The MBTI Challenge

 I'm sure many of you have heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. I won't go into detail on what it is today. Let me just say that I have been holding off about writing about MBTI because I didn't really understand the theory behind it and I couldn't really find an interesting article to explain it to so I decided to write it myself.

I hope the next 17 posts (yep, 17) you will find  some benefit from them and hopefully they will be entertaining to read as well. I'll do my best.

Some of you are probably wondering how I've got 17 when there are 16 types. Well, the first post will be an outline of MBTI and then we will get into each classification. One post one classification. 

It will a challenging project for me. If you can make some comments that would be great. Also if you see anything that you might think is wrong or I could improve on, that would be great too.

See you tomorrow.

ARE THESE DATING TIPS GOOD FOR INTROVERTS?

 I came across this article the other day. All those who know me will know that I was attracted by the title with shy guys and introverts in it. 

How long will it take before people realise that shyness and introversion are not the same thing? Seriously! It is getting tiresome. 

Anyway, I continued reading (for research) and let me tell you what I think about some of the ideas in this article.

First of all I was lost in the first sentence by these words, ghosting, zombieing and kittenfishing. In fact there is a whole new list of vocabulary that I have never heard of before.

FYI, zombieing is when the person who has ghosted you comes back out of the blue with no sign of it. 

I digress. 

What are the four tips?

1. The article suggests to set a time limit for the date. 

I agree with this one. Usually an introvert gets re-energised by be alone with one other person. They can let their guard down and basically be them self but the whole idea of the first date when you are supposed to be "on" can be draining. Of course there is going to be the whole situation where it is going well but that can be an advantage as she will be wanting more of you and her attraction could go up. (Of course, she could interpret it as meaning you are not interested but that is something that you can't control.)

2. The second one suggests to go beyond the expected. 

I couldn't agree with this one more. In my experience most women (especially here in Japan) expect to go to a cafe or something similar and have a drink and basically swap resumes. Having a date plan that involves some kind of activity can be fun and you get to know each other in a relaxed atmosphere and as the title says it can be very unexpected/

3. The third suggestion is to choose things to do that are in your comfort zone. 

I believe that as an introvert it is good to go out of your comfort zone on occasions but know your limits. She might ask you out to concert where there are 70,000 people attending. If the artist is someone that you like then great, go. However if the artist is someone you don't even know the it could be a very long few hours for you and lets face it you probably not going to learn too much more about her.

4. The final suggestion is to know when to leave.

Sometimes the environment is just going to be too stimulating. I remember when my friend would be in town, we would go to a night club that he had taken a real shining to. I enjoyed the music and the people watching but I was never able to talk to people in that kind of venue. It was just too loud and you cant get into deep conversations that an introvert loves so much. It certainly wasn't my natural habitat. I still think of the times there when I had opportunities to meet new women but because of my lack of social ability in that kind of venue I missed out. I can still remember a particular woman giving the evils after she made it blatantly clear that she wanted to talk to me. 

There you have it. I suppose the above suggestions could be summarised in the late Kenny Rogers' song, The Gambler:

You've got to know when to hold them. Know when to fold them. Know when to walk away. Know when to run. 

Sitting Quietly

 "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone." - Blaise Pascal

I had never heard that quote before. Naval Ravikat said it on the very popular Joe Rogan Experience podcast. They were talking about how people can't just sit and be by themselves anymore. Have a look:

Isn't it amazing that they are saying that sitting alone and actually enjoying it is a superpower? For some people it will be torture and for other people they could do it in their sleep (you know what I mean.)

In the video they talk about meditation which I think is very important. I know that when I do it I feel great and I try to do it in the morning so I'm ready for the day ahead. 

I think another important skill is the ability to just sit by yourself and basically do nothing. By this I don't mean watching TV or the like but just sit there, maybe you can visualise or daydream if you like. The ability to just sit there BY YOURSELF as I said is difficult for some people but with all the noise in our lives we need it.

So rather than go out on Friday night, why don't you have a quiet night in? I'm sure you will benefit from it and at the very least you can get up early on Saturday morning sans hangover and make the most of the weekend. 

"LET's HAVE A COFFEE SOME DAY": Yeah right

 How many times have you got a call from someone or even a Facebook message or something similar? You chat for a few minutes and then you get the dreaded line, well from my point of view anyway:

"LETS GET TOGETHER FOR A BEER SOME TIME."

Have you ever had that experience? 

What is the result of that line?

Yes, nothing or as my social studies teacher used to say "Zippity Doo Dah, Not a Sausage, Bugger All."

Why do people do this?

Is it just a way to end the conversation knowing full well that this will never happen? 

Is it another way of telling themselves that they don't want to have the coffee but they feel better that they said it?

What really gets my goat is that they say let's get together and they have the opportunity then and there to set something up and they never do.

"Let's have lunch some time."

What should you do if it ever happens to you? 

Well, I suggest saying "When?" That's all. Just the one word, "When?"

If they give you a time and place, then great. You are going to have a beer or coffee. If they say something like, "I'll text you and sort something out." Don't expect every to hear from them.

Why this annoys me is that it is putting pressure on you to take the lead. Of course being a leader is good in our society but why should I in this situation?

Anyway, rant over. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. 

By the way, usually these "invites" are from people I don't know well or haven't seen for a long time. Maybe in some instances, I don't really want to see them anyway. So I should be happy. 

INTROVERSION AND SHYNESS ARE NOT THE SAME THING

 I received an email today from a mailing list I subscribe to. It talks about communicating with women and how to get a girlfriend etc. (Hey, don't judge. I find the emails very helpful and very interesting.)

Today's mail was titled 'Seduction Secrets for Introverts.' As you can probably imagine, this attracted my interest. 

The writer said that in the mail the tips were for shy and introverted guys. OK. I understand why you are writing this BUT please remember the following thing:

INTROVERSION and SHYNESS are NOT the same thing. I have said this ad nauseam on this blog. Introversion is how you energise. It is how you recharge. It is where you feel the most comfortable, in a small group. Shyness is the fear of judgement. 

Lets put this another way, the shy guy will go to the party and not speak to anyone, the introverted guy will not go at all. Does that make sense?

I used to think when I went to night clubs and bar etc that I was shy. Nothing could have been further from the truth. The atmosphere in the club was so stimulating for me that I got tired very quickly. The loud noise of the music meant I couldn't hear what the other person was saying and I couldn't have the proper conversation that I wanted to have.  

Going back to the email, admittedly the writer does give some good advice about pushing a little outside of your comfort zone and making the zone bigger. Just by saying hello or complimenting a person's hat. I think that is great advice.

FREELANCING: Is it for you or not?

 Is becoming a freelancer the ultimate 'Introvert job?' 

It sounds pretty cool, doesn't it? You don't have to clock in and clock out at specific times. You can start and finish when you want. You can work wherever you want. You can go to the gym at 11am. Also, and this might be the most important to an introvert, you don't have a boss or co-workers pestering you every five minutes or wanting to have inane conversations about their weekend or the latest episode of The Kardashians. (Is that still running?)

Of course there are always some down sides to it, from an introvert's perspective anyway.  What are these downsides?:

1. You are going to have to sell yourself.

I know that some people have the gift of the gab. They can talk anyone into doing anything. Sell ice to the Eskimos I suppose you could say. If you are anything like me, you struggle to do that and you think that your work should say everything and there is no need for brash self-promotion. Well, unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. Sometimes you have to tell the other person what you are doing or have done. You have to remind them that you are around. I'm not saying to threat to walk although that might be the last resort. 

2. You are going to have to be flexible.

Sometimes you are going to have to do things that you might not be comfortable with. Your clients might throw you a couple of curve balls. Are you able to handle their unorthodox requests or are you going to run away from all the mayhem because you weren't given six weeks notice?

3. Are you organised?

Are you organised? Do you know what is going on from day to day? Or are you all over the place because of that flexibility that we talked about above? You get that unorthodox request for a different time and place, do you take it in your stride or do you get all bent out of shape? I've seen it happen. It's not pretty. 

4. What about if the shit hits the fan?

Are you good with that? Are you able to fight it out? The current world situation with the pandemic can be a little worrisome. As a freelancer with money not coming in as regularly as it used to, are you able to handle it? Some people can't. I remember a friend of mine was dating this woman and it was going well. They had been out several times and she seemed cool. Then she found out what he did for a living, or more specifically what his remuneration situation was (commission based) and she freaked out and he never saw her again. See, some people can handle it and others can't. 

Life as a freelancer can be fun. It can be stressful. It can be rewarding. Some people are up to the challenge, others are not.

2020: Do I need to say anymore?

 2020. What is going to be your lasting memory of this year, 2020?

The Olympics? That trip to the Maldives or the Great Barrier Reef or the Grand Canyon? None of the above?

Let me guess, probably none of the above. I'm willing to bet your lasting memory of 2020 is going to be lock-down or quarantine or whatever it is called in your country.

I'm curious, how was lock-down for you? Was it hell? Was it the best time of your life? Did it go quite quickly? Did it drag on and on and on like purgatory? 

For me, the time went very quickly. I was effectively in lock-down for two months. I can prove it, I live in Tokyo and I didn't ride the train for two months. Unbelievable. 

Anyway, the time went extremely quickly. I would wake up on Monday morning and then the next thing I knew it was Saturday night and I was sitting there wondering where the time went. 

I read somewhere that the reason it seemed to go quickly was that there were no momentous events to look forward to. You know, it's Monday morning and you have a hot date on Saturday evening and you can't wait to see her or him but the week stretches out. Five days seems like five years. I'm sure you all have had that experience. However, during lock-down or quarantine there is none of that. Every day seems to be the same. Sunday seems to be the same as Wednesday and you don't know which day is which.

For me, it was a wonderful experience. I thought that I might get lonely and get cabin fever but I didn't feel any of that. On some days I didn't leave the house for up to four or five days at a time. Did it worry me? Not at all. 

Was the lock-down an introvert's paradise? 

According to Instagram and some of the posts I saw, I would have to say a big and resounding YES. However, after two months, I was definitely ready to get back out into the real world and get my life back on track. Slowly it's coming around and hopefully we will be back to "normal" very soon. Although what normal is I'm not sure.

As an introvert, treat those alone times like gold dust. You need every one of those minutes to recharge and to get yourself out into the world. Unfortunately for some of you lock-down is not going to happen every year and you may have to start going to those parties and networking events again. 

Time to prepare. 

MY DAY IN HIROSHIMA

Today is August 6th. It is a very significant day in world history. 75 years ago today, a nuclear weapon was detonated over the city of Hiroshima killing thousands of people.

Thinking about it now, I can't even begin to imagine the scene on that day. Horrific is one word that comes to mind. 

About four years ago, my father and I had the opportunity to go to Hiroshima and observe the Atomic Bomb Dome in the middle of the city. It was a very moving experience for me. Even though it was abut 35 degrees I felt cold looking at the dome. I shivered on a couple of occasions.  I couldn't understand why people would want to drop this horrific creation of man on their fellow (innocent) man. I still can't understand it. 

2020 and this COVID-19 pandemic has brought out the best in people and unfortunately the worst in people. I know that stopping people doing stupid things is impossible but can't we give it a try?

I know that New Zealand prime minster, Jacinda Ardern gets a lot of flak from people about her urging for us to be kind to each other but do you know something, it isn't a bad idea. Be kind. How hard is that? Just because the guy over their doesn't have the same opinion as you, does that mean you should kill him. FFS, grow up. It's called debate, not kill everyone. 

I hope that nothing every happens like Hiroshima again. I also hope that the pandemic comes to an end very quickly and we come out the other side better for it. It's possible but it will be difficult.

LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN - The Daily RBL is back.

In the immortal words of Joey Tribbiani, "I'm back baby."

After many false starts in trying to get this daily blog happening again, I have made the decision to blog again on a daily basis. This is a definite decision and you can hold me to that.

This blog will once again focus on the relationship between introverts and extroverts however because it is a daily blog it might go off that on occasions. You never know.

If there is anything special that you would like me to address, send me a message and I will do my best to answer your question.

Well, I have only written a few sentences here but it already feels good to be a creator again as opposed to a consumer. Look out for some YouTube stuff as well. Don't have to high expectations though with the videos. I'm just starting.

It's good to be back and I look forward to entertaining you as well as informing you in the coming months.