What I learned walking around the Yamanote Line in Tokyo on my birthday.

 

Yesterday was my birthday. Yes, another year older and wiser apparently. As I said in the video above, I started at 4.55am. The reason I did this was because I was born at 7.55am in New Zealand and so with the three hour time difference it meant leaving at 4.55am which was no problem although when the alarm clock went off at 4am a part of me was thinking to stay in bed and to sleep the day away. I'm glad that I got up and started. That's the most difficult part for anything, right? Getting up and getting started.

I had two reasons for wanting to do this. I heard that it was between 35 to 40 kilometres around so that was the challenge for me. Also, I wanted to do something that was a little bit different to celebrate my birthday. Most of us think that to celebrate our birthday we need to have a party and drink a lot of beers. For some people that is fun but some other people we like to do something a little different.

This reminds me of an episode from the hit comedy series Friends when they were talking about winning the lottery:

Chandler: OK, so now that you're in, what are you going to do if we win.

Ross: I don't know, I'll probably just invest it.

Chandler: Ooh! Calm down ...

Joey: Seriously , that's your fantasy? To invest it?

Ross: Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "invest it"? I meant "be cool and piss it all away."

The reason I like this scene is that we have this expectation about how to celebrate your birthday or how to celebrate winning the lottery, but why does Ross have to succumb to peer pressure or why do I have to celebrate my birthday in the "conventional" way?

For all of those who want to know, I didn't finish the full loop. I walked from my apartment to Shimbashi station and then started the loop. About 7 hours later I basically gave up. I could blame the fact that I had blisters on my feet or that I had a sore back from my workout a couple of days earlier or that I had a pair of shoes on that didn't really do the job or that I wasn't properly hydrating myself. The fact was that I got bored.

I started at 4.55am and by about 12.30pm I was bored. If I had someone else with me I'm pretty sure that I would have completed the course.

Even though I classify myself as an introvert it doesn't mean I am loner and even though I like to recharge either by myself or with one or two close friends it doesn't mean that I like to be by myself all the time. Yesterday's challenge would have definitely been a lot more fun if it was with someone else.

Maybe if I was with someone else I wouldn't have got lost. I got lost once in which I made the wrong turn and went probably 20 to 30 minutes out of my way, that combined with the fact that I walked the first part may have cost me the chance of at least getting to Gotanda instead of bailing out at Ebisu.

At the end of the day I'm glad that I got myself out of bed and walked for close to 8 hours and saw some interesting sights and I might try it again some other day but with someone else the next time. As I said that is why I couldn't complete it as I didn't have that social interaction.

I'm sure an extroverted person would probably be able to complete it by themselves as they would make friends along the way while I basically didn't talk to anyone. It just goes to show you that  big city can be a bit lonely from time to time.

After getting home I felt that I had done a day's work so just relaxed for the rest of the day. I talked with my parents and brother. I spoke with my friend as well so everything was pretty good. Who says you need a party with a whole bunch of friends? Not me.

 I had a pretty sore body from my workout a couple of days before and from walking. Maybe next time I will have to prepare a little bit more.

The good thing though was that in the past I might have made the excuse of not doing anything the next day but I got up early and was at the gym and although not at optimum capacity I still had a good workout.

The moral of the story is do what you want to do, not what society expects because if you do that you are no better than a flock of sheep.

Finally I would like to thank the people who supported me on social media. I wasn't going to publicise it on Facebook etc but I am pleased I did in the end. Some of your comments were very nice and it charged me a lot. Thank you.

Don't underestimate the quiet person

Here is quote from Criss Jami.

"Quiet people always know more than they seem. Although very normal, their inner world is by default fronted mysterious and therefore assumed weird. Never underestimate the social awareness and sense of reality in a quiet person; they are some of the most observant, absorbent persons of all."

All I can say to this one is "damn straight" and don't you forget it.

Do nothing. It will feel good. Just don't make a habit of it.

A quick post today with a very specific message.

Remember that you need time to recharge and it is ok to lie in bed all day or lie down on the couch and watch movies. That is absolutely fine 100%. We all need days like that.

There are two rules with that though:

1. Make sure that you deserve that day on the couch. You have to know that you have worked hard during the week or the month and you have earned that day on the sofa.

2. Don't make a habit of it. Don't have the day on the couch on Saturday and again on Sunday. It can easily get out of hand and the next thing before you even know it, you are overweight, eating fast food and everything that you have worked hard for is slowing going down the toilet.

Relax and chill, but just remember that you need to do some work to earn the next relax and chill day.

Some quotes about introverts

When you write a daily blog it is difficult to come up with topics day in and day out and it is especially difficult when the theme of the blog is about introverted people in this extroverted society.

This is where Mr. Google is a great resource. Thank you Messrs Page and Brin. You would have saved many a person's hide over the last few years and you have today too and with that I thank you.

I googled introvert quotes and as you would expect with Google you had about 6 squillion results.

Here are a few quotes and I would like to comment on them:



"Writing is something you do alone. It's a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it."
(John Green)

This is an interesting quote because yes, writing is something you do alone. I'm sitting in the library now writing this post. There is a guy sitting across from me reading a newspaper and drinking an ice coffee but I am basically alone. About the eye contact thing, that suggests that introverts are shy and to some people that is true but we are all not shy. Remember an introverted person is just someone who recharges in a different way than an extrovert. Anyway, I don't have any problem getting up in front of people and talking. This is something that both extroverts and introverts struggle with.



"The only problem with seeing people you know is that they know you."
(Brent Runyon, The Burn Journals)

Yep! This is a big problem. I must admit that I have done this many a time when I have seen someone that I know but I am in my recharging phase so I will deliberately get out of the way so as they don't see me. Why? I hear you ask. Well, what happens if they do something like ask me to go and have a coffee or beer with them? I'm going to have to come up with a good excuse. It's easier to avoid as opposed to being creative with your excuses. If this has ever happened to you, don't take it personally, it is just that the introverted person's social battery is running very low.



"Don't think of introversion as something that needs to be cured ... Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to."
(Susan Cain, Quiet:The Power of Introverts in a World that can't stop talking.)

Oh dear! Where do I start with this one? I agree that introversion isn't a disease but in today's society you may have to fake it occasionally. You might have to become that situational extrovert. (the challenge is to do it without alcohol.) The second part of this quote is that you are free to do whatever you want. Who says that because it is your birthday that you have to have a party with 700 of your "closest" friends? You are free to do whatever you want. People are not going to understand it because they don't spend their free time like that, but that is their problem.



"He always thinks because I'm reading, I'm not doing anything. There is no greater plague to an introvert than the extroverted."
(Pierce Brown, Golden Son)

These are fighting words. I remember a few years I was in New Zealand and I got home at night and my father (who was a little drunk after a successful round of golf) asked me what I had done that day. I told him that I had been in the library all day reading and watching DVDs. I had a great day. I can't really describe the look he gave me but it was that look like I had wasted my day which in my mind I certainly hadn't. I had read, so I was educating myself and I was watching some DVDs as well, so I was enjoying myself too. I think what he was trying to say that he thought that I should have been out playing cricket or something. Socialising. But I was recharging my batteries in the way I knew was natural for me. (Sorry Dad. I remember that night vividly.)



"Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to. Stay home on New Year's Eve if that's what makes you happy. Skip the committee meeting. Cross the street to avoid making aimless chitchat with random acquaintances. Read. Cook. Run. Write a story."
(Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that can't stop talking.)

Well, I think that about sums up today's quotes quite effectively. Thank you Susan.

Remember, if you don't want to talk, don't. If you don't want to go out, don't. If you want to read and watch DVDs and drink a bottle of wine on the sofa, do it! It's your life, do as you like not as society expects you to.

Focusing on the Present Moment

Earlier this year I was talking with one of the coaches at the gym. I mentioned that I had a lot of things on my mind and that I wasn't all there when I was practicing my clean and jerk.

He said that potentially that could be quite dangerous. When you are lifting heavy objects above your head and you are not in the moment, I agree it could be quite dangerous.

The coach asked me for my postal address and he said that he would send me a book. I thought that he was just going to send me a book that he had on his bookshelf and I would return it to him at some stage. To my absolute surprise a brand new book from Amazon was in my letterbox a few short days later. I was very surprised and very grateful. I had heard about the book before but I had never read it.

To be quite honest, the book didn't really interest me until now. Do you know that saying when the student is ready the teacher will arrive or something similar? Well I think now is the time to read the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

I think a lot of people, introverts and extroverts alike are swimming in thoughts about both the past and the future. I know that personally I will have thoughts in my head concerning things I said or did many years ago and I will feel bad about those things. Isn't that ridiculous? I can't change what I did or said but I still feel pangs of guilt.

Likewise I get worried about the future when what I should be doing is concentrating on the task I have in front of me and then if I do that job properly then the future should and probably will take care of itself.

I know that myself and I'm sure a majority of other introverted people have millions of thoughts floating around in their heads and they are struggling to deal with the present moment. Hopefully with the help of The Power of Now and can bring myself back to the present situation and focus on the now and let the bad and weird memories from the past disappear into the abyss.

I will start reading The Power of Now and I will report back to you in a couple of weeks after I have finished it to tell you what I have learned, hopefully a great deal.

                               

Can we motivate people the same way?

This morning at the gym I was talking to a visitor. Because Crossfit is the same all over the world you can drop in to the various gyms (boxes) around the world and get the same kind of workout that you would get at your home box.

One of the visitors this morning was a guy from Hong Kong who was really nice, he had a great sense of humour and he seemed to be enjoying his holiday here in Tokyo.

One of the things I noticed about him and I was joking about it with him was that we take a few minutes to start the workout of the day while he was so keen to start it. "Can we start now? Can we start now?" he said excitedly a couple of times.

I told him to calm down, relax. We will get to the workout shortly. He told me that in Hong Kong they just get started, go balls to the wall and do it. I laughed because he was perpetuating a stereotype that I had in my mind.

Anyway, one of the things that he told me was that he had come on holiday to try to slow down. It sounded as though he was the boss of a company or a team and he said that he liked to push them, I mean really push them. He said he likes to go balls to the wall (he didn't use that expression) and so he expects the people in his team to go flat-out as well.

It got me thinking. He was a really friendly guy. He was very talkative and we got on very well. I'm sure that he is very successful in his work but I was wondering whether he completely understood his work colleagues.

Not everyone is built the same. I know that is obvious and it is not exactly earth shattering news however I do believe that not everyone remembers this and that you do have to adapt your approach to different people.

Some people will react well to the push, push attitude of our aforementioned friend while others will just crawl into their shell if that happens to them. Introverted people, I'm looking at you.

The gung-ho attitude will work well with some people. They like the kick in the ass and the constant moving pace while others need the slow but steady approach.

You are probably going to get the better results with the slow but steady guy because they are focused and they are not going to make the same mistakes as the balls to the wall guy but this guy looks impressive and because you have all of this activity going on you would think that something good is going to happen, and to be fair it could. However, it isn't really that focused and mistakes could happen.

So, what are the main takeaways here? (For New Zealand readers, I'm not talking about fast food.)

1. Not everyone is the same.
2. Not everyone is motivated the same way.
3. You can get the same result with different processes.
4. Just because it looks impressive it doesn't mean that it will work all the time.

How to be comfortable in an uncomfortable environment

Have you ever had the experience in which your friend has invited you to an event? The reason is that they are going and they say that you can come along too. Do you feel awkward when you arrive at the venue by yourself and your friend is nowhere to be seen?

I can think of two occasions recently when this happened and I felt like a fish out of water both times so I like today to think of some strategies if this happens to you. What can you do as an introvert or an extrovert to make this situation more comfortable?

First of all let me tell you about my two recent experiences.

Out of the blue one weekend I was contacted by a friend of mine asking me if I wanted to go to a party. Because this person is quite extroverted I thought that it would be OK to tag along and see what the party was like. It was a home party at the apartment of someone I had never met and I didn't even know his or her name.

My friend asked me to meet at a station in the north of Tokyo at 6pm. I arrived as usual a few minutes early and then I get a text saying that she was in a car and wouldn't be back until about 7.30pm and that I should go to the party and she would meet me there.

Think about it for a minute. I was asked to go to a someone's place that I didn't know. I didn't even know their name. That person didn't even know me and didn't know that I had been invited. What would you do?

Well, after I got the address I put it into my phone and proceeded to walk there mainly because I was curious about the neighbourhood. It is always interesting walking around new neighbourhoods and seeing what they have to offer.

I got closer to the destination and I thought this is going to be extremely awkward and in the end I chickened out.

I was quite angry with my friend and I texted her to tell her that I am going home. It felt a little disrespectful to be honest. That she had invited me and then was going to be one hour and a half late.

The second occasion was with another friend who had invited me to a restaurant. They were having a party to celebrate their anniversary of the opening of the restaurant and I was invited. I was told to meet my friend there. I had figured that I was going to be the only non-Japanese person there and the fact that I was going to stick out like a sore thumb caused me to be a bit anxious.

I arrived and I couldn't see my friend anywhere. This was another occasion in which I had been invited by my friend and I didn't feel entirely comfortable but went along.

When I got there I had to compose myself in the loo (British slang for toilet). Fortunately my friend was outside and I was able to enter the place comfortably.

What can we learn from these two experiences? What should I have done better?

First of all, like any social occasion for people who are a little introverted like me the first ten minutes  of any event is always going to be uncomfortable. I'm not sure what else to say but you are going to have to get comfortable feeling uncomfortable.

I think the best way at a social event is to basically see someone that is on their own and go and say hi. 99 times out of 100 they are going to love to hear from you because they are thinking the same thing as you. Also after a couple of beers all of that uncomfortable stuff has gone and you will wonder what all your worry was about.

There is that great saying that you need to fake it until you make it and when you arrive at an event sometimes it's best to imagine, in the words of Leonardo DiCaprio, "I'm the king of the world" and walk in like you own the place. I know, once again it is going to be uncomfortable, but only for a few minutes but finally you will be comfortable and you will have a great night.

I remember a friend and I a few years ago walking into a bar in Tokyo. We didn't organise this beforehand but we both walked in like we owned the place sat down ordered a drink quite quickly, flirted with the server a bit and had a great time all because we didn't apologise for being there. I believe that is the secret, don't apologise for being there.

What about the home party? I think that I did the correct thing. If a total stranger turned up to my party (that I host once a decade) then I would be suspicious. I think it's best that you turn up with your friend and if they are late, walk away.

Also, I believe that even though the host is going to be busy try to say hello and spend a couple of minutes chatting with them so that you feel comfortable in their place. Also the fact that you spent a couple of minutes chatting with them means that they are comfortable with someone walking around their place who was a complete stranger five minutes before.

Take chances to interact with people but be selective. Remember that your social battery is going to run out faster than a lot of people so pick which invitations you are going to accept, be careful not to accept all of them because you are going to be shattered by the end.

Have fun and remember that there is a high chance that there are a few people who are also feeling uncomfortable. Seek them out, they are going to be pretty easy to spot. They will appreciate your effort.