LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE OF OTHERS

 What I would like to talk about today is my first week at university in New Zealand and why I wish I knew then what I know now. 

I grew up in Palmerston North, New Zealand. I went to Palmerston North Boys` High School where I was pretty average at school and was marginally better on the sport`s field. I finished school in December 1991. After that I spent nine months in Tokyo, Japan. That was a real eye opener for a young man from a town (at the time) of 70,000 people. 

At the end of 1992, just before Christmas, I returned to New Zealand where I had planned to attend Victoria University in Wellington. I also got a place in Te Aro Hall. One of the halls of residence for the university. A short walk down the hill from the campus itself. 

My mother and my best friend and I had gone there a couple of weeks before the beginning of the academic year and checked out the place, both the university and the hall of residence.

I had been there a couple of years before when I was in my last year of high school. I attended a couple of presentations from the Japanese professor and the law faculty. I still remember the joke that the Japanese professor told and I tell it 30 years later. (It resonates with my sense of humour.)

Anyway, back to my first week at Victoria University. I drove down to the hall of residence with my parents and settled in to the place. (Looking back on it now, if I could do it again I would have arrived earlier so that you have the run of the place before all the others arrive.) It's weird walking into the place where people are already there. It feels like you are gatecrashing their party or something similar. 

It was more than 28 years ago but I do remember that I was immediately uncomfortable. There was these people running around, none of them I knew all enjoying their first days away from home. Looking back on it, it was a true extrovert's paradise. There might have been parties going on but I did not know at all. I was ... petrified? I'm not sure if that is the correct word. I just didn't want to interact with these people. Was it shyness? Quite possibly. Was it introversion? Quite possibly. Was it lack of social awareness? Quite possibly.

At the time, I had no idea. The only thing I knew was that I didn't want to be there. I wasn't comfortable there and it was just not me.

I had just spent nine months in Japan living in that kind of dormitory lifestyle but this was a little bit different. It was noisy. The building was older than what I got used to in Tokyo. It was colder. I just did not enjoy it. 

So I did a runner. I went back to my hometown where it was more comfortable. I knew my way around even though I do quite like the streets of Wellington. It just seemed to be the right thing to do.

If I had my time again and with the knowledge I have, would I make the same decision? I don't know. A wise person once said to me that you should never regret anything because at the time it was the best decision that you could have made.

Without this experience in Wellington, would I have the knowledge that I now know about introverts and extroverts. Maybe I could have 'extroverted up.' I will never know. What I do know however is that living in a big dormitory is not for everyone. You may think it is and you may think that you don't get the true university experience without it. However, what is more important is being able to understand yourself and being able to understand what is comfortable for you and what drives you and what sucks the energy out of you. This is more important rather than getting the experience that everyone else says you SHOULD have. There is no SHOULDS in your life. It is just what you believe and it is what you think is best for you not anyone else.

At the end of the day, it is your life. You make the decisions and of course, no one knows you more than yourself. 

Lessons from a Netflix movie

 The other day I watched a movie on Netflix called Afterlife of the Party. ("Thank you.")

Here is the trailer for the movie:

The first ten minutes of this movie and the first five seconds of the above trailer is very interesting.

We are introduced to the two main characters of the film, Cassie and Lisa. They have been best friends since their primary school days but one of the first things I noticed was the obvious difference in their personalities. Cassie is the stereotypical party girl while Lisa is a bit more, shall we say reserved? 

In fact Lisa comes home from work and suggests to Cassie rather than party at the club that night, they should stay at home and pig out on ice cream and binge on movies and the like. 

You can imagine what the response to that was from a party person. No f**king way. 

Cassie is a stereotypical extrovert. She gets her energy from being with many people in a highly stimulating environment. Basically partying. Lisa gets her energy from being in a quiet place either by herself or with a close friend or two which is why she suggests to Cassie that they should stay in for the night.

Isn't interesting how people like this become friends and stay friends for such a long time? You also see this in marriages. I have read many articles in which the wife talks about her extroverted husband and the perils and adventures of going to a party with him.

At the end of the day, it is all about, especially in marriages, the idea of filling the other person's weaknesses. Most of the time, the couples don't realise why they are attracted to each other, it just feels right. 

It's about that gut feeling. It's about that comfort in which you feel when you are with that other person whether it be plutonic or romantic. 

Don't disregard that person because they don't have the same interests as you or they don't have the same party animalistic tendencies as you or they don't know how to shut up and take it easy without inviting 12 other people to take it easy with them. If you do disregard them, you might be losing someone from your life that can help you grow as a person, that can help you see how the 'other side' live.