Dreamin' about Valentine's day

I thought this was appropriate for today. Have a good one. Enjoy the day. Enjoy everyday. You never know when it might be your last.

NO! NO! NO!

Learn to say no.

I'll write that again.

LEARN TO SAY 'NO.'

Someone has asked you to go somewhere with them. You said yes when you really wanted to say no. How do you feel? I bet that you are not going to enjoy it and you are going to resent the other person even though they did nothing wrong. All they did was ask and you had every right to say no.

 In this post I talked of a friend who understood that I couldn't say no and would almost bully me into going out with him.

If I knew then what I know now I would have said no and of course I would have said it in a nice way.

How do you say no?

Well, it is a five step process.

1. Say something nice. "That's sounds great. I always wanted to go to that place."

2. Answer. "Unfortunately I have another engagement on that night."

3. "Thank you."

4. Encourage the person. "I'm sure you will have a great night. I have heard that it is a real riot. I'm sure that you will have a great time."

5. Change the subject.

There you go. The 5 step process. I assure you, it has fared me well over the years.

I remember when I was young someone said to another person that I never say no. I wore that as sort of a badge of pride when in fact it wasn't really that at all. I should have really known myself and said no occasionally. I would have felt better about myself.

Remember when you don't want to do something, say no thank you. You will feel good about yourself and the other person will not have his or her hopes raised that you might say yes.

Don't be like most people!!!

The idea I have seen a great deal recently is the idea of 'Don't be most people.'

In this Instagram post it says:

"The truth is that most people never start because they don't want to be seen starting at the bottom. Don't be most people."

This is so true and I can relate a lot. I think that the problem also is because it might not be perfect we don't want to start.

I put off for a few days designing a log for my activities. In the end I just had to sit down and do it. It looked really awful and totally not what I had in mind when I started it but at least I had something down on paper which gives me something to work with.

Something else I have been procrastinating a lot on recently is making videos for this blog. I look on Youtube and there are some very good and very well produced videos and I think that because I don't have the expertise or the equipment to do it then I won't do it and that is a real bad way to look at it. You have to get started and as the Nike people say, 'Just do it.'

Finally about 'Don't be most people,' I would like to have a look at a good list that I found on this book. The author Peter Voogd wrote a list of things that most people do. Lets have a look at some of them:


Most people over eat and eat based off pleasure vs. health. Don't be like most people.
This is very true isn't it? We eat because it is the sociable thing to do or because the stuff is there. We make short term decisions rather than basing our eating on long-term thinking. That's OK sometimes but when you do it everyday and for every meal then you are going to have problems.


Most people don't have enough energy to go after their dreams and goals. Don't be like most people.
Most of us are just so focused on our urgent things to do that we forget what is important. We spend all day putting out fires and then  when it is time to sit down and really think about our futures we are too knackered (British slang for extremely tired) to do anything and the couch and the television beckons.


Most people sleep in and have no morning routine. Don't be like most people
What is a morning routine? I hear you ask. Well, I'm pleased you ask. It is something that you do every morning to start you day. By this I don't mean, get up, go to the toilet, have a shower, knock back a cup of coffee and rush out the door to catch the train  or bus to work. I mean having something to kick start your day. In this book you will find a system that the author has created that allows him to wake up and attack the day as opposed to rolling over and pushing the snooze button.


Most people pray for weekends and hate Mondays. Don't be like most people.
I don't know about you but I love Mondays. For most people it is the start of the week and they hate that they have to go to work. In Japan they have a phenomenon called the Sazae-san syndrome. Sazae-san is a popular long running cartoon that is broadcast on Sundays at about 6.30pm. The show tends to depress people because reality sets in and they realise that they have to go to work or school the next day. It affects people who don't really have any hobbies or any other purpose in their lives. For me a Monday is the start of a brand new week and it is a chance for me to become better than the week before whether it be in the business field, in the gym or in my relationships with people.


Most people sell themselves short. Don't be like most people. 
It is said that we only use a fraction of the ability that we have. Whether it is because we are lazy or we lack confidence most of us sell ourselves short. There are only a very few people who really reach their absolute full potential.

What can I say?

Don't be like most people!!!

Are you seeking some attention? You should be.

In today's society you need to stand out.

I know that a lot of you out there literally shuddered when you read that. I'll write it again, in today's society you need to stand out. Did you shudder again? I did when I wrote it and I'm sure you did as well.

In today's society you need to embrace being different. I know that scares the sh*t out of you but it is true. Sometimes we have to stand out to get ahead.

We as a society look down upon attention seekers. We think that we are better than them but let me ask you a question:

What is your net worth and what is Kim Kardashian's net worth?

Another example I can think of is the current POTUS. Donald Trump as a property developer looked to stand out by heavily promoting his name and his business ventures and now look where it has got him. He is the most powerful man in the world. Not bad.

You need to do one thing each day that is going to make you stand out.

Don't worry, I'm not going to get you to walk around town with a sandwich board around your shoulders with it written "I am the greatest."

For now, it might be something as simple as making a comment on some social media profile that you have an interest in. I'm sure that most of you can do that.

Then you can branch out and maybe post something yourself and then you might want to do a YouTube video. Most people don't like doing videos because it might bring ridicule but as Mahatma Gandhi said:

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."

It might be scary just thinking about all of this now but if you take little baby steps you might turn into a raving attention seeker, I doubt it but you will find with constant practice you can turn those little baby steps into giant steps and then you win.

Have you chosen your road?

I saw an interesting quote the other day:

"People take different roads seeking fulfilment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've got lost."

Like a lot of quotes that I'm sure you all see it got me thinking. This quote is so true. 

We all have our roads in life and we decide what road we will travel on and most people travel on it. Sometimes the road is smooth, sometimes it is bumpy, sometimes it is uphill, sometimes it is downhill and sometimes it is downright treacherous. It is your road however and you have created it so what gives other people the right to say that you are on the wrong road? 

Why do they say that you are on the wrong road?

There are many reasons but the number one reason is that they can't understand your road. It is beyond their comprehension so they will try and bring you back to the pack so to speak. If you can do something that they can understand then they can feel relaxed and most importantly advise you on 'stuff.'

In his book, The Millionaire Fastlane MJ DeMarco talks about three different types of roads:

Sidewalk

Slowlane

Fastlane

All of these have different people on these roads and they are doing their thing. 

On the Sidewalk they are living month to month. The people in the Slowlane are religiously saving in the pension accounts and working for 50 years until they retire. The people in the Fastlane are building businesses so that they have options in a few years.

Which one is right?

It depends on the person. It depends on their goals and objectives. It might be different from you but it doesn't make them wrong. In fact the road they are on may be the correct one for you. Don't dismiss it. Have an open mind

Take small baby steps

I was talking to a client the other day and we were talking about active listening. This is when
you actually listen to what the other person is saying and make comments and ask questions. Basically being a civil person, right.

Believe it or not, a great deal of us are not good at listening. As my friend likes to say, a lot of us are 'ready to talk' people. This means that we are not really listening to what the other person is saying and you are thinking about what you are going to say and if you are anything like a lot of people you are probably thinking to yourself that you wish that they shut up so that you can make your point.

Back to the story about my client though, she was telling me about her colleague who when asked by other colleagues to go out with lunch with them she will always say 'yes.'

Fair enough. I know what that is like. You want to bond with your work mates so you go out with six or seven of your colleagues.

When she came back from lunch, my client asked her what they had talked about and she had said she didn't know. My client was shocked, she couldn't believe that her co-worker didn't know what they had been talking about for one hour.

My client is quite extroverted so it is reasonable to expect her to be surprised at her colleague's non-participation in the conversation.

This got me thinking about my client's colleague. It is obvious that she is introverted and is entirely not comfortable in the group situation. She probably said yes to the invitation so as not to appear rude but as soon as they sat down I'm sure she regretted it. She would have been way out of her comfort zone and to keep herself there she would have sat at the end of the table and basically stayed in her own bubble. She would have barely contributed to the conversation.

This is all speculation. Obviously I wasn't there but I am pretty sure that is how it went down.

When you are trying to make changes in your life, it is better to make small baby steps. Perhaps my client's colleague should have gone out with two others as opposed to a big group of seven or eight and when she gets comfortable with three, then they can increase to four.

Sometimes in a group situation you are going to have to be selfish. I know that is difficult to do for some of you but you have to know your limits and if you have decided to stay home on a Friday night  and watch Netflix, then do that. There will be other Friday nights, I can guarantee you.

Hey! Shy Guy! Listen up!

This is a message to all of the shy guys out there. Now, listen and listen well, it is not about you. It is never about you. Most people are still concerned about themselves to worry about you.

They are not judging you. They are not judging you at all. As long as you remember this then everything will be fine.

I know it is difficult when they are laughing. The initial reaction is that they are laughing at you but 99.99999 times out of 100 they are usually talking about something else and they don't even compute that you are in their area. They are talking about something that doesn't even concern you.

How do I know?

I used to be like you. I used to think that everyone was judging me. I used to think that everything that I said and everything that I was doing was been judged by everyone in the room and that after the event that they would go home and laugh about me with their significant others.

You know what, they are so worried about themselves that you will laugh at your almost stupidness when you get it. You will think, what was I thinking about with those hours and hours and days and days of worry. They did not care about what I thought or said. No way at all.

In the next couple of weeks I will bring to you something that could literally change your life.

Check back occasionally to this blog and I hope to have it up soon.

Say goodbye to shy and hi to the next nice, confident guy on the block.