I read a book the other day. You know, the one made of paper and if you get it from a library then you might smell a hint of mildew.
I'm sure many of you millennials are saying:
"Why did you do that? That's not very cool. Don't you have a smartphone? You know you can read anything on your phone."
Well, and this is going to shock you, I didn't miss it at all. In fact I didn't really need. It was purely, and I suspect this is for most people, your phone is just for entertainment while you are going from one errand to another.
Am I correct?
Hands up who gets many phone calls these days. Not many, right? It is all texting and Facebook and if you are in Asia, Line or if you are in America, WhatsApp.
In fact I was talking to an acquaintance the other day and he was telling me that he went to a dinner with his boss and some of his colleagues who are the same age and he said that he sat next to a nice young lady. (He is single by the way.) My question was, "Did you get her Line I.D.?" Note that I didn't ask if she had given him her phone number. Not at all, that kind of question is way too much last century.
Why don't you leave your phone at home on one day?
You will find that you observe a lot more around you and you may even meet someone different. Not bad deal, eh?
Below I have given you my take on the ten regrets:
1. Not taking action on meaningful goals
"Procrastination is the thief of time" the proverb goes. I'm sure most of us have goals or dreams or something similar. However, not many of us actually do anything about them because life gets in the way.
For some people, they have to pay the bills so they go to a 9 to 5. For some people, the latest episode of 'Game of Thrones' is much more important. (I'm probably alienating a whole bunch of readers with that statement.) For other people, they have children to look after.
For some people the fear of failure is stronger than the motivation to do anything about their goals.
For me, I'm procrastinating on writing a book.
Why?
Because I'm frightened of the people ripping my book a new one on the Amazon review section.
Isn't that ridiculous? I haven't even written one word and I'm worried about that already.
2. Letting others create your dreams for you
There is going to be undoubtedly pressure from your friends, family and society in general to conform to what they believe because it is inside their comfort zones. If you start letting their thoughts and feelings control your thoughts and feelings then you are going to have some trouble getting what you want to say and do across.
You need to start living in a way that fits with who you are not what other people think is best for you even though their intentions may well be good.
3. Spending too little time with the right people
You need to spend time with people who inspire you. You need to spend time with people who challenge you. You need to spend time with people who educate you. You need to spend time with people who entertain you in a productive way. (Does that make sense? You are learning but having a good time at the same time. You are not just talking about what he said and she said and what would happen if everyone did this or that.)
The other day I was having a couple of beers with my mate. He had just been to a business seminar and he asked me a couple of questions from that seminar. It was really interesting and got me thinking.
Not your typical drunken conversation, right?
They say that you are the average of the five people you hang out with the most. Make sure those five people really challenge you.
4. Staying in a toxic relationship for too long
You absolutely need to cut people out of your life who really drag you down. The people who really drain you of your energy and who use you. I'm sure most of you have had someone like that in your lifetime.
I have had that experience and it wasn't fun. Well it was, until I realised what actually was going on. It was not leaving me feeling very good about myself.
I was thinking about another friend who I haven't seen for a long time and when I think why, that particular friend was very negative about a lot of things and subconsciously I moved away. I haven't talked to this person for many years.
5. Settling for less than you're capable of
I think settling is the worst possible thing to do in any facet of your life.
You settle for a job that you are not really 100% into but it pays the bills and before long, you think, "Shit! Where is all the time going?"
You settle for someone who doesn't knock your socks off. Why did you marry him or her? Just because you are 33 years old and society thought that you better get married.
Why did you settle for your hobbies? Did peers, pressure you into doing those things OR not doing those things?
Do what you want mate. If it works for you do it. Who cares what other people think.
6. Letting impatience dominate your decisions and actions
There are some times when the words "Oh, fuck it! Lets do it" are an appropriate response. There are other times where that response is not so good. You have to decide when that time is.
Sometimes you have to think about it a lot. Go through the pros and cons. Other times you have to dive in.
7. Collecting more excuses than you can count
As you know, I do Crossfit. I can do some of the movements quite well, others I am useless at. That is Crossfit though, there is always some things that you are going to have to work on.
Rich Froning, the Michael Jordan of Crossfit found out at one Crossfit Games that his swimming wasn't very good. He went away and become quite proficient at swimming. If he had made excuses about swimming he wouldn't have got anywhere.
I make excuses in my mind about some of the movements in Crossfit which is not good at all.
"I can't snatch because it is too difficult to do."
"I can't do a burpee because my legs are too long."
"I can't do a pull up because I have never been strong in the upper body."
I can't, I can't, I can't. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever.
8. Wearing a mask to impress others
Take that mask off this minute. You want to present your real self. Of course, you might want to change a little bit depending on the situation
Being fake is not good for anyone, especially you.
You can see Phoebe Buffay faking it big time in this video. She was trying to fit in and went way overboard. Of course when she was herself it didn't go over too well either but at least she was authentic.
9. Worrying way to much about stuff that doesn't matter
What's that saying? If you had $86,400 in the bank and someone stole $10, would you vow revenge and destruction on the person who did? (To be honest I would be asking serious questions of the bank about how they managed to lose $10.)
Well, some idiot blocks your way for ten seconds, why do we spend the rest of the day planning that person's demise?
10. Avoiding change and growth
We can never stop learning. We can never stop educating ourselves. Education doesn't finish when you walk out of school for the last time. You are not even half-way through when you walk out of that school.
Continue to educate yourself. Continue to read. Continue to watch educational videos. At the very least, it keeps your mind going and stops you from getting those nasty things. (Well, that is what some people say anyway.)
Imagine if your GP didn't read any of the latest journal articles or attend seminars or anything like that. You would have every right to ask some questions.
A wise man said to me a few years ago that you should never regret anything because at the time you made that decision it was the best decision that you could have made at the time.
They say that there is a real fine line between confidence and arrogance or cockiness. They are probably right as for some people the particular person is confident while for some other people they might come across as being arrogant.
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" as they say.
I want you watch the following video and tell me what you think. Is it confidence or arrogance?
If you thought the same thing as me then you are probably thinking that this guy needs an almighty slap or a punch in the head which is what he got funnily enough.
Did he cross the line?
Of course he did and in fact he was so far passed it that he made himself look like a complete an utter idiot in the process
As you begin your journey, you are going to find that you are going to grow better and better and become more confident but don't forget to remain humble. You are not and never will be god's gift to everyone.
Nobody likes a cocky so and so. Remember that and you will go far.
I'm going to change the subject of the blog today.
It is a great day to be a Kiwi sporting fan today.
Why is that, I hear you ask?
Well, let Peter Montgomery, "The Voice of the America's Cup" tell you why.
"The America's Cup is now New Zealand's Cup. And for only the second time in 144 years, the most illustrious and elusive of prizes in sailing. International sport's oldest prize leaves the United States. This time to a different Down Under, NEW ZEALAND."
Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was in 1995 when Team New Zealand, lead by the late Sir Peter Blake and Sir Russell Coutts won the America's Cup off the coast of San Diego in California, United States of America.
Today it happened again. 14 years after losing the America's Cup to a Swiss entrant, Alinghi, Team New Zealand regained the America's Cup by beating Oracle Team USA by 7 races to 1.
Most New Zealanders are not yachting fans per se but when the America's Cup in on the line, we all become sailing experts and nationalism comes to the fore.
Why not? Kiwis love their sport and to win something as prestigious as the America's Cup deserves that the usually reserved Kiwis come out of their shells and really show their support.
Well, done Team New Zealand. Congratulations. We look forward to you defending the cup, probably in Auckland in a few years time.
If you make a decision to improve yourself, here is what you should do: Tell everyone that you know.
Do you know why you should do that?
Because then you will find out who is behind you and who wants you to fail. You can recognise the people who want you to fail by the following:
"You won't last."
"You've tried before and you failed big time."
"It's a waste of time. Go back to the couch and watch television."
"Why do you want to do that? Don't you have other better things to do?"
"You will f**k up. You always do."
You definitely find out who your friends are when you say that you want to get better.
At the end of the day the reason that they don't want you to succeed is absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. The more successful you become and the more noticeable you become, the more you are going to attract weaker people. Unfortunately it is a fact of life and you are going to have to deal with if you make the decision to improve yourself and become successful.
Malcolm Gladwell in his book The Tipping Point says that about 60% of the population have a herd mentality. Herd mentality is when you behaviour is influenced by your peers. The fact that you are even reading this blog post and even the fact that I am writing this is evidence that both you and I are trying to get away from that mentality.
If you are (and I use this word carefully) infected by the herd mentality, you will try to get other people to conform to what you think and what you think is "normal." What is "normal?" Who knows?
In our society, it can be hard to stand out but that is where the rewards are. What do you think would have happened to our world now if Steve Jobs and Bill Gates had listened to the haters? You know that there would have been many haters. There is absolutely no doubt about that.
Why do people not like you trying to improve yourself? Why do they hate?
It's simple. The people who are the haters are miserable. They are probably doing a job they hate. They are probably going home after doing that job and just watching television and going to bed and waking up, yes you guessed it, miserable. They are probably married to someone who doesn't knock their socks off. They are probably overweight and not doing anything about it.
Basically these people don't won't to be reminded that certain areas of their lives (probably all areas of their lives) are in the toilet. When they see you trying to make yourself better they are going to resent you because why? They are going to be left behind and it is easier for them to pull you back to their level rather than join you in trying to reach a higher level.
Everyone want to be successful but not everyone wants to do the work that will get them to that level of success. They are lazy.
The more successful you become the more you are going to have to deal with the haters and the unsupportive people out there.
What can you say to these people?
Well, be happy for the people around you. Don't be envious. Tell them that you are supporting them and they will be very happy to hear it.
Try it. Give them some support. You might like it and you might want to try to improve yourself. You never know unless you try.
If you improve yourself in one area of your life then that will spill over into other areas of your life and that is when the benefits come and you will certainly see and feel them.
Let me finish the blog post today by quoting life coach Corey Wayne. I think that he sums it all up very well in this quote:
“Everybody wants to be successful, but few people are willing to pay the price and put the time in that is required to become successful. The more successful you become, the more you will attract and draw the scorn of jealous, envious and unsuccessful people. People tend to attack in others either what they lack within themselves, or what other people are connected to on the inside that they are disconnected from within themselves. Unhappy people tend to envy, attack and ridicule happy people; unsuccessful people tend to envy, attack and ridicule successful people, etc. People also tend to project their unhappiness, fear, anger, self-hatred, self-loathing and internal inadequacy’s onto others to feel better about themselves. Successful people are self-reliant, self-motivated and outcome focused. Unsuccessful people blame others for their unhappiness or lack of success in an attempt to absolve themselves from any personal blame or responsibility for their failures, shortcomings and lack of success.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
Good luck as you and I embark on this journey for a more successful and fulfilling life.
"For what it's worth: It's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald.
When I look at a quote like that, I think of the following guy:
No, not the good looking guy in the centre of the photo wearing his Barkers top. I mean the guy on the left, Colonel Sanders.
Harland David Sanders founded Kentucky Fried Chicken at a late age in life. He had many jobs and formed many businesses before he made it big with KFC.
The lesson we can learn is that, as F. Scott Fitzgerald says in the above quote, it is never too late.
We have this idea in our society that you have to have thus by this age and this by this age and that by that age.
"The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't."
If you want to create something, start doing something.
If you want to start a new sport and you are 45 years old, then that is perfectly fine. Who says you have to be 15 to start it?
If you want to change your image, then do it. We have these really bad phrases in out language, "mutton dressed as lamb." Who cares? If you want to wear that then go ahead.
Although, in saying that I do agree with the phrase: "Dress for the body that you have not for the body that you want." However, there is no reason, why you can't work hard for that body that you want. If you do that you will find many benefits.
At the end of the day, just don't be an arrogant bastard which has nothing to do with today's post. I just wanted to show this photo.
Apparently, it is quite a well-known American beer. Sorry, it was the first time for me to see it.
Nobody likes a real arrogant bastard. A confident guy on the other hand is another story. Although there is a real fine line between being arrogant and being confident. Try not to cross it. You will find that if you do, you will open up a whole new can of worms.
When it is all said and done, it's not about how much money you have, (although to be fair, having a lot of it does make life easier because then you have more choices) no, it is about how many lives you have impacted.
Guess what. If you manage to impact a billion lives for example then I can promise you, you won't be starving.
I learned to go along with it, rather than embarrass everyone by saying, " oh, we have already met three times before." (By the way, never, ever, ever say as Lester Burnham said in the movie American Beauty, "It's OK. I wouldn't remember me either." Of course by that stage, Lester couldn't give a s**t but you and me definitely give one and we should take pride in who we are.)
Remember, if you wake up every morning (Saturday and Sundays included) and you have a purpose it is going to make that swinging your legs out of bed really, really easy. You can ask yourself:
"How many people am I going to impact today?"
You can also ask yourself:
"How much better today can I get than yesterday?"
Find your purpose.
Make that impact.
"Impact millions to make your millions" as MJ DeMarco says.
A few years ago I was out with a group and we were at a moderately priced izakaya. I had had a couple of beers and then I decided that I wanted something a little bit different, so I ordered a lime sour. One of the woman in the group mentioned that it was a bit girly to order a lime sour. I was shocked and stunned. How can ordering a lime sour be considered girly especially since I like to drink Mexican beer with lime in the bottle?
I was perplexed.
According to her, men should order beer (the darker the better) and strong 'man-like'drinks. WTF? What does that mean? Apparently if it is sweet, it is not very manly and men should avoid it.
We have some ridiculous "rules" in our society, don't we?
I must admit, I am partial to a good Moscow Mule. The best one I think I have ever had is below. I had this at the Bangalore Tea Room in Wellington, New Zealand. Is this a girly drink? I don't think so. Anything with a whole lime in it must be good in my book.
Today at my Crossfit class while we were doing our warmup, one of the exercises was to fold your arms across your body like you are hugging yourself.
This is something that even if you are not very athletic anyone can do, right? You might even do it without even knowing it a few times a day.
The coach called it hugging yourself and you need to show yourself some love because if you can't love yourself, who can you love?
That's a really good point. I think the fact that I went to the gym this morning proved that I loved myself.
Even if at the time it didn't feel like it (i.e. it felt like torture at some stages) I had made a decision to get out of bed and drag myself to the gym. If that isn't loving yourself, I don't know what is.
I remember when I was at school, we would get kind of bullied if we said we liked ourselves.
"You love yourself. You love yourself. Nanananananana."
Even then I thought it was a little stupid that they said things like that, you had to be cool and not argue the point as that would have got you in more trouble.
How do you love yourself? Do you hug yourself in the morning? (You could do that but I would suggest hugging your significant other)
It is about making the correct decisions. We make hundreds of decisions everyday and we need to make the correct ones.
This morning at 5am I had the decision, stay in bed or go to the gym. I decided that the gym would be my thing at that moment.
Do you have a salad or fish and chips at the pub watching rugby? Maybe salad is the right decision, or don't even go at all, go for run in the park might be the better decision.
Should I watch a movie or do a write another blog post?
Maybe at that moment, watching the movie might be more beneficial for my wellbeing.
Making the right decisions for you is loving yourself. The correct decisions that will benefit you in the future.
I'm writing this post in a coffee shop today. For those of you who know me well, you will realise that I don't actually drink coffee, so I ordered a cocoa latte. It sounds very posh, doesn't it?
I saw this picture the other day: (Please click the link)
It's interesting isn't it? If you just say "small coffee" you pay $5. If you say "please," it gets cheaper and then if you say "hello" or some kind of greeting it is about a third of the original price.
How do you think that would work?
I think it is a great idea.
I must admit when I bought the cocoa latte I have in front of me while I'm writing this post I just said "cocoa latte" which when I really think about it, is quite rude and I should have at least said "hello." I definitely would have said hello if I knew that it would have been cheaper.
This is what I am going to do from now on and I suggest you join me in doing it as well.
I will go into the shop or whatever, look them in the eye, say "hello" and make a comment (I reckon that is the most difficult one) and then order.
I think, that no matter where you are in the world unless the person behind the counter is a real sourpuss that you will occasionally get special attention. I'm not guaranteeing that you will get special attention every time but you shouldn't be saying hello just so you get that attention. You should be saying hello because you are a decent person and they are a decent person as well and that is what you do when you meet someone else.
Good luck. I know that for some of you, this task really freaks you out. I know it freaks me out. I'm sure that it will get easier and easier as you greet more and more people.
Learning a new language. How many of you can speak another language besides your mother tongue?
I can speak Japanese to a reasonable level and have a few (basic) sentences of Chinese.
My friend Dafydd, (sorry mate, I hope you don't mind me not using your real name) can speak, it seems, about a million languages. His mother tongue is English. He also speaks Portuguese, German, Japanese and I think he might speak French as well. I haven't seen Dafydd for many years but I think he might have some Russian in there as well.
Now, you are probably wondering what this has to do with anything. Dafydd is one of the biggest extroverts I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. When we were living in the same area he always seemed to be out very night socialising. Of course I thought that it was all a bit strange and I now know why I thought that.
I have always wondered why Dafydd can speak a whole bunch of different languages and I am still struggling with English.
My theory was and still is and I used to joke about this, is that Dafydd is a real talker. He loves talking and it seemed at the time that he needed five or six languages to say everything that he needed to say. Dafydd was just non-stop with his chatter, which for an introvert is quite nice believe it or not. It is easy to tune out occasionally and as long as you grunt a few times at the appropriate places then you will have no problem as someone like Dafydd will just talk.
You were never short of conversation topics.
My question is, does all of this talking and your extroverted nature make you better than other introverted people at speaking a foreign language?
My very unscientific guess is YES. If you aren't frightened to make mistakes and to look stupid then you will always find occasions to use your new language, Because of your outgoing personality, you will probably make friends with people who speak that language so you will always have opportunities to improve your skills.
I believe there is. I live in Japan and I consider this country an introverted country and as we have just learnt you need to be comfortable making mistakes to learn which Japanese are certainly not, generally.
"There is also a barrier from a culture of perfectionism in Japanese education, with a belief that there is a "right" way to do something.
Students do not want to make mistakes and they will not attempt something until they are sure they can get it right."
With this kind of attitude it can be difficult to express yourself and when you would rather say nothing then you are going to have some problem in language acquisition.
One country that admittedly I have never travelled to is Israel. From what I can tell from talking to people is that Israel seems to be a very extroverted country and most Israelis I have talked to have spoken English perfectly. They have all been friendly and outgoing and I wonder if this attributes to their English proficiency.
In saying all of this, probably the biggest extroverted country in the world is, yes you guessed it, the United States of America. I read something the other day that suggested that 75% of the population would fall on the extroverted side of the spectrum but foreign language study doesn't seem to be that popular there. What is that old joke?
" What do you call someone who speaks two languages?" "Bi-lingual." "What do you call someone who speaks three or more languages?" "Multi-lingual." "What do you call someone who speaks one language?" "American."
Sorry my American friends as this could equally apply to some people in Australia, Canada, United Kingdom, and New Zealand.
The point of today's post is that if you haven't already, pick a foreign language and see if you can speak a little bit of it. I assure you it opens up your world. You get to meet people you might never had the chance to and it provides you with experiences that you can dine out on for years to come.
For example, I went out with a Colombian woman a few years ago. She couldn't speak English well and my grasp of Spanish is limited to "hola, gracias and amigo." (Thank you Sesame Street.) However, we could both speak Japanese and that is how we communicated. It must have been amusing to the Japanese people around us in the cafe. Two white people speaking in Japanese. That is how the world is these days though.
Another example was when I was in Shanghai a few years ago. I was with a Chinese woman who couldn't speak English but was fluent in Japanese. That was how we communicated. The server at the restaurant complimented her on her Chinese when she said something in Chinese. He thought she was Japanese and couldn't figure it out why she was talking in Japanese to a white guy.
Anyway, I would never have had these experiences if I was monolingual.
There you go. Get out there. Learn a foreign language. It might change you life. You don't have to speak dozens like the guys in the video below but it is possible. Just see for yourself.
Another thing is with language is some of my favourite songs are sung in languages that are not Japanese or English. I find them catchy and even though I don't understand the lyrics I still like to listen to them.
I learnt a new word over the weekend. That word was catfish. Before you say that I should I know what a catfish and it is something like the picture below:
Apparently there is a new meaning for it. To catfish is a term used in the United States of America in which you lure someone into a relationship by using a fictional online persona.
Let me see if I can explain this video. It took me a while to figure it myself and that was after reading some articles about it online. Even now I'm trying to work out how to explain it to you, the reader.
They struck up a relationship online, so much that Paris jumped on a plane to go and visit Andersen in Colorado. When they met they hit it off and got on well. However there were some strange things going on. Paris thought that Chris's best friend was Tom Taylor but Chris had never heard of Tom. Paris thought it was a little weird but brushed it off.
At the time, Paris was 17 years old. Under Colorado law a sexual relationship was OK but they had sent nude photos to each other and because she was under 18 then technically Chris Andersen could be arrested for child pornography.
At the time, Chris Andersen's name was been drawn through the mud and people thought of him as a child molester and all sorts of other bad things.
Unfortunately, both Chris Andersen and Paris Dylan were the victims in an international catfishing scheme that was traced to a tiny town in the Canadian wilderness.
(Below is the video that I watched from ABC News. This might be able to explain the situation better than I can.)
The perpetrator turned out to be a 33 year old woman in a tiny town in the Canadian province of Manitoba, (the catfish).
Shelly Chartier orchestrated this whole scheme from her home in Easterville, Manitoba, Canada. She pretended to be Chris Andersen, she pretended to be Paris Dylan and she pretended to be Tom Taylor. Apparently she had orchestrated three other schemes in the years prior.
In the video, Chartier is shown as a shy 33 year old woman who lives in a tiny town and who looks after her bedridden mother. She says that at one stage she didn't leave the house for 11 years and the only form of entertainment was the internet. (You can read my post about the Japanese social phenomenon, hikkikomori here.)
When I was watching this video I was thinking more and more that it is very easy to immerse yourself in the online world and to basically get your kicks there rather than out in the real society. It is very easy to hide behind your computer screen and live your fantasies and what have you vicariously.
Chartier said that she was bullied at school, that she was very shy and in a strange sort of way the 12 months she spent in prison were definitely of benefit to her because she had to learn how to socialise. She had to learn how to interact with other people.
The victims Chris Andersen and Paris Dylan seemed to have got on with their lives wth Andersen winning a NBA championship with the Miami Heat and Dylan creating a successful social media presence. That's great that they were both able to bounce back and I hope that the whole story won't affect them later in life.
I also hope that Chartier has learned that you do need people around you sometimes. You don't have to be the life and soul of the party but from time to time you are going to need help and remember there is no harm in asking for help from time to time. It doesn't make you weak or for men any less of a man. (It is OK to ask for directions. You don't want to get lost, do you?)
In this story I can sympathise with all of the people. Dylan and Andersen were victims and they believer that Chartier should be extradited to America to face charges which could see her spend up to 24 years in jail. I can understand the former pair asking for that sentence as their lives were changed forever. In that sense Chartier should face some kind of punishment, however I hope that she has learned that there are people out there who care abut her and that not everyone is a bully and she doesn't have to hide herself away from the world forever.
Neither do you by the way. There are good people out there and they are willing to help you. When you learn that, your life can change for the better.
Have a look at the video below and tell me what you think.
Let me tell you what I think.
Why is the title to this video, '10 Celebs Who are LONERS?'
The word loner, to me is extremely negative. The word loner gives the impression that the person is a little bit dark. That the person wanders around in the shadows in a hoodie. Also the person is planing to do something quite drastic.
Do you agree with me or am I being too over dramatic?
Today it seems that it is wrong to want to spend time by yourself. It seems that if we are not surrounded by large numbers of people then we want to be online interacting there. There is nothing wrong with that but you do miss the opportunity to interact with people who are actually around you at that time.
Today, I would like to ask you and everyone else to stop using the word loner. Instead of using that word why don't you say nothing?
Or, if you have to say something, you can say "he (or she) is recharging by being alone."
Into the Wild is a movie that was made in 2007. It is a true story about Christopher McCandless. A young American man who turned his back on modern society to live off the land in the Alaskan bush.
McCandless was unprepared for life in Alaska, that five months after been dropped off he was found dead in an abandoned bus that he had made his home.
After about four months of solitude, McCandless was starving and attempted to make his way back to civilisation. Unfortunately, the river he had crossed early in the year had become uncrossable and McCandless basically starved to death.
McCandless looked for happiness in solitude. He looked for happiness in the idea that if you can't be happy with your own company who can you be happy with but in the end he realised that to be happy you need to share it with others. You need to share it with family, friends and loved ones.
In this blog post I talked about the Tom Hanks character in the movie Cast Away and he he almost drove himself crazy trying to get off the island that was effectively his prison. We are social beings at the end of the day and even though solitude is good for us on occasions we do need the company of other people to experience life with.
McCandless realised this after a few months but by that time it was too late and he was trapped by nature in the guise of a river and he had to succumb to the power of the wild.
By all means spend Saturday night at home doing whatever you want to do. Go for a walk around the park by yourself to clear you head. Spend some time alone in a cafe reading a novel or planning your week or your next move. However, realise that you can't do it all by yourself. You need friends, you need family. You need (even if you can't stand them) the attention of your colleagues.
This is what makes us human beings and thousands of years of evolution can't be wrong. Get out. Get out and about and meet people. Talk to them, Find out what makes them click. Retreat when you need to but don't hide yourself completely in your "bus." Not so good things might happen and that isn't good for your friends, for your family and most importantly, YOU!
This song says it all. Listen to the lyrics carefully and remember that it is consistency that will win the race not intensity. If you can maintain that consistency, you will win the race. It is a marathon, not a sprint.
"It's a long, long road to carry on. I've got to stand up and be counted on.
It's a long, long road and I've got to be strong."
Today is a message to guys, especially guys who might identify more with being a little introverted and to those guys who find it, lets say difficult, to drag themselves to a night club.
You have probably heard this before but the night club is the worst place for single men who identify themselves as introverts to meet members of the opposite sex.
Think about it. You might enjoy music like this:
Or like this:
I know I do but when it is playing at a million decibels and then there are hundreds of sweaty people all dressed to the nines and if it is in Japan it will be smoky and it is not the best environment to show off your intelligence and wit and your ability at in depth conversation.
I find I can't hear very well in that scene. I'm sure it isn't very attractive when the tall, grey haired gentleman with the beard asks her to repeat herself four times.
Anyway guys, you will find that most women have the guard up and it is very tight in these situations and unless you represent exactly what she is looking for, you are not going to have much success. Believe me when I say this.
I hear you crying at me, Blair, what are the other options? If I can't meet my future partner at a night club, where can I?
There are plenty of places that you can which are more ideally suited to an introvert.
You could go to events. Sure it is not really an introvert place, but at least the music is going to be quieter and you might have a better chance to talk one on one without shouting where your real personality can shine out.
Work. Although, what is that saying? Don't s**t where you sleep.
Gym. I tend to agree with the above s**t comment in this place as well.
Here are some places that may be difficult but if you have the cajones then all power to you:
Public transport
Cafe
On the street
Restaurant
Some might not be receptive.
I know that it is easier said than done, if that is the case, just laugh it off, wish them a nice day and be on your way.
Don't get angry. Don't be an arsehole. Walk away with your dignity intact.
You tried to make someone's day just that little bit better and they didn't want to hear about it. It's their loss, isn't it?
Now, if you are successful and you might well be, who knows unless you get out there.
" She didn't fall in love with you because you remembered her birthday and bought he flowers on Valentine's day. She fell in love with you, because when you woke up in the morning, you said, 'Good morning' to her before you checked your phone. She fell in love with you, because she you went to the fridge to get yourself a drink, you got her one without even asking. She fell in love with you, because when you had an amazing day at work and she came home and she had a terrible day at work, you didn't say, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah. But let me tell you about my day.' You sat and listened to her awful day and didn't say a thing about your amazing day.
This is why she fell in love with you. I can't tell you exactly what day. It was no particular thing you did. It was the accumulation of all of those things that she woke up one day as if she pressed a button, she goes, 'I love him.' The same with the relationship. It's not about the events. It's not about intensity. It's about consistency."
There you go. There it is. That is the secret. It is all about consistency in what every you do. You need to be consistent in your exercise. You need to be consistent in your eating regime. You need to be consistent in your work. It is all related.
These little things will add up and then before long (and you won't even realise it) you will be getting the results that you want.
Good luck.
Lets go on this journey together.
By the way, one last question, is it nightclub or night club?
Please don't answer, "haven't you heard of Google?"
Someone mentioned me on Twitter the other day. Thank you very much for that. I really appreciate it.
What was interesting was he wrote "Daily Rebel" on the tweet. I wondered if that was typo or on purpose.
Anyway, it got me thinking, and I came up with the following question:
Are introverts rebels? I'll repeat that, Are introverts rebels?
That's an interesting question, isn't it?
My dictionary on the computer I am writing this post on defines rebel as:
A person who rises in opposition or armed resistance against an established government or ruler.
No, I don't think that defines what introverts are.
I don't think this picture defines an introvert although the guy might actually be an introvert himself.
My dictionary also said:
A person who resists authority, control or convention.
OK. Now we are getting somewhere.
Lets ask the question again, Are introverts rebels?
Do they resist authority? No, they don't. I assure you, rebels don't resist authority, they are too scared to.
Do they resist control? No, I don't think so.
OK, we getting close to the end.
Do they resist convention? I think introverts do. However to answer that question more fully we should define convention. The good old dictionary on my computer says in this case:
A way in which something is usually done, especially within a particular area or activity.
That's a good way to look at it. Here is another way to define it.
Behaviour that is considered acceptable or polite to most members of society.
Are introverts rebels?
Yes and no is the answer.
There you go. Clear as mud?
What is considered acceptable behaviour in today's society?
Socialising is considered acceptable behaviour. When you don't want to socialise that is considered anti-social and that is not good in today's day in age.
"How dare you be anti-social?"
"How dare you want to stay home on a Friday night and watch a movie and eat pizza?"
These days things are usually done in teams. You hear that in a particular company they have such and such a team and they are working on this particular project. It seems to be de rigueur these days. I'm willing to bet that most bosses wouldn't be able to recognise that between 30 and 40% of their work force would be better suited working alone but then this is an extroverted world so that would be almost career suicide if they let people work by themselves, it would be rebellious though.
If we define a rebel as someone who goes against convention then introverts are very much rebels.
One of my favourite rebels, Luke Skywalker was often seen alone with a little white droid. He did his best work alone, only returning to the group near the end. I wonder if this is proof.
If you energise by being alone or with someone close to you, you are going to run into people who won't or can't accept that. You need to stick to your guns (not literally) and rebel against convention. It won't be easy at the beginning, but you will be very glad that you did at the end of it all.
After that, I walked home, had a shower and then went to the library and wrote my post for that day and did some reading.
On Sunday, I relaxed at home in the morning, then I went to the library and wrote the post and did some more reading.
Does that sound exciting? To about 60% of you it probably sounds downright boring, right?
"You mean, you didn't go out and get hammered?"
"Why didn't you go outside? It was beautiful weather and not so hot."
"That sounds boring bro, you should have gone skydiving."
"You worked? That's what Monday to Friday is for. What a loser."
Remember, ladies and gentlemen that it is your weekend and you do what is best for you not what society expects you to do. If you recharge by sitting in front of a TV for 48 hours, then so be it. If you recharge by running up and down mountains then so be it. If you recharge by sitting in a library and creating something then so be it. If you recharge by going to a school to get ahead in your career then so be it.
I've always thought that you can judge a person by their reaction to your answer to the weekend question. If you answer isn't exciting and "cool" then they don't want to hear it.
It's your weekend. Use as you wish. Who cares what the other people think?
Finally let me respond to those four statements above:
"You mean, you didn't go out and get hammered?" - No. I drink occasionally. It isn't the be all and end all for me and if it is all you do, you have a big problem. A huge problem. You need help, mate.
"Why didn't you go outside? It was beautiful weather and not so hot." - I had other things to do that required me to be inside. I suppose I could have done my reading in the park but I need a desk and computer for what I want to do, something that the park doesn't offer.
"That sounds boring bro, you should have gone skydiving." - Next suggestion. What you find exciting bro, and what I find exciting are completely different.
"You worked? That's what Monday to Friday is for. What a loser." - Maybe. But, how can I be a loser for creating something in my spare time? Why cant't I do that? Is there some rule that I have to do something exciting and cool. By the way, what you find cool and what I find cool are like the exciting thing, completely different.
Have a great week everyone. I hope you smash your goals and get closer to where you want to be. I know where I want to be and who I want to be with and it is that clarity that is driving me to where I'm going.
Care to join me?
Send me a message. I look forward to hearing from you.
1. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.
I remember been told in primary (elementary) school that tomato was fruit and at that time I and the rest of the class couldn't believe it. How could tomato sauce, that we put on our mince and cheese pies and fish and chips be a fruit? That was inconceivable.
Basically this one is saying that it is all very well having the knowledge but if you don't do anything with it then it is useless.
I know that I have a great general knowledge but what is that good for? Winning the pub quiz?
2. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Sometimes people are just too early. They are so far ahead of where 99.9% of the population is that they are ridiculed and their ideas are dismissed because we just can't comprehend all of it.
So, they might come up with a great idea but they get no benefit from it and the next person cleans up.
3. Politicians and diapers (nappies) have one thing in common. They should be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Do I really need to explain this one? 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
I like this one. It is basically telling you in a roundabout way that you and your argument are useless. 5. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
That's an interesting one, isn't it? We copy word for word someone's ideas and we will basically get fired or arrested or something.
We copy a big group of people and their ideas and we are doing our jobs. What is the difference? I don't get it. 6. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
One of my favourite sayings from the best time of the year, Christmas. What is that saying? "Bad is good."?
7. God must love stupid people. He made SO many of them.
I like this one for a number of reasons. First of all it reminds me of this blog post. In the post I talked about how introverts will say that they don't like people but in fact the truth is that they don't like the actions of those people.
This is the same. We don't hate stupid people we just hate the stupid things that they do. Although when we think about it the world would be a boring place if there wasn't people who do stupid things. Here is an example.
This one also got me thinking about God and atheism. In the following video, British comedian, Stephen Fry talks about his thoughts on atheism. He gives a great answer about his religious or non-religious beliefs.
So, why did he (or her) create stupid people? Interesting question, right? 8. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
No comment. 9. I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I hope I never have that experience unlike Mick Fanning in South Africa a couple of years ago.
I must admit that every time that I'm at the beach and I feel something that doesn't feel exactly like sand, I freak out a bit as I'm sure a lot of you do.
"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why."- Mark Twain
It's amazing that after a long time everything seems to come into focus. We walk around for years in this daze. We are just trying to survive. We are just trying to do our best and then like Daniel Larusso, we find out what it is all about and our life changes in a blink of an eye.
For those of you who don't know the 1980's hit movie, The Karate Kid, Daniel is taken under the wing of Japanese (Okinawa) immigrant, Kensuke Miyagi. "Mr. Miyagi" teaches Daniel karate, but more than that he teaches him about life.
They become more than teacher/student. They become friends who would do anything for each other.
In the video above Daniel is frustrated with Mr. Miyagi in which he has been treated to four days of slave labour. Daniel thought he was going to be taught karate but instead he is forced to wash and wax a whole bunch of cars. Then the next day he was told to sand the decking at Mr. Miyagi's house. The following day he turns up to paint the fence surrounding the house. On the fourth day, Mr. Miyagi has gone fishing and Daniel sees a message to paint the house.
Daniel confronts Mr. Miyagi about the four days of "chores." He quickly realises that everything is not as it seems as the chores correspond with karate defence moves and everything clicks.
So, the two most important days for Daniel is when he meets Mr. Miyagi for the first time and the second important day is when he finds out what all the work was for.
It reminds me of a client recently who showed me a whole bunch of prints and to me it was just a bunch of weird colours on a piece of paper, then he showed me, using a magnifying glass how all the colours are made and everything in my mind went click.
Remember that you might still be walking around in that daze but like Daniel Larusso, one day you will realise why you are where you are and why you were put on this earth and when that day comes it will seem like the best thing ever in your life. It will be like a big weight lifted off your shoulders and you will really know where you are going.
Don't despair if that day hasn't arrived yet. I assure you, it will. By the way, some people might get it when they are 18. Some people when they are 24. Some people when they are 54. In the mean time, keep working, keep hustling and like Daniel Larusso, you will win the prize at the end of it and "find the balance."
I find Instagram fascinating. There are a lot of interesting contributors on it and you occasionally get to see the private lives of famous people.
I especially like Dwayne Johnson's posts. He seems such a nice, down to earth, humble guy. The fact that he lived in New Zealand for a short time also makes him look good in my eyes.
You can read more about Dwayne Johnson in a couple of posts I wrote about him:
Anyway, back to Instagram, as I said there is a lot of interesting stuff on the app. I find some of the motivational posts interesting as well as some of the scenery photos.
What I have also noticed are the copious amounts of young women showing off their bodies in bikinis. As a man, I will be honest, it was quite "interesting" at first but it gets all a bit ho-hum after a while.
All of this got me thinking though.
I went on a few dates last year with a couple of women who do modelling. They were both very intelligent (which breaks the stereotype of what you would expect) and very well travelled and it was interesting listening to them.
They both have Instagram accounts and they both post regularly. (I quietly smirk though as I have more followers than one of them.)
Both women were very sociable, very chatty and tended to go out a lot. Extroverted, didn't even begin to describe one of the women.
We had interesting conversations but the one on one I could tell got quite challenging for them as they were used to a more stimulating environment.
Here is the question:
Do you have to have an outgoing and extroverted personality to wear a bikini and pose in front of a camera?
Or as a male,
Does this guy have to be a party animal to do this job?
We know that a lot of people post on social media to boost their ego. They get energised by the likes and comments and I won't lie again, if I post something on social media, it does feel good and it is nice to be recognised.
What I think however is that no, you don't have to be super-extroverted to be a social media animal. In fact people who I would classify as introverted probably find it easier to get their message across on the social media platforms because you are just sitting at your computer or looking at a camera. You are not being over-stimulated by a large group. You can just be yourself and that will come across on whatever platform you use.
If you consider yourself as an introvert, you can still be "social" by using the different platforms. Just because you are introverted doesn't mean that you have to hide yourself at home and do nothing. You can still interact with the world and who knows, you might win a fan or two.
For people who are interested, you can see my social media accounts at the following:
One of the things that I learn from Crossfit is that you have to listen to your body.
I got up early this morning to go to the gym. I felt ok but when we started I knew that I wasn't able to give it 100% and I was only able to a small fraction of what I wanted to.
In this case you need to listen to your body and no one else.
In a group lesson like Crossfit it can be quite difficult to leave the class but I learned early on in my Crossfit journey that you should leave your ego at the door. You are going to see people half your size lift twice as much as you do and that is ok. At the end of the day, you are there for yourself, no one else.
Listen to your body and it will look after you if you look after it.
"The hardest walk is walking alone. But it also makes you the strongest."
Sometimes in life you have to do what you have to do. There are times when you have to leave the herd and go out alone. You might not want to be around people that particular day and that is ok.
As a species, we, human beings are a sociable lot. We had to be for survival. In ancient times, if the person was banished from the group then they were basically going to be found dead or be eaten or both.
Today we don't have that worry unless we go to the wrong part of town.
However, as I said, we are social by nature and it is always good to be with a group or someone else.
If you can survive by yourself then you are going to be able to look after other people as well and this is where leaders are made. Leaders have to be able to make decisions, sometimes those difficult decisions that are not going to be popular with all and sundry and if they are strong walking alone then they will be even stronger in the group.
Introverts don't hate people. (well maybe some do)
No, not at all. Introverts love people.
Introverts love being in small gatherings. I say maximum of four.
Introverts love talking about deep topics. Topics of interest rather than just inane bantering that introverts can participate in but they would rather not.
Introverts are not arseholes and identifying as an introvert does not mean that people should act as an arsehole. Although in saying that, and I am talking to you extroverted people, if your friend doesn't want to party with you, don't force them, it will only create resentment and passive aggressive behaviour which is not good for anyone.
A good friend of mine always says:
"I hate people."
What he means by that is that he hates the stupid things that people do.
Lets think of some examples:
I hate it when people will walk up to a ticket gate or a security gate and then fish around in their bag looking for their ticket or pass card while holding up people behind them. I say. look around.
I hate it when people will flagrantly break the rules and then get angry when someone else breaks a rule.
I hate it when people just walk out in front of you and precede to walk really slowly or block your way. (I hope they don't drive like that.)
There you go, introverts don't hate people, they just hate their actions. Big difference.
"The funny thing about introverts is once they feel comfortable with you, they can be the funniest, most enjoyable people to be around. It's like a secret they feel comfortable sharing with you. Except the secret is their personality."
I can count many times that I have heard people say:
"You are quite funny."
"He is hilarious."
"He's a bit of a hard case." (New Zealand slang for funny person.)
"You are quite amusing when you come out of your shell."
I'm sure many people who identify themselves as an introvert have heard this before. It is entirely true. When we start feeling comfortable around certain people our true personality will come out. Sometimes it will take five minutes, some other times it might take years to feel truly comfortable.
If someone who is usually quiet around you suddenly seems to come out of his or her shell, take it as a huge compliment. They like you. They want to share things with you and encourage them to talk more.
Whatever you do, don't try to shut them up because you don't feel comfortable that they are talking more. You will just force them to go deeper and deeper into their shell than they were in before and then it will be back to the proverbial blood out of a stone and that situation is not good for anyone.
Takarazuka is an unassuming city in the Kansai district of Japan, close to Osaka. It has a population of about 220,000 people. It is one of those cities that is a nice place to live in and many people call it home. It does have one thing that sets apart from other nondescript cities in Japan. That is the Takarazuka Revue.
The Takarazuka Revue is an all-female musical theatre troupe. It was created in 1914 and it is still very successful, 103 years later.
The troupe is divided into five smaller troupes, Flower, Star, Moon, Snow and Cosmos. Each troupe is unique and each has their own fanatical fans who follow them all over the country as they perform in certain cities.
This picture is of a packet of Japanese sweets which were made for a Takarazuka performance in Fukuoka. This is from the Moon troupe.
Most of the people who watch Takarazuka performances are women. It is said that the audience is more than 90% women and as I said, the word fanatical doesn't even begin to describe it.
British football fans might follow their club teams all over Europe and the world but their passion and commitment pales in comparison to some of the fan clubs for the Takarazuka Revue.
I was talking to a fan the other day and she said that she would get up early on her day off to catch the first train to stand outside of the theatre for a few hours so you she could get a glimpse of her favourite star or stars.... even in the winter. Now that is commitment.
Because the Takarazuka Revue is an all-female troupe the performers are also divided into performers who take the female roles and performers who take the male roles. The performers who take the male roles are the most popular and this got me thinking and as it turned out it seems to be a popular topic amongst the academic world as well about why the male role performers are the most popular?
An interesting question right?
From what I can see there are probably a few reasons:
1. I'm not going to sugarcoat this, there are lesbian themes in Takarazuka performances and the women may be attracted to that.
2. They like the fact that the woman is playing the male role and that the character is showing an attitude that they want to emulate.
3. They see the male role as someone who would make a good boyfriend or husband. Maybe they are not attached or they are not getting the kind of attention they want from their partner so they seek it at the theatre.
4. You didn't think I was going to finish a blog post without mentioning introversion, did you? It could be that the woman are just shy. They are comfortable around their close friends but when they get around males they find it difficult to relate to them so they get that 'male friendship' from their favourite performers.
Whatever the reason for the love of the male role performers, what we do know is that the passionate fanaticism of the fans is one of the reasons that make Takarazuka so fascinating for people in Japan and abroad.
It just goes to show that if you have a passion in life, I'm sure that you can find through that passion whatever it is you are looking for and who knows, some of those shy women may eventually get what they want and that is fantastic in my book.
