#SANDPAPERGATE

In the last week or so, one of the biggest news stories, no, the biggest news story coming out of Australia was the #Sandpapergate scandal involving the Australian cricket team.

For non-cricket fans, you are probably not going to have heard of this so let me give you my best summary of what happened.

In cricket, you are allowed to shine the ball to allow it to move in the air when it is bowled (pitched) to the batsman. When the ball gets older it then can reverse swing (please don't ask). Have a look at the video below which will give you a better idea of what it is.

In this saga, there were three protagonists. They were Steve Smith, the Australian captain, David Warner, the Australian vice-captain and Cameron Bancroft, a new guy in the team that from memory was playing his 8th test match.

Basically, the three people just mentioned, cooked up a plan to get an advantage over the opposition by altering the state of the ball. It is called ball tampering and it is illegal and considered cheating in the world of cricket.

From what I can understand from this story, Warner asked Bancroft to use sandpaper on the ball, this with the permission of Smith the captain. Teams have been doing this for years but through extenuating circumstances this whole thing was made into something that was a lot bigger than what it would normally be.

Basically, the Australians would be considered the bully boys of international cricket. They play the game hard and they always want to win. (So far, so good, right?) However, like most bullies, they like to dish it out but some in particular don't like it when it is given back to them. They tell the opposition that they have crossed the line even though, to paraphrase Joey Tribbiani from Friends, "You are so past the line. The line is a dot to you."

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So what happened in the dressing room of the Australian team on that day?

I'm just imagining here and what I have read online and in newspapers. David Warner came up with the idea to tamper with the ball. Because he is one of the top players and vice-captain, he recruited his  new team mate Cameron Bancroft to do the deed? Why? Because he is a new member of the team and not so well known, they thought that he wouldn't attract much attention.

My question here is was Cameron Bancroft bullied into basically cheating by his superiors in the team?

I would say probably not. Because Bancroft is just a new player and looking to make his mark in the team and in international cricket and when a senior player comes up to him of course he is going to say yes. I know I would. I would probably think that it is wrong and I'm sure Bancroft probably thought the same thing but he went ahead with it so that he could be seen to be doing the right thing for the team. I can understand that completely.

What can we learn from this?

Well, both Cameron Bancroft and I should be able to say "no" when we are faced with a situation that we are not comfortable with. I know that I have said "yes" in the past when I really wanted to say "no." Many people say "yes" just to fit in and to not seem like a nuisance. If we learn how to say "no" then our life can become easier and we can live according to our morals and also personality.

As an introvert, I know the times I can go to parties and the times when I can not. I can say "no" these days when in the past I couldn't and maybe Cameron Bancroft will learn this as he grows as a cricketer and a person.

I hope that he comes back to test cricket a better player and a better person. He is very talented (he wouldn't be in the team if he wasn't) and if he can come back half as well as Mohammad Amir then he will be doing very well.

Learn to say no. I'm learning too.

SOME QUOTES FOR THE INTROVERTED MIND

If you are anything like me, you will do a lot of reading about famous people, about how to improve yourself and how to create your best self.

In some of those books you do come across some interesting quotes from time to time. Let me share some with you.


"Quiet people have the loudest minds." - Stephen Hawking

The first one is from the late Stephen Hawking. Do you know what, he is 100% completely correct. I know from my own experience that my mind is forever on thinking about things. Thinking about different scenarios. Recently, I have been doing a lot of visualising. It is working believe me. I would suggest it for anyone out there.

"Don't think of introversion as something that needs to be cured... Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to." - Susan Cain

Yes, once again, I completely agree with this also. Susan Cain is as I would describe her, the patron saint of introverts. I agree that you shouldn't cure it. You are who you are after all. However what I disagree with is that sometimes you have to come out of your shell and be the party person on occasions.


"An introvert may feel asocial when pressured to go to a party that doesn't interest her. But for her, the event does not promise meaningful interaction. In fact, she knows that the party will leave her feeling more alone and alienated." - Laurie Helgoe

Introverts out there, I'm sure you have all been pressurised into going to a party that you didn't really want to go to and a five hour party seemed like five years. I know I have been pressurised on a number of occasions. I know it is hard to say no to friends but if they are true friends they won't worry about it and they will respect your request for a 'quiet night in' which for your extroverted friends is the equivalent of hell.

Why do I have to drink coffee?

Coffee! It seems to be the holy water of western society. If you don't drink coffee, you are not part of the in-crowd. If you don't drink coffee there must be something wrong with you.

You have probably recognised already that I don't drink coffee and in fact I don't like it. We have some pretty weird food preferences in our society and did you know the most expensive coffee in the world comes from the droppings of some South East Asian cat creature? All I can say with that is WTF? I can imagine all the people who think that they are sophisticated (whatever that means) and think they are the bees knees falling over themselves to get to that cup of coffee just so that they can be seen and have their photo taken so that they can put it on Instagram. Look at it me, I'm drinking cat shit coffee.

Apparently the cats nowadays because the coffee has become trendy (see my above comment) farmers are battery farming the cats. Oh well, what you don't know won't hurt you I suppose as long as I am seen to be trendy. That's all that matters.

My point today is that why do I have to drink coffee to be considered sociable? What is it about coffee that it is suddenly become this thing that you have to have to show to other people that you are cool. I don't get.

Just drink what you like. Who cares? If you like drinking that cheap beer, drink it. Who cares? The beer snobs can have those expensive craft beers all to themselves.

What can we learn from the 'Voice of Cricket'?

As some of you will know I grew up playing cricket in my school days and for a few years after. Believe it or not, cricket is one of the most popular sports in the world. I've heard that it could be number two in the world after football (soccer). (Thank you India.)

Because cricket goes on for as long as 5 days, the whole television coverage has to be on point and some of the commentators can become as famous as some of the players.

One of the famous commentators was Richie Benuad. Benaud was a player in the 1950's and 1960's and become a commentator after that. He basically followed the sun by working in England and Australia and few would argue that he was the voice of cricket.

Richie Benaud had a small list of rules for his cricket commentary that could easily be transferred to any part of life.

1. Never ask for a statement

2. Remember the value of a pause. Think before you blurt out anything.

3. There are no two teams in the world called 'we' or 'they'.

4. Avoid cliches and banalities such as 'he's hit that to the boundary', 'he won't want to get out now', 'of course, as you can see on the screen'. 

5. The Titanic was a tragedy, the Ethiopian drought a disaster, and neither bears any relation to a dropped catch. So true. You have to put everything into perspective.

6. Put your brain into gear before opening your mouth. Think before you speak. This is related to number 2.

7. Concentrate fiercely at all times. I believe that this is all about focus. You have to be focused on what you are working on. I lost focus recently and it cost me a lot.

8. Above all, don't take yourself too seriously and have fun. I think that this one is the most important. If life can't be fun.

Rest In Peace Richie Benaud.

P.S. I'm sure that Richie would have been disgusted by what happened in Cape Town over the weekend. Not a good look for Australian cricket.

IS IT OUR FAULT?

In 2018, is it always the guy's fault?

That's an interesting question. In relationships, is it always the guy's fault that they broke up.

Part of me thinks yes and and part of me thinks no.

Well Blair, which one is it?

Since I am a guy, I would suggest that, yes the guy has to take the responsibility ..... unfortunately.

I hear some of you screaming out there what if the woman cheats on the guy? Well, maybe the guy wasn't looking after the woman well enough.

It's a complicated one, isn't it? There is so many variables involved, emotions, feelings, money, children, possessions. I am probably just scratching the surface when I make that list.

I read or heard somewhere recently that 75% of the time it is the woman that instigates the breakup. If this is true then maybe, yes it is always the guy's fault.

I suppose in today's society we have so many options. We have Tinder and Bumble and Hinge and one that sounds very interesting, Happn. Also you have the old classics like Match.com or OK Cupid.  All of these options make it seem like there is a real smorgasbord out there of dating options and it would mean that people are deciding for whatever reason that there must be something better and they will drop who they are with. I think these kind of people are setting themselves up for disaster but that is their prerogative.

The only advice I could give you guys out there is be the best version of yourself because no one else will. If that isn't good enough, that isn't your problem.

Hikikomori - Is it the individual's problem?

 https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2018/03/21/national/social-issues/japans-older-hikikomori-live-isolation-shunning-society-years/#.WrRj8maB3aY

The above is a very interesting article that I read in The Japan Times this week. It reminded me of a blog post that I wrote about 18 months ago.

In this post I talked about the hikikomori phenomenon in Japan. (Please click on the link to read the article.)

I'm sorry, my mind hasn't changed about what the problem is and it isn't the individual who has decided that they are going to spend their days locked away in their room. The problem is society and I'm not going to blame the individual at all.

We need to teach ourselves that it is OK to think differently to other people. We need to teach ourselves that it is OK to think outside of the box. We need to teach ourselves that those kind of people have minds that could quite well solve all of society's problems. Want a cure for cancer? It might well be in that mind that has locked themselves in the room because you decided that he should CONFORM?

What does conform mean anyway?

The dictionary on my computer says that Conform means to behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards. Who decides what is socially acceptable? Who makes these rules and why can't we break them? Is it because it makes you feel uncomfortable? Does it make you feel inadequate? Stop beating the creativity out of people just because you can't understand it. Who gives you the right to do something like that?

Sure, hikikomori is a problem but how much is it costing the country? Probably a lot. A lot of moolah.

If you meet someone with far out ideas, embrace it. Ask questions. Query them. Praise them. Whatever you do, don't dismiss them because you could be dismissing them from society which is not great for anyone.

AGE IS BUT A NUMBER

I saw the following quote on Instagram recently:

If you're 17 with a huge YouTube channel, awesome.

If you're 25 and you're a new mom, fantastic.

If you're 36 and changing careers, great.

If you're 45 and starting a biz, super.

There is no age limit to being successful AND there is no single definition of success.

This quote is by Melanie Chisnall. You can see her Twitter handle below:

https://twitter.com/ImagineYouZA

It sums it up doesn't it? Some people have like a shopping list of things that they want to have done.

• Degree by 21
• Married by 25
• First child by 28
• Managerial position by 30
• First house by 33
• Holiday home by 45
• Boss of the company by 53
• Retire at 65

I don't know about you but that looks absolutely boring and it might work for some people but are they happy? I mean really happy. 

They slowly tick off these things one by one but we all mature and come into our own at different times. I would have loved to have started a multi-million dollar business at the age of 21 but I didn't even know what business was then and my biggest decision was to decide what flavour popcorn to buy at the movie theatre on a Saturday night. 

Age is but a number. Please remember that. 

A FEW QUOTES TO PONDER OVER

Here are a few quotes from author Jeff Brown:

"Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double edged sword - it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life's pains. Good thing we aren't penalised for handing in our purpose late. The soul doesn't know a thing about deadlines." - Jeff Brown.

This really strikes a chord with me. I'm 44 years old and I believe that I have just found what I am supposed to do and I am susceptible to life's pains. I take it a lot harder than most other people.


“Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright light on their dark places and they are not ready to work them through. Sometimes they run away because they are not developmentally prepared to merge with another- they have more individuation work to do first. Sometimes they take off because love is not a priority in their lives- they have another path and purpose to walk first. Sometimes they end it because they prefer a relationship that is more practical than conscious, one that does not threaten the ways that they organize reality. Because so many of us carry shame, we have a tendency to personalize love's leavings, triggered by the rejection and feelings of abandonment. But this is not always true. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes the one who leaves is just not ready to hold it safe. Sometimes they know something we don't- they know their limits at that moment in time. Real love is no easy path- readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalizing it. May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover.” - Jeff Brown

I'm not sure what I can add to this quote. I'm sure that a lot of you have had one or many of these situations in your life and so you can relate. I know I can.

CONFIDENCE v ARROGANCE

There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Lets have a look at the dictionary definition first.

Confidence: a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

Arrogance: having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.

Confidence is a good thing. It means that you stand up for your beliefs and you 'comfortable in your own skin.' You don't need any validation from anyone and you are comfortable being you.

Arrogance is not so good. It means you are insecure and because you feel insecure you need to feel superior to other people so you put up these walls which makes other people feel uncomfrtbale around you

So which side of the fence are you on?

Are you a confident person or an arrogant person? One is good, the other one is not so great.

How to NETWORK for Introverts.

I'm starting to realise that I need to schedule everything. When you schedule things it becomes real and it makes it more difficult to blow it off.

When I started at my CrossFit gym I developed the habit of planning my gym sessions the week before. I would book them and then go at the time I had decided.

Next week I know that 12.30pm Monday, 7.30am Tuesday, 1.00pm Wednesday, 6am Thursday,  and 8am Saturday are the gym times. My Friday hasn't been decided yet because of a prior commitment that I don't know how long will take but I'm sure that I will get there at some stage.

I know unless I am really sleepy in the morning that I will make these classes because I have scheduled them.

Now I have to schedule social and networking events.

For us introverts, those social and networking events can seem like a real hassle. The whole idea of going along to these things can be a little scary. It can be a little intimidating going along to a place where you don't know anyone but the thing is, is that it is only scary for the first five minutes or so and then after you say hello to a couple of people and have a beer, you forget about the initial awkwardness.

For introverts, plan those networking and social occasions and go along but remember your limit. Make some kind of goal. For example, I will talk to 10 people and then go home. Or you can make it a time goal. For example, I will leave at 9pm. Just make sure you stick to it because if you go overboard, you might not get back to going there again because you associate it with pain. It is like playing 36 holes of golf when 9 would have been sufficient.

Schedule those networking events and do them. You will get greta benefit from them both socially and maybe financially.

What are Extroverts?

Extroverts draw their energy from those around them. They have many friends both socially and professional.

Basically, if you use Facebook or Instagram often and you see your friends at a party and there are many photos of your friends all with huge smiles on their faces and they look like they are high on something, that is a sign that they are extroverts. (By the way, they are high on life, not any illegal substances.)

Extroverts are:

• Talkative
• Sociable
• Friendly
• Outgoing
• Passionate

In saying that, like most things, there are negative things as well.

Extroverts tend want to hog the limelight. They are attention seekers.

Extroverts are also easily distracted. For example, my friend will be talking about something. He will be talking passionately about it and then suddenly he will go silent. Why? He has seen something that has distracted his attention.

Extroverts also find it difficult to spend time by themselves. They need to have social interaction.

What else do we know about extroverts?

1. They have a wide range of interests. - They usually can't concentrate on one thing for too long. They have to branch out and do something else.

2. They love conversations. - My friend loves to chat while he is driving. He will call me so he can chat. It is always nice to hear from him.

3. They like being the centre of attention. - I like that. Although I wouldn't consider myself an extrovert. Far from it.

4. Extroverts tend to act first and think later. This can get them into trouble but no one can accuse them of not taking action.

5. Extroverts love working in groups. - They get energised by be around all of these people.

There you have it. Your 101 on extroverts.

Tomorrow, we will look at the introvert. That should be interesting.

THE OBJECTIONS OF YOUR DREAM

I have launched my new website, The Situational Extrovert.

http://www.situationalextrovert.com

This is the first step in my dream to create something that I will never have to retire from. Where I wake up and actually look forward to going to work rather than force yourself out of bed after ten alarms and numerous naps.

Of course with this new "challenge" of mine I am going to get objections from the people around me. They might be well meaning but it can bring you down.

What is it that you hear? You probably hear all or some of the following:

1. You have to be realistic. Get a job now and follow that dream some other time.

Excuse me, when is some other time? Is it when you are about to enter the retirement home? Is it tomorrow? Why not now? Another question is what does realistic mean? I think that word means different things to different people. Your realistic is going to be different to other people's realistic.


2. Things will be bad if you fail

Not at all. You might fail, that is life. What is the worst thing that will happen? Probably you can go back to what you were doing before embarking on this project. There is nothing wrong with that. They say that regret weighs heaps. If you don't do it now, you will regret it and that can be a burden that is difficult to rid of.


3. You will be more content at your current job

Sure, you might be content, but are you happy? There is a huge difference right there. You might be content and you might have your 'safe' life but is this what you really want? I doubt it. I know for one that I can't go to the same office everyday where I'm told what to do and when I can eat (why do people all eat at 12pm) and when I can piss. That is not me and I am willing to sacrifice the initial comfort for a few years to get what I want.


4. Only a few people do it

Why not you? Sure, only a few people develop a billion dollar app but if you never get off your ass and attempt to do something then you may never know if you have that billion dollar app idea or not. Only a few people do it and there is no reason that you can't do it either.


5. Failing is the end

I say bullshit to that. I've heard that in some countries (I'm not going to name any names but one is famous for sushi and the other is famous for bratwurst) failure is just so bad that you don't want to ever walk the streets again for fear of been embarrassed. Whether this is true or not is up for debate but what I do know is that most successful people have failed at some stage and made it back. Ladies and Gentlemen, it is the end only if you make it the end.


6. You don't have enough money

So? This is where you get creative and really try to make something happen. Money is important by all means but if you have the right mentality and creative ideas then the money should start flowing in soon.


7. That sounds like too much work why don't you keep your current job and then you can have weekends off

Fuck that! Should I repeat that. I mean why does the weekend have to mean certain activities? Why can't I work on my passion and dreams on a Saturday night? Do I have to go to the bar and watch the football game?


Good luck with whatever you have in mind. I'm sure that if you put in the effort then things are going to happen for you and happen in a big way.

Bicycle Helmets. Good or bad?

I'm going to go completely off the topic today and talk about bicycle helmets. You might be wondering what do bicycle helmets have to do with introverts and extroverts? Well, the answer to that is nothing. It is just something that I want to comment on.

In 1994, New Zealand became only the second country in the world to make wearing helmets compulsory while you were riding a bicycle. I hear that Australia is the other one.

I remember when this law came in. It actually wasn't such a big deal for me at the time because my high school that I attended had made wearing helmets compulsory while riding in school uniform from home to school and back again. That was in 1988 so I had had 6 years "practice."

Now I see that some people in New Zealand are trying to get the compulsory helmet law repealed.

Here is my five cents:

How stupid can you get?

I mean let me see what you are saying.

Lets make the wearing of something that PROTECTS your brain not compulsory anymore just so people can feel FREE.

WTF does that mean?

Is this a vanity issue? If it is, you know which lake you can go and jump in. The nearest one.

The whole reason that we have the compulsory bicycle helmet law is because Palmerston North resident Rebecca Oaten campaigned night and day for years to get the law enacted.

Ms. Oaten's son, Aaron, unfortunately had a bicycle accident when he was 12 and lost the ability to speak and to help himself.

I remember meeting Aaron when I was 8 or 9. (We are the same age. Although unfortunately Aaron passed away in 2010) He was very chatty and we went up in a small airplane with a mutual friend. Everyone felt sick, except Aaron who couldn't stop talking the entire 20 minute trip. It was very sad to hear a few years later what had happened to him.

I've always wondered what would have happened to him if he was wearing a helmet. I'm sure Ms. Oaten has wondered that thousands of times over the years.

My point is don't let the Oaten's experience go to waste. By keeping the compulsory helmet law and if it saves one life then that is enough for me.

I live in Japan and I don't ride a bicycle. When I go home to New Zealand however, I like to ride a bicycle and the helmet is the first thing I look for. It doesn't feel right when I don't have it on and it is a small price to pay for the protection that it gives me.

Keep the compulsory helmet law I say.

Have the vision

Here is a good quote from Corey Wayne:

"A man must have his vision, life, purpose and mission in order before he'll be able to win a woman's heart and keep it." - Coach Corey Wayne

That's exactly right and I have learned that the hard way over the years and I have not learned the lesson completely until recently.

Let me translate the above quote for people who might not understand it:

"Get your shit together."

I have a vision, I have a purpose and I have a mission. You and I have to work on it each and every way, even if you don't want to and on weekends too (god forbid).

You have a vision. That's great. Work you ass off because of it and you will get the rewards, believe me.

The Truths of Life

I saw something the other day that highlighted the truths in life that maybe difficult for some people to hear and listen to. They are true but most people don't want to know about it.

1. The average human life is relatively short

If you think about it, if you live to your 100th birthday, that is 36,500 days. When you look at it like that, it is not so many days on this earth. When you take it to your 75th birthday, it only comes to 27,375 days and it gets even more grim. So, should we be wasting those days of ours in bed doing nothing. I must admit sometimes it is the thing to do but when it happens regularly, you should worry.


2. Being busy does not mean being productive 

I'll let George Costanza explain it to you:

Yes, running around looking like you are a chicken with your head cut off does not mean you are busy. It just means that you are stupid.

We all like to do busy work because it makes us seem productive and useful when in fact it isn't contributing to the bottom line. So stop shuffling those papers and stop organising those 'waste of time' internal meetings and do some work that you can profit from as opposed to work that tires you out.


3. You will always have failure before success

What is that we hear? Thomas Edison failed 10,000 time before he found the lightbulb? For this one, I'll let Michael Jordan explain it to you:

Yep, Michael Jordan has to take risks, he has to try things and he has to do things that might not work out to get the success that we all know he has achieved.


4. Thinking and doing are two different beasts

I'm sure that you some of you have seen the movie, 'The Secret.' This movie focuses on the Law of Attraction. Below, you can see the trailer for the movie.

One of the things about The Law of Attraction in my understanding anyway is that first of all you need to visualise what it is that you want. The difficult part is to go out and do it. The action part. I saw an interview with Jim Carrey who used to visualise a lot about what he wanted but then he did the hard work as well. In the interview he joked with Oprah Winfrey that you can't go and eat a sandwich after visualising what it is that you want.


5. Some people are simply the wrong match for you

Yep. This is not just in sexual relationships either. It could be friends as well.  It just doesn't work out. By the way, this is not an excuse to dump people willy nilly.


6. What you own is not who YOU are

"You own a pair of those wireless earphones? Wow, you must be a supercool person."

"You own seven navy blue blazers? You are the personification of awesome."

"You have a BMW? Excuse me as I drop my drawers."

Seriously, does it matter what kind of STUFF the other person has?


7. Everything changes, every second

If you are married, you probably understand this as well as anyone. Things can change with a drop of a hat. People's moods change. We have different ideas. Everything is happening.

INTROVERTS ARE NOT ......

I'm sorry, I hear all sorts of things about introverts that are just not true. It gets really frustrating and I just don't think some of you guys understand, so to set the record straight, lets go through the list of things that some of you don't get:

1. Introverts are not talkers

This is incorrect. Introverts will talk you ear off if you get onto a subject that they are particularly passionate about. I remember that I was at a party and like any introvert my energy source had run out a long time before. A couple of people decided to talk about cricket and what a joke of a sport it is. Well, they couldn't have thought of better subject to get me talking. Lets just say I won that talk quite easily.


2. Introverts are not shy

How may times do I have to write this? Introverts are not shy. Far from it. Introverts are not scared of people. They do not avoid conversations. They will avoid conversations however if the topic is considered boring and has no meaning. Call an introvert shy at your peril.


3. Introverts are not rude

I saw an interesting meme the other day about a woman at a job interview. She was being interviewed by a panel of three people. Of course one of the stupid questions that people ask at interviews is the classic one "What are you weaknesses?" The woman replied that she is too honest. The interviewer says that that is not a weakness and her reply made me laugh big time, "I don't give fuck what you think."

In today's society we have to walk on eggshells a lot because we might, god forbid, offend somebody. Introverts are generally not very good in judging these situations and will on occasions offend people who are very fragile. Does this make them rude? I doubt it. It just makes the listener weak in my opinion.


4. Introverts love people

Introverts generally don't have hundreds and hundreds of friends like some extroverts seem to have. (Yeah right! Try asking them for help when the shit hits the fan.) Introverts have friends. They have a few very good friends and people that they want to spend time with. They usually like to hang out with one or two people, not one or two hundred.


5. Introverts do like to go out in public

Yes, we do like to go out and about. In fact introverts love it. The only problem is we want to go home earlier than say extroverts who are so keen to stay out. My extroverted friend used to get angry with me for wanting to go home early at 4am after a night out. He would stay out until 8am because he was getting more and more energised whereas I just wanted to get home as fast as possible.


6. Introverts don't want to be alone all the time

You better believe it. Introverts don't want to be alone all the time, they want to be with people who bring value to their lives. They want people who think before they speak rather than people who love the sound of their own voices. Let me use words that our generation seems to understand. If your content is not great we don't want to hear it. Comprende?


7. Introverts are not weird

Just because we don't follow the crowd, that doesn't make us weird. We might not follow the fashion or we might not follow the trends but we do challenge the norm and just because we are not one of the sheep it doesn't make us weird at all. In fact since you might be a sheep doesn't that make you weird? You might be asking yourself, Blair


8. Introverts do know how to relax

Yep, we do, it just doesn't involve a bar or a loud place with hundreds of people. We only need ourselves or one or two other very close people. We can sit in our lounge all day with the love of out lives and watch videos all day. The true Netflix and chill.


9. Can introverts become extroverts?

I think this is where I differ from other people who say that an introvert should just be an introvert. Be happy with who they are and not get out of their comfort zone. I'm sorry, I disagree totally. You can and at times have to be extroverted and this is where I can help you. Please click on the link below and I will show how you can become a Situational Extrovert.

www.situationalextrovert.com

THIS IS WHAT INTROVERTS HEAR ALL THE TIME

As an introvert there are a number things that we hear from time to time. Let me list them out for you so you can get an idea:

"You are so quiet."

"Why do you never go out?"

"Why don't you want to hangout? Don't you like me?"

"You are shy."

"Why are you always alone?"

"You should get out more."

"Are you ok? You are so quiet."

OK. Fair enough. You have the right to ask these questions or make these comments but when I or other introverts ask you or mention the following, why are we considered rude?

"You are so noisy."

"Can you stop talking? In other words, shut up."

"You should shut up more."

First of all,  and seriously, how many times do I have to say this? Shyness and introversion are not the same. Not even close. Shyness is the fear of social judgement while introversion is about how you energise.

Let me give you an example. I know many introverts who are very accomplished public speakers. I don't want to blow my own trumpet but I count myself in that category even though I haven't done a lot recently. Shy people would struggle in this situation.

Another example is going to parties. An introvert would go to a party. He or she would talk to a few people. He or she would have a great time. He or she would maybe have a few drinks and then excuse themselves earlier than most of the other people at the party. Why? Because their social energy has run out. They need to to go and recharge, either by themselves or with their significant other.

Before you start saying things to an introvert, think about what it is you are actually saying. Would you like having something similar said to you if the shoe was on the other foot? I very much doubt it.

The Question of Doom

"What do you do?"

I despise this question.

What are you asking?

Basically what you are asking is that you want a title so that you can pigeon hole me into your narrow version of what the world should be.

The other day I was talking to a woman on a dating app. We had matched twice already  and for whatever reason she had deleted me. I think the first time she deleted me was because I didn't reply in a 'timely' manner. Thirty seconds was too slow for her. The next time we chatted for a bit longer and then she deleted me. The third time (I should have noticed this but I am a glutton for punishment) we had a longer chat and then she couldn't help herself and she asked me that dreaded question:

"What do you do?"

I attempted to explain. But because it didn't fit into her small reality of jobs, i.e.

               BUTCHER

                BAKER

        CANDLESTICK MAKER

She grew tired of that line of questioning. She told me that I was a crazy guy (Hey! It takes one to know one.) and proceeded to delete me for the third time.

Good riddance I say. I also deleted that app and vowed to never load it again. We have to get out from behind those little screens and get out and talk to real people and listen to real stories and look for real body language.

When someone asks you that question:

"What do you do?"

Then tell them what you do. They have asked you for a verb so tell them exactly what you do. If they don't understand then it is their fault for asking a stupid question.