Some confidence hacks

People usually have good intentions when they try to give you advice. We get advice like:

"Just be yourself."

"Forget about it."

And my personal favourite,

"Just be confident."

So, how exactly do you "just be confident"?

Well, it turns out that there are a few things that you can do.

1. Study the way you walk

Although you don't want to walk like a tortoise, you need to slow your walk down. Why is this? Confident people are not in hurry. I must admit that I catch myself walking fast sometimes and I realise that it probably doesn't look very cool.

Another couple of things I do is that I don't run to catch a lift (elevator). I think that is very uncool although I will run to catch a train on occasions. There is nothing more irritating than just missing the train and then being told that the next train is delayed.

Walk slowly but make sure you know what you are doing. Make sure you know exactly where you are going.

2. Eye Contact

Having good eye contact is a great sign of confidence. I know for some of you, that scares you a lot. At the end of the day however, without good eye contact whatever you say is not going to go down well with the people you are saying it to.

3. Accepting compliments

I must admit that I am not very good at this. Well, I am better than I was before. Apparently not accepting a compliment well is a sign of insecurity. If you have good confidence then you can accept those compliments well by just saying "thank you."


4. Don't be negative

I think self-deprecating humour is good ..... Sometimes. You don't want to be putting yourself down all the time. If you are too negative about everything in your life, people will start to wonder if you are actually self-confident or you are playing a trick on yourself and others.

Talk about your interests and things that you are passionate about. By doing that you will come across as confident and someone that people will want to be around.


5. Say it as it is

If you want something, ask for it because as they say, if you don't ask, you won't receive. Don't pussyfoot around. People might not understand you and you will get into more trouble than if you were just direct from the start.

I saw a good quote the other day and it kind of relates to this:

"It is easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission."- Grace Hopper

It is so true isn't it?

"Can I do that?"

"NO"

Be direct, do it and there probably won't be bad consequences anyway.


6. Celebrate your acquaintance's success

I remember a very good friend of mine introduced me to his friend a few years ago. My friend's friend was very chatty and outgoing and basically a very nice guy. Before I met him, my friend had told me that he took a lot of pride in his friend's success. I quite liked that and I try and remember that. It is very easy to show jealousy when people are doing better than you. But by being genuinely pleased for your friends you show that you are a confident person and people will want to be around you.


There you have it. Six things you can think about to increase your confidence level. I know I will be trying to use those tips and why not you?

Good luck.

It's YOUR decision!

This is an excellent quote from "introvertquote" on Instagram.

"I'm a strong believer that not everything you do needs an explanation. If you want a tattoo, get one. If you rather stay home that night, it's okay to miss that party. Don't forget that you are living for yourself. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your choices or preferences."

This quote is 100% correct. Why do you need to go round justifying your choices to everyone? What is the point of that?

Some introverted people feel guilty that they are not out and about raging on a Friday night.

The extroverted people think that the introverted people are strange and real party poopers.

But we all know (or we should know by now) that we are being true to ourselves. You need to recharge and you don't need to give anyone the reason why. If they are true friends they will accept you and your decision. If they guilt you into coming out, run away, run away as far as possible from them.

Remember, it is always your decision and no one else's.

Window or Aisle?

Have you ever asked someone whether they prefer a window seat or an aisle seat on a plane?

Isn't interesting that most are able to answer this question very quickly? There is no gazing off into the distance or deep thinking when people answer they know themselves and they know exactly what they want when it comes to airline seats.

I was wondering what does a person's choice about window seat or an aisle seat say about that person? There must be something. There must be some reason that we can answer this question very quickly but we struggle with what burger we want when we line up at Burger King.

I dug around and this is what I found about window people and aisle people.

AISLE SEATS

Someone who chooses an aisle seat is someone who really likes their freedom. You don't have to wake some sumo wrestler up or have to climb over them to go to the toilet at 3am in the morning. You can just stand up and go. It is so good and this is the main reason why I use the aisle seat.

What I didn't know however is that introverted people tend to like the aisle seat. If you think about it, the airplane is very anti-introvert. You are stuck in amongst a large number of people and for any introvert that is or can be like hell but to that option to sneak of to the toilet whenever you like will give you that easiness that you crave in a large number of people.

Maybe you like to work on the plane, so you don't like to be distracted by what is going past the window so you like the aisle. Also at least you have more elbow room on one side anyway.

WINDOW SEATS

Apparently people who sit next to the window like privacy. I suppose that is right. You are sort of tucked away in the corner. You haven't got people bumping you as you go to the toilet and making you up.

You can also use the wall as a pillow holdererupperer. (Is that a word? If not, I have just invented one.)

Also people who are sitting next to the window like to dream about stuff. They see the world go by, (literally) and they think about where they want to go and the places they want to see.


MIDDLE SEAT

If the aisle seat is for the introverted people, then the middle seat is for the extroverted ones. Think about it, you have two new people you can talk to, You are in heaven.

Of course you might be in the middle seat because you didn't plan well enough.

I remember I was on a flight from Sydney to Tokyo and as usual, I was on the aisle. One of the cabin crew came up to me and asked me if I would sit in the middle of the row in front of me. There was a couple on their honeymoon and they couldn't sit next to each other. My initial thought was, why didn't they organise themselves better so they could sit next to each other? Of course, you have to realise that not everyone thinks like you and they might just have overlooked it. But why should I suffer and believe me, you suffer in the middle row, when a newly-wed couple couldn't organise themselves?

In the end, it was the decent thing to do but it left a sour taste in my mouth, not with the airline mind you, they were just relaying a message, but with people's organisational abilities.


Which one are you?

Window?

Aisle?

Middle?

OR

Are your business class?

Do you have to be extroverted (and good looking) to make it as an entertainer?

I was listening to the following song while I was walking around today:

This is a song from 2012 by Delta Goodrem, the Australian singer, called Sitting on Top of the World.

I remember when she sang it at a State of Origin rugby league game.

There is no doubt that Delta is a very talented performer and she has had a lot of success with her music. She has also battled cancer and won, which for anyone must be a situation and half but to do it when you have just turned 20 is something special and it just goes to show that she is a very strong woman.

For some reason however while I was listening to Sitting on Top of the World, I was reminded of the following song which I think I first saw at the end of 2006:

This is a parody of a Justin Timberlake song from the American comedy show, Saturday Night Live.

The performer certainly had her 15 minutes with this video and it proved to me the power of the Internet.

About two weeks after seeing this video and saw the following video which really made the video interesting. Have a look:

At that time I didn't see that coming. The young woman who was performing on the video was actually lip synching and the real singer was in a different country.

What does Delta Goodrem and the 'Box in a Box' song got to do with each other?

Well, actually nothing but I was wondering how much with female performer's success has to do with their looks?

Delta Goodrem as I said, is certainly a very talented performer but how much of her success is do that she is undeniably gorgeous? In the traditional sense, she is a beauty and how much does her beauty contribute to her success?

Of course it would be good to say very little because as you can see in the above two videos she is very talented.

Then I look at the 'Box in the Box' video and the actual singer, Leah is very talented, that's obvious but she decided for reasons of logistics that she wouldn't appear on the video and they chose another person.

I wonder if Leah decided to do that not because she thought she couldn't sing it but she was a bit shy in front of the camera. In the interview it seems that she is not 100% comfortable although she speaks very eloquently.

Would 'Box in a Box' had been more popular if Leah had appeared on it or was the more obviously extroverted Michelle the better choice?

It's an interesting question and it just goes to show that you do need to be extroverted in today's society, if only for a few minutes. We like that outgoing person better. We can't complain about it. That is the way it is.

What are you going to do about it?

The Sound of Silence: Is that a bad thing?

Who hasn't heard this song? That's right, Simon and Garfunkel's classic, Sound of Silence.

If you are anything like me, you have probably listened to the song hundreds of times but never really listened to the lyrics. Lets look at some of the lyrics:

"People talking without speaking."

"People writing songs that voices never share."

"Silence like a cancer grows."

Art Garfunkel told us that the meaning of this song is "the inability of people to communicate with each other, not particularly internationally but especially emotionally, so what you see around you are people unable to love each other."

That is all very interesting but I do have some questions:

What does silence and cancer have to do with each other? Are Simon and Garfunkel equating silence and cancer? I really hope not. Why can't we sit by ourselves and enjoy solitude or does that hurt some people's sensibilities?


"People talking without speaking." 

I can imagine many introverts can relate to this because they, I am sure being in many conversations where someone, usually extroverted, has sat there and dominated the conversation and said absolutely nothing, from an introvert's perspective.


The point is today, is that there is nothing wrong with a bit of silence from time to time. It isn't a threat to an extrovert. Remember, that is how an introvert recharges and it isn't an affront to you. They are being silent because they have nothing to add to the conversation. They have nothing to say that they believe is interesting and that is ok.

Perhaps today, this song was probably more appropriate:

Is he shy or is he shy?

According to the patron saint of introversion in the 21st Century, Susan Cain, shyness is the fear of negative judgement. She also says that shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation

However I can think of a group of people who I have hang out with on a couple of occasions who seem to be fearful of this kind of negative judgement or social disapproval who are far from shy in the traditional sense.

They all work in the same industry and for some reason that I couldn't comprehend, they were all trying to one-up each other.

They all wanted to have a bigger house or a faster car or flashier clothes, all because they didn't want to be humiliated. Can this be defined as shyness? I don't know. As I said before, not in the traditional sense.

When we think of shyness, we think of a little boy or girl, sitting in the corner of the room, not talking to anyone and from our extroverted viewpoint we think that they are not happy when in fact we know that they are just being true to themselves and sitting alone. They are not being anti-social at all (whatever that means) they are just conserving their energy.

So are the people in the previous group of professionals, shy? Well, it looks as though they might well be.

Many times I would hear:

"I can't do that."

"They might hear about it."

"That would get around and it wouldn't be pretty."

"That is not acceptable."

This group of highly-trained professionals and highly paid professionals were so scared of what their peers would say about them (not to them mind you) that they would base their day-to-day decisions on what the other people would say and spread.

All of this seems like shyness to me

Today, I want you to rethink your idea of what a shy person is.

Is the little boy sitting in the corner of the room reading his book, shy?

Probably not. He is just reading his book.

Is the adult male who won't wear that shirt for fear of social ridicule, shy?

Well, it appears so.

Funny how that works.

There are plenty of fish so you won't die hungry

Take a look at this cartoon. Does it seem familiar for both men and women? I'm sure it does. I'm sure it strikes a chord.

I saw this cartoon this morning and then if by magic I read the following in this book.

"There is never a shortage of women or feminine energy. If a man feels that there aren't enough women, or that life isn't giving him what he wants, he is simply negating his relationship to the feminine. This sense of starvation - "life is not sustaining me" or "there are no good women" - is usually rooted in a man's early childhood relationship with his mother. Life itself is the feminine. There is never a shortage of feminine energy, only a resistance to receiving, trusting and embracing it."

I guess what he is saying is that there are plenty of fish in the sea and you have to go fishing from time to time.

The New Zealand General Election is coming up soon and judging from what I can tell, it looks like there is a possibility of a change of government. I've always said that if you live in a democracy and if you have the chance to vote then go and vote. If you don't vote, then you have absolutely no right to complain for the next three years or four years or whatever the time will be.

The same goes about complaining that you are single. If you don't get out there and at the very least show your face then you have no right whatsoever to complain.

For us introverts, especially in the winter, it is very easy to sit down on the sofa, turn the heater on, grab a blanket, switch on Netflix and have the time of your life. If you do that from time to time, then everything is fine. But if you consistently do that and complain that you can't find a decent man or woman then don't be surprised if your friends and family tell you to shut up.

Get out from behind that computer screen. Get out from in front of that television monitor. Put that book down (unless you are really learning something). Get out and about and do yourself a favour. You don't have to go to the biggest raves or the hottest clubs in town. Be creative in where you go and what you do and I am sure that you will attract like-minded people and who knows?