Accept your uniqueness

Here is a great quote from someone named Alfa (Alfawrites).

"You're going to meet people who are intimidated by you. You're different. People don't know how to react or how to accept someone who doesn't follow the crowd... They are not used to someone who doesn't try to fit in - So instead of bolstering your uniqueness, they'll try and make you feel like you're weird or damaged. I'm here to offer some well earned advice; - Sure them."

Alfa (Alfawrites)

That is exactly right and I can't really elaborate on it too much.

Hey, you are a little bit different. (Different to what? I don't know.) People just can't handle it and as long as you can handle it, that is all that matters at the end of the day.

They are going to try and bring you down because they are uncomfortable.

By the way, their lack of comfort has nothing to do with you.

Walk away.

Do what you have to do to be true to yourself.

Shibuya - 渋谷 Extrovert? Introvert?

Tokyo has many interesting areas. Each neighbourhood has a story of its own. In this previous blog post I talked about particular countries being introverted or extroverted.

The other day I was in Shibuya. If you have never been to Tokyo, you might be familiar with some photos from that area.

This is the main intersection outside Shibuya Station and believe it or not, this isn't that busy.

Maybe you can get a better indication of the crowds from this photo:

Anyway, the point of my post today is to consider the fact that do all the extroverts of a large city reenergise in these big cities? Are people who live in the countryside all introverts who want to get away from it all?

Those are interesting question, aren't they?

For those of you who live in the sticks or the wop wops (by the way, that isn't a racist term. That is what New Zealanders call the boondocks) a big city like Tokyo could seem overwhelming or just down right dangerous, but believe me when I say that a big city can be very lonely.

I have never lived in a community of only a few hundred people but I can imagine that it would never be lonely because everyone knows everyone (and their business) so there isn't a shortage of people to say hello to. While in a big city, there is just an endless line of emotionless faces (especially on a Monday morning) going to and from here and there.

So it begs the question, does that mean to get away from it all it is better to move to a country area or a city area?

Well, I suppose if you want to get away from people per se, the best thing is to move to a country area but as I said in the country area you are quickly going to become part of the community (whether you like it or not) and that privacy might be difficult to acquire unless you live in a very remote community.

In a large city you are going to be faced with a large number of people around you, but because they don't know your name you can walk around in relative anonymity.

So to go back to the original question, do introverts reside in the country and extroverts reside in the city?

That is a very difficult question to answer and it would take a substantial study and that might be out the bounds of possibility for this blog.

What you can ask yourself though is, why are you where you are now? Is it because you are looking for anonymity or is it some completely different reason?

The Secret of Life?

What's the meaning of life?

That is the $64 trillion question, isn't it?

You can make life hard for yourself or you can make it slightly easier. "How do you do that?" I hear you ask.

This might sound like old advice and it is but as we all know, receiving the advice is the easy part while actually implementing the advice (if you think it is worthwhile) is the difficult part.

The secret is (drumroll please), each day do something that makes you a better person. It might be doing a couple of extra reps at the gym. (They will add up over the year, believe me)

It could be doing 10 minutes of extra reading. You never know what those 10 minutes might discover.  It might change your life. Who knows?

Just do that little extra and see what happens.

By having that challenge and trying to be better than the previous day or week, yes you will slowly  become the man or woman that you always wanted to be.

Do you know what the result is?

In the past, if you are anything like me you would have been chasing money, you would have been chasing love and you would have been chasing success.

By becoming better and better each day, suddenly you will be attracting money, you will be attracting love and you will be attracting success.

The question you and I have to answer today is, what are you and I going to do to be better than yesterday and what are you and I going to do tomorrow to be a better person than today?

Interesting question, right?

Only you know the answer.

Surviving the holiday

休みモード

A few years ago I learnt a Japanese phrase, 休みモード (yasumi mode). This literally means 'holiday mode.'

Last week was the Golden Week vacation in Japan. There are four public holidays in the space of one week and many people take the whole week off so four public holidays turn into a 10 day vacation which, believe me, in Japan for many people is like Christmas, birthdays, Easter and Thanksgiving all rolled into one.

It's Thursday today and I'm still feeling bad about being back working (even though I worked most mornings of Golden Week).

I thought that I was going to be excited about getting back to work after Golden Week but the whole week I have felt really 'blah.'

I honestly, didn't think that this would affect me so much. And the whole idea of Gogatsubyo or May Sickness has become real for me this week.

Or so I thought ....

I'm not a big drinker however during Golden Week I managed to drink everyday. I had beer and vodka (not at the same time).

While I was doing that I had the odd plate of junk food. Pizza, hamburger, chocolate and my personal favourite, fish and chips were all consumed so that by the time the end of the holiday rolled around I was not feeling the best.

My question today is:

Do we dread going back to work or is other things that make it seem like a real drag?

Was it the fact that I had had a a half a year fill of alcohol inside a week that made me not want to go to work or workout at the gym for that matter?

I understand people who have bosses may not want to go back to their work after a vacation because he or she is grumpy and then suddenly five minutes after you get in the door they are on your back almost like punishment for being away.

However is the feeling exaggerated by consumption of all the alcohol and junk food?

Quite possibly.

What is the solution?

Well, that is easier said than done but remember that your goals and objectives are not just a five day a week thing or a 48 week a year system. These things are 7 days a week and 52 days a year.

By all means have a beer but only if you really want one. Eat that plate of fish and chips but don't make it a daily habit. Remember that your goals are a continuous thing and they don't stop for holidays.

Don't overextend yourself as an introvert

There are some times when you are writing a blog like this when you have absolutely no idea what you are going to write about. It is difficult to come up with things to write about very single day and today is a great example of that.

I have been on the go since 7am this morning and I have just got home and it is after 10pm. I haven't had a chance to sit down to write. These days are difficult.

As an introvert, you know that you need to recharge alone. You need to get home and relax by yourself or with your significant other. It's times like this that you need to listen to your body, you need to listen to your mind and relax.

In this situation, an extrovert might call up the closest person nearest to him or her. He or she has also had a long 15 hour day and they need some energy and as we all know the way the extrovert reenergises is to socialise. So even though they have had a 15 hour day they need to get out and have a few drinks to reenergise themselves.

If you are an introvert and you have had that long day resist the urge to go out. You will resent the situation. you will resent the other person and most importantly, you will resent yourself.

Listen to yourself, go home and recharge.

This advice is non-negotiable for an introvert.

James Haskell: A rugby playing introvert?

Tomorrow, the draw for the 2019 Rugby World Cup will be held in Kyoto, Japan. With the Olympics being held in Tokyo the year after, the Rugby World Cup might be lost in the build up to the sporting extravaganza in 2020 but it is still a big event in it's own right and New Zealand should win for the third straight time.

One of the interesting characters of world rugby is the Englishman, James Haskell. I've seen him interviewed a number of times and he comes across very well in my opinion. He obviously loves to talk and he seems to speak very fast but he talks a lot of sense.

In this section of his interview he describes himself as a loner. He likes to do things on his own. He likes to drive on his own, sit on his own. He says that he is not loud and he reckons that he is a terrible room mate because he is always on his computer, or reading or doing things like that. (I don't know why he says that, that makes him a terrible room mate. Surely a room mate is someone who is quiet, keeps to themselves, pays the rent on time and goes about their daily business or is that just an introvert's wet dream?)

The one thing I got out of watching this section of his interview is that appearances can be deceiving.

James Haskell may come across as a talkative rugby playing (as is said in the interview) 'meathead,' but that doesn't appear to be true. He likes to have time to himself. He likes to do things by himself. Maybe this talkative even likeable character only comes out on certain occasions. He might just be the archetypical 'Situational Extrovert' that we have discussed, a number of times on this blog.

Don't judge a book by it's cover, I know is a bit of a cliche but in this circumstance, it is particularly apt.

Just Don't Give a S**t!!!!!

Here is a great quote from Sir Richard Branson:

"You don't learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing and falling over."

Unfortunately, a lot of us introverts don't like to put ourselves 'out there.' It is scary because we don't know what other people think of us. We don't want to be thought of us an idiot and usually after we try to put ourselves out there, nobody cares anyway and it goes back to being normal and you wonder why you made that effort to almost make a fool of yourself.

What can you do?

As Sir Richard said, you learn by doing and too many of us think too much about doing and not enough time actually doing.

We get too worried about what others would think about us.

My friend and I (he will probably not be happy about me giving away our secret code in such a public environment) have a saying and it goes like this, JDGAS. Just Don't Give A S**t.

It's all very well to give advice using the word "just". We hear that advice all the time, don't we?

"Just be confident."

"Just do it."

"Just get started."

Unfortunately when you are trying to do something then you have to get started somewhere and you might have to make that jump into a cold swimming pool. It isn't very pleasant, believe me.

Lets think of an example. Maybe you want to get over your fear of public speaking. I know many people find extremely difficult to get up in front of three people and speak. For some people, it is almost as terrifying as death itself.

That's what you can do though. Speak in front of three people, preferably strangers. I believe that is a great first step.

If the idea of speaking in front of three strangers may cause you to do unspeakable things to yourself, why don't you get your family involved? They should be supportive and it might be a comfortable way to improve your speaking ability.

For the more advanced people out there, you might want to try Toastmasters. Toastmasters is an organisation that promotes people becoming better at things like public speaking and leadership.

Of course public speaking is just an example of what you can do. There are many things that you can try to 'put yourself out there.'

Remember, you are going to come up against roadblocks. You are going to come against people who don't understand what you are trying to do and because it makes them feel uncomfortable they will try to bring you down. You are going to have people who just don't want to understand and will think that you are off your rocker. This where your JDGAS attitude is crucial.

It is a difficult process but it will be worth it at the end.