MINGLING CAN BE DIFFICULT: SOME COMMENTS

A couple of days ago we had a look at the following article:

https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/life/94575135/new-zealanders-dont-mingle-well-at-parties-why

In some of the articles on this website they allow comments. I had a look at some of the comments and I thought that I would address some of them.

For those of you who didn't read the article, it talked about how New Zealanders are pretty terrible at mingling.

So lets have a look at some of the comments from the article:

It's so true I am from the UK and coming here (New Zealand) was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. 

I can understand this one quite well. As some of you might know, I live in Japan and this comment hit the nail on the head for Japan as well. There is the cultural and linguistic barrier first of all but more than that and I think it is the same with the UK person above, when you live in another country, who do you have most in common with? That's correct, people from other countries. Why is that? Because you are going through the same experiences as the other people. You portably have the same frustrations, the same complaints about the local culture. The comment above makes a lot of sense.


You are either good at mingling or not. I like parties where I know someone. It is a good safety net otherwise unless there are other distractions it is a completely lonely and horrible experience. 

I can understand exactly where this commentator is coming from however mingling is a skill that can be learned. You can go to a party with strategies that allow you to master small talk and to, god forbid, talk to people who you do not know, although don't talk too friendly because you might get into trouble like the guy in the video below.

I have no problems breaking the ice and starting conversations with strangers. Interestingly I normally receive a good response. I think the problem is not that we have no room or interest in talking to strangers, it's just that everyone is waiting for someone else to make the first move. I guess that just shows lack of self confidence.

This person has hit the nail on the head. You will find most people are going to be relieved at a party if you start up a conversation. The trick is not to dominate the conversation by talking and talking and talking and talking. I'm sure we have all had times when we went to a party like that and we couldn't exit ourselves from that person who couldn't stop talking. . The person just went on and on. It was like torture. If you can be a connector also, that makes a great party person.


I am the opposite. I normally head for strangers to meet and greet. Done it all my life and will continue until I die. Love socialising and meeting new people. Normally keeping within your little circle can become monotonous with boring conversation.

Sure as life goes on your circle might grow apart a bit. Some of your circle might get married and have children. While this might be ok with people who are having this experience, the single people or ones with no children might find it difficult. Don't depart from your circle. By all means introduce yourself to different people but remember who was there for you in your difficult times and keep them by your side.
It's so true I am from the UK and coming here was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. Having travel widely as a young person I can say 10th is article is pretty bang on my experience of kiwi social habits compared to other how people socialize in other parts of the world kiwis do seem very closed group and uneasy talking to strangers
It's so true I am from the UK and coming here was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. Having travel widely as a young person I can say 10th is article is pretty bang on my experience of kiwi social habits compared to other how people socialize in other parts of the world kiwis do seem very closed group and uneasy talking to strangers
It's so true I am from the UK and coming here was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. Having travel widely as a young person I can say 10th is article is pretty bang on my experience of kiwi social habits compared to other how people socialize in other parts of the world kiwis do seem very closed group and uneasy talking to strangers

It's so true I am from the UK and coming here was hard going in the early days nearly all the friends I made at first were from other countries. Having travel widely as a young person I can say 10th is article is pretty bang on my experience of kiwi social habits compared to other how people socialize in other parts of the world kiwis do seem very closed group and uneasy talking to strangers

I AM NOT STUCK UP

I'm not sure who posted this but it sums it up very well:

https://www.instagram.com/p/B0KOzfoBtjL/

Here goes:

YES, I'm an introvert.
NO, I'm not shy.
NO, I'm not stuck up.
NO, I'm not antisocial
I'm just listening
I'm just observing.
I can't stand small talk. But I'll talk about life for hours.
I'd rather be home with a close friend or tow than among a crowd of acquaintances.
Don't scold me in public.
Don't embarrass me in public.
Respect that I am reserved. And if I open myself up to you, know that means you're very special to me.


I couldn't have summed it up any better if I tried.

The line that struck a chord with me is the I'm not stuck up.

Yep, that is true. I can't be fucked listening to all your bullshit. DOn't take it personally, just find someone who cares. I don't.

ARE WE BAD AT MINGLING?

https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/life/94575135/new-zealanders-dont-mingle-well-at-parties-why

Have a look at the above article.

Kiwis, do you agree that we suck at mingling at parties?

What do you think?

I think it is the same anywhere in the world. Recently I was invited to a friend's wedding party. In Japan that is known as the nijikai. (Knee-G-Kai). This is the party after the reception where friends congregate.

What I noticed was similar to what the article was alluding to and it is similar to a lot of 21st's in New  Zealand, you can see the different sections in a person's life.

At a 21st you might see the person's school friends in one group, the person's sports friends in another group, the person's university friends in another group, the person's part time work friends in another, family in the corner. It was the same at the wedding party I went to.

How can we get over this?

Well, there is no magic pill. Unfortunately you have to break the ice some how. Also you have to take the risk that you are going to be thought of as weird. Remember that is their decision. Not yours.

Good luck.

Monday, Monday!!!

I'm sure that we have all had this problem. We try to wake up on a Monday morning and things just don't happen. We have had a productive weekend, we've got things done. We have meet friends and we have been sociable. We have been to the gym at least once and had a good blow out. We have made some good food because we have time to experiment in the kitchen.

HOWEVER, Monday morning rolls around and we have no energy at all. Maybe we slept in on Sunday and because of that your rhythm  is off. You stayed up late on Sunday night because you couldn't get to sleep.

Does this all sound familiar?

It happened to me this weekend and I have not had a very good Monday morning at all. It has been zero productivity. It hasn't been a good start to the week.

So, what can we do to correct this problem?

Well, we first of all can create a consistent bed time and a wake up time and maintain it during the weekend as well.

Also, if you don't have any reason to get up you won't. You need to have that goal so you are so excited to get up and get going and to kick ass.

Start today to create that bedtime and do your best to keep it up for at least 21 days. They say that it takes 21 days to create a habit.

Good luck.

WHAT IS A PAP?

WARNING: The following contains some quite "colourful" language. If you are easily offended by this please do not read on. I'll repeat that, if you are easily offended, please do not read on. OK?


I'm a cunt. Yes! You read that correctly. I am a cunt. Now, before you ask me if I am referring to the woman's genitals, no I'm not. I'm referring to the name that we call each other. I know that in America that the mere utterance of it can start a war while in the United Kingdom, in some cases it is a term of endearment.

Like most words, in my opinion anyway, it is not necessarily the word itself. A word is just a jumble letters put together in a pattern. What makes the word offensive or whatever is how it is used. How the tone of your voice is used. What the expression on your face is. Your body language.

"What does this have to do with anything?" I hear you ask.

This morning I went to the convenience store on the way to the place where I am writing this post. As usually I bought a couple of bottles of water and went to the register.

For some of you, who haven't been to Japan, let me explain the process at a Japanese convenience store. You take your things to the counter, the shop assistant says something that is loosely translated as "Welcome." They they ring up the products, tell you the price and put the products in a plastic bag. Sounds like most places in the world right? Except for the plastic bag bit. I know that some countries, for example, New Zealand, ban the use of single use plastic bags.

Anyway, the guy behind the counter just looked at me and said nothing. Zilch, not a sausage, bugger all as a social studies teacher of mine used to say.

Admittedly, the service in Japan can be rather robotic and annoying at times, but when you don't get it, it can seem a bit off-putting. For example, this morning I went to the register and the guy looked at me and said nothing. He then rang up the stuff and said nothing. I looked at the register and then looked at him and asked if he wasn't going to say the price. I said that in Japanese. He said the price in English.

All of this sounds to you, probably like a nothing incident but it pissed me off for a few minutes. Why does this guy look at me and decide that the normal service is above me because of the colour of my skin?

Now, let me just say that the guy was not a Japanese national but my point is why don't I get the same service?

Anyway, a few minutes after I thought about it and I thought that I was an almighty cunt. It was 9 o'clock in the morning. The guy may have been working all night. Also, he had been a little rude. It isn't the end of the world. What I should have done was just smile and walk out. No harm, no foul.

I've found that I have been doing this kind of thing a lot recently and it is not really good. My friend has a scientific name for it:

Passive Aggressive Prick

I think the message in this story is to just let it go. What is that saying? Is it going to matter in 5 years? I mean today's "happening" didn't matter 5 minutes later let alone 5 years later but here I am blogging about it.

I've been trying something the last couple of weeks, when I see something in particular it is like a trigger to remind myself to be happy, to just smile. I think some people think I might be a bit weird as I suddenly break into a big smile as I walk down the street but that is their problem not mine. I'm just trying to make myself feel good.

I'm not going to tell you what the trigger is but if you want to do the same, you create your now trigger. It might feel a little strange for a bit but once you get used to it, it is actually a good way to overcome things that might be stressing you out. Just smile and fill your head with uplifting images. That's all there is to it.

27 YEAR HERMIT: WHAT THE F**K!

Have a look at this article:

https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-48968502

This guy walked out of his house when he was 20 years old and basically lived alone for 27 years and in all that time he only spoke to one person who stumbled upon his camp one day and even then the only thing he said was "hi."

My friend and I were discussing this story and we were thinking about how many people clear their throats when they haven't spoken for a few hours. What happens when you haven't spoken for YEARS? My friend reckons you would be coughing up your lungs.

The 27 year hermit didn't really want to speak to the media but there is another woman in Scotland who lives a hermit lifestyle.

What she says is very interesting:

She says many people think being a hermit is selfish.

"If I say I want to sail a small boat all the way around the world and it will take me two years, everyone says, 'Oh how exciting!' If I say I want to go and sit in my house and not talk to anyone for two years, they say 'Have you got mental health issues?' or 'Why are you so selfish?'"

She makes a great point and to be honest, I can't come up with a reason why our society looks at these two things differently. Maybe because if you are in a sail boat for two years, you have no where else to go but if you decide to live by yourself then that is a choice and you can engage with other people.

Would you spend 27 years in solitude? I know I wouldn't. I like the contact of people from time to time and you should to. Remember an introvert lifestyle is not trying to avoid people every minute of the day. An introvert lifestyle is when you know that your energy has run out and you need to recharge. You know when to get out of that party without worrying what the extroverts will say or think of you. There is no need to avoid people altogether.


RELATED POSTS:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2017/01/are-you-hermit.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2016/10/the-okinawan-naked-hermit.html

WALK AWAY

Sometimes it is better to say nothing and walk away. It's a challenge but I'm sure we can do it.