INTROVERSION AND SHYNESS ARE NOT THE SAME THING

 I received an email today from a mailing list I subscribe to. It talks about communicating with women and how to get a girlfriend etc. (Hey, don't judge. I find the emails very helpful and very interesting.)

Today's mail was titled 'Seduction Secrets for Introverts.' As you can probably imagine, this attracted my interest. 

The writer said that in the mail the tips were for shy and introverted guys. OK. I understand why you are writing this BUT please remember the following thing:

INTROVERSION and SHYNESS are NOT the same thing. I have said this ad nauseam on this blog. Introversion is how you energise. It is how you recharge. It is where you feel the most comfortable, in a small group. Shyness is the fear of judgement. 

Lets put this another way, the shy guy will go to the party and not speak to anyone, the introverted guy will not go at all. Does that make sense?

I used to think when I went to night clubs and bar etc that I was shy. Nothing could have been further from the truth. The atmosphere in the club was so stimulating for me that I got tired very quickly. The loud noise of the music meant I couldn't hear what the other person was saying and I couldn't have the proper conversation that I wanted to have.  

Going back to the email, admittedly the writer does give some good advice about pushing a little outside of your comfort zone and making the zone bigger. Just by saying hello or complimenting a person's hat. I think that is great advice.

FREELANCING: Is it for you or not?

 Is becoming a freelancer the ultimate 'Introvert job?' 

It sounds pretty cool, doesn't it? You don't have to clock in and clock out at specific times. You can start and finish when you want. You can work wherever you want. You can go to the gym at 11am. Also, and this might be the most important to an introvert, you don't have a boss or co-workers pestering you every five minutes or wanting to have inane conversations about their weekend or the latest episode of The Kardashians. (Is that still running?)

Of course there are always some down sides to it, from an introvert's perspective anyway.  What are these downsides?:

1. You are going to have to sell yourself.

I know that some people have the gift of the gab. They can talk anyone into doing anything. Sell ice to the Eskimos I suppose you could say. If you are anything like me, you struggle to do that and you think that your work should say everything and there is no need for brash self-promotion. Well, unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. Sometimes you have to tell the other person what you are doing or have done. You have to remind them that you are around. I'm not saying to threat to walk although that might be the last resort. 

2. You are going to have to be flexible.

Sometimes you are going to have to do things that you might not be comfortable with. Your clients might throw you a couple of curve balls. Are you able to handle their unorthodox requests or are you going to run away from all the mayhem because you weren't given six weeks notice?

3. Are you organised?

Are you organised? Do you know what is going on from day to day? Or are you all over the place because of that flexibility that we talked about above? You get that unorthodox request for a different time and place, do you take it in your stride or do you get all bent out of shape? I've seen it happen. It's not pretty. 

4. What about if the shit hits the fan?

Are you good with that? Are you able to fight it out? The current world situation with the pandemic can be a little worrisome. As a freelancer with money not coming in as regularly as it used to, are you able to handle it? Some people can't. I remember a friend of mine was dating this woman and it was going well. They had been out several times and she seemed cool. Then she found out what he did for a living, or more specifically what his remuneration situation was (commission based) and she freaked out and he never saw her again. See, some people can handle it and others can't. 

Life as a freelancer can be fun. It can be stressful. It can be rewarding. Some people are up to the challenge, others are not.

2020: Do I need to say anymore?

 2020. What is going to be your lasting memory of this year, 2020?

The Olympics? That trip to the Maldives or the Great Barrier Reef or the Grand Canyon? None of the above?

Let me guess, probably none of the above. I'm willing to bet your lasting memory of 2020 is going to be lock-down or quarantine or whatever it is called in your country.

I'm curious, how was lock-down for you? Was it hell? Was it the best time of your life? Did it go quite quickly? Did it drag on and on and on like purgatory? 

For me, the time went very quickly. I was effectively in lock-down for two months. I can prove it, I live in Tokyo and I didn't ride the train for two months. Unbelievable. 

Anyway, the time went extremely quickly. I would wake up on Monday morning and then the next thing I knew it was Saturday night and I was sitting there wondering where the time went. 

I read somewhere that the reason it seemed to go quickly was that there were no momentous events to look forward to. You know, it's Monday morning and you have a hot date on Saturday evening and you can't wait to see her or him but the week stretches out. Five days seems like five years. I'm sure you all have had that experience. However, during lock-down or quarantine there is none of that. Every day seems to be the same. Sunday seems to be the same as Wednesday and you don't know which day is which.

For me, it was a wonderful experience. I thought that I might get lonely and get cabin fever but I didn't feel any of that. On some days I didn't leave the house for up to four or five days at a time. Did it worry me? Not at all. 

Was the lock-down an introvert's paradise? 

According to Instagram and some of the posts I saw, I would have to say a big and resounding YES. However, after two months, I was definitely ready to get back out into the real world and get my life back on track. Slowly it's coming around and hopefully we will be back to "normal" very soon. Although what normal is I'm not sure.

As an introvert, treat those alone times like gold dust. You need every one of those minutes to recharge and to get yourself out into the world. Unfortunately for some of you lock-down is not going to happen every year and you may have to start going to those parties and networking events again. 

Time to prepare. 

MY DAY IN HIROSHIMA

Today is August 6th. It is a very significant day in world history. 75 years ago today, a nuclear weapon was detonated over the city of Hiroshima killing thousands of people.

Thinking about it now, I can't even begin to imagine the scene on that day. Horrific is one word that comes to mind. 

About four years ago, my father and I had the opportunity to go to Hiroshima and observe the Atomic Bomb Dome in the middle of the city. It was a very moving experience for me. Even though it was abut 35 degrees I felt cold looking at the dome. I shivered on a couple of occasions.  I couldn't understand why people would want to drop this horrific creation of man on their fellow (innocent) man. I still can't understand it. 

2020 and this COVID-19 pandemic has brought out the best in people and unfortunately the worst in people. I know that stopping people doing stupid things is impossible but can't we give it a try?

I know that New Zealand prime minster, Jacinda Ardern gets a lot of flak from people about her urging for us to be kind to each other but do you know something, it isn't a bad idea. Be kind. How hard is that? Just because the guy over their doesn't have the same opinion as you, does that mean you should kill him. FFS, grow up. It's called debate, not kill everyone. 

I hope that nothing every happens like Hiroshima again. I also hope that the pandemic comes to an end very quickly and we come out the other side better for it. It's possible but it will be difficult.

LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN - The Daily RBL is back.

In the immortal words of Joey Tribbiani, "I'm back baby."

After many false starts in trying to get this daily blog happening again, I have made the decision to blog again on a daily basis. This is a definite decision and you can hold me to that.

This blog will once again focus on the relationship between introverts and extroverts however because it is a daily blog it might go off that on occasions. You never know.

If there is anything special that you would like me to address, send me a message and I will do my best to answer your question.

Well, I have only written a few sentences here but it already feels good to be a creator again as opposed to a consumer. Look out for some YouTube stuff as well. Don't have to high expectations though with the videos. I'm just starting.

It's good to be back and I look forward to entertaining you as well as informing you in the coming months.

Introverts v Extroverts 101

Here are a few things you need to know if you are going to compare Introverts v Extroverts (which you shouldn't but lets be realistic)

1. Introverts get energy from themselves. For within their being. Extrovert get energy from outside interaction, interaction with people.

2. (I hate to write this) Introverts are often shy but please remember that the two are completely different. Extroverts are often sociable. (Well thank you Sherlock)

3. Introverts are different in public and private. (I wrote a post about Uchibenkei, which is a Japanese word which basically means being the lord of the manor in private while being reserved outside the house. The extrovert on the other hand are the same in public and private.

4. In a large group, our two friends are like chalk and cheese. An introvert is quiet while an extrovert is invariably the life and soul of the party.

5. An introvert will have a few lose friends (but please bare in mind that these friends will do anything for our introverted mate.). An extrovert will have a large number of friends.

6. An introvert can concentrate for a long time in low-key places while an extrovert is easily distracted by shiny objects and the new cool thing.

7. An introvert will think before he or she says anything. They will go over that telephone call a number of times in their head before dealing. They will imagine conversations in their head before they occur. The extrovert tends to think out loud.

8. An introvert will tend keep his or her emotions hidden. Sometimes you can't tell if they are interested in what you are saying or not. Extrovert like to unload their emotions. they want everyone to know.

There you go. There are some differences. They shouldn't be taken as gospel, just that it gives you some rough idea about introverts and extroverts.

Is Spock an Empath?

Recently I have been reading about empaths. It is something that I had seen a lot on the Internet and books and online articles but I didn't really understand what it meant. So I started digging around.

I'm currently reading this book by Barrie Davenport. Admittedly I'm only half way through it but it talks about Highly Sensitive People or as she calls them (us), HSPs. It also talks about empaths.

Early on in the book I could really identify with parts of what she was saying about HSPs especially when you almost take it personally when your parents are arguing/fighting etc.

I remember a couple of times my mother and father going for it and I didn't like it at all. It was almost scary. I don't know what was scarier the fact that they were asking all the idea that I had in my mind that, that was it and divorce was on the cards. (They are still happily married by the way. It seems their relationship has got stronger as they have got older.)

By reading this book, it made me aware why I had that reaction and I would like to thank Ms. Davenport for that.

What is an empath?

According to the dictionary on my computer, an empath is a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual and then it was prefaced by (chiefly in science fiction).

WHAT?

Does that mean that Mr. Spock is an empath?  I suppose that is a question for another post.

Ms. Davenport says that an empath is a person with a series of behaviours and traits that reflect a heightened ability to feel the feelings of other people. WOW! That is definitely outside of my knowledge bank.

Can you identify with an HSPs or an empath? I'm sure some of you can.