Thursday, 20 April 2017

When you find out WHY?

It's extremely interesting when you figure it all out. It's extremely interesting when it comes into perspective and it all makes sense.

It's interesting when you realise why you acted like that in a certain situation. It's interesting when you find a reason why you want to stay in on a Friday night instead of hitting the bars and clubs. It's interesting when you work out why he or she walked away.

I was speaking with a friend the other day and we were reminiscing about some of our "adventures" over the years. The interesting thing was that since discovering this introvert/extrovert dynamic, our stories have taken on a whole new meaning and now we totally understand why I acted in that situation in a particular manner and why he acted in that manner in another situation and also why he would give me grief when I wanted to go home from the club, "early" at 6am.

I used to visit him in the city where he was living at the time and of course boys being boys, we would go out to the bars and clubs and have a good time. On occasions we would meet his friends and colleagues from that city. We would drink, we would chat, we would eat a late night kebab or other culinary delights of that city.

Later my friend would tell me that his friends had said things about me that lets say weren't too complimentary. It felt a bit weird at the time because as fas as I was concerned I was just being myself. One of his friends even asked the question why we were friends.

We hadn't really figured that out until recently. His friends saw him as an outgoing, chatty, intelligent young guy and they couldn't understand why his good friend was a quiet almost shy guy.

Of course we know now that because he is extroverted they expected me to be extroverted too and it doesn't work like that. You think of business partners or couples around the world. I'm think of the two Steve's, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. Personality-wise they are (were) very different but because the complemented each other they created something that changed the world.

If you have two extroverts chatting neither of them can get a word in. You have one chatty guy and one quieter guy and it works. One is listening and the other is doing most of the talking and it works.

In saying all that, it can get a little bit frustrating for the quieter introverted character. My friend pointed out to me that on occasions when we were at a club together, he would get invited to a party or something similar where I can be left out in the cold a bit. Quiet can be misinterpreted as weird and the introvert is left by him or herself.

Another thing I noticed recently concerning a group I am involved in. On our Facebook page, occasionally you will see an announcement of a party because so and so is leaving the group. "Lets meet up and have a few drinks and give him a great send off because he has been a great member of the group."

Other members of the group leave with little or no fanfare. Why? Because they are quiet. They keep to themselves a little bit more. Sometimes you don't even realise that they have gone. They may have been loyal and a valued member of the group but because they are a little quieter they sort of slip under the radar. One day you turn up and you say "where is he?" He's left and you don't even know.

What can you as an introvert do about it if anything?

First of all, does it worry you? It worries me a bit but I suppose that it is the way of the world. The louder people are going to draw attention to themselves and people are going to drawn to them. You can't get too worked up about it. It is human nature.

Sometimes in situations you have to come out of your shell but remember that it only has to be for a short time then you can go home and recharge.

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