If there is an extrovert "holiday" then Halloween has to be it. Getting all dressed up in gaudy costumes and going to parties. This is made for the extrovert. The costumes, the interesting food, the colour. I'm sure that extroverts love it and Facebook and Instagram will be full of photos of Halloween parties for days to come.
Have an enjoyable Halloween and if you are an introvert, remember your limits and if you have to recharge, go and do it. You will thank yourself in the morning.
Here is my take on the Starland Vocal Band song, the classic Afternoon Delight. It could be rewritten as a new song. In fact, lets do that and call the new song, 'Extrovert Delight.' (I suggest you listen to the video as you read the next part
Gonna find my costume, gonna wear it tight Gonna grab some extrovert delight My motto's always been when it's fright, its fright Why wait until the middle of the frightening night When everything is great in a fantastic partay And we know we are going to go to another one on another day Thinking of that party just feels so right Looking forward to a little extrovert delight Using matchsticks and zippos make the jack o lanterns ignite And the thought of drinking with you is getting so exciting Halloween is so right Extrovert delight Extrovert delight Extrovert delight Got up this morning feeling so uptight I always thought that I would like to be alone but it doesn't feel right But you got a little costume a waiting' and I think like experiencing some extrovert delight Halloween is so right Extrovert delight Extrovert delight Extrovert delight Please get my treat ready for when I come around We could do a little trick and treating before the sun goes down Thinking of that party just feels so right Looking forward to a little extrovert delight Using matchsticks and zippos make the jack o lanterns ignite And the thought of drinking with you is getting so exciting Halloween is so right Extrovert delight Extrovert delight Extrovert delight Extrovert delight Extrovert delight
Cricket is one of the more popular sports in New Zealand. It is a summer sport and although the New Zealand team isn't as successful as the all-conquering All Black rugby team they still compete on the world stage against the heavyweights of the sport, India, Australia and England.
New Zealand are considered the dark horse at world tournaments because they can beat any team on any given day and they are given the utmost respect by all the opposition because the heavyweights know that they can be made to look silly.
New Zealand has just completed an unsuccessful tour of India in which they were whitewashed in the test matches and lost 3-2 in the one day internationals. The captain was Kane Williamson who has taken over from Brendon McCullum early in 2016.
During the tour Brendon McCullum's book was launched and one of the talking points of the book was his side of the captaincy story.
Brendon McCullum took over from Ross Taylor as captain when a new coach was appointed. The coach decided that McCullum was more suited as captain.
With McCullum as captain New Zealand played some very attacking cricket. From the sidelines it seemed that McCullum was saying follow me fellas. I will lead and you guys follow and together we will take on the best sides.
Ross Taylor seems to be a bit more laid-back. According to this article it seemed that Ross Taylor wasn't the best communicator which in any sports team you need the captain to be vocal so that is why it seems that Ross Taylor was replaced by Brendon McCullum as captain in The New Zealand criekct team.
To me this seems like a classic case of extrovert/introvert.
I have said many times that in this day in age you need to be a little out there. For introverted people that may be a little difficult to hear but unfortunately that is the case.
In Susan Cain's book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that can't stop talking she talks about how Al Gore couldnt get the extroverted members of Congress to listen to his concerns on global warming as they weren't really interested in a couple of grainy photos of a crack or two in a glacier so he made a movie and then they sat up and listened.
I can imagine a few people who wouldn't be interested in the slightest with the photos but as soon as you produce that multimedia extravaganza then they are going to love it.
Back to Ross Taylor and Brendon McCullum, the New Zealand cricket team seemed to evolve into a mirror image of it's captain when Brendon McCullum took over. He seems to be an extroverted guy. I haven't read his book but I read an excerpt on Amazon and seems that McCullum is one of the lads. He played cricket for the social aspects of it. Hanging out with the guys, enjoying the after match just as much as the match itself.
New Zealand under McCullum became an attacking cricket side with his lead from the front captaincy. He seemed to be very vocal in the media. By vocal I mean that he was the face of the team and spoke well.
Ross Taylor seems to be a bit quieter and in the 21st century, unfortunately that doesn't really fit. You need to be out there.
McCullum team played attacking cricket and everyone bought into the philosophy and he was able to lead his team to the Cricket World Cup final against Australia in 2015.
McCullum was able to change the face of the team and that attitude has carried on after his retirement. This just goes to show you how one man can change a team. However what about a country which leads me to my next pair.
Have you seen the movie The King's Speech? It is about King George VI's working relationship with Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue.
King George VI was portrayed in the movie as been a stammerer which is true. Logue helped him get over his fear of public speaking.
A subplot in the movie was the relationship between King George VI and his brother King Edward VIII.
In the movie, Colin Firth plays the introverted King George VI while Guy Pearce plays the more extroverted King Edward VIII.
For those of you who don't know, here is a brief history of that time. King George V died in January 1936 leaving King Edward VIII as King of the United Kingdom and it's colonies.
At the time he was involved with an American woman named Wallis Simpson who was twice divorced. As the head of The Church of England, divorce was very much frowned upon.
After 326 days on the throne, King Edward VIII abdicated. He chose his love for Wallis Simpson over his duty to his country.
King Edward VIII was very charismatic. He was handsome and very popular amongst the people of the UK. He came across as someone like Prince Harry does today. However his love for his woman was more than his love for the job and he stepped down.
I watched a couple of documentaries about this and as with any historical times you always get two sides to the story. One of the documentaries suggested that the government of the time wanted to get rid of him and his relationship with Wallis Simpson was just an excuse while another documentary suggested that the King's actions were tantamount to treason.
What can we believe? Well, that is up to you and what you read and decide for yourself. What we do know however is that Edward VIII was the outgoing of the brothers and George VI was more introverted.
King Edward VIII reigned for 326 days until his abdication while King George VI reigned for about 15 years until his death when his daughter Elizabeth took over and still reigns 64 years later.
King Edward VIII (at the time he was called the Duke of Windsor) died in 1972 in exile in France. Which means that if he had continued as king he would have reigned for 36 years. This begs the question, would the UK be any different today if he had reigned for those 36 years?
Many people say that he may have died earlier because of the stress of the war but lets just presume that he carried on to 1972 would Britain be any different? Would the people be any different? Would King Edward VIII have moulded the British people in his image the way that Brendon McCullum did with his cricket team? Can we compare a sporting team of 11 men with a country of 50 million people?
Lets assume that King Edward VIII had married Wallis Simpson and had continued on as king and lets also assume that the couple had no children which they didn't and lets assume that the current monarch had ascended the throne in 1972 instead of 1952, would the more extroverted King Edward VIII have the power to change the national character?
What a difficult question and my answer would be a little bit. I think it would be a little different from what we know of British people and Britain now. (But lets face it, when we say British people we really mean English people. I don't mean to annoy the Welsh, the Scots or the Northern Irish because I'm just being realistic.)
King Edward VIII had little patience for the protocol of the royal family and this caused some politicians of the time to have concerns about his appropriateness for the job.
This is what I can see that may have happened:
1. The royal family wouldn't play as big role in British life as it does now. I have been to Britain a number of times and and it seems that the British Royal Family is a big money spinner for companies focusing towards the tourists. It would still be there but I'm sure that we wouldn't hear as much about it as we do now. I'm sure the tabloids and paparazzi would not want to hear that.
2. The British think that Americans can be "a bit forward." With an American "queen" would this be a concern in British society. Maybe that gap wouldn't be there and British people might not be as reserved and that island mentality would not play a big part in the fabric of society.
3. The British might be a little bit more direct. For example rather than being vague about their plans they might decline that invitation in a more direct way.
4. Could we all be speaking German? It is speculated that King Edward VIII was a Nazi sympathiser. Could he have unwittingly helped the enemy as it was at the time to defeat the Allies?
Of course we will never know and what good does it do speculating anymore than this.
What we do know however is that you have more chance of making an impact if you are a bit more "out there," a bit more extroverted.
I believe that Brendon McCullum took the New Zealand cricket team to a place where Ross Taylor may not have been able to take them to and King Edward VIII would of had a significant more impact on Britain than his brother did. Both of these people are in my opinion, extroverts and you need to have some kind of extroversion to make that impact.
Whether we like it or not we do live in a society that likes you to speak out. We like to go to a party and we like to listen to the person who rules the room. However, usually from an introvert's perspective anyway they are talking codswallop. That is beside the point.
What is one way to become an ambivert? What is one way to come out of our shell so to speak?
That one way is to talk to strangers.
After you read that I bet some of you tightened up. You probably thought WHAT? I can't do that. I'll get myself stabbed.
Don't worry, I'm pretty sure that you won't get a knife in your back. The worst thing that could happen is that that person will walk away, while the best thing that could happen is that person could become a friend. Not bad if I do say so myself.
How do we go about talking to strangers when you have trouble now talking to someone that you have known for a few months?
The best way to do this is to do what you are afraid to do.
How do we do that I hear you ask?
Well, we devise a strategy. Here it is:
1. Look for appropriate people to talk to.
A few years ago I read a book about relationships and one of the first things it said for men or women who are shy was when you are walking along the street to look at another person walking the other way in the eye and smile. I used to do this especially with women and I must admit that it does sound a little bit creepy at first but you find that it really makes your day if the other person smiles back at you. It also shows you that other people are not so confident as well because many will look away.
We walk around thinking that everyone has the perfect life and by looking at them they must have it all together but that isn't the case at all.
When you walk around and someone holds that eye contact and smiles then you may have permission to engage that person in conversation. Remember, and I am talking to guys here, don't just smile at the pretty women. Treat everyone the same, men, women. This is not a competition to see who can shag the most.
2. Keep the initial contact light.
When you initiate the conversation, (well done by the way) keep it light. The best way is to comment on something that the other person is carrying or reading or something similar. In other words be observant.
A few years ago I worked in a bar. It was very interesting serving people drinking as they could come across as very powerful for want of a better word. In New Zealand they seem to train the service people to ask customers how their day has been. I think that is a real dreary question and should be avoided. A better question is to ask something that is relevant to the customer and they will come away with a far better experience.
3. Remember that you are not going to win every time.
If you are a salesperson, are you going to sell every time you meet someone? I think that you already know the answer to that, but let me spell that out for you, NO!
When you decide that you are going to meet more people and approach and talk to more people you are going to get people who just don't want anything to do with you. For whatever reason, maybe they are in a bad mood. Maybe, their cat just passed away. You don't know. I know it is difficult but don't let their negativity get you down. Try to concentrate on the next approach.
4. If you talk to a stranger, any stranger, it is a good thing.
When you talk to a stranger, that is a good thing. The result of that interaction is secondary to what happened. You plucked up the confidence to go and talk to someone. That is what you should be focusing on not the other person's reaction.
Go through in your mind how the interaction went. How did you feel? Was it difficult? Did you feel uncomfortable? (If so, that is good)
5. Practice makes perfect.
Hands up if you go to the gym? How often do you go? Once a week? Three times a week? Once a year?
To get gains in the gym you need to go consistently. (You also need to eat properly) You are not going to become Superman by going once a month. You have to be consistent so that you make progress. The same is with becoming an ambivert. You need to practice these approaches a number of times. By the way, don't make the excuse that many people do by saying that they approached TWO people and they both brushed them off so this ambivert thing is a scam. It isn't. You approached TWO people. Let me repeat that, TWO people. Go away and approach at least TEN people and then come back. If you had no luck then we might have to look at you as opposed to them.
There you go. Five things to consider when you make the leap from being in your shell to out of your shell.
Good luck in your journey from introvert to ambivert and maybe situational extrovert.
Today, I would like to make two points. One point continues on about being unconventional and the other is about not underestimating that quieter person.
In this post I talked about how being unconventional is actually a good thing. In a society where being unconventional doesn't seem to be the done thing it can almost be seen as a negative concept when actually it is far from that.
At the same time, I was also called relentless. That statement about me was prefaced by the fact that once I get on a roll I can be relentless. To me this sounds like quite a negative very much like unconventional was when I first saw it. In this case I would prefer to use the words:
PERSISTENT
or
CONSISTENT
If you do things consistently with persistence whether you want to do them or not then you have no option but to succeed in what you are trying to do.
My friend mentioned that once I get on a roll that I can be relentless. That does sound positive doesn't it and it is but now it is time to build consistency into this equation where you are doing what you need to do whether you like it or not everyday for years and years until it gets to the stage where you have other people doing that work or you have so much that you make the decision whether you want to continue doing it or not.
Persistency, consistency, relentlessness whatever you call it, do what you need to do, not what you want to and then you will have all the time to do what you want to do. It sounds simple doesn't it?
The second thing I want to talk about is to never underestimate an introvert. They might be quiet, they might not say very much but when they do open their mouth you better listen because you should that that person has been thinking about it for quite some time.
Just because someone doesn't say much, it doesn't make them any less intelligent. In fact they may be more intelligent because they have chosen to listen rather than speak and as a lot of people say, you learn more by listening than by talking.
When you have someone quiet in the room, don't think that they are being passive because before you know it you can be made to look very stupid very quickly.
This was interesting on Instagram. It is talking about conformity.
People try to place you in some kind of box so that they can understand you. Why do you think the question, "What do you do?" is so common? It is so the other person can put you in that box and because they have done that they think that they know you a lot better.
Why should you conform to their standards though? Why should you say:
"I'm a lawyer."
"I'm a doctor."
"I'm a garbologist."
When someone asks you that question, tell them what you DO. They might not understand it but you are being true to yourself and you are answering their question. They probably won't understand the answer but that is their problem for asking an inaccurate question.
There is only one you, so live your life how you want to not how society says you should at your age or your position in that society.
As usual with most things I'm a bit slow on this but I was reminded of it and I thought that I would comment on it even though my knowledge of it is minimal at best. That is, drumroll please ...
POKEMON GO!!!
What I have heard is that a lot of people who would generally stay at home and read books or play video games are getting out and about. They are mingling with other Pokemon Go users and basically being sociable which is good to hear.
Another good thing about Pokemon Go which is highlighted in this meme is the fact that people are getting out and about and getting more exercise and that can only be good.
Pokemon Go seems to have been invented with the introvert in mind. The introvert who wants to become a little bit more social and become an ambivert possibly.
Here is my recommendation, get out from behind that computer, game console or book from time to time and go and meet some people. It doesn't have to be a bar or night club which most people seem to think is the thing to do. Go to a gym class. Join a sports club. Join a band. Join an orchestra. There are many, many things out there to do to become just a little bit more social.
Pokemon Go is just the tip of the iceberg as you get out there and become that sociable person that both you and I know that you can be.
Good luck and how do I download the Pokemon Go app onto my iPhone?
Yesterday I talked about a guy in Blenheim, New Zealand who dared to wear a pink shirt on the way home one night. He got attacked by a couple of guys who didn't think a guy wearing a pink shirt was very manly. What a couple of idiots.
On the back of that article I see this article about a woman who lost 113 kilograms getting hate mail and death threats because ... she lost 113 kilograms. WHAT?!?! You have got to be kidding me.
Who are these people who are giving this woman these ridiculous threats just because she decided that enough was enough and did something about it? How stupid can you be? We should be applauding her not telling he to fall off a bridge or jump in front of a train.
This woman obviously took a look at her life and thought that something was not really right and so she decided to do something about it and my word she really has done something about it, just look at the photos in the article.
This is I am sure what she did:
1. She would have set herself a goal.
2. She would have constructed a plan to accomplish that goal.
3. She would have worked that plan.
4. She would have celebrated getting to various milestones.
Simple really.
When I look at it, that is what you do for any goal and the people around you will support you until the end and if they don't, get rid of them. They should be almost as happy about you accomplishing your goal as you are not telling you to do nasty things to yourself.
If you want to make a difference in life look at changing yourself which is what this woman did and I say good on her and we need to support her, give her a standing ovation.
