YOU NEED SOMEONE. WE ALL DO!!!

Have you ever been to the movies by yourself?

I've been maybe two or three times. I remember I watched A Beautiful Mind by myself in Edinburgh.

I also watched The Dictator by myself in my hometown in New Zealand. I remember laughing at some jokes, one about Silvio Berlusconi comes to mind although the young(er) people around me didn't get it.

Anyway, as an introvert I'm invariably by myself. As I write this, I am in the library that I come to on a regular basis. There are many people around me but I am basically on my own.

I don't work at an office so I'm walking around Tokyo by myself and I live by myself too.

The weird thing is though, when I want to go to the movies or want to do something like travelling, I prefer to go with someone else. I can go to a small cheap restaurant or go to a family restaurant by myself but a decent restaurant I would prefer someone else there with me.

Why is this? You would think that because I spend most of my time by myself and you would think because I live by myself that I would have no problem sitting in a fancy restaurant or travelling around Europe by myself. It's strange isn't it? Lets try to figure this one out.

Lets start with the fancy restaurant. In this kind of establishment 99.9% of the time, you will see couples or groups there. Maybe a man or a woman are on a date and what do they do on a date? They talk. Maybe there is group of couples or a group of business people celebrating their latest deal. The thing is that they all have someone to talk to and being there by yourself, you don't have that luxury.

Lets say you want to travel around Eastern Europe by yourself. As a young person you know that you will probably stay in youth hostels or the like. you may even have to share a room with a complete stranger. You might go on an occasional group excursion but basically you are going to be by yourself navigating the wonderful countries of that area.

I can only go by my experience. I'm not the most gregarious person to ever walk the face of this planet so just striking up conversations with complete strangers are not my forte. Some people, I'm looking at you extroverts out there can go up to a complete stranger and suddenly be their best friend. For me, it is safety in numbers

I think with the restaurant example, the idea of sitting by myself is ok but everyone else is sitting talking while I'm sitting there doing nothing. In those kind of establishments pulling out a smart phone or reading a newspaper may not be the classiest thing to do.

Remember even though you might classify yourself as an introvert, sometimes you need people around you and they need you as well. It is not just a one way street. They really do need you. REMEMBER THAT!

ARE YOU A C**T?: I don't think so.

WARNING! Offensive language ahead. If you are easily offended by four letter words (I don't know why, they are only words after all) or expletives or what have you, I would suggest not reading on. Please do not say you haven't been warned.

This post on Instagram I thought was hilarious. It was on an account called The Funny Introvert.

"You have this 3 pound organ in your skull that's so fucking amazing it literally defies the laws of it's own construction and you use it to watch the Bachelor and be a cunt."

I was reading this in the library and usually I'm not a LOL type of guy but I couldn't help myself this time. The people around me certainly liked at me a little strange as I couldn't really control the sounds coming out of my mouth for a few seconds.

I think what got me originally was the use of the word "cunt." Where I come from the word is thrown around quite liberally and in England in some circumstances it is almost used as a term of endearment.

Here is the Canadian comedian Russell Peters explaining the use of the word as well as anyone:

I think in the above "quote" though the word "cunt" is equated to mean an idiot. It is saying that we are not acting or doing things to our full potential. We are not living our lives to the absolute fullest.        

We get home after slaving through our 9 to 5's or if you live in certain places, our 9 to 9's. We blob out in front of the television or netflix or what have you and that's it. We are up the next morning with little energy and do it all over again. Is that living our dream life? I 100% doubt it. By living like that we are literally become a cunt. Not good. Not good at all.

I know that it is a cliche but life is for living. It is for us to get out there and grab it by it's tail and say "You are mine. You are going to be great and you are going to kick ass on each and every day."

So sort out that boring routine. Sort out your finances. Sort out your sleeping time. Sort out your diet. Sort out your exercise and health routine. Sort out your relationships. Sort out everything and live that life that you know 100% in your mind that you are capable of.

Do you know what? Your life will become more and more enjoyable. Your finances will start to become better and money will start coming from places you didn't even know. You will start to have more and more energy. That beer belly will miraculously disappear. Those muscles that you never thought you had will suddenly appear and last but certainly not least that certain special someone will appear or in some of our lives reappear and you will have manifested the life you always dreamed of.

Remember though to not put off happiness until all of those things eventuate. The trick is to be happy now. Be happy about your current situation. Be happy about what you have. Be happy about that roof over your head. Be happy about that food in your fridge and the water in the glass. Express gratitude for all of those things. Heck, express gratitude for the thoughts in your head. It means you are alive and you can contribute to this society.

This is the reason that people who seem to have everything, the money, the huge house, the hot spouse seem to not be happy because rather than expressing that gratitude for what they have, they want more and they are making their lives miserable.

Are you cunt? I'm sure you are not. Live like it.

ARE THESE NUMBERS SHOCKING TO YOU?

Here is an interesting article I read the other day. The old hikikomori again. Regular readers of my blog will know that I have written some posts about this phenomenon.

Here are some of the posts:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2016/08/social-withdrawal.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2018/03/hikikomori-is-it-individuals-problem.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.com/2018/06/social-recluse.html

The reason that this article took my fancy was that it talked about the numbers of people above the age of 40. Usually when we talk about hikikomori, my image is some young guy in his early 20's but obviously this is not the case with a large number of people in the 40 to 64 year old age bracket.

I still firmly believe that these people are rebelling against society because they feel constrained by rules and conventions and that they can't do what they truly want to do and because of that they have shoved their middle finger up in front of society.

How can we lessen the numbers of people who do this? How can we lessen the number of people who shut themselves away from society like this? I wish I had the answers in this blog post. I'm sure that the authorities also want the answers. Do we just accept that in any society that there are going to be people that just can't come out of their shell? (I still hate that expression by the way.)

I wonder if we will see an article like this in a years time.

The answer to that questions is ... PROBABLY.

INTROVERTS ARE NOT ....

Many people, who should know better think that an introvert are these things (but they are not):

1. Shy

No, No, No! Shyness and Introversion are two completely different things. They are not one in the same. Sure, some introverts might be shy but not all.


2. No opinions.

Seriously, what has this got to do with how a person energises themselves? I consider myself an introvert and I have a lot of opinions about things going on in the world.


3. Hates people.

My friend says he hates people. Sure, some people do some stupid things but some of an introvert's best friends are people. An introvert loves people, just not big groups of them.


4. Socially awkward

Some extroverts maybe awkward as well. Not just introverts.


5. Failed Extroverts.

Huh? What does that mean? Are you telling me that if you are not someone who can socialise with one hundred of your closest friends or can't talk for hour about nothing that you are a failed extrovert? I don't think so.

WHAT ARE SOCIAL CONVENTIONS?

What are social conventions?

Social conventions are the unwritten rules the society in which you are in. Naturally, social conventions differ from society to society and region to region.

I have lived for half of my life in New Zealand and half of my life in Japan. As you can imagine, these countries have two very different forms of social conventions.

Lets have a look firstly at what social conventions are in New Zealand:

1. Because New Zealand is not very heavily populated and there many wide spaces, this means we don't like to get too close to anyone. (How I have survived on the Tokyo train system for so long is beyond me.) Personal space is different from country to country. Respect the person's space in New Zealand.

2. New Zealanders walk on the left side of the footpath (sidewalk, pavement). I remember when an American lecturer at university said he found that strange because in America it was on the right. (I'm not sure if that is true or not.) That also applied to the staircase as well.

3. New Zealanders smile at each other a lot. This is a type of greeting to a stranger. you don't have to say hello like the video below but don't ignore the person walking past you. That is considered to be very, very rude.

4. If something good happens to you, like there is a birth in the family or even as something like your birthday then social convention would suggest that you have a shout at your workplace. A shout is when that person provides food or drink or both to celebrate. (I must admit, this is one convention that I don't really understand.)


How about Japan?

1. Bowing - I'm sure that even if your knowledge of Japan is minuscule ,  that you know that Japanese greet each other by bowing. Kissing is very, very rare while hand shaking is becoming more and more common, don't expect that firm one that your father told you to do.

2. Another that you are probably all familiar with even if you haven't visited Japan is the idea of taking your shoes off before going inside the house. For me, this seems quite logical but for whatever reason, this hasn't seemed to have taken off in the white man's world.

3. The final one. Eating and eating etiquette is big in Japan so remember to follow the rules like slurp when you eat noodles and don't stick your chopsticks in the rice or even drown it in soy sauce. White rice is very important in Japanese culture and you need to treat it with the utmost respect. I'll let Tom Selleck show you.

There you have it. Social conventions. Some are good. Some are bad. Some are annoying but you can't deny that they make the world go round.

BEING SOCIAL: It is not the same for you and me.

I read an article about success the other day and what it means to various people. To some people it means having a truckload of money. To some people it means making a particular sporting team or league. To some people it is living in a place or driving a particular car.

To me it means doing what you want to do at anytime or anyplace. So basically, in my definition, having to go to work on a Monday morning is not necessarily a form of success in my mind.

This article made me think about what it means to be social. I'm sure this has different meanings for different people.

Does social mean this?

Or does social mean this?

Does social mean this?

Or, does social mean this to you?

We all have our own definition of what being social is. Maybe for you it means partying in a club with 500 other people who you don't know but you consider them all your friend or maybe social means to hang out on a Friday night with your BFF and relax and have a few brews and just generally take it easy.

Social means different things to different people. Don't think that your way is any better than another person's way or that that person should socialise the same way as you do. We all do things our own way and there isn't one right way for all of us and the moment we realise that the more successful we will be in our professional and social relationships.

If you are a flake, please, please read this

Today's post is going to be short, very short today.

This morning, my first appointment was for 7.30am. I didn't sleep very well last night but tried to rest and I was able to get some shuteye.

I left until the last minute to get ready for the day but managed to leave the apartment by abut 6.40am which gave me more than enough time to get to the appointment place and prepare for it.

Anyway, on the train half way to the place, I read a mail that I am cc'd on that the client can't make it today.

I'm sure we have all done it before, cancel last minute on friends, clients, colleagues etc. I know that I have been guilty of it. However, I am aware of it now and will always say no if I can't make it or more importantly, don't want to do it. There is nothing worse than knowing that some person who doesn't want to be there says yes they will go and then make up some bullshit excuse five minutes before you are supposed to meet.

My message to all of you this morning is:

STOP IT! DON'T DO IT!

That's all. Have a great day.