What we can learn from KY.

空気読めない

It's Japanese lesson time again. Have a look at the phrase above:

Do you know what this says? It says Kuuki Yomenai (KY). Literally it means 'cant read the air.' In other words you are, lets say a little incompetent in the social situation. You aren't able to read the clues that people are giving.

Lets think of a couple of examples.

Maybe you are an extrovert and your partner is more introverted. You are both are at a party and you are having a great time talking to everyone. Your partner however has had enough socialising and wants to go home. Your partners body language, facial expressions and words and saying everything to you that he or she wants to go home however you ignore it. This could be an example of Kuuki Yomenai (KY).

Another example would be you are at the same party but this time you are alone. The party continues and you are having a fantastic time, basically dominating the room. However what you don't notice  is that the host wants people to go home so they can go to bed. You don't notice this at all and just continue to drink and talk and rave. In the end the hosts literally have to kick you out of the house. You could have prevented that embarrassment by being wary of what is going on but you chose, deliberately or otherwise to ignore it.

My father and I were in Kyoto recently doing some sightseeing. If you haven't been to Kyoto, you should put it on your list of things to do because it is pretty cool.

Anyway we were there on a very hot day. Kyoto can get very, very hot in the summer. Be warned.

We were sitting in the shade planning our next strategy when a family, they sounded as though they were from North America came by. There were the two parents and three teenage children. My father started talking to one of the children. It was obvious that she had had enough sightseeing for the day and just wanted to sit by the pool or do nothing however it was also obvious that the father had made a plan and he was going to stick by the plan come hell or high water.

The father obviously didn't read the situation with his daughter. He was on a mission and he had his blinkers on. He wanted to see as many sights as possible. His daughter did not share his enthusiasm.

Sometimes people are just so absorbed in what they are doing that they don't see what other people are doing or wanting.

When you are in a group of mixed introverts and extroverts be aware that the other people might not share your enthusiasm for the situation and let them do their own thing. They will feel a lot better with your understanding.

I suppose that last paragraph is for extroverts. So in saying that:

Dear Extroverted people of the world,

If your introverted friend wants to leave, let them. They are not being rude to you, they are being true to themselves. In fact, the one being rude is you for almost forcing them to stay there in a situation that they are not feeling comfortable with.

Read the atmosphere my extroverted friend. Anyway, you will still have a great time with or without your introverted friend because you can seem to make friends at will.

The Introversion and Extroversion of the Olympic Games

The Rio Olympics are well into their second week and New Zealand so far have got three gold medals. Woooo Hoooo! Some people don't like the Olympics. They think it is a big waste of money but I quite enjoy it as we, the sport fans get to see people who may not be on our TV screens every week.

In fact, a friend of mine said to me a couple of weeks ago that if the Olympics isn't the pinnacle of your sport then it shouldn't be in the event. That's an interesting thought because if you look at the current list of sports in the Olympics, probably Basketball, Football, Golf, Rugby Sevens and Tennis would be the sports to miss out.

In saying that though, maybe for NBA players, the Olympics is a bit of a sideshow but for other non-NBA players then it is a big deal.

For football players, definitely the World Cup is the sports biggest showpiece and to be honest, I want to see the best players in the world not under-23 players.

Golf and tennis professionals seem to be split on their participation. I think Rory McIlroy said that he didn't grow up dreaming of an Olympic gold medal. He was more focused on a green jacket or a claret jug. Although in saying that, according to this article, it seems that McIlroy has changed his tune. I say good on him. It will interesting to see if golf remains at the Tokyo Olympics in 2020.

Rugby Sevens is just a new sport in the Olympics and that it might become a popular sports in Olympics to come. I personally don't really enjoy it. Maybe I'm a traditionalist. It is like I prefer test match cricket to T20 cricket even though I know that the ICC are lobbying for T20 cricket to be included at the Olympics. That would be interesting. Where would they build the cricket stadium in Tokyo?

I was thinking the other morning while I was watching the build up to the 100 metres final about whether you could classify each sport as an introvert sport or an extrovert sport. I thought that sport brings together all sorts so you are going to have some extroverts and some introverts in all sports but I wonder what sports attract certain kinds of people.

I can only speculate and this is my take on five sports that are on the programme at the 2016 Rio Olympics.



1. ATHLETICS

My answer to this would be both. This is very much an individual sport but the sprinters seem to be more exuberant and it seems that they train in groups while the field competitors I can imagine would spend hours and hours either by themselves or with a coach. Quite a lonely existence, right? Perfect for the introverted athlete.



2. HOCKEY

I grew up playing hockey. By the way, for my Canadian readers, this is the hockey played on artificial turf not ice. Of course like in any team sports you are going to get a mixture of players and personalities. I think for any team sport you have to have certain level of extroversion in you while the introverted player would have to really love the sport or may have been coerced into the sport by friends, parents or teachers. So, I think that hockey would be an extroverted sport with some ambiverts to provide the balance in the team.



3. ARCHERY

I'm sorry this has introversion written all over it. I don't know anything about this sport but it just seems that it is perfect for people who want some alone time and they want to get rid of stress by firing some arrows at a board. I wonder if William Tell was an introvert. Robin Hood probably wasn't because he had his posse.



4. VOLLEYBALL

This is one sport that I haven't taken to much. I used to not like playing it at all. (Probably because I was useless) Also I don't like watching it on television. It tends to my eyes to be serve, dig, set and then monster spike and then occasionally the opposition will get it back. However, from what I see this is definitely an extroverted sport. First of all it is a team sport and secondly they really get quite emotional after every point. In football they get emotional after they score a goal but usually they only score two or three goals. In volleyball you have to score 75 points to win a game. Extroverts apply here.

  

5. GOLF

This is an introverted sport. It's an individual sport and I can imagine the golfers being on the practice range hitting balls by themselves hour after hour in all sorts of weather. I believe that Tiger Woods is an introvert who really wanted to be an extrovert and he used his stardom to do what he did. I kind of wish he wasn't found out about his "extra-curricular" activities because who knows what he could have achieved. The 20 majors of Jack Nicklaus would have been surpassed long ago.


There you have it. Different sports are good for different personalities but if you really like it then it won't matter if you enjoy spending time with people or you don't because you really enjoy it and that is all that matters.

Why you should talk to everyone.

I was watching a video on Youtube the other day and it was talking about engaging with people in shops and restaurants and places like that.

I know that I am the worst at it. I will go into a place like I did for lunch the other day. It is a make your own sandwich kind of place, very much like Subway. I go in there quite often. It would be a perfect chance for me to just say hi and to talk to the shop staff as an equal but I don't do it.

I'm not talking about flirting for you people wondering if I'm talking about that. If you are a guy, say hello to the guy behind the counter. Say something unusual, it might even make his day.

I know with shop staff I can get a little bit shy. By that I mean that I don't look them in the eye. I might not even grunt thank you to them.

If you start talking to shop staff, you are building your skills and then it makes it easier to talk to other people at events, in a business situation, on the street, basically anywhere.

I've been into a particular convenience store a couple of mornings a week for the last few weeks. A few times I have noticed another foreign guy talking to the shop staff. Not your normal small talk mind you but what looks to me to be a proper conversation.

I'm not sure if I'm correct but I am willing to bet that he goes into the shop everyday and he struck up a conversation with the staff so that now when he goes in he is made to feel welcome and the staff may even give him a discount or two. But the point is he sees the same people everyday and he has engaged with them.

I, nine times out of ten write my blog posts at a private library in which I am a member of. People use it as a study space, some use it to read, while there are obvious companies that work out of here as well. Have I engaged with people that I see here everyday? No, not at all. The only people I talk to are people that I know from outside the library. I sometimes I don't even say hello to the staff members who always greet the members. Isn't that terrible?

Here is my challenge to myself and to you, if you wish to accept it. Engage with one person a day who is behind the counter of a shop or serving you at a restaurant or anywhere really. You might be filling up your car. Chat with the people at the service station.

The picture you see of me above, I asked one of the library staff to take and then we chatted a little bit. She was more than happy to help me and I was friendly and I'm sure that next time I ask a favour that she will help me.

So is that my one for the day taken care of? No, I might have to find another place to engage with people.

Good luck to you and good luck to me.

Should you say something or be quiet?

A few years ago I had a friend of mine staying with me and he mentioned something that I hadn't noticed before and now when I do it I'm very conscious of it.

When I meet people I'm very conscious of what I say and what I do. You know how some people can just come straight out and say things to another person and they instantly become friends? That certainly is not me.

I remember a few years ago, a former work colleague saying that when he first met me that I was very standoffish and he thought that I was a little snobbish but was relieved to find out that I wasn't.

Anyway, when my friend was staying with me, he overheard me talking to a colleague on the phone. Apparently I wasn't holding back and I was joking and making stupid comments and the like.

As soon as I got off the phone my friend mentioned that I must be very comfortable with that colleague because I was very outgoing. The ironic thing is if I met that colleague today I would be very guarded as I haven't seen that colleague for a few years and that person can run quite hot and cold depending on the situation.

The other day at my gym I was talking to a guy who I may have only spoken to a handful of times. For some reason I must have felt comfortable so I said some things that if I think about it, probably wasn't very appropriate. Considering his nationality and our previous conversations I thought that it was OK but now when I think about it I may have crossed the line with a couple of things I said.

This is the problem with us introverted people. Sometimes we can't read the social situation and we can come across as being idiots. Of course extroverted people can do the same but the different between introverted people and extroverted people is that the extroverts just don't care. They are having fun and reenergising themselves by talking to people so they are just doing what comes naturally.

Introverts need a little bit more practice and this an be achieved by you being the one asking the questions. You can control the conversation and at the end of it the other person is going to think that you are a great person because they did all the talking and believe me if there is one thing that people love talking about it is themselves.

How to come out of your shell?

Isn't it amazing how one song can change everything?

Regular readers of this blog will know that I am a darts fan. I find it fascinating how they have basically taken a pub sport and turned it into a spectacle. I can't think of an appropriate adjective. It is very cool.

Before I continue, I would like you to have a look at this video below:

This is a video of the walk-on to the stage of Vincent van der Voort. I think the last time I read he was ranked about 15th or 16th in the PDC (Professional Darts Corporation) so not one of the elite but still a very good darts player.

I suppose you could describe Vincent van der Voort as a journeyman but he is very popular because of two reasons:

1. He plays quite quickly which means it is interesting to watch.

2. The crowd like, no I mean they LOVE his walk-on song. The commentators reckon the crowd                 waits all night just to sing his walk-on song.

Isn't it amazing that one song can change a whole person's persona?

I must admit that I haven't watched many of Vincent van der Voort's matches but he doesn't come across as a crowd favourite. Someone like Peter Wright does however come across as a crowd favourite. Have a look at this video below:

Peter Wright loves to play to the crowd, dancing around. Look at his haircut, that colour seems to change everyday. Peter Wright seems much more charismatic. He seems to play to the crowd and they love him.

Vincent van der Voort on the other hand does not seem that charismatic at all. He is a good professional darts player but that is it. At the start of his walk-on video his punch in the air looks very uncomfortable and even when he is high-fiving the crowd it doesn't look right. The only time he looks natural is when he greets the young boy in the Where's Wally (Waldo) costume.

What Vincent van der Voort has done is that he has chosen wisely with his choice of song. I presume they choose their songs themselves. The song is a popular one and it is easy to sing a long with that it has helped what I think is an introverted darts player come out of his shell and it has probably helped his career no end.

In everyday life not necessarily in the darting world you too can come out of your shell by maybe wearing something a little different that stands out. People will have no option but to ask you about it.

You could have an unusual business card. I've seen some interesting ones over the years and they are memorable.

Another idea is that you could take on a Sasha Fierce type alter ego. (Sasha Fierce is Beyonce's alter ego.) This would be I imagine very difficult for most introverted people but if you can pull it off then all power to you.

Having that little bit something different can really help you get to another level in your development. What are you going to do to make that next step?

Do millions of vending machines make an introverted country?

I've heard or read that there are one of these for every 6 people in Japan. Can you believe that? Are there 20 million vending machines in Japan. Actually, you see them everywhere so I wouldn't be surprised if yes there are that many. 

You can buy almost anything in these vending machines. You can see in this picture it is a generic coca cola one. Just around the corner are another two. One of them is a Suntory one and the other I can't remember what company it was.

You can buy chocolate bars in vending machines. I've seen nappy vending machines. (For North American readers, a nappy is a diaper.) Of course you can buy newspapers from vending machines.

Two vending machines that I can remember were what I call the quintessential Japanese vending machine. 

One vending machine I found in a very rural area in Chiba Prefecture. It was basically in the middle of nowhere and lets just say it was selling some very provocative literature and entertainment goods. It was hidden away behind a wall which piqued my curiosity. However when I found out what it was, I got out of there very, very, very quickly. News of you frequenting places like that gets around pretty quickly in rural areas like that. 

Another vending machine I did not even notice until I had been standing beside it for ten minutes or so which as you are about to learn would make me look like a very dodgy character. It was in a suburban area in Tokyo on one of the busiest roads in the metropolis. 

From memory I was waiting for a friend outside this shop and as is usual with me I arrived early. So I did what I normally do, I waited. After about ten minutes I noticed a vending machine behind me, so I had a look at what they were selling and to my shock and a little bit of excitement to be honest, I found a vending machine that I had heard of but I had never seen before, the type of vending machine where teenage girls sell their underwear. How dodgy I must have looked standing there for more than ten minutes.

Enough with the funny stories and let me ask you a question, why are there so many vending machines in Japan? I'm going to hazard a guess. 

I consider Japan an introvert country. An introvert country? What is that I hear you ask. 

Well lets just say that the United States of America is an extrovert country. I believe that you have to be a little loud and bold to get anywhere in the USA whereas Japanese are stereotypically a little bit more reserved. Japan is a group based culture which means that they find it difficult to talk to people outside their group which is introverted isn't it? 

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule. I mean there are millions of introverted Americans and millions of extroverted Japanese it is just on the whole I believe these countries are extroverted and introverted respectively. 

So, is it possible that there are many vending machines in Japan to help people not to interact with each other? People want to go and buy their coca cola or chocolate bar without having to answer questions like do you want a bag or is the amount of money you have just given the right amount of money that you want to give. (Don't worry, it sounds much better when you say that previous sentence in Japanese.) 

I know that there are vending machines in other countries but it is plausible that there are so many  because of the introvert idea. 

Whatever the number of vending machines is I wonder when the time will be when all convenience stores are run by robots. I've heard that in Nagasaki there is a hotel that is staffed by robots. That sounds kind of fun and creepy at the same time.

Vending machines everywhere, hotels run by robots. What is going to be next? That is a very interesting question. I see in a news article on a New Zealand news website that bank branches might be going the way of the dodo.

Are more and more people going to show introvert tendencies because of the lack of human contact? It would be interesting to come back in 100 years to find out. Quite possibly. 

Are you like Schwarzenegger or are you like Ferrigno?

I like movies that would be classified as a documentary. I think of Michael Moore movies or even the one where the guy ate McDonalds for 30 days. Super Size Me I think it was called.

One of the more famous ones would be Pumping Iron. It came out in 1977 and focused around the 1975 Mr. Olympia bodybuilding contest in Pretoria, South Africa.

This movie basically made Arnold Schwarzenegger into a household name. At that time bodybuilding was very much a niche sport, but Arnold made it into a mainstream sport as well as launching his movie career. The rest the say is history.

Pumping Iron does have some scripted parts in it which makes for interesting viewing but what I can see in the movie and what I believe is very very real in the movie is the relationship between Arnold and what he thinks is his main competitor, Lou Ferrigno.

For people of my generation, you will know Lou Ferrigno as the character in this clip below:

The Incredible Hulk! That brings back the memories. Lou Ferrigno played the Hulk, just in case you didn't realise.

In the movie Pumping Iron, there is a perfect representation of the difference between an extrovert and an introvert.

In case you haven't figured it out, Arnold is the extrovert and Lou is the introvert.

Arnold is shown working out at the gym surrounded by other body builders. Helping them out if they ask him too. He is the centre of attention. Basically he holds court. Everyone knows him and he loves it. He loves the attention and admiration because he is 'the man.'

Contrastingly, Lou works out with his father in the basement of their house. He is quiet but equally determined to finally knock Arnold of his perch.

One of the more famous scenes in the movie is when Arnold, Lou and Lou's father are having breakfast together. As you would imagine Arnold is doing all the talking. We find out that it is all part of the psychological warfare in bodybuilding and Arnold appears to be a master of it. Lou's father tries to say some things but Arnold won't let him. Lou says very little.

So, what does this all mean? Does it mean that you have to be like Arnold to be successful? That answer for that is yes and no. Sure you are going to have to put yourself out there on occasions but the quieter ones can also be successful. You have to find what you are good at and really apply yourself to get better and better at it. You need to apply yourself to become the best in the world.

Just because you are quiet and you don't want to be around a lot of people and have reporters and beautiful people following you everywhere it doesn't mean that you can't become someone of note.

Compared to Arnold, Lou may not have been a success, but he made it in movies, he made it on television and he was one of the best bodybuilders of his time. He was probably more successful than 99% of people out there.

Just because you are quiet, it doesn't mean that you can't make a name for yourself. It just means that you might have to get out of your hut a few more times than you want to...