What I would like to talk about today is my first week at university in New Zealand and why I wish I knew then what I know now.
I grew up in Palmerston North, New Zealand. I went to Palmerston North Boys` High School where I was pretty average at school and was marginally better on the sport`s field. I finished school in December 1991. After that I spent nine months in Tokyo, Japan. That was a real eye opener for a young man from a town (at the time) of 70,000 people.
At the end of 1992, just before Christmas, I returned to New Zealand where I had planned to attend Victoria University in Wellington. I also got a place in Te Aro Hall. One of the halls of residence for the university. A short walk down the hill from the campus itself.
My mother and my best friend and I had gone there a couple of weeks before the beginning of the academic year and checked out the place, both the university and the hall of residence.
I had been there a couple of years before when I was in my last year of high school. I attended a couple of presentations from the Japanese professor and the law faculty. I still remember the joke that the Japanese professor told and I tell it 30 years later. (It resonates with my sense of humour.)
Anyway, back to my first week at Victoria University. I drove down to the hall of residence with my parents and settled in to the place. (Looking back on it now, if I could do it again I would have arrived earlier so that you have the run of the place before all the others arrive.) It's weird walking into the place where people are already there. It feels like you are gatecrashing their party or something similar.
It was more than 28 years ago but I do remember that I was immediately uncomfortable. There was these people running around, none of them I knew all enjoying their first days away from home. Looking back on it, it was a true extrovert's paradise. There might have been parties going on but I did not know at all. I was ... petrified? I'm not sure if that is the correct word. I just didn't want to interact with these people. Was it shyness? Quite possibly. Was it introversion? Quite possibly. Was it lack of social awareness? Quite possibly.
At the time, I had no idea. The only thing I knew was that I didn't want to be there. I wasn't comfortable there and it was just not me.
I had just spent nine months in Japan living in that kind of dormitory lifestyle but this was a little bit different. It was noisy. The building was older than what I got used to in Tokyo. It was colder. I just did not enjoy it.
So I did a runner. I went back to my hometown where it was more comfortable. I knew my way around even though I do quite like the streets of Wellington. It just seemed to be the right thing to do.
If I had my time again and with the knowledge I have, would I make the same decision? I don't know. A wise person once said to me that you should never regret anything because at the time it was the best decision that you could have made.
Without this experience in Wellington, would I have the knowledge that I now know about introverts and extroverts. Maybe I could have 'extroverted up.' I will never know. What I do know however is that living in a big dormitory is not for everyone. You may think it is and you may think that you don't get the true university experience without it. However, what is more important is being able to understand yourself and being able to understand what is comfortable for you and what drives you and what sucks the energy out of you. This is more important rather than getting the experience that everyone else says you SHOULD have. There is no SHOULDS in your life. It is just what you believe and it is what you think is best for you not anyone else.
At the end of the day, it is your life. You make the decisions and of course, no one knows you more than yourself.
The first ten minutes of this movie and the first five seconds of the above trailer is very interesting.
We are introduced to the two main characters of the film, Cassie and Lisa. They have been best friends since their primary school days but one of the first things I noticed was the obvious difference in their personalities. Cassie is the stereotypical party girl while Lisa is a bit more, shall we say reserved?
In fact Lisa comes home from work and suggests to Cassie rather than party at the club that night, they should stay at home and pig out on ice cream and binge on movies and the like.
You can imagine what the response to that was from a party person. No f**king way.
Cassie is a stereotypical extrovert. She gets her energy from being with many people in a highly stimulating environment. Basically partying. Lisa gets her energy from being in a quiet place either by herself or with a close friend or two which is why she suggests to Cassie that they should stay in for the night.
Isn't interesting how people like this become friends and stay friends for such a long time? You also see this in marriages. I have read many articles in which the wife talks about her extroverted husband and the perils and adventures of going to a party with him.
At the end of the day, it is all about, especially in marriages, the idea of filling the other person's weaknesses. Most of the time, the couples don't realise why they are attracted to each other, it just feels right.
It's about that gut feeling. It's about that comfort in which you feel when you are with that other person whether it be plutonic or romantic.
Don't disregard that person because they don't have the same interests as you or they don't have the same party animalistic tendencies as you or they don't know how to shut up and take it easy without inviting 12 other people to take it easy with them. If you do disregard them, you might be losing someone from your life that can help you grow as a person, that can help you see how the 'other side' live.
This is an interesting one because I am sure that some people have experienced some kind of loneliness during the pandemic.
If you are anything like me and you live by yourself, the whole idea of spending time alone as an introvert is not so bad. One day morphs into another and although you are still communicating with people on a daily basis Wednesday seems to be the same as Sunday which seems to be the same as Friday.
(I must say though that although my apartment is nice and warm and comfortable, I do live below the level of the road and I do keep my curtains closed so 3am seems the same as 3pm if I don't look outside.)
How much solitude can a "normal" person take?
Although I have heard stories of people enjoying the pandemic and being locked away from society, you still need to get out once in a while even if it just to get some Vitamin D.
Solitude is good but interacting with other people is also good. Don't lock yourself away forever. For one thing, the world will continue on without you and you will start to get behind that is not a good thing in this ever changing world that we live in.
It was about the Robin Williams' movie One Hour Photo.
One Hour Photo is a psychological thriller. Over the weekend I revisited and I was thinking about what new learnings that I have had since December 10 2016.
1. The idea of having a purpose in life. I believe in this movie Sy Parrish (Robin Williams) had his purpose. He really revelled in the idea of serving people with their photo needs. He took great pride in it and he obviously loved it.
2. In one of the scenes he says that Monday mornings was their busiest time of the week because people would spend their weekends taking photos and of course they would want them quickly to relive those experiences. In the voice-over, you could hear Sy talking about the customers and his observations of them. I know as an introvert I do that. In fact sometimes I could observe someone and give a 100% judgement (is that the correct word) of their life and personality. I know that i am probably wrong 99% of the time but I can't help myself.
3. Some people want their cake and to eat it too. This applies to the husband. He had a lovely family. A beautiful and intelligent wife. A nice young son. What looked like a very cool house which according to IMDB was in Brentwood which according to my extensive "research" is one of the more affluent suburbs in Los Angeles. However he wanted more so he cheated on his wife with one of his employees.
I've never had much time for people who cheat whether they be male or female. The fact that you don't want to have that talk to explain your side of the story means that you are a coward.
4. If you shut yourself from society it can be extremely difficult to get back into that society. At the time of writing we are in the middle of a pandemic and many people are working from home which I believe has many advantages. Firstly there are not as many distractions. You can concentrate on your work without people pestering you every five minutes. Also you don't have to worry about your commute. It is five seconds from your bathroom to the office downstairs. Of course there are going to be some places he are flat out against that, like this one.
5. No one else is going to come and rescue you. You have to get up and rescue yourself. No one is going to come and wake you up in the morning and tell you that you better get going and do your work because quite frankly, they don't care. They might say they do, but they are more worried about themselves to worry about you.
I'm sure I can think of other "learnings" but I'll leave it at that amount.
It certainly is an interesting movie if a little dated. Apparently there are only 150 one hour photo places left in the United States of America.
Rest in Peace Robin Williams. It is certainly good to see you in a role that wasn't your typical slapstick role. Actually, when i think of that, I do enjoy Dead Poets Society as well. That certainly was not a slapstick role at all.
Today's topic is not connected to the introvert/extrovert relationship however, it is something that is topical, especially in New Zealand.
Currently the 36th America's Cup is being held. For those of you who don't know what the America's Cup is, it is a yachting competition that has being going since 1851. It is the most prestigious yachting competition in the world. (I think. Forgive my ignorance if it is not.)
Currently, I'm watching the live stream of the fifth race and it is quite exciting.
I grew up in New Zealand and my youth consisted of KZ7, KZ1 and NZL32. For people that have seen those you might have an image of these big sailing boats with the huge spinnaker (I think that is what they are called) 'charging'along the race course and hearing the commentators saying the third beat to windward and port and starboard (I still don't know which is which.)
Those yachts looked like this:
Or if you want a better view, something like this:
The above video is Team New Zealand winning the America's Cup for the first time and the country rejoiced in the achievements of these sailors. However, watching it was like watching paint dry. If it wasn't for the New Zealand commentator Peter Montgomery who is considered to be the voice of the America's Cup, the race would have been sleep inducing. The only reason my family anyway was glued to the television was that New Zealand was racing and the theatre of the America's Cup had the antagonist (in New Zealander's eyes) Dennis Conner.
Long story short, Team New Zealand won, "The America's Cup is now New Zealand's cup" and it has well and truly become part of the New Zealand sporting psyche. I'm willing to bet though that most people still don't know what is going on and the words that they hear on television are almost like a foreign language. Well, they are to me anyway.
I'm watching race 5 as we read this together and the America's Cup is chalk and cheese compared to 1986-1987 or 1995. In the past the races might take four or five hours but now they are taking about 25 minutes and the boats look like they are flying. I'm not kidding. Take a look for yourself:
Some of my regular readers will know that I am a cricket fan and have watched it and followed it all my life. Not many of the people reading this will understand the idiosyncrasies of the cricket field but some of you will know that a test match between two countries can last for five days.
This got me thinking of the comparisons between the America's Cup and to cricket.
For more than 100 years the America's Cup was contested by yachts that took their time and sailed around the course.
In cricket, for more than 100 years test cricket and first class cricket reigned supreme. Matches would last for three, four, five and in some cases 10 days and everyone was happy.
Now, what do we have? We have cricket matches that can finish in less than three hours. We have boat races that last 25 minutes as they literally fly around the course.
As a cricketing purist I never understood the attraction of the short games of 'T20' cricket that are prominent around the cricketing world now. I liked the five day test matches that played out and had many twists and turns.
Watching the 36th edition of the America's Cup suddenly made me realise why T20 cricket is so popular. We live in a society which expects instant gratification. We want it now and we can't be bothered waiting around for the result.
I don't think I could be bothered watching a four and a half hour yacht race especially when I don't know what is going on but a 25 minute 'sprint' is doable. I can imagine that applies to cricket as well. Most people don't want to sit around watching a five day test match, but a three hour smashathon with 6's and 4's with a copious amount of beer is very easy to do.
Of course television has a lot to say in what happens. Television wants something exciting, they want something that our eyes want to watch. They want content and a long game of cricket or a long boat race does satisfy those requirements, whether it is exciting or not is up to interpretation.
I wonder what the America's Cup and cricket are going to look like in 2071. Are games or races going to be even shorter? As they say "time will tell."
Regular readers of my blog will know that I am a fan of The Crown. The Netflix series that started about four years ago in 2016 and continues to interest me after four series. I like the fact that they are changing the actors every two seasons.
I've learnt a lot about history as after some episodes I would look up what had just happened and even though I know there is a lot of dramatisation going on, the episodes are based around true events. From the top of my head, the fog that lasted for a few days in London (that was in series 1) and the coal mine disaster in Wales (that was in series 3) are examples of historical events that actually did happen and they dramatised them in The Crown.
One thing I did notice in the fourth series of The Crown was the Prince Charles character walking around and always touching his wrist or cuff-links or something similar.
It got me thinking. What is this? Why does he do it? It doesn't seem like it is dramatised either because in the real video shots of Prince Charles, he seems to be doing it.
Is this a nervous thing? Is it a confidence thing? I'm not sure. I know my bad habit is that I walk along the street while playing with the skin on the inside of my let thumb. Sometimes I even draw blood. Sometimes it gets really bad that I put a band aid over it so I don't do it. I even put band aids on the right thumb as well to stop 'mutilating' myself.
Apparently when Prince Charles plays with his cuff-links, it is a sign of anxiety and he wants to get out of the situation he is in at that moment. I wonder what this says about his personality. In the earlier series of The Crown he is portrayed as a shy boy and not the most confident while his father, the Duke of Edinburgh is quite domineering. I wonder if that has something to do with the anxiety he shows.
It's easier said than done but you might be shy or insecure around other people and you might not like the judgement that you think you might get from them. Remember they are trying to get you to conform to what they think a person should be and act. It really has nothing to do with you. I know that is difficult to remember in the heat of the moment but the more you practice trying to remember it, the easier it will be to laugh all of those judgements off.
Also, a day or so later, a person I follow on Facebook posted that article or something similar about this news story.
I read this article with great interest and the more I read the more I thought about it from my introverted point of view.
Does Mr. Solomon honestly believe that Goldman Sachs is not a work from home culture (maybe) or is he just lonely and wants people back in the office because that is more his personality?
I don't have great knowledge of the investment banking industry. In fact I'm not exactly sure what they do on a day to day basis. But what I do hear is the astronomical bonuses etc. (Wouldn't that be nice?)
I'm not here to judge whether they deserve those big salaries or bonuses. Hey if you want to put in the hours and bring in millions of dollars then why shouldn't you receive a percentage of it?
A few years ago I did some work at a major Japanese construction company. There are five major construction companies in Japan and I was told that they all have their own 'personalities.' One was a "jock" like company. A work hard, play hard type of company. Another one was more 'academic.' While another one was, shall we say "traditional." Whatever that means.
When I see articles like the one above I wonder if investment banks are similar to the construction companies. Are there ones in which the academic type of people go? Are there ones in which the jocks go? Are there ones in which the party people go to? By party people I mean the sociable ones.
Is Goldman Sachs a sociable one? I can imagine it is work hard but is it play hard as well. Is it the company's culture or is it a mirror of the boss?
I'm sure that there are quite a few companies around the world who are like GS. They can't even comprehend that their people won't want to come back to the office. As the article says, some of the older generation don't like it. I must admit when the pandemic started I was against doing my job online. I couldn't comprehend it. Although now I'm starting to enjoy it and especially because it is winter in the Northern Hemisphere I haven't had to go out in the cold air and I like that.
In saying that, I do like to go out sometimes because staying at home the whole time can be isolating but there should be a happy balance. Bosses need to understand their workforce not think that because they are extroverted that they think everyone is.
This, I believe handicaps some companies in that they don't get the best out of their employees. They expect that the person should adapt to them, which is fine but someone who is introverted may not be able to play the extrovert for an extended period of time.
There is going to be a new normal. It is not an aberration. Our work culture is changing. Whether that is for the best, only time will tell.
