations that introverts love. It's fairly difficult shouting at the other person with the music blaring. I suppose, at the end of the day, it is all about body language and small talk. Grooming would be an advantage here too.
Are you starting to see that the club is not the natural environment for an introvert?
Where do you meet people?
Short answer: Everywhere else.
From a man's point of view, (I am a man after all) if you have the balls of course you can literally meet people in any place that you like. At the supermarket, waiting in line at the Starbucks, talking to the people that you run into every day at the convenience store (I should take my own advice). Talk to everyone, you never know what you are going to learn.
The interesting thing for me is since I live in a huge city, Tokyo, strangers don't seem to talk to each other. That reminds me of the following:
I should practice what I preach. Would you like to join me in talking to people? Even if it is like the above video and we just say hello and smile (behind our masks). What's the worst thing that will happen? That person looks at you in a weird way? They take you to the police?
"Officer, that person said hello to me. Arrest him."
How do you start these conversations?
It's all about the power of observation.
If the person is wearing a nice watch, ask them about it. "That looks like a nice watch. Did you receive that from someone special?"
"What are you reading? That looks difficult." (I actually did have that conversation in an elevator. It was a book written in English about some kind of complicated maths. Unfortunately the guy couldn't speak English. he could read about complicated mathematical formulas but couldn't talk about it. He did explain it to me in Japanese but he might as well as been talking about quantum physics.)
One day I made a remark on the train about the book the woman next to me was reading. She was so shocked that she couldn't get off the train fast enough at the next stop. When I mentioned that story to some people, they thought that she thought that I was hitting on her. Nothing could be further from the truth. I saw a book that I had read before and wanted to talk about it. The woman obviously didn't. I didn't feel bad about it because I was being my authentic self.
Introverts,
Good luck with this challenge. I will be participating with you and lets see what happens. I'm sure that we will meet some interesting people of both sexes and we will have some interesting conversations.
I saw this article the other day. It was a really interesting read so I thought that I would go through it and see how the 13 things that horrify introverts apply to yours truly and to some people I know well. Here are the 13 things. How do they apply to you? I would love to hear your comments.
1. When people call - and a text or email would have been sufficient. - Hmm, this is an interesting one. Maybe it says something about my age or my upbringing, I'm not sure but I prefer to use the phone especially when you want to organise something. Going back and forth by text can be very annoying and on some occasions can take hours or days just to organise a meet up on a Friday evening.
2. Not being able to exit an intense social setting. - This has pissed me off over the years. When my energy has been used up and I want to go home and crash, there is always one person who takes it as a personal affront that I would even contemplate going home and would peer pressure me to stay and then complain when I wasn't as energetic as before. I wish I understood then what I understand then.
3.Networking events. -
"What do you do?"
"What do you do on the weekends?"
"Why did you come to Japan?"
"Can you speak Japanese?"
"Where do you live?"
"Nice to meet you."
I'm getting sleepy just writing these things. I think you guys get the idea.
4. Being put on the spot. - This is an interesting one. For me it depends on the day and how I am feeling. On some days, if I'm put on the spot then that is fine, I just take it in my stride. On other days there is absolutely no way that you are going to get me up there in front of other people and potentially make a fool of myself. Find someone else.
5. Two words that strike intense fear into my heart are "overnight stay." - I don't really understand this one. I love overnight stays especially in an area that you are not familiar with. Double points if it is near a beach or lake or a scenic area where you can go for walks etc.
6. First dates terrify me. - Not any more. I am so used to these first dates that it just gets boring occasionally. I think what terrifies introverts about first dates are the batches of small talk that we have to go through. Loo at number three in this list to get an idea of what I am talking about. A first date is just like a networking event but for two people instead of 200 people.
7. Public speaking scares me to death. - No. I've always enjoyed public speaking one of those things that seems to be so scary to most people. I remember a few years ago I went to an event in which I had to speak. The people before me were so nervous that they couldn't get off the stage fast enough. The mumbled their way through the speech and basically ran off the stage.
8. Getting trapped in a social commitment that can prolong for hours. - I remember when I was younger I would want to go to my father's social functions or the sport team's club rooms. This was fun for a few hours but then I wanted to go home but my father would want to stay, talking and catching up with friends. He would tell me that he was ready to go but the time between that proclamation and actually getting in the car to go was an extremely long time as he seemed to want to say goodbye to everyone in the club rooms and their dogs as well. Now I understand why my mother would get shitty with him and curse under her breath as we waited for his grand exit.
9. Having roommates - thus having to be social all the time - is an introverts worst nightmare. - Never had a problem with this one. I would just go into the room, sometimes without saying "hi" and do my thing in there. Nothing wrong with that.
10. My biggest fear is being embarrassed. - Not for me. I do embarrassing things all the time in the guise of trying to improve myself. Let me think of some, oh yes, salsa dancing lessons. I was terrible. I had two left feet. Playing sports that I wasn't very good at. I had the gymnasium laugh at me one time. I'm sure my face went the same red as my singlet. Sure, I was embarrassed but I realised that that embarrassment is only for a short period of time. It is only for that day. How many other people who were present in that gymnasium on that day remember it? Um, maybe about zero.
11. I feel my introversion can scare off a romantic partner. - Yes and no. Your smile could scare them off. The way that you say the word "specific" might scare them off. Who knows? Maybe even your toe could scare them off.
Well George, that was an interesting study in the relationships between men and women.
12. I fear being alone forever because of my introversion. - Just like in number 11, your introversion is not going to make you be alone. Other things might but don't blame introversion.
13. I find it horrifying when my work manager announces, “Let’s have a team-building exercise today.” - Well, I don't work in a team so I'm fine with this one. Sure the people I do work with might have one or two things a year but it isn't a big deal and what is three hours out of your year?
There, you see? It isn't a huge problem being an introvert. I don't know why people make it out as such. You are just doing things that are perfectly normal to YOU.
When historians look back on 2020, what is the first thing they are going to talk about?
The cancelled Olympics?
The American presidential election? (Quite possibly)
The fourth season of The Crown? (It's really good so far.)
All three of those are likely candidates (maybe not The Crown) but I think we all know the answer to my question above. Of course, the Covid-19 Pandemic.
It has been a very "interesting" year for people around the globe. Unfortunately we have had deaths. We have had riots. Unfortunately we have had lockdowns. We have had unemployment. We have had underemployment. We have had hand washing galore. We have had temperatures taken multiple times a day.
All of these are negative but what positives have we got out of it? Lets look at it from an introvert's point of view.
First of all there is a lot more home time. For example, a lot of my work has gone online and so that means staying at home throughout the day. I notice some of my clients are spending two days at work while the other three days are at home.
For introverts this is great as they don't have to deal with their colleagues coming to their desk and asking inane questions or participating in the water cooler talk. Gossip or what have you. People can get a lot more work done at home and then when they have finished it is a 0 minute commute to the kitchen. Also the best thing is that you can ask, "Pants? What are they?"
Secondly, this has something to do with the first one, you have a chance to really concentrate on your work. There are no distractions and no phone calls to take away your concentration and if you do get a phone call, it is easy to ignore it. (I know shock horror. I can hear you asking, "what if it is a client?" Look, I'm sure they will survive. And if they get their knickers in a twist because you called them back two hours later, then do you really want to deal with them? I know, that sounds shocking but think about it.)
Also because we are spending more time at home we are spending more time with our loved ones and that can only be good, can't it?
Of course this whole thing can kind of be anti-social and you could stay at home for days on end. I know in the early stages of the pandemic I stayed inside for up to 4 or 5 days at a time. It wasn't too bad but even though I am an introvert I am by no means a hermit and it did get boring from time to time.
My recommendation is to use this time to build your future life. Maybe try and lose weight. Try to start a business. Write that novel you have always said that you would. Catch up on your reading. I'm sure you have hundreds of books and articles lying around that haven't been read.
This could be the most interesting year of your life or you could feel depressed by it all. Which is it going to be?
I always used to tell the truth (it is important to tell the truth) and say that (more often than not) I wasn't doing anything.
Of course I didn't have any plans to leave the house but I did want to sit in front of the television and blob. (That is a technical term by the way.)
Of course most people who ask if "you are free tonight" and they hear the "no I'm not" reply will automatically assume that you want to go and hit the town with them. This can be problematic for the introvert because they do actually have plans but the aforementioned "blob" is something that they don't want to admit to and it (for some people ) makes them seem lazy even though you are doing what comes naturally to you and that is re-charge at home.
So, what can you do if you are asked this question?
1. Ask straight up, "what do you have planned?" and if it is not what you want to do, say so and try not to crack under the pressure of the guilt trips etc.
2. Tell the truth. "No, I'm blobbing in front of the TV tonight."
3. You could ask what they want to do and then decide then and there.
"Are you free tonight?"
"Why? What are you doing?"
"A whole bunch of people are going to hit the town tonight. It's going to be epic."
"I'm going to take a rain check. Have a good time."
"C'mon man. It's going to be epic. Don't be such a spoil sport."
"Have a great time. See you next week."
4. Tell them that you are not feeling well.
Whatever you decide, make sure you make it your decision. Don't be pressured into anything. If you want, ask that person to come and hang out with you. You never know.
It always surprises me when you hear from someone who you haven't heard from for a long time and they say the following:
"If you want to get a coffee send me a message."
OK. Thank you for the invitation to do the work. Why don't you just ask me out for a coffee now?
I got a message from a woman who I romantically pursued a few years ago and failed dramatically. She decided that we were going to be friends and nothing more. (Did you notice that I didn't write "just friends" because I think that demeans the meaning of the word friends.)
We chatted on Messenger for a few minutes. I was walking home. We hadn't seen each other for two and a half years and to be quite honest, that time was really boring. She seemed more infatuated with the goings-on on her phone. It seemed like I was there for some amusement between checking her phone.
Anyway, we chatted for a few moments and she brought out the above line. I said OK and then did absolutely nothing about it.
Is the above line another version of "lets do lunch"? Am I too gullible? Do I take everything at face value and I shouldn't? I don't know. What I do know that if these people do want to have a coffee they will ask me then and there and it is merely a greeting to end the conversation.
Maybe I should start an online campaign to stop these greetings with no balls behind them. Maybe not. But please make me a promise, if you say something like "lets have lunch" or "lets have a coffee" bloody well mean it.
I better stop here before I start sounding like a whinging Kiwi.
I'm a fan of cooking shows. Whether it be Masterchef or some other kind of show. (In fact recently I've been watching a show on Netflix about BBQing.) I enjoy watching the contestants come up with restaurant quality dishes and then having it judged by the panel of experienced and famous chefs from around the world. I've even watched one episode of Masterchef New Zealand in which I would like to copy what they have done in that particular show. I didn't know what a croquembouche was at that time but I do now and I think that it would be a good challenge even if I can't boil an egg. Oh dear!
One day I was watching the Gordon Ramsay show Hell's Kitchen. This show is interesting too but I seem to prefer Masterchef as the contestants are talented amateurs as opposed to Hell's Kitchen in which the contestants seem to be trained chefs from the start.
Anyway Gordon Ramsay, who I quite like on television. I don't know why. I find him very entertaining and I really like his passion and I wish that I had a fraction of the passion that he shows. He was tasting the signature dishes of the contestants. One of the contestants had admitted to the camera that she was shy. I wondered if what she meant was that she was introverted.
By the way, I'm sure you know that difference between being shy and being introverted but if you don't here it is:
Introvert = the way you energise
Shy = the fear of social judgement.
They are not one in the same.
Back to Hell's Kitchen. Gordon Ramsay was tasting the dishes and he came to the "shy" woman's dish. He tasted it and his critique was that the dish like her was boring.
That got me thinking, does being shy mean you are boring? Does that apply to introverts as well? Do some people think because you are not speaking at the top of your voice and the fact that you are not raving every Friday night that you are boring?
The answer to the question is, it depends. Some people are going to see you as boring. Unfortunately, that is life. They see a timid person who doesn't have a voice who is not gregarious who is constantly avoiding human communication. It sounds harsh I know but what can you do about their judgement of you? Nothing. You could prove them wrong but I am sure that you have other things to do rather than trying to please some party animal.
The people who do know you are going to know the true you. They are going to know your sense of humour, they are going to know your intelligence, they are going to know your playful nature.
Let me ask you, who do you want to impress more? The party animals who probably don't even know your name or the people that mean the most to you?
I think the answer is pretty obvious.
Shy people are boring to some people but they have a lot to offer to other people. So before you start judging people see if that they might have something to offer you.
I made a mistake in my last post. My plan was to explain, in my unique way, the MBTI system. Trying to make sense of each type.
I wasn't really in the right way to do as it would take a lot of work and when I realised that I fell off the wagon so to speak. I'm still committed to the project but instead of writing one a day. I will compile all 16 and then publish them one a day so that you can get a better understanding of what makes the MBTI tick.
I'm sure that a lot of you have heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. You may have even done the test yourself. When you do the test, you learn about how you make choices and how you view the world.
To be honest, I don't really know a lot about the MBTI so I've decided to do this to try and get my head around the different types. When I look at the different types, all I see are many letters everywhere and I don't know what they are talking about.
People tend to put on profiles etc, I'm an INFP. Do they really know what the means I wonder. I know I don't.
Lets have a look at an example. As I just wrote you have INFP.
The I comes from extroversion or introversion, so in this case it is introversion.
The N refers to how the person gathers information. You have sensing and the N refers to intuition.
The F refers to how the person makes a decision. Some people make decisions by thinking. They weigh up reason. good sense, order and cause and effect. The INFP (F) means feeling and this person will likely make a decision based on how it will affect the people around them.
The final type deals with dealing with others and how they deal with the outside world. There is J which is judging. P stands for perceiving.
In the above example, INFP, they are an introvert, intuition, feeling, perceiving.
For me that is about as clear as mud. However, in the coming days we should get a better understanding of each of the 16 types of the MBTI.
I'm sure many of you have heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I won't go into detail on what it is today. Let me just say that I have been holding off about writing about MBTI because I didn't really understand the theory behind it and I couldn't really find an interesting article to explain it to so I decided to write it myself.
I hope the next 17 posts (yep, 17) you will find some benefit from them and hopefully they will be entertaining to read as well. I'll do my best.
Some of you are probably wondering how I've got 17 when there are 16 types. Well, the first post will be an outline of MBTI and then we will get into each classification. One post one classification.
It will a challenging project for me. If you can make some comments that would be great. Also if you see anything that you might think is wrong or I could improve on, that would be great too.
I came across this article the other day. All those who know me will know that I was attracted by the title with shy guys and introverts in it.
How long will it take before people realise that shyness and introversion are not the same thing? Seriously! It is getting tiresome.
Anyway, I continued reading (for research) and let me tell you what I think about some of the ideas in this article.
First of all I was lost in the first sentence by these words, ghosting, zombieing and kittenfishing. In fact there is a whole new list of vocabulary that I have never heard of before.
FYI, zombieing is when the person who has ghosted you comes back out of the blue with no sign of it.
I digress.
What are the four tips?
1. The article suggests to set a time limit for the date.
I agree with this one. Usually an introvert gets re-energised by be alone with one other person. They can let their guard down and basically be them self but the whole idea of the first date when you are supposed to be "on" can be draining. Of course there is going to be the whole situation where it is going well but that can be an advantage as she will be wanting more of you and her attraction could go up. (Of course, she could interpret it as meaning you are not interested but that is something that you can't control.)
2. The second one suggests to go beyond the expected.
I couldn't agree with this one more. In my experience most women (especially here in Japan) expect to go to a cafe or something similar and have a drink and basically swap resumes. Having a date plan that involves some kind of activity can be fun and you get to know each other in a relaxed atmosphere and as the title says it can be very unexpected/
3. The third suggestion is to choose things to do that are in your comfort zone.
I believe that as an introvert it is good to go out of your comfort zone on occasions but know your limits. She might ask you out to concert where there are 70,000 people attending. If the artist is someone that you like then great, go. However if the artist is someone you don't even know the it could be a very long few hours for you and lets face it you probably not going to learn too much more about her.
4. The final suggestion is to know when to leave.
Sometimes the environment is just going to be too stimulating. I remember when my friend would be in town, we would go to a night club that he had taken a real shining to. I enjoyed the music and the people watching but I was never able to talk to people in that kind of venue. It was just too loud and you cant get into deep conversations that an introvert loves so much. It certainly wasn't my natural habitat. I still think of the times there when I had opportunities to meet new women but because of my lack of social ability in that kind of venue I missed out. I can still remember a particular woman giving the evils after she made it blatantly clear that she wanted to talk to me.
There you have it. I suppose the above suggestions could be summarised in the late Kenny Rogers' song, The Gambler:
You've got to know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Know when to walk away. Know when to run.
"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." - Blaise Pascal
I had never heard that quote before. Naval Ravikat said it on the very popular Joe Rogan Experience podcast. They were talking about how people can't just sit and be by themselves anymore. Have a look:
Isn't it amazing that they are saying that sitting alone and actually enjoying it is a superpower? For some people it will be torture and for other people they could do it in their sleep (you know what I mean.)
In the video they talk about meditation which I think is very important. I know that when I do it I feel great and I try to do it in the morning so I'm ready for the day ahead.
I think another important skill is the ability to just sit by yourself and basically do nothing. By this I don't mean watching TV or the like but just sit there, maybe you can visualise or daydream if you like. The ability to just sit there BY YOURSELF as I said is difficult for some people but with all the noise in our lives we need it.
So rather than go out on Friday night, why don't you have a quiet night in? I'm sure you will benefit from it and at the very least you can get up early on Saturday morning sans hangover and make the most of the weekend.
How many times have you got a call from someone or even a Facebook message or something similar? You chat for a few minutes and then you get the dreaded line, well from my point of view anyway:
"LETS GET TOGETHER FOR A BEER SOME TIME."
Have you ever had that experience?
What is the result of that line?
Yes, nothing or as my social studies teacher used to say "Zippity Doo Dah, Not a Sausage, Bugger All."
Why do people do this?
Is it just a way to end the conversation knowing full well that this will never happen?
Is it another way of telling themselves that they don't want to have the coffee but they feel better that they said it?
What really gets my goat is that they say let's get together and they have the opportunity then and there to set something up and they never do.
"Let's have lunch some time."
What should you do if it ever happens to you?
Well, I suggest saying "When?" That's all. Just the one word, "When?"
If they give you a time and place, then great. You are going to have a beer or coffee. If they say something like, "I'll text you and sort something out." Don't expect every to hear from them.
Why this annoys me is that it is putting pressure on you to take the lead. Of course being a leader is good in our society but why should I in this situation?
Anyway, rant over. Maybe I'm just having a bad day.
By the way, usually these "invites" are from people I don't know well or haven't seen for a long time. Maybe in some instances, I don't really want to see them anyway. So I should be happy.
I received an email today from a mailing list I subscribe to. It talks about communicating with women and how to get a girlfriend etc. (Hey, don't judge. I find the emails very helpful and very interesting.)
Today's mail was titled 'Seduction Secrets for Introverts.' As you can probably imagine, this attracted my interest.
The writer said that in the mail the tips were for shy and introverted guys. OK. I understand why you are writing this BUT please remember the following thing:
INTROVERSION and SHYNESS are NOT the same thing. I have said this ad nauseam on this blog. Introversion is how you energise. It is how you recharge. It is where you feel the most comfortable, in a small group. Shyness is the fear of judgement.
Lets put this another way, the shy guy will go to the party and not speak to anyone, the introverted guy will not go at all. Does that make sense?
I used to think when I went to night clubs and bar etc that I was shy. Nothing could have been further from the truth. The atmosphere in the club was so stimulating for me that I got tired very quickly. The loud noise of the music meant I couldn't hear what the other person was saying and I couldn't have the proper conversation that I wanted to have.
Going back to the email, admittedly the writer does give some good advice about pushing a little outside of your comfort zone and making the zone bigger. Just by saying hello or complimenting a person's hat. I think that is great advice.
Is becoming a freelancer the ultimate 'Introvert job?'
It sounds pretty cool, doesn't it? You don't have to clock in and clock out at specific times. You can start and finish when you want. You can work wherever you want. You can go to the gym at 11am. Also, and this might be the most important to an introvert, you don't have a boss or co-workers pestering you every five minutes or wanting to have inane conversations about their weekend or the latest episode of The Kardashians. (Is that still running?)
Of course there are always some down sides to it, from an introvert's perspective anyway. What are these downsides?:
1. You are going to have to sell yourself.
I know that some people have the gift of the gab. They can talk anyone into doing anything. Sell ice to the Eskimos I suppose you could say. If you are anything like me, you struggle to do that and you think that your work should say everything and there is no need for brash self-promotion. Well, unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. Sometimes you have to tell the other person what you are doing or have done. You have to remind them that you are around. I'm not saying to threat to walk although that might be the last resort.
2. You are going to have to be flexible.
Sometimes you are going to have to do things that you might not be comfortable with. Your clients might throw you a couple of curve balls. Are you able to handle their unorthodox requests or are you going to run away from all the mayhem because you weren't given six weeks notice?
3. Are you organised?
Are you organised? Do you know what is going on from day to day? Or are you all over the place because of that flexibility that we talked about above? You get that unorthodox request for a different time and place, do you take it in your stride or do you get all bent out of shape? I've seen it happen. It's not pretty.
4. What about if the shit hits the fan?
Are you good with that? Are you able to fight it out? The current world situation with the pandemic can be a little worrisome. As a freelancer with money not coming in as regularly as it used to, are you able to handle it? Some people can't. I remember a friend of mine was dating this woman and it was going well. They had been out several times and she seemed cool. Then she found out what he did for a living, or more specifically what his remuneration situation was (commission based) and she freaked out and he never saw her again. See, some people can handle it and others can't.
Life as a freelancer can be fun. It can be stressful. It can be rewarding. Some people are up to the challenge, others are not.
2020. What is going to be your lasting memory of this year, 2020?
The Olympics? That trip to the Maldives or the Great Barrier Reef or the Grand Canyon? None of the above?
Let me guess, probably none of the above. I'm willing to bet your lasting memory of 2020 is going to be lock-down or quarantine or whatever it is called in your country.
I'm curious, how was lock-down for you? Was it hell? Was it the best time of your life? Did it go quite quickly? Did it drag on and on and on like purgatory?
For me, the time went very quickly. I was effectively in lock-down for two months. I can prove it, I live in Tokyo and I didn't ride the train for two months. Unbelievable.
Anyway, the time went extremely quickly. I would wake up on Monday morning and then the next thing I knew it was Saturday night and I was sitting there wondering where the time went.
I read somewhere that the reason it seemed to go quickly was that there were no momentous events to look forward to. You know, it's Monday morning and you have a hot date on Saturday evening and you can't wait to see her or him but the week stretches out. Five days seems like five years. I'm sure you all have had that experience. However, during lock-down or quarantine there is none of that. Every day seems to be the same. Sunday seems to be the same as Wednesday and you don't know which day is which.
For me, it was a wonderful experience. I thought that I might get lonely and get cabin fever but I didn't feel any of that. On some days I didn't leave the house for up to four or five days at a time. Did it worry me? Not at all.
Was the lock-down an introvert's paradise?
According to Instagram and some of the posts I saw, I would have to say a big and resounding YES. However, after two months, I was definitely ready to get back out into the real world and get my life back on track. Slowly it's coming around and hopefully we will be back to "normal" very soon. Although what normal is I'm not sure.
As an introvert, treat those alone times like gold dust. You need every one of those minutes to recharge and to get yourself out into the world. Unfortunately for some of you lock-down is not going to happen every year and you may have to start going to those parties and networking events again.
Today is August 6th. It is a very significant day in world history. 75 years ago today, a nuclear weapon was detonated over the city of Hiroshima killing thousands of people.
Thinking about it now, I can't even begin to imagine the scene on that day. Horrific is one word that comes to mind.
About four years ago, my father and I had the opportunity to go to Hiroshima and observe the Atomic Bomb Dome in the middle of the city. It was a very moving experience for me. Even though it was abut 35 degrees I felt cold looking at the dome. I shivered on a couple of occasions. I couldn't understand why people would want to drop this horrific creation of man on their fellow (innocent) man. I still can't understand it.
2020 and this COVID-19 pandemic has brought out the best in people and unfortunately the worst in people. I know that stopping people doing stupid things is impossible but can't we give it a try?
I know that New Zealand prime minster, Jacinda Ardern gets a lot of flak from people about her urging for us to be kind to each other but do you know something, it isn't a bad idea. Be kind. How hard is that? Just because the guy over their doesn't have the same opinion as you, does that mean you should kill him. FFS, grow up. It's called debate, not kill everyone.
I hope that nothing every happens like Hiroshima again. I also hope that the pandemic comes to an end very quickly and we come out the other side better for it. It's possible but it will be difficult.
In the immortal words of Joey Tribbiani, "I'm back baby."
After many false starts in trying to get this daily blog happening again, I have made the decision to blog again on a daily basis. This is a definite decision and you can hold me to that.
This blog will once again focus on the relationship between introverts and extroverts however because it is a daily blog it might go off that on occasions. You never know.
If there is anything special that you would like me to address, send me a message and I will do my best to answer your question.
Well, I have only written a few sentences here but it already feels good to be a creator again as opposed to a consumer. Look out for some YouTube stuff as well. Don't have to high expectations though with the videos. I'm just starting.
It's good to be back and I look forward to entertaining you as well as informing you in the coming months.
Here are a few things you need to know if you are going to compare Introverts v Extroverts (which you shouldn't but lets be realistic)
1. Introverts get energy from themselves. For within their being. Extrovert get energy from outside interaction, interaction with people.
2. (I hate to write this) Introverts are often shy but please remember that the two are completely different. Extroverts are often sociable. (Well thank you Sherlock)
3. Introverts are different in public and private. (I wrote a post about Uchibenkei, which is a Japanese word which basically means being the lord of the manor in private while being reserved outside the house. The extrovert on the other hand are the same in public and private.
4. In a large group, our two friends are like chalk and cheese. An introvert is quiet while an extrovert is invariably the life and soul of the party.
5. An introvert will have a few lose friends (but please bare in mind that these friends will do anything for our introverted mate.). An extrovert will have a large number of friends.
6. An introvert can concentrate for a long time in low-key places while an extrovert is easily distracted by shiny objects and the new cool thing.
7. An introvert will think before he or she says anything. They will go over that telephone call a number of times in their head before dealing. They will imagine conversations in their head before they occur. The extrovert tends to think out loud.
8. An introvert will tend keep his or her emotions hidden. Sometimes you can't tell if they are interested in what you are saying or not. Extrovert like to unload their emotions. they want everyone to know.
There you go. There are some differences. They shouldn't be taken as gospel, just that it gives you some rough idea about introverts and extroverts.
Recently I have been reading about empaths. It is something that I had seen a lot on the Internet and books and online articles but I didn't really understand what it meant. So I started digging around.
I'm currently reading this book by Barrie Davenport. Admittedly I'm only half way through it but it talks about Highly Sensitive People or as she calls them (us), HSPs. It also talks about empaths.
Early on in the book I could really identify with parts of what she was saying about HSPs especially when you almost take it personally when your parents are arguing/fighting etc.
I remember a couple of times my mother and father going for it and I didn't like it at all. It was almost scary. I don't know what was scarier the fact that they were asking all the idea that I had in my mind that, that was it and divorce was on the cards. (They are still happily married by the way. It seems their relationship has got stronger as they have got older.)
By reading this book, it made me aware why I had that reaction and I would like to thank Ms. Davenport for that.
What is an empath?
According to the dictionary on my computer, an empath is a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual and then it was prefaced by (chiefly in science fiction).
WHAT?
Does that mean that Mr. Spock is an empath? I suppose that is a question for another post.
Ms. Davenport says that an empath is a person with a series of behaviours and traits that reflect a heightened ability to feel the feelings of other people. WOW! That is definitely outside of my knowledge bank.
Can you identify with an HSPs or an empath? I'm sure some of you can.
