PEOPLE WHO SAY LETS DO SOMETHING AND THEN NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH

It always surprises me when you hear from someone who you haven't heard from for a long time and they say the following:

"If you want to get a coffee send me a message."

OK. Thank you for the invitation to do the work. Why don't you just ask me out for a coffee now? 

I got a message from a woman who I romantically pursued a few years ago and failed dramatically. She decided that we were going to be friends and nothing more. (Did you notice that I didn't write "just friends" because I think that demeans the meaning of the word friends.)

We chatted on Messenger for a few minutes. I was walking home. We hadn't seen each other for two and a half years and to be quite honest, that time was really boring. She seemed more infatuated with the goings-on on her phone. It seemed like I was there for some amusement between checking her phone.

Anyway, we chatted for a few moments and she brought out the above line. I said OK and then did absolutely nothing about it.

Is the above line another version of "lets do lunch"? Am I too gullible? Do I take everything at face value and I shouldn't? I don't know. What I do know that if these people do want to have a coffee they will ask me then and there and it is merely a greeting to end the conversation.

Maybe I should start an online campaign to stop these greetings with no balls behind them. Maybe not. But please make me a promise, if you say something like "lets have lunch" or "lets have a coffee" bloody well mean it. 

I better stop here before I start sounding like a whinging Kiwi. 

DOES SHY MEAN THAT YOU ARE BORING?

I'm a fan of cooking shows. Whether it be Masterchef or some other kind of show. (In fact recently I've been watching a show on Netflix about BBQing.) I enjoy watching the contestants come up with restaurant quality dishes and then having it judged by the panel of experienced and famous chefs from around the world. I've even watched one episode of Masterchef New Zealand in which I would like to copy what they have done in that particular show. I didn't know what a croquembouche was at that time but I do now and I think that it would be a good challenge even if I can't boil an egg. Oh dear!

One day I was watching the Gordon Ramsay show Hell's Kitchen. This show is interesting too but I seem to prefer Masterchef as the contestants are talented amateurs as opposed to Hell's Kitchen in which the contestants seem to be trained chefs from the start.

Anyway Gordon Ramsay, who I quite like on television. I don't know why. I find him very entertaining and I really like his passion and I wish that I had a fraction of the passion that he shows. He was tasting the signature dishes of the contestants. One of the contestants had admitted to the camera that she was shy. I wondered if what she meant was that she was introverted.

By the way, I'm sure you know that difference between being shy and being introverted but if you don't here it is:

Introvert = the way you energise

Shy = the fear of social judgement.

They are not one in the same.

Back to Hell's Kitchen. Gordon Ramsay was tasting the dishes and he came to the "shy" woman's dish. He tasted it and his critique was that the dish like her was boring.

That got me thinking, does being shy mean you are boring? Does that apply to introverts as well? Do some people think because you are not speaking at the top of your voice and the fact that you are not raving every Friday night that you are boring? 

The answer to the question is, it depends. Some people are going to see you as boring. Unfortunately, that is life. They see a timid person who doesn't have a voice who is not gregarious who is constantly avoiding human communication. It sounds harsh I know but what can you do about their judgement of you? Nothing. You could prove them wrong but I am sure that you have other things to do rather than trying to please some party animal.

The people who do know you are going to know the true you. They are going to know your sense of humour, they are going to know your intelligence, they are going to know your playful nature.

Let me ask you, who do you want to impress more? The party animals who probably don't even know your name or the people that mean the most to you? 

I think the answer is pretty obvious.

Shy people are boring to some people but they have a lot to offer to other people. So before you start judging people see if that they might have something to offer you. 

START AGAIN

 I made a mistake in my last post. My plan was to explain, in my unique way, the MBTI system. Trying to make sense of each type. 

I wasn't really in the right way to do as it would take a lot of work and when I realised that I fell off the wagon so to speak. I'm still committed to the project but instead of writing one a day. I will compile all 16 and then publish them one a day so that you can get a better understanding of what makes the MBTI tick. 

WHAT IS THE MBTI?: A (extremely) simple overview

 I'm sure that a lot of you have heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. You may have even done the test yourself. When you do the test, you learn about how you make choices and how you view the world.

To be honest, I don't really know a lot about the MBTI so I've decided to do this to try and get my head around the different types. When I look at the different types, all I see are many letters everywhere and I don't know what they are talking about. 

People tend to put on profiles etc, I'm an INFP. Do they really know what the means I wonder. I know I don't. 

Lets have a look at an example. As I just wrote you have INFP.

The I comes from extroversion or introversion, so in this case it is introversion. 

The N refers to how the person gathers information. You have sensing and the N refers to intuition. 

The F refers to how the person makes a decision. Some people make decisions by thinking. They weigh up reason. good sense, order and cause and effect. The INFP (F) means feeling and this person will likely make a decision based on how it will affect the people around them.

The final type deals with dealing with others and how they deal with the outside world. There is J which is judging. P stands for perceiving. 

In the above example, INFP, they are an introvert, intuition, feeling, perceiving. 

For me that is about as clear as mud. However, in the coming days we should get a better understanding of each of the 16 types of the MBTI.

The MBTI Challenge

 I'm sure many of you have heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I won't go into detail on what it is today. Let me just say that I have been holding off about writing about MBTI because I didn't really understand the theory behind it and I couldn't really find an interesting article to explain it to so I decided to write it myself.

I hope the next 17 posts (yep, 17) you will find  some benefit from them and hopefully they will be entertaining to read as well. I'll do my best.

Some of you are probably wondering how I've got 17 when there are 16 types. Well, the first post will be an outline of MBTI and then we will get into each classification. One post one classification. 

It will a challenging project for me. If you can make some comments that would be great. Also if you see anything that you might think is wrong or I could improve on, that would be great too.

See you tomorrow.

ARE THESE DATING TIPS GOOD FOR INTROVERTS?

 I came across this article the other day. All those who know me will know that I was attracted by the title with shy guys and introverts in it. 

How long will it take before people realise that shyness and introversion are not the same thing? Seriously! It is getting tiresome. 

Anyway, I continued reading (for research) and let me tell you what I think about some of the ideas in this article.

First of all I was lost in the first sentence by these words, ghosting, zombieing and kittenfishing. In fact there is a whole new list of vocabulary that I have never heard of before.

FYI, zombieing is when the person who has ghosted you comes back out of the blue with no sign of it. 

I digress. 

What are the four tips?

1. The article suggests to set a time limit for the date. 

I agree with this one. Usually an introvert gets re-energised by be alone with one other person. They can let their guard down and basically be them self but the whole idea of the first date when you are supposed to be "on" can be draining. Of course there is going to be the whole situation where it is going well but that can be an advantage as she will be wanting more of you and her attraction could go up. (Of course, she could interpret it as meaning you are not interested but that is something that you can't control.)

2. The second one suggests to go beyond the expected. 

I couldn't agree with this one more. In my experience most women (especially here in Japan) expect to go to a cafe or something similar and have a drink and basically swap resumes. Having a date plan that involves some kind of activity can be fun and you get to know each other in a relaxed atmosphere and as the title says it can be very unexpected/

3. The third suggestion is to choose things to do that are in your comfort zone. 

I believe that as an introvert it is good to go out of your comfort zone on occasions but know your limits. She might ask you out to concert where there are 70,000 people attending. If the artist is someone that you like then great, go. However if the artist is someone you don't even know the it could be a very long few hours for you and lets face it you probably not going to learn too much more about her.

4. The final suggestion is to know when to leave.

Sometimes the environment is just going to be too stimulating. I remember when my friend would be in town, we would go to a night club that he had taken a real shining to. I enjoyed the music and the people watching but I was never able to talk to people in that kind of venue. It was just too loud and you cant get into deep conversations that an introvert loves so much. It certainly wasn't my natural habitat. I still think of the times there when I had opportunities to meet new women but because of my lack of social ability in that kind of venue I missed out. I can still remember a particular woman giving the evils after she made it blatantly clear that she wanted to talk to me. 

There you have it. I suppose the above suggestions could be summarised in the late Kenny Rogers' song, The Gambler:

You've got to know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Know when to walk away. Know when to run. 

Sitting Quietly

 "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." - Blaise Pascal

I had never heard that quote before. Naval Ravikat said it on the very popular Joe Rogan Experience podcast. They were talking about how people can't just sit and be by themselves anymore. Have a look:

Isn't it amazing that they are saying that sitting alone and actually enjoying it is a superpower? For some people it will be torture and for other people they could do it in their sleep (you know what I mean.)

In the video they talk about meditation which I think is very important. I know that when I do it I feel great and I try to do it in the morning so I'm ready for the day ahead. 

I think another important skill is the ability to just sit by yourself and basically do nothing. By this I don't mean watching TV or the like but just sit there, maybe you can visualise or daydream if you like. The ability to just sit there BY YOURSELF as I said is difficult for some people but with all the noise in our lives we need it.

So rather than go out on Friday night, why don't you have a quiet night in? I'm sure you will benefit from it and at the very least you can get up early on Saturday morning sans hangover and make the most of the weekend.