Eye Contact

In this post, I talked about Toastmasters and the benefit you get from going this group.

Three things about public speaking that they emphasise in Toastmasters is the use of gestures, try not to umm and ah the whole time and what might be the most important in both public speaking and in public in general, eye contact.

Eye contact shows good confidence and shows that you are comfortable being you.

They say that in sales the first person to look away loses and that probably goes for negotiations as well although in saying that, I'm told that the strongest negotiating position is to be able to walk away and mean it. So that pretty much means breaking of eye contact, doesn't it?

How do you improve your eye contact?

I hate the kind of advice that you see occasionally where it is basically a Nike ad, "Just do it" or another one of my favourites, "Just be yourself" or the Mac Daddy of advice giving, "Just be confident."

Unfortunately with practicing eye contact there is only really one way, make eye contact with people.

This is what I suggest, start off by looking at but stare at people as they walk past you. After that and you have grown a bit more confident then you you might give a quick nod or the raised eyebrow greeting. Next you might give the smile and then finally the best one in my opinion, saying hello.

Some people say that they are scared to say help to strangers. Why is that? What are they going to do? "Hey, Mr. Policeman. That guy said hello to me. I want you to arrest him." I seriously doubt it.

OK, here's your homework. Over the next few days make eye contact with people that you might see regularly but you never acknowledge. It could be people at the store or station or gym or library. Anywhere really. Good luck with that.

Warning: Obviously sometimes you have to use your common sense and there are people and you know who they are who you wouldn't make eye contact with and that is fine. Don't!

The Daily RBL Video Blog - Eye Contact

This is my latest video about eye contact and how good eye contact can really lift your confidence and help you make that impact.

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 7

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:

19. When someone tells you to call them but you text them instead. You're a lot more clever/confident/clear when you write your thoughts instead of saying them out loud.

I can sort of understand this one, but sometimes communicating by text can be a real drag. You go back and forth trying to organise a meeting or something similar and it would have been much easier if you had just dialled the number and finished the phone call in five minutes instead of five days that some texting could take.

In saying that, it is true that some of us do express ourselves better in the written form as opposed to the spoken form but surely it is only a text. Then again, maybe you don't want to go out that particular night and the other person might sense the hesitation in your voice when you are saying no and guilt you into going out, so in that sense, the text may well be better.

20. When you avoid getting your hair cut for a few weeks because you know you'll have to muster the energy to make small talk with the stylist for a least 30 minutes. 

I have been going to the same guy to have my hair cut for over 10 years. I enjoy the experience. The hot towels, the shave, the massage, having my hair washed twice. It is a pleasurable experience.

I do know that over the last 10 years there has been times where I have put it off and I always thought that it was because I couldn't be bothered to travel there but maybe subconsciously, it was because I didn't want to do small talk although I must admit that the reason I go to that guy is because I like the small talk. I can imagine why people would avoid it though. Sometimes it might be better to just close your eyes and relax and let him or her just do their job.

21. When you get off work and you're so mentally burned out that you don't even want to turn on music or a podcast in your car. You just need everything to be quiet for a few minutes, PLEASE.

No. I have never had this experience although sometimes you just want to go home and go straight to bed. I'm sure most of you have experienced that. You get home and about 90 seconds later you are in bed snoring your head off.


There you have it. Over the last 7 days I have commented on things that introverts will understand. Did any of them resonate with you? I'm sure that a few did if not all.

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 6

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:

16. When you say, "I  want a low-key birthday this year. Like, dinner with two friends."

I'm laughing when I read this because it is exactly what I would say. I remember having a party a few years ago and it wasn't much fun at all. It was very stressful having to talk to all of these people. Some of them I don't think I have seen since. Sounds very extroverted, right?

It is always interested going to an extrovert's birthday party. He or she will have about 100 of his or her closest friends there and when you ask some of them how they know the birthday person I kid you not, I have heard, "we met on the train last week." Seriously? The more the merrier, right?


17. When you ask the teacher if she can make an exception for you so you can work alone instead of with a group. When she tells you that it will be more work that way, you figure that's fine because in a group, you'd end up doing the majority of the work anyway. You're kind of a perfectionist. 

I don't think I have anything to worry about here.

I have found that working in a group you do what the strongest person in the group wants to do which isn't always the best way but because they will bulldoze their ideas through in can be quite irritating.

This reminds me of George Costanza from the hit comedy series of the 1990's, Seinfeld:

"This is why I hate writing with a large group. Everybody has their own little opinions, and it all gets homogenised, and you lose the whole edge of it.

18. When you wear headphones in public so people don't talk to you.

Hands up who does this because they don't want to talk to people. I do. I'm not ashamed to do it. In fact I am doing it now as I write this.

Actually, In public, I don't mind talking to strangers but I do like walking around while listening to some good music although I can understand why some people would be like that especially in a close space like an elevator or something similar. I think looking down at your phone has the similar effect.

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 5

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:


13. When you're playing out a fictitious argument in your head and you get so into it that you find yourself making corresponding facial expressions or mouthing comebacks. You promise, you're not really as crazy as you look.

I'm sure that I have been caught out like this many time myself, in fact I know I have. People who don't do this won't understand so well, you will definitely think I and and other people who do this are crazy.

Introverts are occasionally so in their heads that we will continuously think about made-up conversations and arguments and so forth. Sometimes the conversations will be about what we should have said in a past encounter or something that we did and we are not too proud about it. I'm sure we all do it from time to time but introverts will do it more than most and sometimes we can get ourselves really worked up about some kind of future conversation that will never happen.


14. When you're awkward at making small talk. Or you don't do it at all. You cut right to the chase and everyone is like. "Where did that come from?"

I remember I had a meeting with a prospective client. I hadn't met him before so it was very much like the first "date." We had shared a lot of small talk (in my mind anyway) and so I decided to start my spiel. I think it must have been too early for him because he gave some sarcastic comment.

Sometimes you just want to get into the pitch and obviously you take a risk because some people may not be ready for it.

From a guy's perspective it could be like you are on a date and (in your mind anyway) everything is going well so you decide to take it too the next level and she is not ready for it. I would say that it is always better to go for it than to hang off and be considered the dreaded friend or for a salesperson, you get the dreaded, "You are a good salesman." ("You are a nice guy.") In my experience when you get that, you might as pack you stuff up and walk out the door.


15. When you finally speak your mind and people get offended because you were really blunt. You didn't warm them up with small talk first or sugar coat your words. You just spoke the truth. 

Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they get offended and sometimes introverts might not be "socially proficient" and may say the wrong things. Well actually, they are not the wrong things they are just saying what they think and what is wrong with that?

Well, you might offend someone. Who cares? Watch the video below and you find out what happens when you offend someone. Nothing!

The Daily RBL Video Blog - Morning Routine

In my latest video blog I talk about the morning routine and how it is important to get your day off to the best possible start.

I have also blogged about it and you can see some of those posts below:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2016/04/morning-has-broken.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2016/05/good-morning.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2016/10/the-miracle-morning-revisited.html

I hope you enjoy the video and if you have any comments let me know. I'm always interested to hear some feedback.

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 4

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:


10. When you say, "Sorry, I already have plans that night." Your "plans" are to watch Netflix, colour, or read - basically to chill at home.

This is a crucial one. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever say that you are doing nothing when someone asks you "what are you doing tonight?" In my experience, this is an interesting one because if you say nothing then the extrovert will expect you to accompany them to their local watering hole or concert or something similar. The trick here is to know you audience. If they are going to guilt you into going with them then you have to make you plans sound exciting and better than what they have in store for you. Also you want to make it seem like they are not invited. I would suggest going up with a dozen or so stories that you can trot out if you don't feel like it.

Remember though, that you can't say no every time because there might not be a next time and that is not what we are trying to accomplish here. Be strong enough to say no but also know yourself well to know when to say yes.

Of course you can always Netflix and Chill. You will get no argument from me with that. All power to you, I reckon.


11. When you're staring out a window, just daydreaming, and you can't be bothered by anything.

Introverts are so in their mind that sometimes we can't be disturbed. Is there anything wrong with this? Absolutely not. As I said above, all power to you. This is where the really good ideas come from.

Do you think that Thomas Edison was out partying on a Friday night or getting pissed (slang for drunk, not angry) with his mates? Probably not.

12. When you were supposed to be paying attention in class, in a meeting, or to your friend's story, but instead your mind started thinking about outer space, time travel, and the fate of humanity instead.

Oh god! Where do I start with this one? They say that introverts are good listeners which is not entirely true. In fact, for some of us, it is so far from the truth that it can be quite sad.

I think you and I need to get better at this because, to be quite frank, it is not cool at all.

Look out for future posts about listening techniques that you can use to be a better listener or at the very least pretend to be a better listener.