Introvert Tactics

I watched the following video the other day and he makes some excellent points in it. Let me go through them:

First of all, being introvert has nothing to do with being shy. Actually in the video he gives an excellent example about how introverts roll. He says that he will be in a club and then after a couple of hours he'd wish that he was back home on the couch watching a movie or something similar which is Introvert 101.

Also, what does being an introvert have to do with social anxiety. Remember it is about how you recharge yourself not whether you crumble in the front of other people. Although in saying that, some people are going to struggle

Lets go through the five pieces of advice in this video:

1. Nervous Reframe

This is an excellent piece of advice. You are not nervous about what is going to happen but you are excited about what is going to happen.

In this video, a lot of his examples are about pick up and talking to women, so the example would be rather than being nervous that you might look stupid and get made fun of, you are excited that you are going to meet someone great and you might go out on a date with them later.


2. Utilise your Passion

I like this one a lot and I say this in my blog as well. When someone asks you "What do you do?' they are mostly waiting for you to say your job title and preferably in language that they can understand. However, when you start talking about your passion then you become excited and you will become a more interesting person and people will ask you more questions and it snowballs from there.


3. Make it Certain

What holds us back is uncertainty and because we don't know what is going to happen we don't want to do anything. But if you prepare and you have a plan of attack then in your mind you are going to be more calm and whatever happens you knew it was going to happen.



4. Initiate Always

In my opinion this is the best piece of advice in the video. Always take the lead. If you are a man and you see a woman that you want to talk to, go over and say hi and remember you don't need any fancy pick up line like "I've lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?" That's just cheesy.

If you see someone you haven't seen for a long time, go over and say hi. You don't have to spend the next three days and three nights with them, just say hi and talk for a couple of minutes and say bye. I assure you the other person will be happy that you made the effort to initiate it and if they aren't, what did you do? You went and said hi. What a monster you are! (That's sarcasm.)


5. Stay Mysterious 

I must admit that I don't really get this one but I suppose if you focus your attention on the other person, then you are not going to be talking too much and the other person would be happy because you are talking about them and then they realise that you haven't said anything and that would make them realise that they don't know you at all.


In summary:

• Make it exciting
• Talk about your passion
• Certainty
• Initiate
• Mysterious

Excellent video. Take a look if you haven't already.

IS IT THE BEAUTIFUL GAME?

There is no doubt that football (soccer) is the sport of the masses, the most popular sport in the world. There is no argument about that.

The excitement, the passion of the players and the supporters, the last minute goals to win or draw the game:

It's all there and it can be fantastic sporting theatre. However like any theatre there is always a villain and that villain is the constant running at the referees, shouting and gesticulating. The diving and the simulating, I think it ruins it all.

This afternoon I was watching the final game of the J League season. FC Tokyo had to beat Yokohama Marinos by four goals to become champions. In the end Yokohama won quite easily 3-0 and became champions for the first time in 15 years but what struck em about the game was midway through the second half when the FC Tokyo striker Kensuke Nagai was going for goal and was fouled  by the Yokohama keeper. Whether it should be a yellow card or a red card was debated and needed with people running at the referee and his assistant and it just got tiresome.

For me what was a great spectacle was ruined by the antics of the players.

I think that referees should be more fearless in giving cards for that kind of shenanigans. Also yellow cards should be like rugby and be a 10 minute sin bin.

I would like to know what football fans think of my 10 minute sin bin thoughts.

Situational Extrovert Gets Out of His Comfort Zone

Part of the Situational Extrovert experience is about getting out there and doing new things.

Over the years I have tried things that people have given me grief for. For example, I went to a salsa class a few times. I was completely useless. I had two left feet if you now what  mean.

I went to a couple of guitar lessons. These lessons were about as successful as the salsa ones.

I even would do something first that other people were scared to do. I remember when I was at school and we had a fundraising hole in one competition on the field. I arrived at school early on that day and decided to have a go. None of my other friends wanted to step up so I did. It was a total disaster. The ball hit the side and made a huge noise but not as loud as the laughter coming from behind me.

Of course at the time it was a touch embarrassing but when I look back on it, I was proud of myself for getting out there and having a go before anyone else.

That is what the Situational Extrovert is all about. Getting out of your comfort zone for a short time. Stretching yourself.

What are you going to do this week to get yourself out of comfort zone? To expand your world.

ENGAGING WITH SERVICE STAFF

Do you engage with sales staff or shop staff or servers in a restaurant?

As a situational extrovert I suggest you do exactly that from time to time. It will help you build situational extrovert confidence and I'm sure that it will make their day.

You don't have to do it every time because that will tire you out, believe me.

Do it once in a while but make sure that it is relevant and real not some made up banter you had written the night before.

ENGAGE, ENGAGE, ENGAGE and tell me how it went.

Good luck.

TINDER etc

Hands up if you have never heard of Tinder?

Tinder is almost synonymous with dating in 2019. Every single person seems to have it on their phone and people swiping by the millions every day.

As a situational extrovert, sometimes it can be difficult to approach that person and start a relationship out of thin air. Tinder or whatever application you use can do that hard work for you but as some of you probably know, there are some things that might happen that can be difficult to cope with.

Ghosting

Ghosting is when the other person just disappears. You seem to getting along very well and then he or she just runs away. They become a ghost and you have no idea what happened. At the end of the day, unless you have met them in the flesh, they were literally just words and pixels on a screen and maybe they are doing you a favour.

As a situational extrovert, we want to encourage you to get out of the house and meet people but we know that it can be a little difficult so apps are the best but don't rely on them 100%. If you get out of the house, you might never know who you will meet.

It's good to be back.

I've said this a few times over the last month that I'm going back to daily blogging. This blog is called The Daily RBL after all.

I've decided that today, December 1st, 2019 is the day that it starts again. Why December 1st? Because we all think because it is December why don't start on January 1st? What's the point in that?

Don't expect many epic blog posts in the coming days because it will take me a few days to create the habit again.

That's the whole idea for me to do this, to create the habit again and turn things around for me which have been going down a little recently.

Thank you again and I look forward to the next, I don't know how many posts.

A speech of mine at Toastmasters

Here is a speech I gave at Toastmasters a few years ago. Toastmasters is a great resource for building your confidence and I would recommend it for anyone:

(Silence for 30 seconds)

I read a book recently. It was called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking. 

It was the second time I had read it and this time like a movie where you miss out on all the subtle hints that director was trying to show you in the first, the second time I got a lot more out of it. 

Before I go on, let me just tell you what I think an introvert and extrovert are. Basically my interpretation of the book.

Introvert – This is someone who is stimulated by being alone, being in solitude. Maybe they are reading a book, maybe they are sitting watching television, they are happy and contented by sitting at home doing nothing.

An extrovert on the other hand is stimulated by social encounters. They have to be out and about, at the latest parties. For those of you that use Facebook, you can identify these people who have posted 95 photos of the party they had at their apartment last Tuesday night, going like this …

Before I continue I would like to clarify about the difference between shyness and introversion. Shyness is fear of social judgment while introversion as I said is how you respond to stimulation.  

After reading the book and having extensive discussions with my friend I have come to the conclusion that I am an introvert. I don't want to make this sound like an AA meeting. Hello, I’m Blair and I’m an introvert however in today’s society it is almost considered a bad thing and the author of the book basically wrote it to say that it isn’t a bad thing. It isn’t a disease. 

We are up against a world that is set up for extroverts though. Work spaces that are set up for teams, and children who want to be by themselves seen as problems. 

Why I am here today is to tell you people who identify yourself as introverts that you are not alone and you don't have to feel bad or feel pressured that you want to stay at home on a Friday night while your extroverted friends are all fired up on red bulls and calling you anti-social for doing something that comes naturally to you. 

We have all had this I am sure. In fact one of my friends and I use that term very loosely used to make me feel like I was scum of the earth if I didn't come out and join him for a beer or twelve. When he would call he would ask, “What are you doing?” I would answer “nothing.” To him nothing meant that I wasn't doing anything so I should be out with a drink with him. I was busy doing nothing. Anyway, I no longer talk to that guy for other reasons. I discovered that he was a real user and would only contact me when he needed something. 

Now, lets get onto the part where you should embrace your role as an introvert. Introverts make great leaders. Why? Because they let the extroverts go. They let them crank up that creative storm that’s brewing in their heads and let them go crazy. The introverts are the stable people in the background pulling the strings. You put an extrovert in charge and they will want to ram their ideas down your throat. 

Remember as an introvert you are not alone. FDR’s wife Eleanor was an introvert. Dr. Seuss was an introvert. He used to hide himself in his house because he feared that children would be expecting him to be like his characters. Steve Jobs wouldn’t have the image he has now without Steve Wozniack.

Al Gore is an introvert. They say with introverts that if you send them off into a room full of people that they will come back with less energy than when they went in. Mr. Gore apparently needed a rest after those kinds of events like I will at the end of this speech. 

We know Mr. Gore for his movie, An inconvenient truth. He was very passionate about the subject but no one would listen to him. He basically had to make that movie because a bunch of extroverted congressman are not get be stimulated by a tiny crack in the ice. They need a super duper Hollywood extravaganza to grab their attention. 

Why do we make introverts feel so guilty about wanting to go off somewhere by themselves?

Western societies have always favoured the man of action instead of the man of contemplation. 

Despite all of this nonsense, I say embrace your introvertedness. I say if you want to stay at home and read a book or watch television on a Saturday night, don't feel embarrassed about it. In fact I remember one of the best nights was sitting at home with a good friend drinking a few beers watching sport. It was fantastic.

I say if someone tries to steamroll over you with fast words and gibberish, just let them go for it, they will be found it soon enough.

Being an introvert doesn't make you gay, as some people have thought about me in the past. It doesn’t make you snobby, as some people have told me in the past that they thought I was, it makes you who you are. So feel proud about who you are and what you do. Don't feel that you have to run around yahooing everywhere. It’s not you and it will make you tired and make you look like someone you are not.