Charisma. It's one of those words that we all know. We have all heard it hundreds and hundreds of times but how do you actually become more charismatic?
1. Listen, listen, listen
It's all about listening. You ask questions. You maintain great eye contact. You use facial expressions and you really listen not like me who sometimes fakes listening. (That's not cool by the way.) By really listening, you are shown the other person that they mean something to you.
Also remember to listen to everyone. It doesn't matter what percentage of the population they belong to. The 1% or the remaining 99%. It doesn't matter where they went to school and what kind of accent they have, they all deserve you utmost attention. So give it to them.
2. Phones off
This is another one that I am pretty useless at. Put your phone away. Close the lid on that laptop. This way you are showing once again that utmost respect for the people you are talking to. By turning off your phone, people will want to be around you and that isn't a bad thing at the end of the day, is it?
3. Words are important
Words are important and how you use them are very important as well. I remember I was taught that "You are not running late. You are behind schedule." What is the difference here? Well, when you are running late, you are showing the people around you that you are lazy and unorganised and just not up to the business that you are involved in. But when you say that you are behind schedule, it shows that you are a busy person. That you a lot of things to do and that many people trust you because they want to see you for a meeting.
I've noticed that I have used the words "I hate" a lot recently. This is very negative and I should really get it out of my vocabulary quick smart.
4. We don't care about who you know or what kind of shit you have
You know the King of some far away country? Well, whoop-de-do. You have got the latest cell phone? I couldn't care less. You live in an apartment with a dishwasher? Well, fuck me. You are awesome. (Notice the sarcastic tone.) I tell you something, we don't care. It gets tiresome listening to all the stories about those possessions. (They are just possessions by the way.) Stop it with the stories. It is showing off after all and nobody likes a show-off.
5. Dalai Lama's wisdom
"When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new." - Dalai Lama.
Yep, very wise words indeed.
6. Don't gossip
Whatever you do, don't and I mean don't gossip. You might think you are being really cool laughing at someone and the other people might be laughing with you but at the end of the day no-one really likes someone who gossips. It's not cool at all and guess what, even though everyone is laughing (or fake laughing) no one respects you.
7. Laugh at yourself
Hey, you fucked up. Laugh about it. Learn from it. If you have learned from it, people will really respect you for it.
At the end of the day, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at, right?
Friday, 8 September 2017
Thursday, 7 September 2017
Today's Quote of the Day
I haven't had a great day today but I have to realise that tomorrow is another day and you can afford to have days like this as long as you give it your all the following day.
"It's never too late to start over. If you weren't happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don't stay stuck, do better."
"It's never too late to start over. If you weren't happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don't stay stuck, do better."
Wednesday, 6 September 2017
The Difference between Arrogance and Confidence
What is the difference between confidence and arrogance?
Lets have a look at the respective definitions on my computer's dictionary:
CONFIDENCE
A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
ARROGANCE
Having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.
OK. I see. So, lets see if I can summarise that lot.
A confident person doesn't have to tell everyone that they are good. They just know.
An arrogant person has to tell everyone.
Is that clear?
Of course there are other ways to tell the difference between the arrogant and confident people.
1. An arrogant person will have an obvious superiority or inferiority complex over people. The arrogance is usually a facade. They do feel inferior to other people and so they will act or arrogant to cover this inferiority.
A confident person however, doesn't feel the need to show that he is superior to anyone else. He or she knows that they are a great catch and he doesn't have to announce it to everyone. He or she would no doubt dominate the room with their presence but wouldn't rub it in other people's faces.
2. Another difference is how arrogant and confident people treat other people. An arrogant person thinks they are better than anyone else and they will only talk to people they perceive to be on the same level as them and anyone below that level with be kicked to the sidewalk because the arrogant person doesn't have time to listen to anyone else.
A confident person will listen to anybody and will encourage them to speak up and may even give them advice if they feel that the occasion requires it.
3. Self-confident people are aware of their shortcomings and weaknesses and are trying to improve them each and every day.
An arrogant person will not admit that he or she has any weaknesses and tries to keep that perfect image for all to see. Unfortunately he or she is not fooling anyone. most people can see that arrogant person has weaknesses and his or her denial is making them look even more foolish in the eyes of the people around them.
4. A conversation with an arrogant person can be very tedious. They are always trying to get one over you and won't like your thoughts and ideas one iota.
A confident person won't try to force their ideas and opinions on the listener unless they are asked and then if they are asked they won't ram it down the other person's throat. They will speak their peace and carry on.
5. Have you ever been at a bar or an event and you were talking to someone who didn't seem to care what you were talking about and was constantly scanning the room looking for someone else to talk to? Infuriating, right? That is a great sign of arrogance.
The best people in the room are the ones who are you think that you are the only ones in the world. Apparently, Bill Clinton is great at that. It is all about eye contact.
6. An arrogant person is trying to be some that they are not. They are probably uncomfortable around the people nearby so they are trying to win over the crowd with bravado and it doesn't work. They are trying to avoid criticism and that is not good.
A confident guy or woman is positive, optimistic and they are tackling the difficulties of life head on.
At the end of the day, you are a confident person. That is great but you don't need to rub other people's noses into it. That makes you an arrogant person and no one likes them, maybe except the arrogant person him or herself.
Lets have a look at the respective definitions on my computer's dictionary:
CONFIDENCE
A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.
ARROGANCE
Having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities.
OK. I see. So, lets see if I can summarise that lot.
A confident person doesn't have to tell everyone that they are good. They just know.
An arrogant person has to tell everyone.
Is that clear?
Of course there are other ways to tell the difference between the arrogant and confident people.
1. An arrogant person will have an obvious superiority or inferiority complex over people. The arrogance is usually a facade. They do feel inferior to other people and so they will act or arrogant to cover this inferiority.
A confident person however, doesn't feel the need to show that he is superior to anyone else. He or she knows that they are a great catch and he doesn't have to announce it to everyone. He or she would no doubt dominate the room with their presence but wouldn't rub it in other people's faces.
2. Another difference is how arrogant and confident people treat other people. An arrogant person thinks they are better than anyone else and they will only talk to people they perceive to be on the same level as them and anyone below that level with be kicked to the sidewalk because the arrogant person doesn't have time to listen to anyone else.
A confident person will listen to anybody and will encourage them to speak up and may even give them advice if they feel that the occasion requires it.
3. Self-confident people are aware of their shortcomings and weaknesses and are trying to improve them each and every day.
An arrogant person will not admit that he or she has any weaknesses and tries to keep that perfect image for all to see. Unfortunately he or she is not fooling anyone. most people can see that arrogant person has weaknesses and his or her denial is making them look even more foolish in the eyes of the people around them.
4. A conversation with an arrogant person can be very tedious. They are always trying to get one over you and won't like your thoughts and ideas one iota.
A confident person won't try to force their ideas and opinions on the listener unless they are asked and then if they are asked they won't ram it down the other person's throat. They will speak their peace and carry on.
5. Have you ever been at a bar or an event and you were talking to someone who didn't seem to care what you were talking about and was constantly scanning the room looking for someone else to talk to? Infuriating, right? That is a great sign of arrogance.
The best people in the room are the ones who are you think that you are the only ones in the world. Apparently, Bill Clinton is great at that. It is all about eye contact.
6. An arrogant person is trying to be some that they are not. They are probably uncomfortable around the people nearby so they are trying to win over the crowd with bravado and it doesn't work. They are trying to avoid criticism and that is not good.
A confident guy or woman is positive, optimistic and they are tackling the difficulties of life head on.
At the end of the day, you are a confident person. That is great but you don't need to rub other people's noses into it. That makes you an arrogant person and no one likes them, maybe except the arrogant person him or herself.
Tuesday, 5 September 2017
Bill Gates' Think Weeks
Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft used to take two weeks off a year and go to a retreat in the middle of nowhere and think. He would do that twice a year, one week at a time.
It sounds like an introvert's delight, right? What would you do with one week to yourself?
I don't think I would survive. I need my special someone there with me to experience the week so big ups to Bill Gates' for doing that which is probably the reason he is worth $70 billion and I am not.
Lets say that you don't have the means to get away from it all for one week to just think. What other options do you have?
1. You could visit a new area in your city that you are living and hang out there. A change is as good as a holiday they say. So going to that new area could get your creative juices flowing.
2. You could find a quiet spot in the local park and hang out there. If it is a nice sunny day then you can get a nice tan along with some creative thoughts. Sounds like a good deal to me.
3. You could find a place in a shared work space like where I am now. Put some thinking music on your computer and really think about it.
4. Go for a long walk in the countryside. Out in the nature you will find all sorts of stimuli that will help you come up those big ideas.
The whole point of this is that you need the time, space and solitude to think and when you really think that is when those big ideas appear and then the next step is to take action on them.
It sounds like an introvert's delight, right? What would you do with one week to yourself?
I don't think I would survive. I need my special someone there with me to experience the week so big ups to Bill Gates' for doing that which is probably the reason he is worth $70 billion and I am not.
Lets say that you don't have the means to get away from it all for one week to just think. What other options do you have?
1. You could visit a new area in your city that you are living and hang out there. A change is as good as a holiday they say. So going to that new area could get your creative juices flowing.
2. You could find a quiet spot in the local park and hang out there. If it is a nice sunny day then you can get a nice tan along with some creative thoughts. Sounds like a good deal to me.
3. You could find a place in a shared work space like where I am now. Put some thinking music on your computer and really think about it.
4. Go for a long walk in the countryside. Out in the nature you will find all sorts of stimuli that will help you come up those big ideas.
The whole point of this is that you need the time, space and solitude to think and when you really think that is when those big ideas appear and then the next step is to take action on them.
Monday, 4 September 2017
Go by yourself
A lot of people fear going some place alone. They find the idea of turning up somewhere, like at a party or an event by themselves as been very intimidating.
I'm here today to say that, yes, maybe that is true but only for the first five minutes or so. That's all. Five minutes. That's it.
Many people will ask around their group of friends for somebody to accompany them but when they get a few no's they will give up and not bother with the party/event at all.
The advice is simple today that if you want to go somewhere and no one wants to go with you, pluck up the courage and go by yourself.
If you are genuinely interested in the theme of the event then you will meet people there who are there for the same reasons. They will have similar interests and you will have lots of things in common and the conversation should flow smoothly. It's just those first five minutes which is nothing.
I'm here today to say that, yes, maybe that is true but only for the first five minutes or so. That's all. Five minutes. That's it.
Many people will ask around their group of friends for somebody to accompany them but when they get a few no's they will give up and not bother with the party/event at all.
The advice is simple today that if you want to go somewhere and no one wants to go with you, pluck up the courage and go by yourself.
If you are genuinely interested in the theme of the event then you will meet people there who are there for the same reasons. They will have similar interests and you will have lots of things in common and the conversation should flow smoothly. It's just those first five minutes which is nothing.
Saturday, 2 September 2017
How to get yourself out of an uncomfortable conversation
Have you seen the move The 40-Year-Old Virgin? It is a 2005 comedy movie in which Steve Carrell gets his big break in movies.
There is one scene in particular that I find quite interesting. The one below:
Admittedly it is a movie so we should take it with a grain of salt but I'm sure that every introvert has been involved in this kind of conversation. Steve Carrell's character (Andy) is a virgin so he is naturally uncomfortable with the conversation but he is also uncomfortable because it is basically locker room talk and Andy as an introvert is more comfortable with conversations that with a bit more intelligence and depth to them. Not how many women you have shagged or what a woman's breast feels like.
What can you do if you find yourself in this situation?
In one word, NOTHING. Shut your mouth, say nothing and if you are asked a question change the subject or ignore it.
Of course that is easier said than done. So lets see what we can do.
"Andy do me a favour, would you help him redeem himself by telling him a real sex story. Nastiest s**t you've ever done? I'm talking about nasty."
OK, so how do we change the subject here? Good question, isn't it?
Andy decided to lie about his sexual experience and that didn't end well for Andy.
Maybe Andy could have said:
"Whatever nasty stuff I have done, I'm sure that it isn't even as close to what you have done Jay. So did you see the game last night? The Rams should have won easily but they don't have a running game and that is costing them."
There you go. You should know if your friends and acquaintances are interested in sport or not and if they are they are going to want to speak about football and if they insist then do the time-old toilet run. It never fails.
There is one scene in particular that I find quite interesting. The one below:
Admittedly it is a movie so we should take it with a grain of salt but I'm sure that every introvert has been involved in this kind of conversation. Steve Carrell's character (Andy) is a virgin so he is naturally uncomfortable with the conversation but he is also uncomfortable because it is basically locker room talk and Andy as an introvert is more comfortable with conversations that with a bit more intelligence and depth to them. Not how many women you have shagged or what a woman's breast feels like.
What can you do if you find yourself in this situation?
In one word, NOTHING. Shut your mouth, say nothing and if you are asked a question change the subject or ignore it.
Of course that is easier said than done. So lets see what we can do.
"Andy do me a favour, would you help him redeem himself by telling him a real sex story. Nastiest s**t you've ever done? I'm talking about nasty."
OK, so how do we change the subject here? Good question, isn't it?
Andy decided to lie about his sexual experience and that didn't end well for Andy.
Maybe Andy could have said:
"Whatever nasty stuff I have done, I'm sure that it isn't even as close to what you have done Jay. So did you see the game last night? The Rams should have won easily but they don't have a running game and that is costing them."
There you go. You should know if your friends and acquaintances are interested in sport or not and if they are they are going to want to speak about football and if they insist then do the time-old toilet run. It never fails.
Friday, 1 September 2017
MESSAGE TO EXTROVERTS ABOUT YOUR INTROVERTED FRIEND
Dear extroverts out there,
There are reasons why your introverted friend doesn't want to join you at the club on Friday night and it isn't because they are unsociable or a loser. (Why would you call them that?) They are probably thinking:
"They say, I never see you at the club. I say, I never see you at the bank."
Here are some reasons why, besides the above, your introverted friend will not go to the club with you.
1. One of my pet hates is people criticising your taste in music. Why do people think it is necessary to complain about other people's music? Why can't I listen to Spice Girls if I want to without judgement?
Wooooo Hoooooo. I feel all motivated for the day after that.
2. One thing you will find with a lot of introverts is that instead of talking they are doing a lot of thinking and daydreaming and sometimes (and to introverts out there be careful who you confide in) they will share those thoughts with you and if they want to build a swimming pool on the moon, they want someone who will listen and even encourage them not someone who will say those two dangerous words "Be realistic." To be honest, introverts don't need that kind of negative talk.
3. Going out on the town requires some planning clothing-wise. Obviously this is more of a problem for the fairer sex, what with the right outfit and how much makeup to apply but for guys it can be a hassle as well. Trying to get the right look where you are trying to show that you haven't made much effort but you have. I think guys will understand what I am talking about. So why don't you stay at home by yourself or with your significant other? You don't have to dress up and you can (well in my case anyway) wear your tracksuit pants and rugby jersey.
4. Sometimes when you go to a club or a bar there are certain expectations of what you should do and how you should act. As an introvert I would question these "social conventions." Why do I have to buy you a drink? Why don't you buy me a drink? For some introverts, these expectations can be very tiring to keep up with so it is just as easy to not go to the club.
5. Finally, if you can't entertain yourself, who can you entertain? Introverts don't need a big posse to feel energised. They just need themselves or themselves and a significant other. That's all. The club on a Friday night is just to stimulating and it can be very, very draining. An introvert will go but just don't expect them to go every week.
No everyone wants to go to the club or bar on a Friday night and that is ok. That doesn't make them strange, it just makes them who they are. Remember that and everything will be fine.
In closing, I would just like to say that I love this song and I am not ashamed to say that. So stop judging:
This one too:
I'm ready for the weekend now.
There are reasons why your introverted friend doesn't want to join you at the club on Friday night and it isn't because they are unsociable or a loser. (Why would you call them that?) They are probably thinking:
"They say, I never see you at the club. I say, I never see you at the bank."
Here are some reasons why, besides the above, your introverted friend will not go to the club with you.
1. One of my pet hates is people criticising your taste in music. Why do people think it is necessary to complain about other people's music? Why can't I listen to Spice Girls if I want to without judgement?
Wooooo Hoooooo. I feel all motivated for the day after that.
2. One thing you will find with a lot of introverts is that instead of talking they are doing a lot of thinking and daydreaming and sometimes (and to introverts out there be careful who you confide in) they will share those thoughts with you and if they want to build a swimming pool on the moon, they want someone who will listen and even encourage them not someone who will say those two dangerous words "Be realistic." To be honest, introverts don't need that kind of negative talk.
3. Going out on the town requires some planning clothing-wise. Obviously this is more of a problem for the fairer sex, what with the right outfit and how much makeup to apply but for guys it can be a hassle as well. Trying to get the right look where you are trying to show that you haven't made much effort but you have. I think guys will understand what I am talking about. So why don't you stay at home by yourself or with your significant other? You don't have to dress up and you can (well in my case anyway) wear your tracksuit pants and rugby jersey.
4. Sometimes when you go to a club or a bar there are certain expectations of what you should do and how you should act. As an introvert I would question these "social conventions." Why do I have to buy you a drink? Why don't you buy me a drink? For some introverts, these expectations can be very tiring to keep up with so it is just as easy to not go to the club.
5. Finally, if you can't entertain yourself, who can you entertain? Introverts don't need a big posse to feel energised. They just need themselves or themselves and a significant other. That's all. The club on a Friday night is just to stimulating and it can be very, very draining. An introvert will go but just don't expect them to go every week.
No everyone wants to go to the club or bar on a Friday night and that is ok. That doesn't make them strange, it just makes them who they are. Remember that and everything will be fine.
In closing, I would just like to say that I love this song and I am not ashamed to say that. So stop judging:
This one too:
I'm ready for the weekend now.
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