ARE YOU A C**T?: I don't think so.

WARNING! Offensive language ahead. If you are easily offended by four letter words (I don't know why, they are only words after all) or expletives or what have you, I would suggest not reading on. Please do not say you haven't been warned.

This post on Instagram I thought was hilarious. It was on an account called The Funny Introvert.

"You have this 3 pound organ in your skull that's so fucking amazing it literally defies the laws of it's own construction and you use it to watch the Bachelor and be a cunt."

I was reading this in the library and usually I'm not a LOL type of guy but I couldn't help myself this time. The people around me certainly liked at me a little strange as I couldn't really control the sounds coming out of my mouth for a few seconds.

I think what got me originally was the use of the word "cunt." Where I come from the word is thrown around quite liberally and in England in some circumstances it is almost used as a term of endearment.

Here is the Canadian comedian Russell Peters explaining the use of the word as well as anyone:

I think in the above "quote" though the word "cunt" is equated to mean an idiot. It is saying that we are not acting or doing things to our full potential. We are not living our lives to the absolute fullest.        

We get home after slaving through our 9 to 5's or if you live in certain places, our 9 to 9's. We blob out in front of the television or netflix or what have you and that's it. We are up the next morning with little energy and do it all over again. Is that living our dream life? I 100% doubt it. By living like that we are literally become a cunt. Not good. Not good at all.

I know that it is a cliche but life is for living. It is for us to get out there and grab it by it's tail and say "You are mine. You are going to be great and you are going to kick ass on each and every day."

So sort out that boring routine. Sort out your finances. Sort out your sleeping time. Sort out your diet. Sort out your exercise and health routine. Sort out your relationships. Sort out everything and live that life that you know 100% in your mind that you are capable of.

Do you know what? Your life will become more and more enjoyable. Your finances will start to become better and money will start coming from places you didn't even know. You will start to have more and more energy. That beer belly will miraculously disappear. Those muscles that you never thought you had will suddenly appear and last but certainly not least that certain special someone will appear or in some of our lives reappear and you will have manifested the life you always dreamed of.

Remember though to not put off happiness until all of those things eventuate. The trick is to be happy now. Be happy about your current situation. Be happy about what you have. Be happy about that roof over your head. Be happy about that food in your fridge and the water in the glass. Express gratitude for all of those things. Heck, express gratitude for the thoughts in your head. It means you are alive and you can contribute to this society.

This is the reason that people who seem to have everything, the money, the huge house, the hot spouse seem to not be happy because rather than expressing that gratitude for what they have, they want more and they are making their lives miserable.

Are you cunt? I'm sure you are not. Live like it.

ARE THESE NUMBERS SHOCKING TO YOU?

Here is an interesting article I read the other day. The old hikikomori again. Regular readers of my blog will know that I have written some posts about this phenomenon.

Here are some of the posts:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2016/08/social-withdrawal.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2018/03/hikikomori-is-it-individuals-problem.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2018/06/social-recluse.html

The reason that this article took my fancy was that it talked about the numbers of people above the age of 40. Usually when we talk about hikikomori, my image is some young guy in his early 20's but obviously this is not the case with a large number of people in the 40 to 64 year old age bracket.

I still firmly believe that these people are rebelling against society because they feel constrained by rules and conventions and that they can't do what they truly want to do and because of that they have shoved their middle finger up in front of society.

How can we lessen the numbers of people who do this? How can we lessen the number of people who shut themselves away from society like this? I wish I had the answers in this blog post. I'm sure that the authorities also want the answers. Do we just accept that in any society that there are going to be people that just can't come out of their shell? (I still hate that expression by the way.)

I wonder if we will see an article like this in a years time.

The answer to that questions is ... PROBABLY.

INTROVERTS ARE NOT ....

Many people, who should know better think that an introvert are these things (but they are not):

1. Shy

No, No, No! Shyness and Introversion are two completely different things. They are not one in the same. Sure, some introverts might be shy but not all.


2. No opinions.

Seriously, what has this got to do with how a person energises themselves? I consider myself an introvert and I have a lot of opinions about things going on in the world.


3. Hates people.

My friend says he hates people. Sure, some people do some stupid things but some of an introvert's best friends are people. An introvert loves people, just not big groups of them.


4. Socially awkward

Some extroverts maybe awkward as well. Not just introverts.


5. Failed Extroverts.

Huh? What does that mean? Are you telling me that if you are not someone who can socialise with one hundred of your closest friends or can't talk for hour about nothing that you are a failed extrovert? I don't think so.

WHAT ARE SOCIAL CONVENTIONS?

What are social conventions?

Social conventions are the unwritten rules the society in which you are in. Naturally, social conventions differ from society to society and region to region.

I have lived for half of my life in New Zealand and half of my life in Japan. As you can imagine, these countries have two very different forms of social conventions.

Lets have a look firstly at what social conventions are in New Zealand:

1. Because New Zealand is not very heavily populated and there many wide spaces, this means we don't like to get too close to anyone. (How I have survived on the Tokyo train system for so long is beyond me.) Personal space is different from country to country. Respect the person's space in New Zealand.

2. New Zealanders walk on the left side of the footpath (sidewalk, pavement). I remember when an American lecturer at university said he found that strange because in America it was on the right. (I'm not sure if that is true or not.) That also applied to the staircase as well.

3. New Zealanders smile at each other a lot. This is a type of greeting to a stranger. you don't have to say hello like the video below but don't ignore the person walking past you. That is considered to be very, very rude.

4. If something good happens to you, like there is a birth in the family or even as something like your birthday then social convention would suggest that you have a shout at your workplace. A shout is when that person provides food or drink or both to celebrate. (I must admit, this is one convention that I don't really understand.)


How about Japan?

1. Bowing - I'm sure that even if your knowledge of Japan is minuscule ,  that you know that Japanese greet each other by bowing. Kissing is very, very rare while hand shaking is becoming more and more common, don't expect that firm one that your father told you to do.

2. Another that you are probably all familiar with even if you haven't visited Japan is the idea of taking your shoes off before going inside the house. For me, this seems quite logical but for whatever reason, this hasn't seemed to have taken off in the white man's world.

3. The final one. Eating and eating etiquette is big in Japan so remember to follow the rules like slurp when you eat noodles and don't stick your chopsticks in the rice or even drown it in soy sauce. White rice is very important in Japanese culture and you need to treat it with the utmost respect. I'll let Tom Selleck show you.

There you have it. Social conventions. Some are good. Some are bad. Some are annoying but you can't deny that they make the world go round.

BEING SOCIAL: It is not the same for you and me.

I read an article about success the other day and what it means to various people. To some people it means having a truckload of money. To some people it means making a particular sporting team or league. To some people it is living in a place or driving a particular car.

To me it means doing what you want to do at anytime or anyplace. So basically, in my definition, having to go to work on a Monday morning is not necessarily a form of success in my mind.

This article made me think about what it means to be social. I'm sure this has different meanings for different people.

Does social mean this?

Or does social mean this?

Does social mean this?

Or, does social mean this to you?

We all have our own definition of what being social is. Maybe for you it means partying in a club with 500 other people who you don't know but you consider them all your friend or maybe social means to hang out on a Friday night with your BFF and relax and have a few brews and just generally take it easy.

Social means different things to different people. Don't think that your way is any better than another person's way or that that person should socialise the same way as you do. We all do things our own way and there isn't one right way for all of us and the moment we realise that the more successful we will be in our professional and social relationships.

If you are a flake, please, please read this

Today's post is going to be short, very short today.

This morning, my first appointment was for 7.30am. I didn't sleep very well last night but tried to rest and I was able to get some shuteye.

I left until the last minute to get ready for the day but managed to leave the apartment by abut 6.40am which gave me more than enough time to get to the appointment place and prepare for it.

Anyway, on the train half way to the place, I read a mail that I am cc'd on that the client can't make it today.

I'm sure we have all done it before, cancel last minute on friends, clients, colleagues etc. I know that I have been guilty of it. However, I am aware of it now and will always say no if I can't make it or more importantly, don't want to do it. There is nothing worse than knowing that some person who doesn't want to be there says yes they will go and then make up some bullshit excuse five minutes before you are supposed to meet.

My message to all of you this morning is:

STOP IT! DON'T DO IT!

That's all. Have a great day.

Saint Patrick's Day

Today is March 18th which makes yesterday Saint Patrick's Day. For the very few of you out there who don't know what Saint Patrick's Day is, let me explain:

Saint Patrick's Day is held on the 17th day of March to celebrate the death of the patron saint of Ireland, Saint Patrick. It is a cultural and religious festival and is celebrated all over the world. In Tokyo, where I live, they have a Saint Patrick's Day parade in Omotesando. There is also an Irish food and cultural festival nearby as well.

Recently, some people have said that Saint Patrick's Day has become too commercialised. They say that it has become a big booze fest. They say that people are just out for the beer and the good times as opposed to recognising what exactly the festival is about.

It's true, Plastic Paddyness is everywhere. The reason I started writing this post is that I saw a photo of a bar in a city in New Zealand packed with people in green and drinking (probably for only the one time that year) Guinness. I quietly wondered how much about Saint Patrick's Day these people actually knew about. Probably very little.

The thing is that people will find any excuse to to "get wasted." With the world becoming smaller and smaller and with more and more information available via the Internet, people are becoming more attuned to things like Saint Patrick's Day. Another example of this is Halloween. Five years ago, Halloween was something that only foreigners did in Japan but now it is become a mini-industry in it's own right and I saw something today advertising Easter at Tokyo Disneyland. Maybe that is next.

My question today is, do we need to understand the background of these festivals and occasions or is best to make our own interpretation of it?

In the Saint Patrick's Day example, Irish people seem to be recognised as drunken louts which from my experience is far from the truth. Irish people are some of the nicest people that you will even meet  and to portray them as drunken leprechauns is a disservice to them and their country.

Next time you go out, make sure there is some reason behind and also if it is special occasions try to understand what it is all about. I'm sure that you will have a better time because of it and also, if you are an introvert, remember just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean you have to as well. Know your limits in your social energy and also alcohol consumption.

To shut it or to open it?

I saw this interesting quote from Robert Frost, the American poet the other day.

"Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it."

When I read that I'm also reminded of the quote from the Dalai Lama:

"When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know; But when you listen, you may learn something new."

What does this all mean?

I believe this means that you have to know when is the right to open your mouth and when is the wrong time to.

Some people tend to open their mouths too much and have nothing to say while other people don't really say much but when they do say something it is poignant.

Mr. Frost really hit the nail on the head with his quote.

Which one are you? Are you a gasser or are you someone who is not inclined to open their mouth too often?

MY BASKETBALL STORY

When I was at intermediate school in New Zealand I played various sports as is the norm in that part of the world. By the way, intermediate school is what some of you might call middle school or junior high school and in New Zealand, it is generally for 10 to 13 year olds.

Lets get back to the sports. In intermediate school I played cricket in the warmer months and field hockey in the cooler months as well as indoor sports like volleyball and basketball at other times. Cricket and hockey were generally played on the weekend while volleyball and basketball were played during the week. So far so good, right?

When I think back at that time in my life and all of those sports I can't really remember much about the cricket, maybe one or two games and I can't remember anything about the hockey. Zero! However, what I do remember is the basketball and that is something that I wasn't too focused on but I remember it vividly.

Why is that? Why do I remember it like that? We practiced five days a week before school. For some of you, you are probably thinking "what is wrong with that?" Well as a 12 year old it seemed excessive especially when I was used to practicing once a week, maybe twice a week at the most.

The coach's (teacher) partner was a local basketball coach who coached the national league side in the city and he would come to school occasionally to coach us and the teacher would hold a practice for us so that we could prepare for his arrival the following day or week. One day a week practice become four or five days a week and it got too much for me. I enjoyed playing basketball but not that much. It become boring, so much so that I gave up. I didn't want to play anymore.

Knowing what I know about myself now I look back on that time and wonder why did I give up. Was playing five days a week just too much or did I just not like being around the same people that much? Did I not like the people that I played with? Maybe. The people that played basketball were not typically the people that I hung out with.

I think the reason, when I look back on it was that I didn't like the stimulation of the people around me on a daily basis who I wasn't comfortable with. Sure, I was going to school every day but the people around me weren't my friends in the definition that I used and left the team.

That was a difficult decision at the time and felt bad about it because I felt like I was letting down the team and my team mates but I do realise that I was being true to myself and that it was the only thing I could do.

If it isn't comfortable for you, don't try to make it so you will only make yourself feel worse and start to resent the people around you. You do need your alone time and you do need your group time. Make sure you know where your limits are for both socialising and alone time. You don't want to do too much of either.

I'M BACK - INTROVERTS UNITE

Hello everyone. It has been more than nine months and I thought that I would reopen this daily blog. I do have my reasons but I would rather keep them to myself for now.

How have you been for the last six months? As a friend of mine would say, have you been "kicking arse?" Have you been getting out and about?

I must admit that I have not really been doing that. Everything I tell people to do, I don't do myself and it is not very good.

Some of you might know that I run a website called Situational Extrovert. As you know, we do live in a world that is extroverted and it seems that we need to be extroverted on occasions. The Situational Extrovert will show you how to do that as well as give you examples fro my life in which I managed to get out of my introverted way for a few hours. Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with being introverted. Introverted people have many skills and attributes that are awesome however sometimes we need to get out there and The Situational Extrovert can help you do that.

This daily blog will focus on introverts and how you can become, for a short time, a little more extroverted and overcome those social challenges that we all deal with.

I look forward to the coming months with your support.

http://www.situationalextrovert.com