DON'T BE LATE!

They say that there is only one thing in life that you can't get back.

If you lose money you can get it back and maybe even double or triple it. If you lose a significant other, you can either get him or her back or you will find someone even better. If you lose your six pack, you get it back with hard work and a dedicated eating regime.

However, if you lose time, that is one thing that you can never get back. I used to get pissed off that people would comment after watching a two minute video, "Well, that is two minutes of my life that I will never get back."

Come to think of it, they clicked on the video, so the only person to blame is themselves.

Lets get back to time. I get the most pissed off when someone doesn't respect my time. When, for example, they decide to be 30 minutes late. That really annoys me and sometimes I will just walk after 15 minutes if I haven't heard anything. I think with the proliferation of cell phones over the last 20 years, people are getting more and more lazier and they just think they can text the other person.

If you really want to freak someone out, tell them that you will meet them at 7pm on Friday and then tell them that you won't have your cell phone. I assure you people freak out.

"Oh, my god! What if I'm late?"
"You won't be late."
"What if you are late?"
"I'm never late."

It works though, they will be there on time.

What really gets my goat is people who are deliberately late as a power play. People who will organise the meeting at their office for 2pm and then keep their guests waiting until 2.10pm. Apparently there is a well known world leader who is always late. I would tell him (or her) but it is a him, to fuck off. Maybe the diplomatic relations between those countries would be bad but it would show that you don't take any shit. See Hugh Grant's character telling Billy Bob's character what is what and that he isn't going to take any manure in the video below.

What is the moral of today's story?

Don't be late and if you are going to be, try to anticipate it and tell your friend or acquaintance. It's easy. Isn't it?

WHY ARE WE QUICK TO JUDGE?

On the 19th of July, 2019 I posted about a man who was a hermit for 27 years in the Maine wilderness.

You can see the post below:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2019/07/27-year-hermit-what-fk.html

In the post, I referenced a BBC article:

https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-48968502

In that article, it talks about a Scottish woman who has lived a hermit lifestyle for a number of years and as she alluded, people thinks it is weird that she has decided to live by herself but if someone decided to sail around the world by themselves, then that would be awesome.

Isn't Western society interesting?

I equate this to someone who wants to stay at home and relax and not do much. They are considered to be a bit weird while they guy who goes out every night and takes a different woman back to his bachelor pad for a one night romp in the sack before calling her a taxi in the morning and telling her to fuck off is considered a stud and someone that most guys want to be. he probably has an Instagram account with 500,000 followers.

We are an interesting society. Why can't the woman live by herself without being judged? No, that's impossible because it makes me feel uncomfortable and because she does that I am going to judge her as a nutter.

(Actually, I don't think she is a nutter but that is what society, with nothing else to do has done.)

Hmmm, this has go the thinking, why do we have to judge?

Well, as I said before, it makes as feel better about ourselves because we are uncomfortable about it all so we will attack.

What do I care that you are on a plant based diet? Good on you.

What do I care that you worship a god that got lost in the desert or something? Nice for you.

What do I care that you like to wear high school girl's uniform when you are a 50 year old male? Hey, if it's comfortable whatever.

BUT, what I do care is that you tell me that my aunt can't get married to her girlfriend because it might offend your god. You show me that your god is offended then we might talk/

BUT what I do care is that you tell me that eating beef or pork is murder. It's bloody delicious, that's what it is.

BUT, what I do care is ...... No, you can wear that uniform, just no illegal stuff, right?

No judgement from me, whatsoever.

DO YOU TALK ON A PLANE?

The following was an interesting article:

https://japantoday.com/category/features/lifestyle/japanese-people-least-likely-to-talk-to-strangers-or-offer-help-on-airplanes-survey-finds

Basically it talks about Japanese people's behaviour on a plane. I found it very interesting because it talks about stereotypes and I know that some people are offended by stereotyping but unfortunately for those people these stereotypes do come from somewhere and they are usually true to an extent.

Since I have started to take an interest in this introvert/extrovert topic I have noticed that you can almost categorise certain countries. Of course not every person in that particular country is going to be extroverted or introverted but the majority in my opinion are going to be.

Japan is an introverted country in my opinion despite the groupism that proliferates across the country. I believe Japanese generally like to recharge by themselves or with one or two good friends.

About the English ability, I don't think it is the lack of ability it is just the confidence to use that English in their head, that's the problem. The idea that you have to be perfect doesn't really work when you are learning a language.

I tell you what, I don't think I want to spend a 10 hour plane ride with a gas bag to my left or right so if the person doesn't want to speak to me, thank god.

Helping someone out that is another matter all together and that has nothing to do with introvert/extrovert and everything to do manners and upbringing and that is a cultural thing which is completely different and a topic for another day.

HOW DO INTROVERTS CARE FOR YOU?

For some people (especially extroverts) introverts can be a bit of a closed book and some of the time you don't know exactly where you stand with them.

Let me tell you there are things that you can notice that means that the introvert or introverts in your life actually like and care for you.

Here are 6 examples:

1. If an introvert actually instigates something then he or she cares about you. I tell you something, we are not going to do it if we only half like you. We have just spent a day at work, interacting with people that get on our nerves and are particularly annoying, but the fact that we are wanting to spend some time with you instead of going home and recharging by ourselves means that you mean a lot. Go for it. It won't happen that often.


2. An introvert who likes you and wants to spend time with you will remember your birthday. They will remember stuff (sometimes unusual stuff) that you have told them about yourself. You might have told them that your favourite band growing up was WhiteSnake. Guess what? Guess who is going to text you or (god forbid) call you and tell you that WhiteSnake are playing in town next month? That's right.

By the way, WhiteSnake were supposed to play in Japan in October 2019 but they had to reschedule. What a pity!

3. We will be at your party, no doubt about that. If we care for you, we will be there absolutely no ifs or buts about it. As regular readers will know, the party is not the introvert's natural habitat. It can be a real step outside of that comfort zone for Mr. or Ms. Introvert to bowl along to that soiree. They are saying to you that you mean a lot and they wouldn't miss it for the world. Just don't be offended if they leave early.


4. If an introvert starts telling you his or her deepest, darkest secrets the you can safely assume that he or she is telling you that you mean a lot to him or her. Get it? You should be honoured as they have allowed you into their "inner circle" or should we say "The Circle of Trust." 

5. For an introvert, their alone time is like gold dust. They protect it with their life. However, when they invite you spend that time, that is a HUGE sign that they care, respect and maybe even love you. This is another reason that you need to take advantage of this situation because it may never happen again or may not happen again for a long time. You have probably shown to the introvert that you don't have to fill the silence with inane small talk and the like and you realise that just sitting there is fine.


6. If an introvert cared for you, they will never forget you. You may have drifted apart. You may have not seen each other for years and years but they will remember that you cared for them and that you gave them your time and if your paths cross again I'm sure that the introvert will let you back into his or her life. 

The introvert might not say it but as the old saying goes, "action is worth a thousand words" or is that "picture"? I sure you understand what I am saying. 

MINGLING CAN BE DIFFICULT: SOME COMMENTS

A couple of days ago we had a look at the following article:

https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/life/94575135/new-zealanders-dont-mingle-well-at-parties-why

In some of the articles on this website they allow comments. I had a look at some of the comments and I thought that I would address some of them.

For those of you who didn't read the article, it talked about how New Zealanders are pretty terrible at mingling.

So lets have a look at some of the comments from the article:

It's so true I am from the UK and coming here (New Zealand) was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. 

I can understand this one quite well. As some of you might know, I live in Japan and this comment hit the nail on the head for Japan as well. There is the cultural and linguistic barrier first of all but more than that and I think it is the same with the UK person above, when you live in another country, who do you have most in common with? That's correct, people from other countries. Why is that? Because you are going through the same experiences as the other people. You portably have the same frustrations, the same complaints about the local culture. The comment above makes a lot of sense.


You are either good at mingling or not. I like parties where I know someone. It is a good safety net otherwise unless there are other distractions it is a completely lonely and horrible experience. 

I can understand exactly where this commentator is coming from however mingling is a skill that can be learned. You can go to a party with strategies that allow you to master small talk and to, god forbid, talk to people who you do not know, although don't talk too friendly because you might get into trouble like the guy in the video below.

I have no problems breaking the ice and starting conversations with strangers. Interestingly I normally receive a good response. I think the problem is not that we have no room or interest in talking to strangers, it's just that everyone is waiting for someone else to make the first move. I guess that just shows lack of self confidence.

This person has hit the nail on the head. You will find most people are going to be relieved at a party if you start up a conversation. The trick is not to dominate the conversation by talking and talking and talking and talking. I'm sure we have all had times when we went to a party like that and we couldn't exit ourselves from that person who couldn't stop talking. . The person just went on and on. It was like torture. If you can be a connector also, that makes a great party person.


I am the opposite. I normally head for strangers to meet and greet. Done it all my life and will continue until I die. Love socialising and meeting new people. Normally keeping within your little circle can become monotonous with boring conversation.

Sure as life goes on your circle might grow apart a bit. Some of your circle might get married and have children. While this might be ok with people who are having this experience, the single people or ones with no children might find it difficult. Don't depart from your circle. By all means introduce yourself to different people but remember who was there for you in your difficult times and keep them by your side.
It's so true I am from the UK and coming here was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. Having travel widely as a young person I can say 10th is article is pretty bang on my experience of kiwi social habits compared to other how people socialize in other parts of the world kiwis do seem very closed group and uneasy talking to strangers
It's so true I am from the UK and coming here was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. Having travel widely as a young person I can say 10th is article is pretty bang on my experience of kiwi social habits compared to other how people socialize in other parts of the world kiwis do seem very closed group and uneasy talking to strangers
It's so true I am from the UK and coming here was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. Having travel widely as a young person I can say 10th is article is pretty bang on my experience of kiwi social habits compared to other how people socialize in other parts of the world kiwis do seem very closed group and uneasy talking to strangers

It's so true I am from the UK and coming here was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. Having travel widely as a young person I can say 10th is article is pretty bang on my experience of kiwi social habits compared to other how people socialize in other parts of the world kiwis do seem very closed group and uneasy talking to strangers

I AM NOT STUCK UP

I'm not sure who posted this but it sums it up very well:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0KOzfoBtjL/

Here goes:

YES, I'm an introvert.
NO, I'm not shy.
NO, I'm not stuck up.
NO, I'm not antisocial
I'm just listening
I'm just observing.
I can't stand small talk. But I'll talk about life for hours.
I'd rather be home with a close friend or tow than among a crowd of acquaintances.
Don't scold me in public.
Don't embarrass me in public.
Respect that I am reserved. And if I open myself up to you, know that means you're very special to me.


I couldn't have summed it up any better if I tried.

The line that struck a chord with me is the I'm not stuck up.

Yep, that is true. I can't be fucked listening to all your bullshit. DOn't take it personally, just find someone who cares. I don't.

ARE WE BAD AT MINGLING?

https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/life/94575135/new-zealanders-dont-mingle-well-at-parties-why

Have a look at the above article.

Kiwis, do you agree that we suck at mingling at parties?

What do you think?

I think it is the same anywhere in the world. Recently I was invited to a friend's wedding party. In Japan that is known as the nijikai. (Knee-G-Kai). This is the party after the reception where friends congregate.

What I noticed was similar to what the article was alluding to and it is similar to a lot of 21st's in New  Zealand, you can see the different sections in a person's life.

At a 21st you might see the person's school friends in one group, the person's sports friends in another group, the person's university friends in another group, the person's part time work friends in another, family in the corner. It was the same at the wedding party I went to.

How can we get over this?

Well, there is no magic pill. Unfortunately you have to break the ice some how. Also you have to take the risk that you are going to be thought of as weird. Remember that is their decision. Not yours.

Good luck.

Monday, Monday!!!

I'm sure that we have all had this problem. We try to wake up on a Monday morning and things just don't happen. We have had a productive weekend, we've got things done. We have meet friends and we have been sociable. We have been to the gym at least once and had a good blow out. We have made some good food because we have time to experiment in the kitchen.

HOWEVER, Monday morning rolls around and we have no energy at all. Maybe we slept in on Sunday and because of that your rhythm  is off. You stayed up late on Sunday night because you couldn't get to sleep.

Does this all sound familiar?

It happened to me this weekend and I have not had a very good Monday morning at all. It has been zero productivity. It hasn't been a good start to the week.

So, what can we do to correct this problem?

Well, we first of all can create a consistent bed time and a wake up time and maintain it during the weekend as well.

Also, if you don't have any reason to get up you won't. You need to have that goal so you are so excited to get up and get going and to kick ass.

Start today to create that bedtime and do your best to keep it up for at least 21 days. They say that it takes 21 days to create a habit.

Good luck.

WHAT IS A PAP?

WARNING: The following contains some quite "colourful" language. If you are easily offended by this please do not read on. I'll repeat that, if you are easily offended, please do not read on. OK?


I'm a cunt. Yes! You read that correctly. I am a cunt. Now, before you ask me if I am referring to the woman's genitals, no I'm not. I'm referring to the name that we call each other. I know that in America that the mere utterance of it can start a war while in the United Kingdom, in some cases it is a term of endearment.

Like most words, in my opinion anyway, it is not necessarily the word itself. A word is just a jumble letters put together in a pattern. What makes the word offensive or whatever is how it is used. How the tone of your voice is used. What the expression on your face is. Your body language.

"What does this have to do with anything?" I hear you ask.

This morning I went to the convenience store on the way to the place where I am writing this post. As usually I bought a couple of bottles of water and went to the register.

For some of you, who haven't been to Japan, let me explain the process at a Japanese convenience store. You take your things to the counter, the shop assistant says something that is loosely translated as "Welcome." They they ring up the products, tell you the price and put the products in a plastic bag. Sounds like most places in the world right? Except for the plastic bag bit. I know that some countries, for example, New Zealand, ban the use of single use plastic bags.

Anyway, the guy behind the counter just looked at me and said nothing. Zilch, not a sausage, bugger all as a social studies teacher of mine used to say.

Admittedly, the service in Japan can be rather robotic and annoying at times, but when you don't get it, it can seem a bit off-putting. For example, this morning I went to the register and the guy looked at me and said nothing. He then rang up the stuff and said nothing. I looked at the register and then looked at him and asked if he wasn't going to say the price. I said that in Japanese. He said the price in English.

All of this sounds to you, probably like a nothing incident but it pissed me off for a few minutes. Why does this guy look at me and decide that the normal service is above me because of the colour of my skin?

Now, let me just say that the guy was not a Japanese national but my point is why don't I get the same service?

Anyway, a few minutes after I thought about it and I thought that I was an almighty cunt. It was 9 o'clock in the morning. The guy may have been working all night. Also, he had been a little rude. It isn't the end of the world. What I should have done was just smile and walk out. No harm, no foul.

I've found that I have been doing this kind of thing a lot recently and it is not really good. My friend has a scientific name for it:

Passive Aggressive Prick

I think the message in this story is to just let it go. What is that saying? Is it going to matter in 5 years? I mean today's "happening" didn't matter 5 minutes later let alone 5 years later but here I am blogging about it.

I've been trying something the last couple of weeks, when I see something in particular it is like a trigger to remind myself to be happy, to just smile. I think some people think I might be a bit weird as I suddenly break into a big smile as I walk down the street but that is their problem not mine. I'm just trying to make myself feel good.

I'm not going to tell you what the trigger is but if you want to do the same, you create your now trigger. It might feel a little strange for a bit but once you get used to it, it is actually a good way to overcome things that might be stressing you out. Just smile and fill your head with uplifting images. That's all there is to it.

27 YEAR HERMIT: WHAT THE F**K!

Have a look at this article:

https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-48968502

This guy walked out of his house when he was 20 years old and basically lived alone for 27 years and in all that time he only spoke to one person who stumbled upon his camp one day and even then the only thing he said was "hi."

My friend and I were discussing this story and we were thinking about how many people clear their throats when they haven't spoken for a few hours. What happens when you haven't spoken for YEARS? My friend reckons you would be coughing up your lungs.

The 27 year hermit didn't really want to speak to the media but there is another woman in Scotland who lives a hermit lifestyle.

What she says is very interesting:

She says many people think being a hermit is selfish.

"If I say I want to sail a small boat all the way around the world and it will take me two years, everyone says, 'Oh how exciting!' If I say I want to go and sit in my house and not talk to anyone for two years, they say 'Have you got mental health issues?' or 'Why are you so selfish?'"

She makes a great point and to be honest, I can't come up with a reason why our society looks at these two things differently. Maybe because if you are in a sail boat for two years, you have no where else to go but if you decide to live by yourself then that is a choice and you can engage with other people.

Would you spend 27 years in solitude? I know I wouldn't. I like the contact of people from time to time and you should to. Remember an introvert lifestyle is not trying to avoid people every minute of the day. An introvert lifestyle is when you know that your energy has run out and you need to recharge. You know when to get out of that party without worrying what the extroverts will say or think of you. There is no need to avoid people altogether.


RELATED POSTS:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2017/01/are-you-hermit.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2016/10/the-okinawan-naked-hermit.html

WALK AWAY

Sometimes it is better to say nothing and walk away. It's a challenge but I'm sure we can do it.

STUDY BROADLY, LEARN A LANGUAGE, READ AND ATTRACT THE BEST PEOPLE

I saw this very interesting quote on Instagram the other day:

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz0t5iZAPec/

If you can't open it here it is:

"So here's my advice: Study broadly and without fear. Learn a language if you can, because that will make your life more interesting. Read a little bit every day. But more importantly, surround yourself with people who you like and make cool stuff with them. In the end, what you do isn't going to be nearly as interesting or important as who you do it with." - John Green

There are some good points here. Lets go through them.

Study broadly: Yes I agree with that. I think it makes you a rounded person. I think that people who only know one thing can be a little socially inept and the conversations around them are average at best and if you don't know about their speciality it can be a bit boring. Get out there, learn about things, learn about what is going on in the world, learn about stuff.


Learn a langauge: I have blogged about this in the past. Take a look at the following:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2016/07/finding-right-language.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2017/06/what-do-you-call-someone-who-can-only.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2017/07/learn-language.html

When you learn a language you world opens up a great deal. You learn a lot about yourself and you upbringing as well. I have learned stuff about English that I had never heard before.


Read a little bit every day: I have been trying to do this for a long time. Admittedly I don't do it every day but I will try to do some reading after I post this. Read a little bit every day relates back to the first one about studying broadly. You might read a lot about your speciality but reading every day helps you to talk about things that you might not have an idea about but with that one little bit of knowledge you might be able to engage someone in that topic.

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2016/10/does-small-talk-scare-you.html (Look at number 4 in this post)


Surround yourself with the best people: They say that you are the average of the five people you hang out with the most. Is this true? Probably. You want to create things with these kinds of people and because they are the best, you are going to create quality stuff.


Read that quote again and try to apply those things to your life. I'm sure your life will get better and better as you attract better and better people and things into your life. Good luck.

Cricket World Cup

It would be amiss of me not to comment on one of the best sporting contests that I have ever seen. Before I carry on, I'll let you be the judge:

You might not be a cricket fan but the excitement and happenings in the game may never be repeated. I won't explain what happened here but let me just say that a game like that will never be seen for such a long time.

To play for almost 8 hours and to have a tie not only in the first 100 overs but in the super over (penalty shoot-out) was amazing.

I'm a New Zealander so my opinion might be biased but as I see it New Zealand didn't actually lose the game. They came second in the competition but they didn't actually lose the final and they should take pride from that. At this moment, it doesn't actually mean anything because they are not World Cup Champions but I'm sure if they look back on it they will remember that fact and take pride in that they participated in such a wonderful game of cricket.

Amazing!

Congratulations England and Kia Kaha New Zealand.

"YOU CAN BE ANYBODY YOU WANT."

I'm not a big gambler. I do have the odd flutter from time to time. For example I put NZD$10 on the New Zealand cricket team to beat the Indian team in the semi-finals of the World Cup in 2019. That was a nice win.

Occasionally I punt on the horses or dogs. That is fun.

Admittedly I have no idea what is happening at a casino. I don't understand any of the games. About the only game I had any idea of what I was doing was at the Crown Casino in Melbourne, it was called The Big Wheel or something like that. Lets just say it was fun and no harm was done to anyone.

For some reason a couple of my favourite movies are ones about gambling.

Rounders is about professional poker players who travel around looking for poker games. I don't know why I enjoy it because I don't know anything about poker but I do.

The second movie which was released in 2008 is called 21. It is based on a gambling group from the Massachusetts (that is difficult to spell) Institute of Technology who basically cleaned out some casinos if that is possible.

I have watched 21 a couple of times and what I like about it is the following line from the movie:

"In Vegas you can be anybody you want."

I think this is good advice for the situational extrovert. Many people like to give the advice that you should be yourself, which is well meaning but pretty crap advice.

I recommend that on occasions you play a character. If it is a networking event for example, you might need to do that. If you are trying to attract a member of the opposite sex then I wouldn't advise it because it will come back and bite you in the arse in the long term when he or she realises that you are not who you are when you were at that soiree.

You can be anybody you want but remember it is only for a short time.

Good luck.

RESTARTING MY DAILY BLOG

I have decided to restart my daily blogging. This will be from July 14th, 2019. I know that I have said this before but I never had my mind 100% in it.

The whole idea for blogging for me is to create something on a daily basis and to use this to create more and more. While doing this I hope to create some value for you, the reader, with the hope that you will come back the next day and the next day and the next day.

I look forward to your support over the coming months.

Thank you.

                    START ME UP INDEED