Not drinking is not going to end your world

Do you drink? Do you like to imbibe occasionally? I do. I don't drink often but when I do I only have a few and then go home ready to get up early and attack the next day with gusto.

In this post from a few months ago I talked about a young guy that I know who is basically forced to drink when he goes out with his boss. He told me a couple of days ago that he was forced again because he didn't want to appear rude in front of customers.

Unfortunately all over the world we hear these kinds of stories in which a younger person is forced to drink so that the other people know that he or she is committed to the cause.

I know it is difficult in today's society when you are supposed to fit in and you want to part of a team and you think that life could be very difficult if you not part of that team but at the end of the day, it is your body and you are in control of what you put in it.

I have no problem with people drinking, just don't drive afterwards. (unlike former All Black Dan Carter, allegedly)

Hey, your drinking doesn't really bother me unlike your smoking in which your second hand smoke might kill me and other people around me. If you don't want to drink alcohol, don't. It is as simple as that. You are going to have to practice how you say you don't want to drink because any weakness in your voice will be pounced upon by the people who want you to drink.

Like anything in life it is not what you say half the time but how you say. If you say that you don't want but you are not convincing then as I said before you are going to be pounced upon.

"Look! I don't feel like alcohol. By all means, you have something drink but I will have this coca cola because I want to drink it."

If they keep on trying to force you to drink, just walk away. They say that the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.

Don't drink if you don't want to. It's your life. It's your body.

The Daily RBL Video Blog 3

Good Morning! This is my third video blog. And it is basically summarising this post. If you are feeling down, say hello to someone. It will make their day and it will make your day. Give it try. What have you go to lose?

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2017/02/the-greeting-is-best-start.html

The Daily RBL Video Blog 2

This is the second of my videos. I hope you enjoy it.

Is following the herd always the right decision? My friend, Anna's story.

My cousin has started at university. I wish her well. I'm sure she will do excellently. She had a very good record at high school and I have no doubt that she will carry on with her great grades at 'uni' and will have a great time.

I was told that she is also staying in her first year at a university hostel (dormitory). This is normal for New Zealand university students and in their second year they usually (not all the time but usually) go 'flatting.' In other words, they find room mates (flat mates) and spend the rest of their time with those people until graduation.

Should everyone who goes to university go this route? Should they all go to a hostel in their first year and then go out 'flatting' for the remainder of their time at university?

Let me tell you a story about my friend. Lets call her Anna.

Anna finished high school with average grades but she played a lot of sport and participated fully in extra-curricular activities. Anna was a very good netball player and helped her school win the national championship in her second to last year at school.

After finishing high school, Anna spent a year in Austria where she picked up some German and although it took her some time to get used to the Austrian lifestyle she really enjoyed the last half of her time there and was reluctant to return to New Zealand at the end of her time there.

On returning to New Zealand Anna decided to go to a university out of her hometown. She was accepted into a hostel at that university and looked forward to her time there.

A couple of weeks before starting university, Anna went with her mother and her best friend, Kasuni to the university to register and to check out the hostel.

Kasuni, was very excited for Anna and was always good fun to be around even though she threw up in the two hour car ride down to the university.

Anna returned to her hometown for a couple of weeks and then she moved into the hostel. This was the first time that she had lived in New Zealand away from home and she struggled and after only one week in the hostel she knew that, that kind of lifestyle was not for her. She didn't know why but she was just overwhelmed by all of the new people around her. She met a couple of good people but she struggled to join in with the large groups of people.

Anna had struggled in Austria for the first few months but had managed to overcome that but for some reason she didn't want to struggle through the first few months of her university experience so that after only one week she returned to her hometown and enrolled at the local university.

I saw Anna recently and she doesn't regret her decision one bit. She knows that if she stayed at the original university and stayed in the hostel then she would have gotten used to it and probably had a good time but she decided not to and that is fine by her. Her parents were supportive of her decision and that made her feel good that she made the right one.

The moral of Anna's story is that sometimes the route that the majority take is not necessarily the right one for everyone. Sure you have to get out of your comfort zone from time to time, that is how you grow after all but you have to know yourself and tertiary education is no laughing matter and you want to create the best possible environment for you to do well and if you are like Anna and you make the wrong decision then you need to accept that you made the wrong decision and go back. There is nothing wrong with that and you will be happier in the long run.

A (moving) picture is worth a thousand words

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. It's finally here. My first video. I hope to bring you many more to complement my blog.

If you have anything that you would like me to talk about, send me a message and I will do my best to accommodate you.

Networking is good

It is said that you are the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time with. For example if you hang out with Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Carlos Slim, Amancio Ortega and Jeff Bezos then chances are that you are probably a wealthy person. I'm not promising anything but that's probably the case.

In this book by Peter Voogd he talks about the benefits of networking and shifting your circle of influence.

Lets think for a minute if you actually hang out with the five people above, I would say that you actually are going to learn quite a bit and their wisdom is going to rub off on you.

So according to Peter Voogd, what are the benefits of networking?

1. Shared Wisdom

As I said, if you hang out with those aforementioned billionaires then you are going to come out of the interaction with a great deal of information and advice which you couldn't help but use in your life.

Another benefit is that you get to find out about events that might be happening and other things that might not be advertised as much but because you are in the know, you can go along.


2. Opportunities

You never know what could come of it, right? You go along to a networking event and you might meet you next business partner or a new client or even your life partner. These kind of things happen at events like that. You never know.


3. Increased Income and Influence

You might not get a contract or the like with the people that you meet at an event but they might know someone who knows someone who needs what you have to offer. Also you might know someone who knows someone who wants what they have to offer.

I went to a couple of BNI meetings. This is where you have to bring one referral to someone else in the group for each meeting. This seems to be a good idea and as far as I could ascertain it seems to be quite profitable for some of the members


4. Cutting your learning curve in half

This learning from other people's mistakes is great. You find out what they did and don't do it. Of course making mistakes by yourself is is good because you learn from them and you become a better person because of them.

I made a mistake today which not the worst gave me an instant lesson so that hopefully I don't make it again in the future.


5. Raising your profile

You need to regularly attend these events. I used to but haven't recently and I'm very much out of the loop. The more that you attend, the more recognisable you will become and they will get to know you and trust you.

I know for introverted people and shy people that this might be a little overwhelming but it needs to be done.


6. Lower stress and raise awareness

Like anything, the more you do it the better you get at it and the more comfortable and more confident you become.

So Mr and Ms. Introvert and Shy, the first few times might be torture and you might wonder why you are doing the but the more you do it the easier it will become and before long you will be small talking with the best of them.

Remember, practice makes perfect and you won't get benefit from your networking activities straight away but one day if you put in the effort then things will happen and you better keep up because things will happen very quickly.

The 4 Pains of Success

Here is an interesting quote:

"You gotta step out of your comfort zone. Be broke for a while. Lose some friends. Have some sleepless nights. Most people don't get it though.

If you are ever going to do anything in life. If you are ever going to succeed at something then those four things are almost a prerequisite.

First of all, step out of your comfort zone. We all get into comfort zones in our life where it all feels like we are on auto-pilot. We wake up, we shower, we shave (if you are a man), you do the other sh** thing. We take ourselves off to work. We put in a solid 8 hours work. We go home. We eat dinner. We watch television and then we go to bed and 8 hours later we wake up and do it all over again and at the end of the week or the end of the month we get some money in out bank account and we feel good about the world and our life in general.

This is the comfort zone and their is nothing wrong with it but then you might need a challenge in your life and this where you need to step out of your comfort zone. You might start your own business. You might ask that pretty woman who works at your company out for a drink on Friday night. You might decide to join the local Crossfit "box" and try to get fit and even enter the Crossfit Open. (If you are a Crossfitter, do it, enter the Open. Don't even think about it.)

By stepping out of your comfort zone you are changing your life for the better. Remember though that the business might fail, she might say no or she might say she has a boyfriend (half the time that isn't true) or you might not be able to do half the movements (that's me) but at least you wont die wondering.

Secondly, be broke for a while. This is not a nice thing to go through for anyone but you can learn a great deal about yourself an the people around you when that happens.

When you go broke you know who your real friends are and I know that from experience. Your real friends rally around you and help you out and don't let you get down. It is a traumatic experience but then it is a nice experience in a strange sort of way and for some people it can really light a fire under your backside to make sure you can repay them in kind.

You learn a lot about the value of money and also how to get it in abundance and although I wouldn't wish it on anyone it can be a real game changer for the right person.

Thirdly, lose some friends. Yep, that's happened to me and I have absolutely no regrets about them out of my life. I'm thinking now of one person in particular that if he saw me and talked to me now I would bet that he would be surprised.

I was one of those guys who wouldn't say no and if people know that they will use you for their own purposes and really guilt you if you have the gall to say no to them. Don't even worry about it. If they use you like that they were never your friend and your life will be better without them.

Of course people come and go in your life but the right ones will always come back into your life even if they wander.

"No amount of time and space can separate you from the people who are meant to be in your life. They will always come back."

Finally, have some sleepless nights. Unfortunately this is non-negotiable. If you are making changes in your life you are going to have nights where it seems like you are never going to sleep. You are worrying about this, you are worrying about that. Are these changes all worth it?

You ask yourself if it is all worth it and you might not think so but if you guts it out (as my cricket coach at school used to say) you will get the rewards. You have to put in the effort though and you have to risk having egg on your face but in the end if you put in the work the the rewards will come.

Just remember that there are going to be some uncomfortable times but if you get through them there will be truckloads of comfortable times. Luxury times, fun times and even wonderful times.

The Greeting is the best start

  あいさつ

The Daily RBL has introduced some Japanese concepts over the last year. In this post we looked at the phenomenon which is hikikomori or basically social withdrawal where people shut themselves off from society for years at a time.

In this post we talked about uchibenkei or the idea that when you are outside of the house you are meek and mild and wouldn't say boo to a goose however when they get home they are like the lord of the manor. They are very extroverted and outgoing and creative. I'm sure we all know people like this.

Today, lets talk about 挨拶 (aisatsu) or as we would say in English, greetings.

Now, I know what you are thinking, "Blair, you are off your rocker! I don't want to disappoint you but we have greetings in English too."

That's true, we do have greetings in English too. Some good ones in fact, G'day, Wassup and Howdy come to mind.

However, there seems to be a real emphasis on the greeting here in Japan.

I live near a major embassy here in Tokyo and so 24 hours a day, 7 days a week there is quite a big police presence around the embassy. Every morning I always say good morning to them. It doesn't cost me anything and the police officers seem to appreciate it.

This is the first step. Rather than ignoring the police officers or ignoring the convenience store staff or ignoring anyone, what don't you say hello? As I said, it doesn't cost you anything and like this morning I had a smile on my face and I felt good about it.

After that, you could graduate onto a short conversation but lets just say it's small steps and just say hello, you will make someone's day and you will feel good about it too.

You need to talk about it. Don't bottle it up.

There have been a number of unfortunate deaths recently of former professional rugby players.

Springbok (South Africa representative) Joost van der Westhuizen passed away at the age of 45 due to motor neurone disease (Lou Gehrig's disease).

Former All Black (New Zealand representative) Sione Lauaki passed away about a week after van der Westhuizen at the age of 35 because of heart and kidney problems.

And of course, 18 months ago we witnessed the untimely passing of arguably the greatest name in the professional rugby era, Jonah Lomu.

These three players had been sick for quite awhile and it is unfortunate for their young families that they had to leave so early in their lives especially after they had given rugby fans around the world so much pleasure in watching their play on the field.

Only a few days ago I read with shock once again that 37 year old former Wallaby (Australian representative) Dan Vickerman had passed away. I must admit that I'm a typically insular All Black fan in that I support the All Blacks through thick and thin and I don't really know much about the other teams but I had heard of Dan Vickerman and knew that he played lock in the Australian team. To hear that he was only 37 was shocking and I feel very sorry for his wife and his two young children. I can't even begin to imagine what they are going through right now.

Unfortunately, I had heard the news coming out of Australia that Vickerman may have taken his own life. I read this article which suggests that to be true. If that is in fact the case, that is tragic that someone so young and who has accomplished a great deal both on the sporting field and in the academic and business circle has done that.

All Black legend (and my favourite player) Sir John Kirwan is almost as well known in New Zealand now for his work in bringing to the public's attention that people, even macho rugby players have mental health issues and he is dedicating his life to help people overcome these issues.

Sir John urges people and especially men to talk about their mental health problems. In New Zealand and in rugby in particular it is almost seen as a weakness to talk about these kinds of things. It's something that "sheilas" do.

In the past, talking about that as a man in particular you risked being called a "pansy" or a "pussy" or something similar because men are supposed to be men and we don't have things like that.

As we all know, that is a load of rubbish and if you feel that way at all I would suggest talking to a professional or even someone that you trust, a close friend for example. Sometimes just the idea of getting what you are thinking out of your head and into the open can feel very therapeutic.

People who prefer to spend time with themselves to recharge I believe can be susceptible to overthinking and bouts of depression. We understand that you need to recharge your batteries by yourself and that is fine but when you start to cocoon yourself in your own world and not have that outlet with other people you can get yourself in trouble. So spend time alone but realise that you need to get out and meet people occasionally.

I'm not a medical professional by any means. This is just what I have experienced in my lifetime and to get out and about and talk to people is the best medicine.

Don't be frightened to talk about it. You owe it to yourself.

How can facial hair or a haircut help you?

In this post I talked about how a fringe state cricket player in Australia had made a bit of an impact in a cricket test match because of his height and his surfer-like long blonde hair.

Today I would like to continue with the cricket theme and talk about another cricketer who stood out a lot and that is the one and only, Merv Hughes. It would be fair to say that Merv Hughes wasn't one of the greats of Australian cricket. I wouldn't put him in the same category as Sir Donald Bradman or Shane Warne or Dennis Lillee but he certainly has an excellent test match record and when he played for Australia, he always gave 200% and was a real character on the field. In fact, I can imagine that not just for Australia but he appears to be the type of guy who would give 200% if was playing club cricket or international cricket or even backyard cricket.

I've always wondered if Merv Hughes didn't have a huge moustache if he would have been a crowd favourite or if we would remember him now. As you can see in this video he certainly played up to the crowd and was certainly a crowd favourite.

To answer my own question, probably not. I'm sure he still would have given 200% with moustache or without moustache but he wouldn't have been remembered for his play as much as he is now. He is still wildly popular. He takes tour groups around the world to watch the Australian team play and I'm sure that the groups have a great time.

The point of this post today is that sometimes you have to do something a little bit different to stand out. It doesn't hurt to have a fantastic outgoing personality as well.

Another current sportsman I can think of is professional dart player. Peter 'Snakebite' Wright. In this video you can see his walk on. He has dyed his hair the same colour as his shirt and he looks the real showman.

Compare this to a floor tournament he has played recently where there is no crowd and just a couple of cameras.

Both Merv Hughes and Peter Wright have created their on-field personas superbly. They bring the crowd into it and that is what professional sport is all about. It is all about entertainment.

What are you going to do to stand out? Maybe you don't want to dye your hair pink or grow a big moustache but even if you don't play professional sports you can still stand out in some way. It might be difficult at first but I think it will be totally worth it in the long run.

Dropping a bad habit and picking up a new habit.

In this post I talked about bad habits that successful people avoid to become successful basically.

We all have bad habits that we need to get rid of to become more successful or healthier.

It is one thing getting rid of bad habits but it is another thing trying to introduce good or positive habits to your routine.

If you read a lot of self-help books they will say that it takes 21 days for habit to take hold. I have no idea where this arbitrary number comes from. Maybe it means three weeks and you know, third time lucky. Third week lucky, it might be.

In this book by Hal Elrod he suggests a habit takes 30 days to become part of your routine which is an interesting way to look at it.

Elrod breaks acquiring a new habit into three stages:

• Unbearable
• Uncomfortable
• Unstoppable

UNBEARABLE

This is the stage where you are most likely to give up. It might be fun and exciting in the first few days but that is when reality sets in and they realise that it is going to be tough and they want to give up. Fortunately that toughness is only temporary. People give up at this stage because they associate the habit with this unpleasantness. 

Recently I have been trying to reintroduce the habit of intermittent fasting into my lifestyle and it is easier said than done. The first week was fine because it was exciting and I was seeing quick results however in the second week I tweaked it a bit and I just didn't like it. Reading this book came at exactly the right time for me. I know that it will only get easier for me so I can fight the first ten days.

UNCOMFORTABLE

The first ten days is going to be hell, lets not sugarcoat these things. After the first stage of ten days things will get easier because rather than thinking negative thoughts you start to associate the new habit with positive things.

I have never smoked but I can imagine that quitting smoking, after ten days you might start to feel like you have more energy, you might be breathing better and things will start to feel a little clearer.

For people fasting, you will find that your five senses start to feel clearer. Last year when I attempted to make intermittent fasting a part of my life I found that after a few days everything I saw seems to be a lot more brighter and my hearing was better and I had more energy and my focus and concentration was better than I could remember. 

UNSTOPPABLE

Hal Elrod says that because you get to day 21 this is where you get the 21 days to make a habit but he thinks that from day 21 to day 30 is the crucial time because the habit is sustained over this 10 day period. This is where you associate pleasure. As an ex-smoker you might start exercising without difficulty. 

In this period, the habit becomes part of your identity and you start looking forward to doing whatever you do.

When I started writing this blog the first 20 days or so was quite unpleasant. Coming up with different topics was quite difficult and many times I thought about stopping and watch TV but I got through that initial stage and now it has just become part of my day like washing my hair in the morning. 

What habit do you want to start? What do you want to incorporate in your life or what do you want to get rid of in your life? 

I won't be pleasant but as they say, do you wish to have three weeks of relative unpleasantness to accomplish something great? I bet you do. It sounds good, doesn't it?

Thirty days!!! That's all it's going to take. Take it one day at a time. 

Loyalty: One of life's true blessings?

This movie was brought to my attention recently. It is a 2003 docudrama about two British men who got into trouble while climbing the west face of Siula Grande in the Peruvian Andes.

I had never heard of it before but I was told that it was an interesting movie. Fortunately I found it on Netflix and settled in to watch it.

Basically these two men climbed the west face of Siula Grande and on the way down, they got into trouble and one of the men had to make the agonising decision to cut the rope because his partner was dangling over a crevasse and it was impossible to get back up or down.

Can you imagine having to make that kind of decision? I can't and I wouldn't want to. To effectively kill your partner to save yourself is one decision that I could do without, any of us could do without.

Miraculously the man who was cut loose survived the fall and even though his leg was badly broken and he didn't have any provisions he was able to get himself out of the crevasse and he was able to crawl back to base camp over the best part of four days.

What I like about that story was that the man who was cut loose, Joe Simpson has always supported his partner, Simon Yates' decision to cut the rope. Simpson says that he would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed. In reality, Yates' decision to cut the rope helped save Simpson's life.

The idea of loyalty to his climbing partner and not changing his story is something that impresses me about this story of survival. Simpson could have easily been bitter and angry towards his climbing partner but he appears to not be and that says a lot about him. From what I have read, it seems the two are not really friends in the truest sense of the word but to have someone defend you like what Simpson did with Yates is one of life's true blessing and is just as good as a friendship in my book anyway.

Myths about introverts.

The term introvert seems to be everywhere and YouTube is no exception. Since Susan Cain introduced her book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a world that can't stop talking the term has become quite popular on the net and elsewhere.

It was with interest that I saw this video the other day and I thought that I would give my analysis of the contents. So without further ado, The Top 5 Dumb Myths about Introverts.

1. Introverts don't make good leaders

Of course they do. Don't doubt it for a minute. Most people think of leaders as these gung-ho people who give Braveheart like inspiring speeches and tell people to follow them into battle. This is true and of course there are leaders like this but introverts are more understated. They will allow their more extroverted colleagues to get out there into the battlefields of the market place and allow them to do their stuff. The introverted leader will be the one in the background pulling the strings while the extroverted colleagues are out selling and schmoozing and wining and dining the client. The introverted leader realises that is what the extroverted person is good at.


2. Introverts are smarter than extroverts

Personality has nothing to do with intellect. One of the smartest people I know is a raving extrovert. He is still partying when all of the introverts are in the car fighting traffic just wanting to get home as soon as possible. There are intelligent extroverts and there are intelligent introverts and there are bonehead extroverts and bonehead introverts.


3. Introverts always want to be alone

Not true at all. Sure, an introverted person likes to be alone sometimes and they don't mind shutting themselves at home on a Saturday night to 'Netflix and chill' but they do like to socialise with close friends and family. This is different from the people who socially withdraw from society. These kinds of people don't want any interaction from anyone, including family.


4. Introverts don't like people

This video has hit the nail on the head. Introverts love people we just don't have hundreds and hundreds of friends and as the video says we just don't like to have superficial conversations. It seems a big waste of time to an introverted person.


5. Introverts are shy

Not at all. Introversion and shyness are completely different. Shy people fear social judgement while introverted people just like to recharge with their own company or one or two close friends. The next time you start to think of the two as been mutually exclusive, bite your tongue because you are dead wrong about it.

Getting rid of bad habits

I read this interesting article on LinkedIn the other day about habits that the successful people out there tend to avoid. It made quite interesting reading and I thought about that is what most people do.

Lets have a look at the 7 habits that successful people avoid.

1. Perfectionism

This is something that I am sure a lot of people out there can identify with. When we are not sure how to do something, we will procrastinate and procrastinate and procrastinate some more because we don't want to look dumb or incompetent which I suppose is the same thing. Perfectionism stops us from trying. It prevents us from taking risks and it prevents from doing something that is a major part of success ... failing.


2. Waiting on opportunity

"Carpe Diem boys. Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary."

If you wait for the opportunity to present itself then one day it will be gone and you will be standing there thinking what happened? So, get out there. Find those opportunities and really make them work. You will not regret it.


3. Driven to distraction

We are so connected these days it's amazing. There are emails to answer, and social media profiles to update and texts to reply to. It can get overwhelming. One thing that I have tried and it is something that is suggested in this article. That is to turn off the notifications on your phone. They can be very distracting. I turned most of mine off recently and it is quite refreshing. It is a bit weird that I don't see messages until 24 hours later because i have forgotten to check them but I am sure the sender won't die wondering if I have received the message or not.


4. Letting others set the agenda

It's your life and you need to do what you need to do not what some other person wants you to do. If you want to stay in on that Friday night then do it. What rule says you have to go out and get blindingly drunk? There is absolutely no rule that says that.


5. Procrastinating

Some of us have a PhD in procrastination. I do sometimes. Do you? In this book by legendary self-help expert, Brian Tracy, he talks about eating the frog, in other words doing the worst thing on your to-do list first so that you can go throughout the rest of the day knowing that you have completed the worst thing on your list and it's all down hill from there. I had to write a report before writing this post and I procrastinated on it. Not a good look at all.

6. Resisting change

I know a lot of us don't like it. We get into a pattern in our lives and it is sometimes hard to get out of it and when something new comes along we resist it and resist it. Obviously we don't want to attach ourselves to every new thing but it is at least worth a look.


7. Multitasking

I've tried to do this in which I would spend 10 minutes on one thing,  I would spend another 10 minutes on another thing and then 5 minutes on something else. I got a lot done admittedly but I found that I lost focus quite quickly. It was good that I was able to get a lot done and I seemed to knock the top off a couple of projects but I found that I would get on a roll and then the 10 minutes would be up and I had to concentrate on something else.

There you go. If you can get rid of those habits then you might be on to something. Of course it is going to be difficult doing it all cold turkey but if you can eliminate your bad habits one at a time then success may just be around the corner.

Good luck!

Is being memorable a good way to go?

In this post we talked about standing out is better than not standing out.

Let me refresh your memory about a quote from New York real estate broker Fredrik Eklund's book The Sell.

It is much better to be dumped by your client - or your coach or lover - for being out there and memorable than for being too withdrawn and easily forgotten.

I know for a lot of people who are a little bit introverted or a little bit shy, that quote scares the bejesus out of you.

Why is that?

First of all you have to bring attention to yourself which you have spent your life trying to avoid. I must admit that I have spent my life trying to avoid being memorable but that is totally the wrong thing to do.

I enjoy public speaking and you will find it surprising that I am more nervous after the speech or presentation as opposed to before it because I am worried that I might have been too memorable or even worse I might have offended someone. At the end of the day it is their choice to be offended not mine and I was just telling a story.

A couple of weeks ago I was telling a story about my experience in China. I believed it to be a very positive experience and I was very passionate about it. Unfortunately the one and only Chinese national in the audience took it to mean that I was making fun of her country and her city when that was the furtherest thing from my mind. She chose to be offended. I can't control that. What should I do in the future? Tell the story with a monotone voice with no facial expression or gestures? Maybe I could be safe then from offending anybody.

Earlier this week in the gym I was joking with some of the other men in the gym about their grunting and groaning and I told them about a joke I heard about Monica Seles, the former number 1 tennis player in the world who was quite loud when she played. Admittedly I was a bit of a sexual joke but I don't anything too risqué. Then I thought that I might of offended someone, but then I thought that is their choice and I'm just being true to myself by telling that joke. What is wrong with that?

What's the point in not being out there? You probably won't get into any trouble but you might not get what you want either and at the end of the day, that is why grind everyday to get what we want.

Giving someone a second chance

Should you give someone a second chance?

This is an age old question and it isn't something that you should take lightly. If you want to give them a second chance then go ahead but there are a few things you might have to take into account.

By the way, when I say, give someone a second chance, I mean either in a business relationship or maybe even someone who has done some work around your home or anyone really. In this post though I would like to concentrate on a lover or significant other.

I think anyone deserves a second chance if they have learned from their mistakes. Learning from your mistakes is a very difficult thing and if you do you have obviously worked hard at it and that is of benefit to both yourself and the people around you.

What should you look for when you give them a second chance?

1. It maybe good to give someone a second chance because they really want it. Maybe they have worked their tail off to get better. They have worked their tail off to become a better version of themselves. It would be basically starting from square one and that is a good thing. There is a new person you have to meet and get to know.

2. You should look for them telling the truth. You look for their honesty when you give them a second chance. They are been honest towards you. It might be difficult for you to hear but at least they are been true to you and themselves.

3. They may be worth a second chance because they are true to their word. They do exactly what they say and that word keeping can keep you rest assured that they will keep you safe and look after you as the relationship gets going again.

4. Give them a second chance because they share they same interests and hobbies as you. You know that doing things that you enjoy is equally as enjoyable if you are doing them with someone who shares your interest so why don't you give that person a second chance?

5. You want to give the other person another chance because they are happy when they are with you but they are equally happy if you don't give them another chance. I know from experience that clingy behaviour is not sexy at all but if they are making an honest effort and they have acknowledge that clingy behaviour then they may warrant a second chance.

If you are thinking about it, what do you have to lose. You might waste a little bit of your time or you could find something even better than what you left a few months before. It could open up a whole new world for you. Who knows?

Give them a second chance, you probably won't regret it and you won't die wondering.

Dreamin' about Valentine's day

I thought this was appropriate for today. Have a good one. Enjoy the day. Enjoy everyday. You never know when it might be your last.

NO! NO! NO!

Learn to say no.

I'll write that again.

LEARN TO SAY 'NO.'

Someone has asked you to go somewhere with them. You said yes when you really wanted to say no. How do you feel? I bet that you are not going to enjoy it and you are going to resent the other person even though they did nothing wrong. All they did was ask and you had every right to say no.

 In this post I talked of a friend who understood that I couldn't say no and would almost bully me into going out with him.

If I knew then what I know now I would have said no and of course I would have said it in a nice way.

How do you say no?

Well, it is a five step process.

1. Say something nice. "That's sounds great. I always wanted to go to that place."

2. Answer. "Unfortunately I have another engagement on that night."

3. "Thank you."

4. Encourage the person. "I'm sure you will have a great night. I have heard that it is a real riot. I'm sure that you will have a great time."

5. Change the subject.

There you go. The 5 step process. I assure you, it has fared me well over the years.

I remember when I was young someone said to another person that I never say no. I wore that as sort of a badge of pride when in fact it wasn't really that at all. I should have really known myself and said no occasionally. I would have felt better about myself.

Remember when you don't want to do something, say no thank you. You will feel good about yourself and the other person will not have his or her hopes raised that you might say yes.

Don't be like most people!!!

The idea I have seen a great deal recently is the idea of 'Don't be most people.'

In this Instagram post it says:

"The truth is that most people never start because they don't want to be seen starting at the bottom. Don't be most people."

This is so true and I can relate a lot. I think that the problem also is because it might not be perfect we don't want to start.

I put off for a few days designing a log for my activities. In the end I just had to sit down and do it. It looked really awful and totally not what I had in mind when I started it but at least I had something down on paper which gives me something to work with.

Something else I have been procrastinating a lot on recently is making videos for this blog. I look on Youtube and there are some very good and very well produced videos and I think that because I don't have the expertise or the equipment to do it then I won't do it and that is a real bad way to look at it. You have to get started and as the Nike people say, 'Just do it.'

Finally about 'Don't be most people,' I would like to have a look at a good list that I found on this book. The author Peter Voogd wrote a list of things that most people do. Lets have a look at some of them:


Most people over eat and eat based off pleasure vs. health. Don't be like most people.
This is very true isn't it? We eat because it is the sociable thing to do or because the stuff is there. We make short term decisions rather than basing our eating on long-term thinking. That's OK sometimes but when you do it everyday and for every meal then you are going to have problems.


Most people don't have enough energy to go after their dreams and goals. Don't be like most people.
Most of us are just so focused on our urgent things to do that we forget what is important. We spend all day putting out fires and then  when it is time to sit down and really think about our futures we are too knackered (British slang for extremely tired) to do anything and the couch and the television beckons.


Most people sleep in and have no morning routine. Don't be like most people
What is a morning routine? I hear you ask. Well, I'm pleased you ask. It is something that you do every morning to start you day. By this I don't mean, get up, go to the toilet, have a shower, knock back a cup of coffee and rush out the door to catch the train  or bus to work. I mean having something to kick start your day. In this book you will find a system that the author has created that allows him to wake up and attack the day as opposed to rolling over and pushing the snooze button.


Most people pray for weekends and hate Mondays. Don't be like most people.
I don't know about you but I love Mondays. For most people it is the start of the week and they hate that they have to go to work. In Japan they have a phenomenon called the Sazae-san syndrome. Sazae-san is a popular long running cartoon that is broadcast on Sundays at about 6.30pm. The show tends to depress people because reality sets in and they realise that they have to go to work or school the next day. It affects people who don't really have any hobbies or any other purpose in their lives. For me a Monday is the start of a brand new week and it is a chance for me to become better than the week before whether it be in the business field, in the gym or in my relationships with people.


Most people sell themselves short. Don't be like most people. 
It is said that we only use a fraction of the ability that we have. Whether it is because we are lazy or we lack confidence most of us sell ourselves short. There are only a very few people who really reach their absolute full potential.

What can I say?

Don't be like most people!!!

Are you seeking some attention? You should be.

In today's society you need to stand out.

I know that a lot of you out there literally shuddered when you read that. I'll write it again, in today's society you need to stand out. Did you shudder again? I did when I wrote it and I'm sure you did as well.

In today's society you need to embrace being different. I know that scares the sh*t out of you but it is true. Sometimes we have to stand out to get ahead.

We as a society look down upon attention seekers. We think that we are better than them but let me ask you a question:

What is your net worth and what is Kim Kardashian's net worth?

Another example I can think of is the current POTUS. Donald Trump as a property developer looked to stand out by heavily promoting his name and his business ventures and now look where it has got him. He is the most powerful man in the world. Not bad.

You need to do one thing each day that is going to make you stand out.

Don't worry, I'm not going to get you to walk around town with a sandwich board around your shoulders with it written "I am the greatest."

For now, it might be something as simple as making a comment on some social media profile that you have an interest in. I'm sure that most of you can do that.

Then you can branch out and maybe post something yourself and then you might want to do a YouTube video. Most people don't like doing videos because it might bring ridicule but as Mahatma Gandhi said:

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."

It might be scary just thinking about all of this now but if you take little baby steps you might turn into a raving attention seeker, I doubt it but you will find with constant practice you can turn those little baby steps into giant steps and then you win.