You become what you focus on

"Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have  always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind." - Anonymous


Napoleon Hill said thoughts are things and I thought at that stage that it was some kind of hocus pocus. But if you really focus on something. I mean really focus on something and act as if it is going to happen then there is no option that what you have been thinking about will come to fruition.

For example, maybe you want to lose weight and you focus on that fact. Just by focusing on it, you will find you start exercising on more regular basis. You will find that you start eating the types of foods that you should be eating and not drinking the types of drinks that shouldn't be drinking.

This can work for anything in your life, your health, your career, your business, your relationships.

If you focus on it then it has not choice but to become what you want.

If you don't believe me then maybe the following video (all 90 minutes of it) will make you think otherwise:

STOP IT! RIGHT NOW!

We all have our habits. Some are bad habits, some are good habits.

The good habits might be going to the gym on a regular basis. Another idea might be eating healthily with a cheat day once a week. (I assure you, those cheat days are gold.)

Examples of bad habits might be:

• Swearing (WTF?)
• Picking your nose
• Biting your nails
• Smoking
• Eating fast food
• Speaking with your mouth full (Sorry Mum)

These are all examples of bad habits and we should try to stop them now if you are guilty of doing them, although in saying that I saw a good quote about swearing today:

"Personally, I don't find swearing offensive. I do find back stabbing, lying, cheating and fucking people over offensive, but not swearing."

We all have our bad habits but there are some others that you might not think of that we need to quit as soon as possible. 

1. Trying to please everyone

If you try to do this, I suggest that you stop right now. It is impossible to try and please everyone because as you know, we are all different and whatever you do, there is always going to be someone who doesn't appreciate your effort or just straight out doesn't like you and you have to be OK with that. I know for some of you, the idea of someone not liking you is unpalatable but at the end of the day, that is life, isn't it? 

2. Scared of change

Hey! You introverts out there, change is OK. It allows things to become better. It allows you to become better and that is good, right? I know that I'm not the best when it comes to change but it helps to embrace it instead of running away from it. 

3. Living in the past

Sometimes we dwell on our past. We think about the things we did or said in the past that haven't actually covered us in glory. The worst thing we do and I think introverts are the worst at this is we dwell on it. We think to ourselves why we actually did that or why did we actually say that and we think to ourselves how stupid we were. We really work ourselves up about it but in fact probably what has happened is that the person who was around us has probably completely forgotten about what you said or did which probably wasn't too bad anyway. So, why live in the past?

4. Putting yourself down

In my book, there is nothing wrong with self-deprecating humour. It will get you a few laughs and relax some people. There is a big caveat though, don't put yourself down. An example I can think of is from my primary school days. I remember a big guy named Glen. He told me this joke when I think of it was not so good. He said that because he had a lot of fat on him that he was a walking microwave oven. At that time I didn't think it was very funny and it must have let a big impression on me because I still don't think it is very funny. Don't put yourself down. It doesn't leave a very lasting impression on you.

5. Overthinking

A few weeks ago I had a meeting that I thought might get a bit confrontational. That afternoon, I was going through all the scenarios in my mind and getting more and more worked up about it all. In the end I didn't need to worry about it because all of the things I had thought about didn't come to fruition. It was just wasted energy and a waste of my time. I had overthought it all and had got myself in such a state that I could not do anything. Definitely a big waste of time. 

There you have it. Five things you need to stop doing NOW. I assure you that your life will get better and better and you will attract great things into your life. 

Today's quote: "The funny thing about introverts is once they feel comfortable with you, they can be the funniest, most enjoyable people to be around. It's like a secret they feel comfortable sharing with you. Except the secret is their personality."

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Why don't you destress?

"Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking that we have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." - STEVE JOBS

I'm sure that we are have times when we are stressed. Some people react to stress differently. Some people might eat enough chocolate to sink a ship. Other people might go for a run. 

Whenever you are stressed, here are some ideas that you can use to, lets say, destress. 

1. Solitude

Make sure you get away from it all. That doesn't mean you go to a cave in the mountains somewhere and hang out with the bears and the bats. It just means that you might want to go for a walk or sit in a cafe alone and contemplate the meaning of life. Just make sure you are by yourself and you don't have anyone else pestering you. 

2. Move your body

Yes! That's right. Go and do some exercise. It could mean go for a run. It could mean go for a swim. You could play a little bit of three-on-three basketball if you have five other friends (although that might be difficult). My exercise of choice is CrossFit. You just do whatever you want. Whatever you enjoy. If you want to do Tai Chi, that is another option.

3. Pick up a book

I read a lot. Mostly I read non-fiction but I do enjoy the odd fiction book, especially when I am sitting on the beach. My books of choice are Jack Reacher novels, John Grisham books and also Stephen King. I find once I get into a book that it is as vivid as a movie and that is where the phrase, "it is hard to put down" comes into it. If you can find a book like that, it is very, very special. 

4. Write

Some people keep a diary. Other people write a daily journal. (To be honest, I don't know the difference. They both seem the same to me.) I know that I write the blog on a daily basis. Some days it is quite relaxing and on other days when I don't know what to write, it can be downright stressful which is not really great. Whatever you do, the best advice I can give is to start. Pick up your pencil (that sounds so old-fashioned) and start writing. I wrote a novel a few years ago. It was about 65,000 words. I just wrote a few words everyday. It was good. It was a great accomplishment. You can do the same.

5. Relax in the hot tub

I don't get in the bath often, but when I do I make the most of it. After a stressful day, you can literally wash your problems away in the bathtub. Get a good book or my choice, a good magazine and relax for a few minutes. In the winter, especially, it is always the precursor to a great night sleep. Before you men out there say, that a bath is a woman's thing, remember that there are some great bath cultures in the world. I'm thinking of Japan where there are some awesome public baths scattered around. 

6. Listen to music

Sometimes when I was younger, I would be in the kitchen because it was my turn to do the dishes or something like that and I would hear this noise like the cat was being tortured. Actually it was my father who had his headphones on and he was "singing" along to whatever music he was listening to. He was just hanging out and that was one way he relaxed. 

I don't like it how we are judged by our taste in music. Who cares? If you like a certain genre of music then that is great. Who cares what others think, right?

7. Hang out with a pet

I'm not the biggest dog fan in the world, but this was quite relaxing. He certainly was very happy to sit with me for awhile. Once I got over the scary part (Yep, even this kind of dog scares me from time to time) it was very relaxing.

8. Meditation

When I have tried this, it actually feels really great. You are clearing your mind and it has a great almost cleansing experience where all of your worries are washed away. I would, if I was you, give it a try. Don't think of it as the new-age hocus-pocus carry on. It isn't like that at all and it has a great feeling of nothingness when you have finished. 

9. Have sex

Enough said. Just remember to give 100% of your attention to your partner. He or she will know if you are distracted and the experience will be flawed for both of you. Also go into the experience  with the mindset of wanting to give as opposed to receive. That is all it is give, give, give. 

I would like to finish today's post by with a quote from Maya Angelou:

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style."

Notorious: It's all about loyalty

Conor McGregor. He seems to be the name on everyone's lips in the boxing and mixed martial arts community at the moment.

In three weeks time, McGregor will step into the ring with one of the all time greats in boxing history, Floyd Mayweather.

To some boxing fans, this fight seems to be a bit of a circus but they are still interested in how it will go and I presume how McGregor in particular will go. They all seem to think that Mayweather is a good, no, great boxer.

Most people I have talked to think that Mayweather will win, but there is the odd guy who thinks that McGregor will win. I don't know enough about it to decide but hopefully it goes the full quota of rounds.

I just hope it doesn't look like this:

I saw a quote recently and it goes something like this:

"A woman's loyalty is tested when her man has nothing...
A man's loyalty is tested when he has everything."

What I have read about Conor McGregor and his partner is that she stuck by him even when he was a nobody making his way up the ladder. They had very little money but she believed in him and the rest is history and they are still writing that history now.

I don't know about you but her loyalty would have been tested big time and because she kept on supporting him, they have both been rewarded and that is fantastic in my book.

I'm sure McGregor's loyalty is been tested now. When you start to build great success, of course the money comes and other temptations. 

What I have read, it seems that Conor McGregor is very much in love with his partner, Dee Devlin and from the articles I have read he says that he owes her a lot and that is great. That is how partnerships are built.

No matter the result on August 26th, Conor McGregor and Dee Devlin seem to have something that many people wish for but in this day in age it seems difficult for many people, a loving, loyal and supportive relationship.

I hope that it is an entertaining bout on August 26th and I hope that it doesn't define either man, win, lose or draw. 

EXTROVERTS 101: Here is all you need to know

The other day we had this post about introverts.

Today it is the extrovert's turn.

1. Extroverts need alone time too

Extroverts are not going to be "on" 24/7. Of course, most of the time they will want to be out and about and socialising with all and sundry. However, on occasions you will find them huddled up on the sofa watching Netflix or some kind of sport. The difference with an introvert and extrovert is that the extrovert will tell everyone that, that is what they are doing and take a photo of the movie they are watching and post it on Instagram so that even if they aren't around a whole bunch of people they can still get energised by having a many "likes" and comments like:

"That's a cool movie."

OR

"Oh my god babe, those are some fabulous slippers."

OR

"Where are you? The club is off the hook."


2. Extroverts love the spotlight

If you want to get on the good side of an extrovert friend or acquaintance, dish out the compliments thick and fast. They are going to love you for it. They love that spotlight and they are going to feel loved with you lay it on.


3. Extroverts are not the best at planning

You would think that, since the extroverted person loves to be out every night of the week with friends and the like, that he or she would be an expert at planning the night and getting 300 of his or her "closest" friends to come out and enjoy the night.

This isn't necessarily the case. The extrovert likes to kick back and enjoy the night like the rest of us without all the added of pressure of getting the introverts there or getting the other extroverts there who are, should we say, "directionally challenged."


4. Shy Extroverts are among us

Believe it or not, shy extroverts do live among us. Not all extroverts are loud and in your face because they are having a great time and they expect everyone else to have one as well.

Introversion and extroversion is all about how you energise, not what your personality is like, so it stands to reason that even though they energise in a large group, they may not be able to talk to anyone.

I felt like that a few times, especially in a nightclub. I would be enjoying the Top 40 music that they were playing but not being able to talk to anyone. It is a weird experience, I tell you. It is heightened when your friends are demanding you to "Go and talk to her" or "why are you so quiet?"


5. Extroverts need to be stimulated

They say that variety is the spice of life and extroverts need variety. They get bored and distracted  really easily. You have to keep energetic and lively and entertaining because if you don't, you will find the extroverts will be gone to find something more interesting.


6. Use a sledgehammer when talking to an extrovert

Don't be subtle when talking to an extrovert. Don't be passive aggressive. It is best to be upfront and direct. Extroverts don't want to play the little games that have invaded our society. Just say it directly and the extrovert will understand what you are talking about without having to think too much at all.

It's OK to say "NO"

Do you have a problem saying "No" to people? Do you feel pressure to go out even when your energy reserves are low and it is the last thing you want to do? Do you find that "friends" put pressure on you or make you feel guilty if you say no or are wavering about whether you want to go out on the town or not?

I have one thing to say to you today:

It's OK to say NO

Let me repeat that so you get the message loud and clear:

It's OK to say NO

1. If you are asked out and you agree. At the time maybe it sounded like the best thing to do, but as the time gets closer, the idea of spending time with a big group of people sounds about as fun as having a root canal so you should no. It is ok to change your mind. You know you and you know that the Friday night out with a whole bunch of people is not your cup of tea.


2. It is OK to cancel a commitment. Obviously if you do it often, you are going to piss off a whole lot of people. If you legitimately don't want to go then it is OK. You are not being selfish, you are being true to yourself and that is all we can ask. You might just want to spend the evening with one or two close friends instead of 50. There is nothing wrong with that.


3. To the workaholics out there it is fine to take a day off. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you need to stay at home and do nothing. You know that you recharge by being by yourself or with one other so you are doing yourself, the people around you and your employers a favour because you will come back firing on all cylinders. If you don't do this you will start resenting your job. You will start resenting your colleagues, your bosses and maybe even society in general.


4. Some days, especially in the winter, I like to stay in bed and just do nothing or as my fourth form (10th grade) social studies teacher used to say, "Zipadeedoodah, not a sausage, bugger all." Just stay in bed and not talk to anyone and just relax. There is absolutely no worries with that. Just do not make it a habit because if you do, we have a bigger problem.


5. If you decide to spend Saturday night alone, there is nothing wrong with that. Just because society deems that you should be out and about socialising doesn't mean you have to follow it's "rules." You are not a loser for doing that even though some people (who are idiots by the way) may call you that. Don't listen to them. Do what you want.


6. Sometimes introverted people can get stuck in a rut that they find harder and harder to get out of. It can take a lot of energy and unnecessary worry to move on from it. It is needs to be done though and you should give yourself permission to move on. It probably isn't the most easiest but sometimes you have to break that umbilical cord and move on.

7. Finally, it is OK to change. This can be difficult for anyone but for introverts it is sometimes extremely difficult. If you find it difficult to make that change, I suggest to make a list about what is the worst thing that could happen if you make that change. If you look at it logically, you will probably find that the worst thing that can happen, you can laugh at it. It isn't all that bad after all. At the end of the day you are making a change for the better. It is going to be better for the people around you and most importantly, of you.

Let me say it one more time:

It's OK to say NO
It's OK to say NO
It's OK to say NO
It's OK to say NO
It's OK to say NO

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IT'S YOUR PERFECT IMPERFECTIONS THAT MAKE YOU, YOU.

"Nobody's PERFECT it's their PERFECT IMPERFECTIONS that matter."

What is this quote saying?

Basically it is saying that you shouldn't expect things that are are unrealistic. You might have this image of what someone should be but usually this is not going to be the case and if you continue with that thinking, you are going to be seriously disappointed.

We all have flaws and it is these flaws that make it who we are. We all have out little habits, our little sayings, our little idiosyncrasies.

Imagine if everyone in this world was the same. Governments might love it because it would be easy to control us but it would be quite boring, right?

Rather than focus on other people's imperfections why don't you think about your's?

Bit squidgy around the middle? Go to the gym.

Can't keep up with the conversation at a cocktail party? Read more

Short on money? Turn off the television and create something.

Not getting ahead at work? Stop blaming your boss and think about what you can do to improve your situation.

What about this good-looking guy? (You can stop laughing thank you.)

He might need to lose a little bit around his middle and trim his beard and bit more often and not smile so cheesily (is that a word?)

He can work on these things, because at the end of the day, we are all a work in progress. Some of us are just a little bit more along in the process than others.